Derek Roberts's Movie Ratings - Rotten Tomatoes

Movie Ratings and Reviews

La La Land
La La Land(2016)

Musical? Jazz? Two of the most deplorable things imaginable make this my own personal quasi-sequel to House of 1000 Corpses. Positively repulsed!

Hell or High Water
½

Really good. Felt nihilistic and rural like No Country for Old Men, but possibly even better!

Bad Santa 2
Bad Santa 2(2016)
½

What's the point in making a less edgy, less joke filled sequel? Who does that?!? +1 star for Thurman Merman.

Arrival
Arrival(2016)
½

Plodding but interesting. The best cop-out ending ever!

Sausage Party

Fun take on a terrible idea!

Central Intelligence
½

The Independence Day: Resurgence of The Rock movies. Also had Kevin Hart, but it could have been anyone.

Bad Moms
Bad Moms(2016)

Fun, but fluffy. Low stakes with a silly resolution.

48 HRS
48 HRS(1982)

Buddy Cop 1.0. Eddie Murphy makes history!

Under the Skin

Some fascinating ideas, but the delivery was almost unwatchable. Several shots of all black or all white rooms and a soundtrack that sounded like 1960s Star Trek at 12 B.P.M.

Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates

Nothing new, but decently enjoyable. :)

Doctor Strange
½

Marvel may be a little predictable, but this was still a lot of fun! It did bring a lot of new elements to the table and a great cast. :D

Swiss Army Man

Unnerving, but not in a good way. Probably would have worked better as a short. I'm not the right audience for this.

Anomalisa
Anomalisa(2015)

Far more dicks than Aardman or Laika. Uncanny valley-type stuff, but that was clearly the point. Full of depressing, navel-gazing, small-scale goodness!

The Babadook
The Babadook(2014)
½

Predictable, with a weak payoff. There were some excellent and terrifying ideas, but they felt handcuffed by the genre.

The Purge: Election Year

People get shot, some of them are evil, etc. Not too bad!

Don't Breathe

Pretty good for what it was! Expect the usual, get better than that. :)

Speed Racer
Speed Racer(2008)
½

Interesting visuals, but tonally jarring and totally vapid. What a waste of a great cast.

Ghostbusters
Ghostbusters(2016)

Needed more humour. Funny characters, but never really went anywhere. The story in particular felt rushed. +1 star for Slimer's triumphant return.

Star Trek Beyond

Fun, but missing all the great ideas and navel gazing of typical Trek. The Enterprise gets blown up a lot.

Warcraft
Warcraft(2016)

It worked, but needed to be more accessible to non-fans and have more of ending. This felt like the first of three movies.

The Nice Guys
½

Occupies a strange place closer to Marvel movies than reality, which somehow only makes it funnier!

Krampus
Krampus(2015)

It did a few things well, but was pretty forgettable for such a zany concept.

Captain America: Civil War

Better than it had any right to be! Lots of fun and action, with some challenging themes.

Daredevil
Daredevil(2003)
½

Came out at a sad time for comic movies and just made things worse.

Creed
Creed(2015)
½

Good action and acting, but too much unnecessary drama. Couldn't Rocky find the will to live without making a new boxing friend?

The Green Inferno

Boring. Characters were developed just enough to notice when they're butchered. It was redeemed slightly by a hilariously stupid ending!

Sinister 2
Sinister 2(2015)

It was okay, I guess. Didn't bring anything new and ended on the usual crappy, sequel-teasing jump scare.

The Night Before
½

I remember seeing this! It had jokes and, uh, some unnecessary friendship drama. And Green Goblin Jr., who was the funniest part.

The Last Witch Hunter
½

It didn't quite work, but felt like it could have. Enjoyable cast and concept.

Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse

Pretty much exactly what it should be! Still, I'd have appreciated a few more laughs.

Dredd
Dredd(2012)

Great shoot 'em up revolving around the always sneering and helmeted Judge Dredd. Never slows down or wastes time on unnecessary plot. Loads of fun!

Furious 7
Furious 7(2015)
½

Too self serious and drawn out to be as much fun as the last two. Not quite Rob Schneider in Schindler's List, but similarly amusing.

The Hateful Eight

Tense and nasty, but oddly funny! Seems to be underappreciated. Samuel L. Jackson reliably cleans up, but has lots of great support. Michael Madsen plays a lamp or something. Really good!

The Revenant
The Revenant(2015)
½

In wide shots the moon looked so small there must have been some kind of trick (multiple cameras, modified fisheye?)! Bear fight was something to be seen. My pick for best picture and maybe even best actor.

Spectre
Spectre(2015)
½

Regurgitates Skyfall and Quantum of Solace, while turning up the ugly. Christoph Waltz always plays phenomenal villains, but seemed underwritten and/or underused. It's okay.

Sicario
Sicario(2015)
½

Just the right balance of talky and gritty. Great performances all around!

Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens

Popcorn flick that delivers. So much better than the prequels or Jurassic World.

Deadpool
Deadpool(2016)

Loads of stupid fun! :D

Crimson Peak
Crimson Peak(2015)

A vapid, predictable, character development-free sack of crap that hits all the wrong notes, but looked really good. The ghosts actually hampered the mystery by handing out clues, stifling any problem solving. Two stars for the effects, otherwise zero.

The Martian
The Martian(2015)
½

Surprisingly engaging for a movie that's half space procedural! The problem solving in particular was fun to watch. :D

The Gift
The Gift(2015)

Flawed characters, unpredictable and wonderfully directed. Small, but in a good way. One of the year's best!

Pixels
Pixels(2015)

See it for the nostalgic effects, but don't expect another modern masterpiece like Grandma's Boy or Happy Gilmore. ;) +0.5 for the supporting cast.

Juyuso seubgyuksageun (Attack the Gas Station)
½

Wildly overrated with humour that didn't translate.

The Guest
The Guest(2014)
½

Predictable, disappointing story pulled off incredibly well!

X-Men: Days of Future Past
½

Cleaning up the X-timeline really helped! Still a little too Wolverine-heavy, but on the right track.

X2: X-Men United
½

I little better than the first.

X-Men: First Class

Best X-Movie yet! And the only one I've liked.

X-Men: The Last Stand

How did this sack of crap score a 58%?!?

Ant-Man
Ant-Man(2015)
½

Only seems small compared to the other Marvel flicks. More humour and less character development, but almost as enjoyable as Guardians of the Galaxy!

Poltergeist
Poltergeist(2015)
½

Pretty okay. Improved greatly by a hilarious priest.

Dude Bro Party Massacre III
½

Terrible! ...But that's the point. :D

The Gunman
The Gunman(2015)

This makes Taken look like The Shawshank Redemption. Unabashedly predictable and not particularly engaging.

Terminator Genisys
½

Lots of issues, but still lots of fun! I really missed this franchise. ...and ignored parts 3 and 4.

It Follows
It Follows(2015)
½

Pretty good, but suffered from the usual horror movie moron trip-ups.

Ex Machina
Ex Machina(2015)

Really interesting, but without getting pompous. Most definitely recommended!

Mad Max: Fury Road
½

Loads of fun and almost non-stop action!

Insidious
Insidious(2011)

The best of the series.

Spy
Spy(2015)
½

Surprisingly fun! Big points for our protagonist being a finely tuned killing machine the whole time. A lesser movie might have gone the bumbling hero route.

Jurassic World

See it for the dino fights! The rest is pretty weak.

Jupiter Ascending
½

Wildly uninteresting, with lots of whispering.

Unfriended
Unfriended(2015)
½

Surprisingly good for what it was! Set the bar low and have fun. :)

A Walk Among the Tombstones
½

Hard to watch, but well done. Changing the ending to something super-generic really hurt, since the killers' comeuppance fell well short.

Run All Night

Pretty okay, but I'm getting tired of Liam Neeson movies that are just okay.

John Wick
John Wick(2014)

Who knew killing could be so much fun? Keanu Reeves out-does all the Punisher movies combined!

Left Behind
Left Behind(2014)

Let's Talk About God: The Movie. Also, something about an airplane and Nicholas Case is sorry. Everyone is stupid and very little happens. Yawn.

Lucy
Lucy(2014)

Mind numbingly stupid and devoid of tension. The "perfect" human being almost never kills villains, but slaughters hundreds in collateral damage (but "you never really die"). Almost insulting to sit through. Makes Grown Ups 2 look like Schindler's List.

Horns
Horns(2014)

Okay, but needed a much better pay off and to follow through on a few more ideas. Some good moments make it passable.

Man of Tai Chi

Shouldn't Tai Chi as a fighting style lead to beautiful choreography and some innovative fight sequences? Nope, it mostly just leads to nagging from the sensei! Surprisingly bland.

American Sniper
½

Even though this was a character study, rather than a war movie, it was captivating. Practically everything was top notch and sometimes moving.

Interstellar
Interstellar(2014)
½

Incredible to look at. Seeing theoretical physics in action and the wildly innovative robot designs made this movie. That it was three hours long, drawn out, saddled by a see-daughter-vs-save-Earth subplot and inexplicably featured a protagonist (the end of the world isn't a big enough deal?!?) barely even matters by comparison. I want to go again! :D

Birdman
Birdman(2014)

Stunningly shot (30 mins w/o cut?) and subtly, darkly funny, but relying on characters rather over gags. It's only let down by its inaccessibility and unreliable perspective, but that's what fancy/snobby is all about, right? Still so good that it really should be among the best of the year.

Big Hero 6
Big Hero 6(2014)
½

Forgettable, but loads of fun. :D

Non-Stop
Non-Stop(2014)

Pretty goofball for such a serious movie! The villain was just too cunning, although it came together at the end, especially considering the mess of a lead-in.

Oculus
Oculus(2014)

The kids out acted their adult counterparts. Felt bland and too long.

Transcendence

There were some interesting ideas. It kills me to say it, but this would have worked better as a mirror-wanking, pompous sack of art house shit. Instead it fell apart under the burden of being a wannabe blockbuster.

The Expendables 3
½

Boring. For this kind of movie that's unforgivable. -0.5 stars for Jet Li not doing any martial arts and some jackass riding a motorbike all over the final scene.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
½

Even worse than expected. The Turtles were reduced to sad caricatures while Splinter was an abusive, terribly animated, American asshole. Shredder never finished anybody off ever and April O'Neil was not a believable human being, let alone reporter. Just felt lazy.

Guardians of the Galaxy
½

Lots of fun! Not exactly a great movie, but well paced, full of light characters and an easy watch. I've seen it twice so far. Great soundtrack too!

Sabotage
Sabotage(2014)

So much worse than expected and I was expecting it to be bad. Stupid, flat characters kill each other in faceless fashion while nothing really adds up.

The Purge: Anarchy

Far better than expected! There were a few twists, but overall it delivered what was promised and did it well. The ending in particular stuck with me. ...Also, Frank Grillo should totally be The Punisher! :D

Marvel's The Avengers
½

Fun, but unspectacular. As good as can possibly be expected without exploring any new ground. (Edit: added another half star, since this one has held up well.)

Live Die Repeat: Edge of Tomorrow

Surprisingly good! It had action, humour, fun casting and moved at a comfortable pace, despite the time-loop storyline.

47 Ronin
47 Ronin(2013)
½

Surprisingly bland. Also, Japanese people sure love to die!

The Amazing Spider-Man 2
½

Pretty bad, but still a lot better than the Raimi trilogy! Probably due to better casting and some fantastic special effects. Tiny Rhino scene should have been saved for mid-credits.

Captain America: The Winter Soldier

Another solid superhero movie. It wasn't funny like Avengers, but had enough shiny, exploding things and the right tone to keep everything rolling nicely. :D

300: Rise of an Empire
½

Crap movie with lots of fun effects. Even the holdovers from #1 suddenly act far worse!

Escape Plan
Escape Plan(2013)
½

Pretty middling, but Arnold Schwarzenegger totally saved this one! "You hit like a vegetarian." :D And he drew an ass-map.

Jack the Giant Slayer

After The Usual Suspects, I've liked 0 of 5 Brian Singer movies. This is just another one of his mediocre, but not awful CGI-fests. A great big meh.

Carrie
Carrie(2013)

Swapped pyrokinesis for telekinesis and really upped the blood theme. Disturbed mother was ludicrously awful and the lack of a believably tragic home life hurt this story immensely. That and I've never liked this story. :/

RoboCop
RoboCop(2014)

It didn't have the humour and over-the-top violence of the original, but brought in a fresh take on the character with some cool looking effects. Gary Oldman was the only one doing any acting! Still, a good watch. :D

2 Guns
2 Guns(2013)
½

Really, really predictable.

The Wolfman
The Wolfman(2010)

Drawn out and so very boring. Felt like it was three hours long. I can't believe I fell for this crap.

Captain Phillips

Well done! The pirates in particular were interesting to watch.

The World's End

Becomes more absurd and less funny at it progresses. A real disappointment.

Man of Steel
Man of Steel(2013)

Best Superman yet! And in many ways. Still, not even close to perfect, expecially when this humourless and emo-pained. Shouldn't the invulnerable man be a little bit naive?

Fast & Furious 6
½

Number five was fun, but this one just felt too lazy and regurgitated to work. The effects were better, but the scenes and execution were harder to follow. A big step back.

R.I.P.D.
R.I.P.D.(2013)
½

Everyone does a good enough job, but there's no payoff, because nothing really comes together. It feels more like killing time than telling a story. Just regular bad and not the disaster it was made out to be.

American Hustle

A rare combination of humour, great acting and a convoluted plot that comes together in the end. Nothing like I expected!

42
42(2013)
½

It was oddly paced, left out Hank Greenberg (first Jewish MLB player, sympathetic and real character) and included some stupid parts (shower jokes), but worked out really well. Did anybody really talk (hilariously!) like Harrison Ford as Branch Rickey?

White House Down
½

Easily the best Emmerich movie since Independence Day! It's the usual kind of stupid for a PG-13 action movie, but enjoyable like a guilty pleasure. Shame this tanked.

A Good Day To Die Hard
½

I can't believe this movie felt so long. How could a movie with this many explosions be boring?!?

We're The Millers

Not awesome, but still a lot of fun. :)

Rescue Dawn
Rescue Dawn(2007)

People that die suck and deserve to be evil or stupid in movies. Not a good moral.

The Conjuring
½

Unusually solid, well acted horror! Expect jumps instead of gore.

Machete Kills

Out-stupids its predecessor by a wide, but enjoyable margin. Unfortunately this was at the expense of character.

Machete
Machete(2010)

Danny Trejo should be the star of everything! :D

Impostor
Impostor(2002)
½

Underwhelming, underdeveloped and a waste of a good cast.

Riddick
Riddick(2013)

Would have helped to be a little more grounded, but still a fun follow-up in the vein of Pitch Black.

Identity Thief

Nowhere near as bad as I'd been led to believe! Still, felt like a lot of ideas weren't followed up on or just went stale part way through.

Elysium
Elysium(2013)

It's no District 9, but the special effects are seamless and paint an incredibly lifelike dystopian future. Lots of interesting topics are glossed over in favour of action, which is a shame. Still a great movie!

The Wolverine

Better than the last one, but still fell to crap by the end. Having fewer characters helped.

X-Men Origins - Wolverine
½

A lot like those other crappy X-Men movies. Ended particularly badly.

Red 2
Red 2(2013)

Continues the stupid fun of the original, but less so. With many returning from #1 it could be that we're expected to like everyone without being shown why.

Pacific Rim
Pacific Rim(2013)
½

Stupid and loud, with brainless characters and flat chemistry, but great effects and lots of fun! Fantastic crap, because it's done so well. GdT could be the best director going.

The Incredible Burt Wonderstone

Horribly formulaic and predictable, but the leads were good and it worked out to be enjoyable.

Sinister
Sinister(2012)
½

Not a fan of the genre, but won over by a good job! Typical bad horror judgement, is actually explained at most points. Characters show more depth than expected.

World War Z
World War Z(2013)

Pretty good, but something was off. Maybe that entire countries were treated like set pieces full of nobodies. Okay zombie effects and oddly goreless. Still worth a watch.

Superman Returns
½

Superman didn't need to learn the true meaning of Christmas. Or fatherhood. Or something. Yawned 'til I puked.

Cloud Atlas
Cloud Atlas(2012)

Big, ambitious, overly long and hard to make sense of. I have no idea what the hell just happened, but I liked it!

Stoker
Stoker(2013)
½

Interesting murder story! A fair bit of boring drama that more or less panned out.

Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters

It didn't quite work. Lead characters were punching bags without many redeeming qualities. Enemies were forgettable.

I'm a Cyborg, But That's OK (Saibogujiman kwenchana)

A truly wretched watch if you don't like the characters. It was a bit of a shock after really liking Chan-Wook Park's Vengeance Trilogy, but this is a dramedy. Blecch.

The Hangover Part III
½

Without Mike Tyson nothing feels right.

Zero Dark Thirty
½

Way too long and unfocused to work as a character study on par with The Hurt Locker, but still good!

Gangster Squad

Surprisingly bland and predictable, despite the fantastic cast. Felt like a real waste.

Star Trek Into Darkness

Great follow up that isn't quite as serious as the trailers make it out to be. Steals affectionately from 1982's Wrath of Khan.

Star Trek
Star Trek(2009)
½

Loads of fun! Works well as a reboot that respects, but doesn't necessarily follow, the original.

Jack Reacher
Jack Reacher(2012)

Subversively funny, undermining the seriousness and hammy acting. The plot never quite came together. Not bad though!

Iron Man 3
Iron Man 3(2013)

Lots of fun! More suit-less combat than expected. Ben Kingsley streals the show.

Prometheus
Prometheus(2012)

An infuriating mix of good and bad.

Oblivion
Oblivion(2013)

Closer to navel-gazing science fiction than Mission: Impossible. Nowhere near perfect, but loved it!

Due Date
Due Date(2010)
½

Okay,, but I expected better. Makes we want to watch Planes, Trains and Automobiles instead.

Hot Tub Time Machine

Pure genius. Also has Chevy Chase.

Beavis and Butt-head Do America
½

Somehow manages to exceed the sweeping heights of their ground breaking TV show. We should all be a little proud.

Orgazmo
Orgazmo(1998)
½

The Schindler's List of porn comedy! If you don't love Orgazmo you are boring, probably a terrible person and should be ashamed of yourself.

BASEketball
BASEketball(1998)

Not bad! These guys should be bigger than Jesus soon.

The Man With the Iron Fists

Knows it's stupid. Intermittently fun!

End of Watch
End of Watch(2012)
½

Wanders aimlessly and ends abruptly, but does a lot right along the way.

Argo
Argo(2012)
½

Wow, people in the late 70's were creepy! Could have done a little more to explain the situation and sold Canada efforts short. Still pretty good!

Taken 2
Taken 2(2012)
½

Adidas: terror's clothing label of choice. All else is boring and worse than the first.

Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning

What's worse than a Universal Solder sequel? One that thinks it's smart.

Zoolander
Zoolander(2001)
½

This movie is a litmus test for humanity. Love it or fail. Has lots of funny faces and Will Ferrel crossed with an evil poodle.

Lawless
Lawless(2012)
½

Great cast led by an excellent, if hard to understand, Tom Hardy. LaBeouf plays his usual dumbass. Not much screen time for Oldman. Guy Peace almost unrecognizable as bizarre LaBeouf-Gollum cross.

The Campaign
The Campaign(2012)
½

Surprisingly good. Lots of laughs and Mrs. Yao is awesome!

Total Recall
Total Recall(2012)

Lots of fun to look at. Everything else is forgettable.

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

A confused mash of silly story meets serious direction. Too long and suffers from not being Lord of the Rings. Still good!

The Watch
The Watch(2012)

Nowhere near as bad as expected! Still not awesome, but I liked it.

Savages
Savages(2012)

Surprisingly unexciting. I think the moral is that drugs are good, but killing is bad.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

What's the point in making a movie like this if it's not going to be any fun? Also, the slaves were freed not because slavery is bad, but because it helps vampires.

The Loved Ones
½

Not very easy to watch, but that's the point.

Batman: The Dark Knight Returns, Part 1

Batman is powered up to ridicuous levels, puching through car roofs and walls, but is always a sullen, brooding blast to watch. Can't wait for part two!

That's My Boy

Not quite the return to form I was hoping for, but still had plenty of good moments.

Titanic
Titanic(1997)

Sickeningly bad and incredibly overrated. Destroys my faith in humanity.

Looper
Looper(2012)
½

Time travel movie moves at a good pace while (marginally) developing character instead of sci-fi navel-gazing. Excellent!

Headhunters
Headhunters(2012)

Unpredictable and exciting. Loads of fun, full of great characters and hilariously covered plot holes. Great movie!

Splinter
Splinter(2008)

Better than the average horror movie, but still not much more. Had more good moments than idiotic ones.

The Inbetweeners

Very mild for a restricted comedy, but lighthearted and easy to watch.

Extract
Extract(2009)

Go Office Space guy! Great cast, but feels oddly like straight to DVD.

The Kingdom
The Kingdom(2007)
½

How could the best parts of a war movie center near around 3rd or 4th stringer Jason Bateman?!? I can't remember the rest.

John Carter
John Carter(2012)

Middling, but still way the hell better than much more profitable movies, like Transformers 2 or 3 and Avatar. Leads were enjoyable; deserved better.

Battleship
Battleship(2012)
½

I'm shocked and embarrased to say I liked this movie. It was horrible, but the mood stayed light and it never felt as long as it was. Great music!

The Raid: Redemption
½

Great twists and even better action, but with almost zero character development this movie falls short.

Mission: Impossible 2

Way too stupid without being enjoyable. C'mon John Woo, this is no Face/Off. Makes Spy Hard look like Die Hard.

Mission: Impossible

This was supposed to be about a team, right? Instead it's a Tom Cruise wank-a-thon. Spy movie far inferior to Ace Ventura, which really wasn't much of a spy movie.

Mission: Impossible Ghost Protocol
½

Lots of action and fun stunts make for by far the best MI I've seen! ...But that still leaves III out. Probably won't compare, but we'll see. :P

The Dictator
The Dictator(2012)

Funny, but forgettable. Splits the difference between Borat and Bruno.

Bernie
Bernie(2012)

An interview-heavy mockumentary more than a comedy, but surprisingly good and so was Jack Black!

The Expendables 2
½

Everything about it was awful, but it still managed to be fun. +3 for the highest on screen body count I've ever seen! :D

Nacho Libre
Nacho Libre(2006)
½

A towering accomplishment! Who knew you could just sneak up on people and baptize them? Scary!

The Proposition

The best kind of miserable - cowboy miserable! ...From Australia.

God Bless America

A masterpiece of cinematic achievement. Bobcat Goldthwait just out-awesomed his Police Academy glory days!

Juno
Juno(2007)

Indie quaint instead of actual funny. Makes teen pregnancy seem okay if you're quirky enough. +1 star for J. K. Simmons.

JCVD (Van Dammage)

This was supposed to be a "good" Van Damme movie? Bland with humour that doesn't translate well. Still, cast is good and so is JCVD himself.

Jeff Who Lives at Home
½

So much whimsy, so little humour. Unbelievable, unrelatable characters, bland divorce storyline and says coercing someone to be gay is okay, but only if you really care about them. +1 star for being well cast and mercifully short!

The Messenger

Oh Ben Foster, you so depressing! Yes, I know it's called acting.

You Don't Mess With the Zohan
½

Deep, meaningful and thought provoking take on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. The long lost companion piece to Schindler's List 12: In Space, with Monkeys.

Lockout
Lockout(2012)
½

Lazy and unoriginal, but without ever being fun.

Rampart
Rampart(2012)

Lead makes unlikeable character entirely watchable. Miserable, but good!

Intruders
Intruders(2012)

Had some potential, but that's about it.

The Dark Knight Rises

Great way to wrap up to the Dark Knight trilogy. Excellent cast and even a few funny bits, but suffers from a bad b-movie twist. Still want to see it again!

Bunraku
Bunraku(2011)
½

Silly, forgettable action. Not worth recommending or avoiding.

In Time
In Time(2011)

A very Republican future.

Red
Red(2010)

RED = Retired, Extremely Dangerous. How could this not be fun?

The Amazing Spider-Man

Finally, a good Spider-Man movie! Likeable cast and a well played, but strangely used, villain. Not incredibly memorable, and weepy at times but fun!

Spider-Man 3
Spider-Man 3(2007)

Obscenely bad without being fun or funny. Topher Grace and Dallace Bryce Howard, potentially perfect as the leads here, instead wasted on strange and unnecessary supporting roles. Once again villains were the best part.

Spider-Man 2
Spider-Man 2(2004)

A lot like the first. Doctor Optopus is a horrible character, but played well enough here to save the movie!

Spider-Man
Spider-Man(2002)

Did nobody else notice how disgustingly creepy this Peter Parker is? Every time the masks comes off I expect a child to be gnawed apart slowly. Mary Jane was even worse, but would otherwise have made a great zombie.

The Losers
The Losers(2010)

Obscenely silly, with terrible movie physics and characters that can run around a warzone without ever being shot. Loads of fun! Wish there'd be a #2.

Bad Ass
Bad Ass(2012)
½

Like a Latino American version of Harry Brown! Throw in a little Gran Torino and, of course, Danny Trejo and you have a formulaic, but enjoyable movie.

Chronicle
Chronicle(2012)

Fails to break out of the monotony of being another shaky-cam movie. Unlikeable cast and excessive emo navel-gazing/whining. Still worked out pretty well!

Project X
Project X(2012)

Comedy without jokes, shot more like an unlikeable mockumentary. The payoff? Flamethrower guy and some breasts. Both easily topped online.

Sherlock Holmes

Would've rated this more harshly, but the sequel showed me how much worse a Sherlock Holmes movie could be.

Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows

Couldn't finish this POS and I've liked a lot of other Robert Downey Jr. movies. Tries very hard to be clever and does an incredibly bad job.

Ted
Ted(2012)

Even funnier than Passion of the Christ. Would've liked it a little edgier, but still hilarious!

Killer Elite
Killer Elite(2011)

Who knew a movie about hitmen could be this bland? Any time you're wondering if a character will survive just check the cover!

Dinner for Schmucks

Painfully drawn out. Like a tame, uninspired Borat for the simple minded.

The Expendables
½

How could this not be awesome?!? So sad...

The Sitter
The Sitter(2011)
½

Surprisingly funny!

Men in Black III

Lots of fun! Josh Brolin plays an incredible Tommy Lee Jones.

Death to Smoochy

Under-appreciated dark comedy.

Underworld: Awakening
½

Lazy writing and surprisingly bad effects, despite a decent budget.

Tower Heist
Tower Heist(2011)

Best Brett Ratner film yet! It was actually good.

Immortals
Immortals(2011)

Clash of the Titans II, except it's a different, slightly blander movie. Visuals are good.

Contraband
Contraband(2012)

Generic action-heist with above average music and below average everything else.

The Cabin in the Woods
½

Goes from bland horror to absurd satire. Loads of fun!

The Hunter
The Hunter(2012)
½

Appropriately slow, beautifully shot and gripping. Best movie so far this year.

The Three Stooges

I really wanted to like this movie. The stooges deserve better.

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy
½

Interesting story and great cast, but told in too fragmented and convoluted a way to be entertaining. It's a movie for critics and snobs, rather than the drooling masses. I'd rather see something in between.

Red State
Red State(2011)

Tough sell, but good movie. Very subtle comedy.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Even better than the Swedish original, likely because it was easier to follow in English. Otherwise very, very similar, which is a good thing.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
½

Good, but hard to follow at times. I'm not used to watching movies like this with subtitles...

The Three Musketeers

Despite great source material and some enjoyable actors this movie went nowhere and lined up for a sequel that's unlikely to happen. A waste of time.

50/50
50/50(2011)
½

Just a few funny bits, but still a good movie.

Crank 2: High Voltage
½

Fails to reach the sweeping, epic heights of the original.

Machine Gun Preacher

Heavy on misery, short on follow-through or development. Lead doesn't interact with children he's protecting, so motivation is inexplicable and makes for an unrewarding melodrama.

True Romance
True Romance(1993)
½

Great movie, but less than the sum of its parts. And Val Kilmer plays the King!

The Grey
The Grey(2012)

Weak story, idiotic characters and wolves that would have fit better in Lord of the Rings. And really, who wouldn't stay at the crash site and wait for rescue?

Ringu (Ring)
Ringu (Ring)(1998)
½

I liked the American one better, which is never a good thing.

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance
½

Makes fun of Jerry Springer, politicians and Twinkies. How could this not be a good movie?

Contagion
Contagion(2011)
½

Bland with many unresolved plotlines.