Matthew's Review of Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
Okay, I think I've put this off long enough. The reason it took me so long to write a review is because I just don't care about this movie, I didn't care about it going in and simply saw it as a result of not having anything better to do on a Friday.
Captain Jack is back once again and the movie picks up I'm guessing a few months after the last one ended. Jack is still looking for the fountain of youth, but he's not the only one. He races against Spaniards (who are literally just there to ruin everyone's day and leave), Blackbeard and company (despite travelling with them), and even Barbossa (who is easily the best developed character of the film).
So of course we're missing Will and Elizabeth Turner and most of the supporting cast in this one, so to replace them we get a religious missionary, a mermaid, and a few random faces that don't do much. Nothing against religion, but holy crap that guy needed to shut up. Minus a single mermaid (I'm not even gonna talk about their subplot), he wasn't liked by a single character (good, bad or somewhere in between), and how are we supposed to like him if absolutely no one else does. "I'm neither with you nor against you" he proclaims, then why are you here?
Ian McShane works as Blackbeard I guess, the whole "my sword controls the ship" thing was a bit of a stretch, but it did look cool. I didn't care for Penelope Cruz's Angelica because of the forced sexual innuendo between her and Jack. During her entrance, we're to believe that she's a guy since we never actually see her, so the audience is suppose to freak out when Jack makes out with her. The problem with that, it's a terrible joke that's slightly homophobic and fails to work because it didn't take much thought to realize that was Penelope Cruz at the start of the scene.
I noticed that during the promotion of this movie, they really kept boasting about the fact that they had mermaids and zombies. There were two zombies that were just there not really doing much, but the mermaids actually surprised me. They start off with a simple song sung by one and it turns into a wonderfully done action sequence that's almost as great as the Kraken from Dead Man's Chest.
I'd give the movie a lower rating, but it was competently made for the most part and the sequence with the mermaids was awesome, so I'll just call it average (not even).