Da 5 Bloods
On the Record
I May Destroy You
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Super, super overhyped. This movie is indeed a rollercoaster ride of excessive, unnecessary plot points that go in the opposite direction literally every 10 minutes. That's not what I would call a "smart and sturdy premise" but more like a obnoxious movie that's sole purpose is to push and pull you around and doesn't really care about the story it's telling.
Rottentomatoes gives this 87 percent citing a "smart and sturdy plot". As a super reviewer, I refute that claim and cite examples to prove it's a dumb and shaky plot.
1) The old man is blind right? Ok so that means his hearing must be super sensitive, no? So when 3 loud teenagers jump over his fence with their feet hitting the ground and throwing the backpack over the fence which also hits the ground, repeatedly turn his door knob and shake the cellar doors - he can't hear it? And you might say, oh hey well he was dead asleep! He must be a deep sleeper. Ok, true I will give you that. But what about his dog? Huh? Yeah his super ferocious guard dog. In absolute silence, I don't know any dog that WOULDN'T get up and go to the door if someone was turning the locked door knob and strange people are talking in normal voices right outside the front door. So that is in the very beginning and already I'm like this is the dumbest plot ever. But wait - there's more!
2.) The kids choose this break-in because they know the old man was rewarded $300k for his daughter's death. Like, all right I see that. Then they're like we need to break in and take that money! And that's where I'm like hey, wait a minute. How the fuck do you know there is $300k cash in that house? They don't, but they go in anyway. They don't just think there's money in there, they KNOW there's money in there. They are planning their trips afterwards and how they're splitting up the money and everything. Like really? How can you know? They risk it all to go up in there being loud as fuck searching an old man's house in the morning while he's still there looking for money. Worst burglars ever? Yes.
3) The old man does indeed have $300k in straight up cash lying in a safe. And not multiple safes around the house, but just one safe. Yep $300k in one spot in cash in his house. Apparently this movie was filmed in a time when banks didn't exist and the only way to store your money is old fashioned safe. He has enough sense to make his house into an impenetrable castle, but not enough sense to put his cash in a bank? Yeah, super smart plot there.
4) SPOILER***** So at the very end - yeah I'm about to spoil something, but the movie isn't that great so you won't be too disappointed. At the very end, the guy decides he wants a new kid because his daughter was hit by a drunk driver and killed. So he kidnaps the girl who killed his daughter and impregnates her with his semen not rape more like with a turkey baster yeah. So anyway, he wants a kid soooooo bad he's going to force a baby with some random girl? His reasoning was "she took my daughter from me so she has to give me a daughter." Like, OK, I kind of see that, but that will take 9 months. Adoption - and I fucking know he can afford it - would be somewhat quicker. Why not just kill the girl and seek revenge that way? Or just kidnap the girl and keep her kidnapped. Why does she need to give him a baby? That part was weird and like OK you guys are pushing it a little bit. That went over the edge I think.
5) Not to mention the guy has probably killed multiple people before and never caught even after the police were AT HIS HOUSE investigating the robbery with the news crews there - so yeah, I'm not buying it. And neither should you. Rottentomatoes failed us.
I would say this is a solid B movie, but nothing more. It's no A horror flick that Rottentomatoes is trying to pass it off as. I have seen my fair share of bad horror movies and this is definitely on the list. It takes a lot of work to make a good horror movie, and this was not good.
This was such a bad movie. I looked up reviews and there were actually good reviews about it. How? How is that possible?
The movie is about a group of friends that get together at a remote resort to hang out. While they are there, they realize the place is deserted and everyone is missing. They later discover they start disappearing too. Then the movie ends.
There is no plot to this movie. There is no storyline. None of the characters are important let alone even developed. There are so many characters and their only purpose is to disappear. They have no other purpose. There is a little depth but really not much at all. The two points of depth were "I'm pregnant and my husband doesn't know yet!" and "my ex is going to be on this trip and my wife is pregnant and I know she's pregnant I'm just waiting for her to tell me." Other than that the characters are all flatter than a pancake that's been run over by a Mack truck.
People were reviewing this movie like "OMG I love mystery! It's such a mystery! I want to watch it again to see if I can figure out the mystery!" Umm....sorry to break it to you, but there is no mystery. People are disappearing and nobody knows why. The characters don't do anything to figure out why they're disappearing and the writing doesn't have ANY reason for the people to disappear. I don't even think the director/writer knows why people are disappearing. He's like "hurr durr I'm going to write a movie and have people disappear for no reason. Then i'm going to let the audience "interpret" what they think is happening and they're going to think it's like so deep man. It's a genius idea." No. It's not a genius idea. Only a fool would watch this movie and say it's deep. There is nothing deep about this movie. There's no mystery. There's no character arches. Nothing changes in the movie.
You can interpret and try to solve whatever mystery you think is there, but the writing is so poor, it's a waste of time. There's no mystery to be solved.
The movie starts with a bunch of shallow characters going to a remote cabin. The movie ends with one shallow character leaving the cabin. The audience is left with nothing. Someone on RT said the actors were bad. They absolutely 100% were not bad actors. Given the shallow characters they had to play (literally not developed with any backstory or anything), I think the actors did a phenomenal job. So don't hate on the acting, hate on the writing and direction.
Really poorly written survival movie. A close team of soccer players quickly turn on each other after being on the island for such a short period of time (literally less than 3 days). They go insane pretty much immediately upon landing on the island. It was also interesting to see that the plane was cut in half when it landed and some people DIED while others remained completely unscathed. The random sex scenes really threw me off too. There was one scene where the dude's friend got blown up and he was so upset. He went off by himself to sob and this girl comes over to comfort him and BAM they have sex right there in the sand....wait, what? The cinematography was pretty cool that's where the 2nd star comes from. The first star has to be there because RT makes you give even the worst movies on the planet one star.
They way everything escalates so quickly just takes you out of the movie completely. Killing best friends after just a couple days on an island? I don't think so. It's a poorly thought out movie, but it's pretty to look at.
You can tell it's a student film by the poor lighting in some shots. If they got the chance to make a movie, you'd think they'd make one that has a little more substance than a person/thing/ghost killing people. We've only seen that 1 trillion times before. There's no character development, bad acting, no plot (literally there's not a plot) and the ending makes you say well, there was no point to this, was there?