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Rating History

Green Lantern
Green Lantern (2011)
5 years ago via Rotten Tomatoes

I remember being optimistic about this movie. I was hoping it'd be good. After all, superhero movies these days have been great. Well, I was disappointed when this turned out to be a heaping pile of rubbish. Green Lantern is an unnecessarily overproduced, pathetically written, lazily acted, and has characters so unlikable that I wanted to take that ring and shove it down Hal Jordan's throat. But I insult poor Hal. Ryan Reynold's isn't even close to be a hero. His performance deserves to be nothing but frowned upon. This movie made me lose a lot of respect for Reynold's. But hey, we've got an entire movie to review. So let's get started, because Green Lantern is something I've wanted to get my hands dirty with for a long time.

The movies got atrocious directing and is basically unable to keep focus on something without cutting away to an action sequence. A very noisy and very uneven action sequence. And as quickly as it starts, it ends with a dud. There's a whole lot of bouncing around between scenes too. It will go from developing Hal Jordan to something else, and then with him being a "Superhero". There's also a lot of badly directed "Inner battle" moments that make me think the director wanted to do what Sam Raimi or Christopher Nolan did with Spiderman & Batman respectively. An inner battle to overcome this responsibility. The director obviously tried to make two movies in. Which, in Green Lantern's case, is the smartest move.... idiots. Otherwise, badly directed and no doubt from someone who doesn't understand the character of Green Lantern. Instead, he relies on bad action sequences to fill in the blanks.

The CG and CGI are horrible. Aside from Oa, which looks pretty good, the effects SUCK. Where the money went to is beyond me (Musta been for Reynold's fucking "giving a shit" jar so he'd continue to TRY to act!) From Parallax who looks like diarrhea to the costume, the effects are all half-assed. They're only rivaled by the effects from The Thing prequel. Honestly, it surprises me that the Brother's Strause's effects company worked on this. Did it get thrown around from 3 other companies? The effects are unacceptable and begin to look like a PS1 game. And this is a 200 Million dollar movie. As I pointed out, where did the money go? The effects are just flat out bad and Parallax is no doubt one of the worst effects of the year. It isn't acceptable for a 200 Million dollar movie to look this atrocious. There are certain points were I swear that I've seen better effects from TV movies. Was this a joke? Did the effects people just think "Hey, let's keep some money for ourselves and waste the money on this scene!" Yeah, it musta been a great idea. If someone found out, they musta been in a scramble to finish the effects rather than delay the movie two weeks. To simplify what could be its own book, the effects suck. But somehow, we're just getting started.

Now, with any superhero movie, the characters play a huge part. Well, in Green Lantern's case, there's almost no legitimate character. If you call a paper cut out of the character, then a very poorly casted Ryan Reynold's slapped there legitimate... That's your issue. Reynold's plays this dickish, unlikable, and ungodly crude "character" that is honestly becoming a contender for worst character of the year. Let alone one of the worst performances of the year. He shines in the worst possible way. Between his bad delivery and his bad attitude playing the character of Hal Jordan, he's a living misfire. Atrocious and full of hate. Last time I checked, Hal Jordan wasn't this big of a douche. Or have I been missing out on the issue were Hal bitches like he just got the God damn ring!? Whining over everything. His daddy is dead, his life is going wrong here, oh how do I use this power, oh why am I here, why am I in this bubble?! Oh shut the fucking hell up and just suck up to the fact you've got a ring of incredible power. Dude, it may be hard, but do not be a drama queen. You take it several steps to far. The remaining characters are portrayed and written badly too. A lot of them coming off with no dimension whatsoever. And Parallax is a terribly done villain. Horrendously written and not handled with any care is the perfect way to put these character.

Acting is divided. Voice acting isn't half bad, but it the live action acting is atrocious. To this day, Ryan Reynold's performance is cemented in my mind as one of the worst of the year, and one of the worst superhero performances of all time. With absolutely no redeeming quality. And it continues to get worse the more I am forced to remember as I type this review. But, ignoring him (For a moment that is), his love interest's acting is trash. His family and friends' acting are all garbage-grade performances. The voice acting is the one good thing. Even then, the lip movement from the aliens feels off. There is no best performance, it is all horrendously pulled off. And to cement it, the delivery of the dialogue is as fun to listen too as Reynold's bitching. Which, trust me, is awful and unwanted. This shoulda been a silent movie. That's being wonderfully kind and holding back a lot of rage. It's bad enough that the dialogue itself is cheesey and bad. To have a whiny, arrogant character being portrayed the way he is, it really makes you wanna slice off your ears.

And, while we're on that topic, the dialogue is bad. A lot of it is sloppy, cheesey, messy, and just all around bad. The part that isn't bad is any random spouting of character development, which feels ungodly rushed and extremely forced. But one thing at a time. The actual dialogue has no feel or emotion. When Hal is mourning his dad's death, it feels less emotional and more tear jerking like it is out of a romance movie. It should be noted his dad is in the movie for, what, a total of 10 seconds? Top notch storytelling guys, really adds depths. Oh well, whenever Hal decides not to mourn dad's death, he decides to bitch about shit we don't care about and be astonished when he realizes "I GOT A POWERFUL RING!" When it isn't that, he's spouting out arrogant shit that makes the character even worse. Everyone else.... is just stale. Everyone feels like their repeating the same crap they said before. When I said it is sloppy and messy, this is what I mean. There isn't a second were I think this person has emotional issues and this one is protective and this one wants to save this person. No, instead, it feels like they're repeating the same garbage over and over. Now with character development spouting... There is no better way to put it other than it being spouted at random. Much like any Uwe Boll movie, it is thrown here and there. Most of it, to be honest, is just padding. No one surpasses being a one-dimensional cut out of the character from a comic book. In the end, all I can say is this: Hire better writers next time!

Story time! Oh, wait, what story? Yeah, for a superhero movie, there's little to no story. All there is is this messed up, brutally inept, and lazy origin/by the numbers action movie story that I saw fifty thousand other times in far better movies. Cliche almost to the point I'd assume they ripped off other movies. Whatever story I could gather was shredded when I was beaten down by the continuing adventures of the ever-so lovable Hal Jordan whining. The movie began with the origin of these guardians. The guardians showing they can kick ass, then eventually have a gigantic monster escape. And then Hal Jodran whining for about 100 minutes until the story starts back up. In all seriousness though, the story is told so poorly and is full of so many padding scenes that feature, as I have stated so many times, Hal Jordan bitching and whining over this power he has now that the movie begins to lack a story. It doesn't even deserve to be called a story. It deserves to be called what feels like an endless monolague. If that's what you call a story, then good for you. For me, I call it the writers having no idea as to what the fuck they're doing.

To serpate something very important, the movies pacing is terrible. Why is this important? Well, any superhero needs to time be developed for a superhero newbie (I will bitch about that serperatly). In Green Lantern's case, the movie slows down and speeds up its pacing at complete random. Action scenes can feel like they take forever to end, and dialogue sequences can feel like they just came and went. Or, it can be the other way around. Either way, the movie really begins to lose its focus in the process (Maybe that explains horrid storytelling?) For whatever reason, the movie slows down, picks back up, but then slows down again. Not once did I feel there was a well paced scene. Even moments on Oa would feel slow. A movie slowing down to exposit something is fine. But the moments on Oa are spent with bad filler and what feels like whisimical charm (I know it is to explain Hal's powers, but the way it is done, it feels like we're in a Disney movie. Especially when Hal first flies). To end this off and to get to the final part of this big rant, the terrible pacing does not help this movie... at all. Not to mention it'd completely throw off comic newbies and anger them to death.

Now, lemme just be honest here. As a fan of Green Lantern (Despite not reading comics), I found the way they introduced this character to be in the worst possible way. A superhero shouldn't be introduced wanting to jump into the action and, at random, throw in character development and scenes of emtoional grief. Movies like Sam Raimi's Spiderman and Nolan's Batman movies are examples of what I'd like to see superhero movies do. To begin what will be a trilogy and show of the emotional issues and responsibility of a superhero. Green Lantern doesn't do that. Green Lantern wants to be an action movie. What am I getting at? Basically, I'm just trying to explain what this movie did wrong in one small paragraph. It is probably the best example to date of what a superhero movie shouldn't be. A straight up, by the numbers, generic, cliche ridden action movie. If the writers wanted to do that, they should completely left the project and gotten people who are passionate about Green Lantern to write the movie and create a Green Lantern movie. Not a 200 Million Dollar lights show. End of story.

In the end, this movie is a train wreck, there was almost nothing redeemable, and it most defiantly gets a spot in my Top 10 Worst of 2011. It is an amazing example of what a superhero movie shouldn't be. It insults comic newbies who wanna get invested into the movie, it insults the legacy of the Green Lantern character, it bombards you with terrible action sequences, and it showcases horrendous storytelling that makes Dark of the Moon look amazing. If you have any, and I mean any, curiosity to see this movie, then just watch any other superhero movie. Even if it means watching Batman & Robin. There's no excuse for this movie. I hope they reboot it and scrap the idea of a sequel. Green Lantern, in the end, is an abomination and should be forgotten.

Final Score: 0.5/5