Da 5 Bloods
On the Record
I May Destroy You
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Super, super overhyped. This movie is indeed a rollercoaster ride of excessive, unnecessary plot points that go in the opposite direction literally every 10 minutes. That's not what I would call a "smart and sturdy premise" but more like a obnoxious movie that's sole purpose is to push and pull you around and doesn't really care about the story it's telling.
Rottentomatoes gives this 87 percent citing a "smart and sturdy plot". As a super reviewer, I refute that claim and cite examples to prove it's a dumb and shaky plot.
1) The old man is blind right? Ok so that means his hearing must be super sensitive, no? So when 3 loud teenagers jump over his fence with their feet hitting the ground and throwing the backpack over the fence which also hits the ground, repeatedly turn his door knob and shake the cellar doors - he can't hear it? And you might say, oh hey well he was dead asleep! He must be a deep sleeper. Ok, true I will give you that. But what about his dog? Huh? Yeah his super ferocious guard dog. In absolute silence, I don't know any dog that WOULDN'T get up and go to the door if someone was turning the locked door knob and strange people are talking in normal voices right outside the front door. So that is in the very beginning and already I'm like this is the dumbest plot ever. But wait - there's more!
2.) The kids choose this break-in because they know the old man was rewarded $300k for his daughter's death. Like, all right I see that. Then they're like we need to break in and take that money! And that's where I'm like hey, wait a minute. How the fuck do you know there is $300k cash in that house? They don't, but they go in anyway. They don't just think there's money in there, they KNOW there's money in there. They are planning their trips afterwards and how they're splitting up the money and everything. Like really? How can you know? They risk it all to go up in there being loud as fuck searching an old man's house in the morning while he's still there looking for money. Worst burglars ever? Yes.
3) The old man does indeed have $300k in straight up cash lying in a safe. And not multiple safes around the house, but just one safe. Yep $300k in one spot in cash in his house. Apparently this movie was filmed in a time when banks didn't exist and the only way to store your money is old fashioned safe. He has enough sense to make his house into an impenetrable castle, but not enough sense to put his cash in a bank? Yeah, super smart plot there.
4) SPOILER***** So at the very end - yeah I'm about to spoil something, but the movie isn't that great so you won't be too disappointed. At the very end, the guy decides he wants a new kid because his daughter was hit by a drunk driver and killed. So he kidnaps the girl who killed his daughter and impregnates her with his semen not rape more like with a turkey baster yeah. So anyway, he wants a kid soooooo bad he's going to force a baby with some random girl? His reasoning was "she took my daughter from me so she has to give me a daughter." Like, OK, I kind of see that, but that will take 9 months. Adoption - and I fucking know he can afford it - would be somewhat quicker. Why not just kill the girl and seek revenge that way? Or just kidnap the girl and keep her kidnapped. Why does she need to give him a baby? That part was weird and like OK you guys are pushing it a little bit. That went over the edge I think.
5) Not to mention the guy has probably killed multiple people before and never caught even after the police were AT HIS HOUSE investigating the robbery with the news crews there - so yeah, I'm not buying it. And neither should you. Rottentomatoes failed us.
I would say this is a solid B movie, but nothing more. It's no A horror flick that Rottentomatoes is trying to pass it off as. I have seen my fair share of bad horror movies and this is definitely on the list. It takes a lot of work to make a good horror movie, and this was not good.
This was such a bad movie. I looked up reviews and there were actually good reviews about it. How? How is that possible?
The movie is about a group of friends that get together at a remote resort to hang out. While they are there, they realize the place is deserted and everyone is missing. They later discover they start disappearing too. Then the movie ends.
There is no plot to this movie. There is no storyline. None of the characters are important let alone even developed. There are so many characters and their only purpose is to disappear. They have no other purpose. There is a little depth but really not much at all. The two points of depth were "I'm pregnant and my husband doesn't know yet!" and "my ex is going to be on this trip and my wife is pregnant and I know she's pregnant I'm just waiting for her to tell me." Other than that the characters are all flatter than a pancake that's been run over by a Mack truck.
People were reviewing this movie like "OMG I love mystery! It's such a mystery! I want to watch it again to see if I can figure out the mystery!" Umm....sorry to break it to you, but there is no mystery. People are disappearing and nobody knows why. The characters don't do anything to figure out why they're disappearing and the writing doesn't have ANY reason for the people to disappear. I don't even think the director/writer knows why people are disappearing. He's like "hurr durr I'm going to write a movie and have people disappear for no reason. Then i'm going to let the audience "interpret" what they think is happening and they're going to think it's like so deep man. It's a genius idea." No. It's not a genius idea. Only a fool would watch this movie and say it's deep. There is nothing deep about this movie. There's no mystery. There's no character arches. Nothing changes in the movie.
You can interpret and try to solve whatever mystery you think is there, but the writing is so poor, it's a waste of time. There's no mystery to be solved.
The movie starts with a bunch of shallow characters going to a remote cabin. The movie ends with one shallow character leaving the cabin. The audience is left with nothing. Someone on RT said the actors were bad. They absolutely 100% were not bad actors. Given the shallow characters they had to play (literally not developed with any backstory or anything), I think the actors did a phenomenal job. So don't hate on the acting, hate on the writing and direction.
Really poorly written survival movie. A close team of soccer players quickly turn on each other after being on the island for such a short period of time (literally less than 3 days). They go insane pretty much immediately upon landing on the island. It was also interesting to see that the plane was cut in half when it landed and some people DIED while others remained completely unscathed. The random sex scenes really threw me off too. There was one scene where the dude's friend got blown up and he was so upset. He went off by himself to sob and this girl comes over to comfort him and BAM they have sex right there in the sand....wait, what? The cinematography was pretty cool that's where the 2nd star comes from. The first star has to be there because RT makes you give even the worst movies on the planet one star.
They way everything escalates so quickly just takes you out of the movie completely. Killing best friends after just a couple days on an island? I don't think so. It's a poorly thought out movie, but it's pretty to look at.
You can tell it's a student film by the poor lighting in some shots. If they got the chance to make a movie, you'd think they'd make one that has a little more substance than a person/thing/ghost killing people. We've only seen that 1 trillion times before. There's no character development, bad acting, no plot (literally there's not a plot) and the ending makes you say well, there was no point to this, was there?
This movie was like so incredibly disrespectful to 9/11 and all the victims and their families. I thought it was going to be interviews with the families, but it's actually an entire reenactment of the event. The acting is SO BAD. Like literally desperate F List actors that they probably found on craigslist. These actors are so bad, it makes the movie seem like it's actually mocking the victims and their families. I don't know anyone affected by 9/11 but I actually took offense to this. It looks like satire the way the actors are so very poorly attempting to reenact 9/11. Why the fuck did they even WANT to make a movie to reenact 9/11? To show the shattered lives of the families affected? Like people didn't already know? Documentaries are for this kind of event, not fucking reenactments with horrible actors. The actors really fuck the entire movie up. It seriously looks like a huge joke, like it's mocking the victims. It's pretty fucked up not going to lie. It's also not accurate at all.
The entire movie is just done in such poor taste; its disrespectful. I couldn't even watch the whole 55 minutes because I was so turnt off. It's so messed up. If you're going to do an actual movie about 9/11 then you need a bigger ass budget with some A list actors and some actual acting and screenwriting. Apparently this movie was trying to make like a tribute to the 9/11 victims, but they totally missed the mark. I don't think anyone with connections to 9/11 would appreciate this movie.
Pretty bad not gonna lie. I didn't even watch the whole thing, I just fast forwarded through the boring parts which was like the entire movie. The majority of the movie is just poor choices of music that play over scenes where no real action is taking place. Like bad and loud music will play while the teacher is looking at the sunset for a long time at least 5 minutes-- just staring. That's not a good movie.
There's also no plot to this movie. There's a teacher and a student that are hooking up. But we don't know how the relationship started which probably would've been the most interesting part of the story, but no we never find that out. We just know they are together. They hook up occasionally and that's really all that happens until the very end when the teacher loves the student so much she goes to his house and his father finds out about their relationship. Then the student sells her out and she gets fired from her job. Actually we don't even know what happens because the movie ends with her getting a phone call from the principal saying "hey you're gonna need to come in to the office we have a student here and his father". So we never know what happens. We just know she gets really sad and goes back to bed.
The acting was horrible, so horrible at least the high school boy had okay acting skills. Although he looked more like a college student than a high school senior. He was way too ripped and built to be a high schooler. And the movie itself was just so poorly done I can't even begin to describe it. Half the scenes were done in the dark so you can't even see what is happening. Other times the camera stays on one angle the entire scene and its so BORING. The script sucks ass so what they say is not at all the least bit interesting. It's just a horrible movie overall. You can tell the director tried to be artsy and have a "underlying message" and capture the "intensity" of the forbidden relationship between the student and teacher, but he fails miserably on all accounts. There's no artistic value in this or underlying message, and with the shitty acting there's not much chemistry between the actors either. The director uses weird ass music and holds on shots wayyyy longer than he needs to, but none of it works because the director had no fucking clue what the hell he was doing. Whatever "emotion" he was trying to capture didn't work because there's no emotion. It's just a bad movie.
In the end the only real message from this movie is common sense: Teachers who sleep with students will get fired. There's no need to watch this movie because you probably already knew that.
Absolutely not. Are you kidding me? The first purge was probably the funniest movie I saw last year. The trailers for both movies looked awesome, but don't fall for it. I can guarantee the writing will be bad and it will be just as horrible as the first one. I hope I'm wrong because it's an awesome idea for a film, but the writers don't know what to do with it. I'm 99% positive (going by the trailer) it will be a slasher flick like the rest and it will be another unoriginal predictable film. Don't see it. Please. I really don't want a Purge 3.
Probably my new favorite movie. It's seriously the funniest thing ever. Everything about the fraternity is so true. The whole time I was watching it I was like YES that is spot on. The parties, the girls, the alcohol, the fundraisers, the weed party, the neighbors omg I can relate to it all. People probably think its not realistic but it totally is haha that's why its so funny. I allegedly met this director in real life too so yeah I love it. No complaints. Some parts were stupid but stupid funny so it was okay. Definitely going to watch it again haha
Most pointless movie ever. The whole movie is just the girl turning into a zombie and constantly being a bitch to everyone especially her mother. No likable characters at all. They are all horrible/creepy people. You don't even know why she turns into a zombie. She has unprotected sex with a random guy at a party and gets sick. The next day the police are looking for the guy. The one girl says the police are looking for the guy, but won't say why. Later she says the police are looking for him because he's a child molester. Then even later the girl says the police are advising people to stay far away from him. This doesn't answer any questions I had while watching, and the fact that he's a child molester is completely irrelevant to the story. We never find out why she turns into a zombie, if the guy she had sex with was a zombie, and why there are parasites in her vagina. We never find out. The movie acts like its a mystery trying to figure out what is wrong with her and in the end, we're left unsatisfied because the point of the whole movie was never answered. The whole time the girl is running around trying to find out what's happening to her. We find out she's a zombie, but don't know why. It's just a really stupid movie with no point to it. I guess the moral of the story is don't have unprotected sex with strangers at parties or else you'll turn into a zombie and kill all your friends.
It was a pretty interesting documentary about what it really is like to be a working actor in hollywood. I thought the interviews with the actors were very insightful and the overall content of the documentary was really intriguing. However the way the documentary was put together as in the editing and quality of the images was pretty bad. Sometimes the shots were out of focus and the audio was poor. The interviews themselves were pretty nice though. Just the camera work was mediocre. I wish they had actually gotten some diversity in the actors for their interviews. Literally all the actors except 1 were male, white and between the ages of 35-60. It would've been nice to see some women because I'm sure they have just as much if not more trouble finding jobs. Especially with the way film exploits women, I really would've liked to hear about some of those stories. I bet they could've found some diverse actors for the group. I mean it sounds like a bunch of actors are looking for jobs, it couldn't have been that hard to find a couple people from different ethnic backgrounds to discuss their experiences working in hollywood. But anyway, I found the film pretty interesting. I know I want to work in the industry one day, not as an actor, but still it kind of sucks to hear how complicated it is to work in hollywood. It makes me feel bad for all the actors out there trying to find work. :(
Absolutely AWFUL movie. The movie is I guess supposed to be scary, but honestly we were laughing more than anything. The story line and writing was HORRIBLE. Absolutely horrible. What the people said, what they did was so stupid and ridiculous. The movie is about a home invasion and everyone is trying to kill the family and it's really really funny. If they were going for a comedy then I think they nailed it. The ending scene is by far the stupidest most ridiculous scene I have ever seen in a movie. I don't want to spoil it but I will anyway so stop reading if you don't want to know. At the end after the neighbors try to kill the family, the mother forces everyone to sit at the table and says that no more violence will happen tonight and that she will let the neighbors go after the purge is over. So the ending scene is literally them sitting at a table waiting for the purge to end so they can go home. Like the dad already got killed and the mom is just letting the neighbors chill in her kitchen. The movie was so stupid. The writing was just so bad. I can't even explain to you how terrible this movie is. The acting wasn't so bad, but the writing was just the worst I have ever come across. Like I suck at writing but I could've come up with a better script than the shit they were working with in this movie. Avoid this movie, unless you want to see a really bad movie and need something to laugh at. It's a really funny comedy, but awful awful horror movie or whatever the hell kind of movie they were trying to make.
I thought it was pretty good. It was shot very creatively, they were nice to watch. It really shows the reality of marriage and why 50% of them end in divorce. The film is edited just like 500 Days of Summer, but I think 500 Days did it better. When the movie was flashing back and forth I felt like I was missing some things. I dont quite understand why Gosling turned into such a douchebag. In the beginning he was a little obnoxious, but kind of adorable, and at the end he was like an alcoholic jackass. Not sure how that happened and I wish I had seen the transition from obnoxious cutie to raging drunk.
I thought all of the performances were great, but I didnt really like the characters. I liked Dean as a young boy, but not when he was older. I didnt like the wife at all. She seemed like a slutty mcbitcherson. 25 sexual partners? And then shes with Dean and Bobby at the same time and gets pregnant? What a dirty hoe. It seemed like throughout the movie Dean loved her, but she didnt love him. Actually now that I think about it she is probably the reason Dean drinks so much. Spending the rest of your life with that bitch? Godspeed....
-typed from my ipad, apologize for any errors-
I didn't like it. Sue me.
It draws out every scene for way longer than it needs to be. I found it SO boring. Between the amazing cinematography and great explosions scenes is nothing but flat characters interrogating other flat characters. The characters have no depth which made it really hard for me to get into this film. That was probably the biggest thing. I know everyone is saying "ZOMG I LOVE THIS MOVIE" but I really don't see it. It just didn't suck me into the film and I couldn't sympathize with anyone in the movie. I'm just not into it, and quite honestly I'm surprised everyone else gave it such high praise. It's really not all that great. I love the cinematography; I thought some of the shots were very creative and stunning. The acting was great too, but I don't know. It just really bored me.
Some of the scenes like the first torture/interrogation scene was sooooo overdone. Like yeah we get it you want answers, he's not talking...why YES I would absolutely LOVE to watch the same thing for 20 minutes. "TELL US WHAT YOU KNOW. YOU'RE LYING TO ME!" "NO! PLEASE" *torture torture torture interrogate interrogate interrogate* and yep still didn't find out what he knows. Let's go back tomorrow and try again.....*torture torture torture interrogate interrogate interrogate shove him in a box*. Might as well have filmed it in real time with the way all these scenes are drawn out and conversations drone on and on. Literally an entire hour could've been taken out and it wouldn't have made the slightest difference. Definitely not as good as the Hurt Locker that's for damn sure. To me Zero Dark Thirty is an average movie that is completely overrated and when I say completely I mean very fucking completely.
Typed from my ipad so sorry for any mistakes.....
This movie was boring as hell. I understand that they were trying to show how different decisions have different outcomes, but couldnt they have chosen an interesting decision? There was really no substance to this movie. The decision was to either go to the family dinner party or go to a friends party. When they went to the family party guess what happens? They find a dog and go to a family dinner party. Yeah its an actual dinner party. If real life every day happenings were interesting then people wouldnt go to the movies. I go to family dinners all the time and they bore me. Why would I want to watch someone elses boring dinner? I wouldnt! And neither would anyone else! The second scenario was going to the friends party and guess what? They get into a taxi cab, find someones phone and are promptly chased by we dont know who for a good hour. And they dont go to the party i dont think. I cant remember. Anyway if the scenarios had been interesting I think the movie wouldve been ten times better. That was just a writing failure. The first situation is too realistic it lulls you to sleep and the second situation is just as boring and is completely unrealistic. The finding of the phone could have been really cool theres so much the writer couldve done with that....so why does he just have the characters being chased and doing such boring tasks (e.g. Checking email, getting coffee, eating dinner with family, walking their dog, putting up found dog posters, fixing a computer) Yeah I kid you not all of those every day boring things are in this movie as a scene! An entire scene of getting coffee. An entire scene of walking the dog and putting up found posters. Such boring boring stuff! Theres ways to make things realistic without them actually being boring. You could cut out a good half of this movie and still understand it. That is not how you do it. Every scene should be meaningful and that is not the case with this movie let me tell you. Witty dialogue, interesting shots and more action couldve helped this movie so much. It just sucks it was so boring and pointless. At the beginning you know nothing and at the end you know nothing because nothing has happened. Even the characters were pretty two dimensional and didnt change at all. Nothing changed.
The writing might have been terrible, but the cinematography sure as hell wasnt. Every shot was beautiful the colors were great, the lines were interesting and it was just awesome. I can tell the DOP really thought about how he was going to put the shots together. The shots were so pretty. Ive seen better cinematography but I would totally hire this guy because hes really talented. The way he set up each shot was really great. In the beginning with the two characters facing each other and the bridge in the background gorgeoussssss and just in every scene after that you can tell he did his part. The cinematography really saves this movie without it, theres absolutely no point in watching it because the writing is just so terrible. But if you wanna see how a beautiful shot is supposed to look, definitely check out this movie.
If the filmmakers couldnt even properly simulate the lighting from a campfire how did they think they could pull off a movie based out of a cave? The lighting for a dark setting like that is tricky and if they cant even light subjects by a campfire they have absolutely no business taking on a challenge like this. The lighting which was supposed to represent a campfire was so inconsistent and the color temperature kept changing from yellow to dark orange. It was obvious the fire was being simulated. Absolutely awful. In one scene you could even see the film crew and equipment in the reflection of the guy's glasses. Unprofessional. Shouldve had the guy take his glasses off. Also was I the only one that noticed the tents GLOWING? Has the film crew never been camping before? Tents arent bright neon green and yellow and even if they were, one lantern couldnt make an entire tent glow. The writing was cheesy/predictable and the acting was way off. The lighting only got worse as they went into the cave. The flashlights on their helmets put a glare on pretty much every shot. They were a distraction and didnt do what they were meant to do which was to LIGHT the scene. Common sense. I only watched the first 20 minutes but I assume the movie just gets shittier from there. I typed this review from my ipad so I apologize for any spelling errors.
haha I didn't even watch the whole thing. I saw it on TV and thought it was Prom Night, which is an equally awful movie, but it has that hot guy that plays Snow's boyfriend which makes the entire movie watchable. But anyway...
The acting was so awful, as well as the writing. I was just watching it and it felt so awkward because no teenager would ever act like that or say any of those things ever in a million years. I only watched like the last 20-30 minutes and I was on my ipad too, so I wasn't paying much attention but this one scene was so hilariously outrageous. This girl is in her room getting ready and something flies through her window onto the floor. She looks out the window and there's a fucking little boy sitting in her tree! And he's like "I don't know how else to tell you, but I think now's a good time. I LOVE YOU." HAHAHAHHAHA omg. There wasn't a more appropriate time for him to confess his feelings to her? He had to sit up in a tree that looked about 20ft high outside her window. What sane/normal kid would do that? It's called a door and you walk up and knock on it or ring the doorbell, and after you knock -get ready for it- Someone comes to the door and let's you in! Crazy! Right? I know. Who would've thought knocking on a door would be easier than climbing a 20ft tree. But wait- It gets better!! Then he was like "I love you. If you go to the prom with that other boy, I might as well stay up in this tree forever." LMAO. Like dude you're 15, you don't know love. Get over yourself already. Go run to your mommy, have her make you a snack and you'll forget all about the nasty girl. Maybe if you weren't such a freak climbing trees like fuckin Tarzan, you would have a girlfriend. And you know what? In the end I think he is with his mom in a car HAHAHA I called it!!
This was such a Disney movie. So clean, so innocent. Where's the couples having sex for the first time in the back of their rented limo? Where's the kids dry humping each other on the dance floor and barfing on each other because they can't hold their alcohol? Where's the kids drunk driving their way home, side swiping every parked car that comes in their path? That's what prom is about. Getting into trouble and fucking shit up. Real teens. Real world. Not in this movie.