Da 5 Bloods
On the Record
I May Destroy You
Forgot your password?
Don't have an account? Sign up here
Already have an account? Log in here
and the Terms and Policies,
and to receive email from Rotten Tomatoes and Fandango.
Please enter your email address and we will email you a new password.
No user info supplied.
** This review contains spoilers of the first 20-30 minutes of the film - or I should really say it saves you about 20-30 minutes of your life. Don't watch this movie.**
TLDR: I couldn't stomach more than about 30 minutes of this garbage movie. I was so bored after a grueling half an hour of gut-wrenching cliches and overly gorey, unnecessary violence that I had to turn it off and go to bed early.
I knew it was a bad sign when about 5 different film company logos were presented before the movie even began. Don't get me wrong; I love independent movies and I'm willing to forgive some low-budget snafus provided the movie holds my attention. I was actually impressed by the opening shot and the first few minutes of the film. It starts with a birds eye view of a bathroom and our protagonist, played by Selma Hayek, bursts through the door, locks it behind her and frantically runs around said bathroom naked and traumatized. She uncovers a hidden cell phone and a handgun and attempts to use the phone to call a detective. After this, she uses the handgun to ruthlessly slaughter the men on the other side of the door who appeared to be holding her hostage as some kind of sex slave. After that, the movie goes entirely downhill. This movie tries way too hard to be a witty, action packed, over the top, Tarantino-like film and that try-hardness and lack of originality clearly shows. The movie jumps right into the action without developing any of the characters or explaining what hell is going on. Then we're suddenly supposed to feel sympathy for the protagonist because the five-year-old daughter she presented to us in a cliche "picture in the locket" moment is in grave danger? Not to mention, the acting and dialogue is amateur and poorly written. Kill Bill was an excellent movie because it slowed down and allowed the audience to feel a connection with the main character. On the other hand, this movie skipped right to the second act - as if the director thought skipping the "boring" character development and backstory in the first act is what the audience wants. Tarantino finely crafts the perfect moment to add humor where as humor in Everly is awkwardly sprinkled in the middle of action in an attempt to provide some poorly fabricated comic relief because "that's what big Hollywood directors do." After a half-an-hour of a movie that never left the confines of this woman's apartment, I yawned, shut it off, and gave up. I would have probably finished it if I wasn't sickened by the fact that this movie was basically a rip-off of so many other great movies.
Having all of this said, the cinematography was alright - the shot design was unique and visually pleasing. It's a shame it wasn't supported with at least a halfway decent story.
HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHA! i give it a half a star ONLY because i can watch it on youtube for free, and it kept me entertained. only reason it kept me entertained was because it was quite a experience watching the WORST MOVIE EVER! :)
favorite action movie of all time! only one that can really beat it is dirty harry, and lethal weapons.