aya47's Movie Ratings - Rotten Tomatoes

Movie Ratings and Reviews

The Family Man

Well that was a load of shit.

The story makes barely any sense, the plotline is stupidly predictable when it does, the characters are uninteresting, and the acting... UNNNGH. The entire thing is just an incoherent shitfest. Don't watch it unless you want a laugh from Nick Cage.

Space Jam
Space Jam(1996)

A slammin', jammin' adventure in space that's tons of "ph"-un and totally radical. You'll be out of you are seat and shootin' hoops like Mikey J as you watch the totally "rad" motion picture SpaceJam, hitting theaters this November.

Taken
Taken(2009)

Oh great, a movie about a divorced dad wanting to appeal to his kid(s) again and ultimately doing so by the end of the movie. That's Taken in a nutshell. How many millions of times has the human race heard that before. Oh wait, i forgot the part where it's a completely awesome action thriller that should be missed by no fan of the genre, Liam Neeson, or a good, fun movie. Silly me. The story of Taken is... well, you can pull up a quick summary online, so why bother. The reason this movie works is because Liam Neeson is simply awesome. He plays an ex-spy who reminds me a lot of a rougher, tougher, gruffer version of James Bond, only not Daniel Craig. The movie focuses around him doing really cool police work, engaging in really fun action scenes, and outsmarting the bad guys in ways that The Da Vinci Code would give him a pat on the back for. The action is great, Liam Neeson is super cool, and as a thriller, it's, well, thrilling. The only major complaint I have about this movie- so in other words excluding the relatively petty one concerning the fact that there's a forced family dilemma, divorce, reconnecting family gig going on- is that the pacing is WAY to fast. I don't think I've ever seen a 1..5-hour movie feel quite so much like a half-hour one. If it felt like it went by in a rush, fine, but not because the movie rushes itself. You did well during the opening scenes, movie, and especially when Liam's (let's face it, will you remember his name is Bryan Something-or-other?) daughter gets- clever titling here- taken. Why couldn't you take it a bit slower throughout? There's very important scenes that take up all of about 30 seconds. I really wouldn't mind yourself being 2 hours long, movie. Flesh yourself out bring yourself to full fruition. it may seem like a minor thing, but it really does but me. Four out of five stars.

Fight Club
Fight Club(1999)

How do I love thee, Fight Club. Your brilliance shines above most any other film I have seen. Your compelling metaphors, genius dark humor, clever easter eggs, beastly acting, great characters (with one in particular standing above the rest...), and just all-around charm make you easily one of the finest films ever produced. The movie may be about a fight club, and does indeed feature fighting, but it's actually a deeply philosophical film. It saddens me, actually, that the trailer was shown off more as an action movie, when it really isn't. The movie is simply something everyone should experience. It's a bit depressing, but it's an interesting take on how humanity as a species is nothing special and is all going to the same compost pile. Oh, I almost forgot to mention, this is another of those endlessly quotable movies. Easily 5 star worthy.

Iron Man
Iron Man(2008)
½

Easily one of the finest superhero movies ever made, Iron Man gets a recommendation I really can't give many others. The tech may be a bit too good for my suspension of disbelief to handle and Obadiah Stane is a really disappointing villain, but on the whole, it's a really satisfying film. It's right up there with Batman Begins in terms of the best superhero start-up. Fun, funny, smart, and really well paced with good action and lovable characters, Iron Man is just short of perfect.

Twilight
Twilight(2008)

GARBAGE. That's the best word I can use to describe this story. The book, the movie, the sequel, EVERYTHING. Honestly, I have no idea how this became popular. It's true this isn't directed towards my demographic, but... ugh... The acting is terrible. The story is mind-numbingly dull and completely uninspired; excepting the fact that it tries to involve the paranormal, but it changes the lore of the supernatural creatures it involves in an effort to make it seem more original. However, don't think this is a strong suit; it's completely idiocy. I'd also like to comment that this isn't even necessary. Okay, so it is a major plot point on a few occasions, but take that away and you're not left with much. The dialogue is awful, NONE of the characters are likable, and overall it's not a pleasant movie to sit through. It's just a way to ride on the success of the novel, which I can't stand either. It's like garbage riding on crap, and it isn't a pleasant outcome at all.

Red Dragon
Red Dragon(2002)

This is not the same film as The Silence of the Lambs. It's equally good, though, and dare I say even better. Incredibly underrated, it's a superb film with more great character interaction than the previous- which probably had some of the best character interaction in and of itself. Protagonist Clarice Starling is replaced in this film by the exceptional detective Will Graham, and our bad guy Jame Gumb is switched in favor for Francis Dolarhyde. In both of these cases, I find myself preferring the lesser known characters better. Francis Dolarhyde is an exceptional character, whose life is filled with tragedy, but also is threatening and made into something of a genius. While still having most of the relatable nature of Clarice Starling, Will Graham also is a truly believable protagonist in that he deserves to be on this case. Don't get me wrong, I love the characters in the previous installment, but these are better. Also, when Graham has a discussion with Dr. Lecter, it's truly a battle of brilliant minds, and if either of them makes the slightest misstep, they could lose what they need most. Overall, don't watch one or the other of this and The Silence of the Lambs, check out both. I'd skip Hannibal and Hannibal Rising, as the two crime thrillers from this series are definitely their best installments.

Ghostbusters (1984 Original)

What sounds like a stupid concept and a terrible movie from the poster alone has become one of mine and many others' favorite comedies. There's so much to love. There's humor that's tongue-in-cheek, humor that's outright, funny characters, some surprisingly acceptable pseudo-science, and, of course, a huge impact on popular culture. If you haven't seen this movie, it is absolutely worth a watch. The easiest way to do so would be Netflix, but you might as well buy it on DVD, it is that enjoyable.

Men in Black II

If you're expecting greatness, look elsewhere. If you're looking for a good time one night on TV, it's worth a watch. While inferior to the first, it's a nice-enough movie to be enjoyable, with some funny moments, okay action, and an undeniably good (and nicely contrasting) cast. Overall, don't expect genius, and don't go out of your way to find a copy of it, but if you're bored one night and find it on TV somewhere, feel free to stop the channel surfing.

Eagle Eye
Eagle Eye(2008)

I understand the hate this movie's been getting. I agree with it with one exception: that it's terrible. Sure, it's not one of the finest films I've seen, nor is it by any means a classic. But nevertheless, it's an entertaining movie. Yes, it oftentimes does come off as ridiculous, and there are many a facepalm-worthy moment. Yet some of the action is genuinely entertaining. It's an interesting, if poorly-done, premise, and some of the buildup is nice, even if the payoff isn't so great. I thought that it was an entertaining thriller and.... well, thrilling. Overall, I thought it was an exciting and enjoyable guilty pleasure of mine. Watch cautiously.

Jackass 3
Jackass 3(2010)

Want a dramatic movie with lovable characters, a nail-biting, plot-twisting plot, and some of the most entertaining action sequences ever put to cinematic brillaince? Look elsewhere. Want mindless, hysterical comedy devoid of thinking, plot, theme, character, or otherwise? Welcome home. Honestly one of the funniest movies I've seen, the film centers around the staged antics of a group of stuntmen, willing to do anything and everything. I don't want to spoil anything for you, but I will say that they truly save the best for last. There's so many great antics and countless laugh-out-loud moments, plus so much to talk about. Don't expect to forget about it anytime soon. From the gross-out to the painful to the otherwise stupid, just shut of your mind, watch, and enjoy. If you know what you're getting into, there's much to enjoy.

Spirited Away

I was fortunate enough to watch this movie both when I was young and liked pretty colours and whimsy and when I was sentient enough to appreciate the important things, a la story, character relationships, heart, etc. Spirited Away is a movie that appeals to the child in all of us. It's my first (and, sadly, only) Studio Ghibili film, but it makes me want to watch a heck of a lot more of them. The fantastical land which we are introduced to is original and lovable. We're also introduced to a variety of colourful characters, which I won't spoil for you, but... well, overall, I see this as a perfect film. There's so much intrigue and wonder that it's going to entertain you, I promise you this. It's original, it's fun, it's deep, it's just a movie that's great to watch with your brained turned on or off. Watch it and be wowed.

Batman Begins

A great movie on its own and an even better lead-up to The Dark Knight. Personally, I see this film most as a prequel. It shows us how our beloved caped crusader came to be. Never fear, however, as that doesn't diminish its value and certainly works in its favor. One of the best superhero films to come along in a while. It's dark, exciting, sad, thrilling, with a great villain, an okay villain, a spectacular hero, and in general, greatness. I highly recommend lining up The Dark Knight immediately after this. This movie serves more as a focus on the Bruce Wayne character, and is great because of it. It's a wondrous segue into an action-packed thrill ride with the Batman we just met. Watch both, and I guarantee neither will disappoint.

Up
Up(2009)

If yo're a scientist or a hardcore rationalist, get out now. The impossibilities will probably cause some sort of stroke or heart attack-like event. Everyone else, you are in for an absolute treat. Up is honestly the perfect film. It's one of Pixar's best, and that's really saying something. It's an all-around complete film, and when I think of a complete film, this comes to mind. It's got everything- action, intensity, love, heart, message, meaning, humor, great animation, a great soundtrack, great (if not implausible) concept, happiness, sadness, character, nostalgia, scope, charm, beauty, appeal to the kid in all of us... I really can't do it justice, as there's so much more. The story follows Carl, a former balloon salesman, widow, and saddened, crotchety old man who, after an unfortunate incident, is threatened to be forced to go to a nursing home (if I remember correctly). In a dramatic scene, he makes the daring choice to use a myriad of balloons to literally float to the paradise he and his dead wife wanted to live in in their dream home. Russel, a not-quite Boy Scout ("wilderness explorer"), is accidentally taking along for the ride, along which he incessantly bothers the old man, but of course they form a special bonding in the end (I don't really think that's a shocker or a spoiler). Along their way to Paradise Falls, South America, they meet a variety of colourful characters, including an exotic bird named Kevin, a talking dog named Doug, his, in essence, creator and childhood idol of Carl's, and ample others. The character interaction is great, and just another thing to pile onto the list of things this movie does greatly. The entire story is great, it's heartwarming by the end, it's thrilling in the middle, and it's an absolute must-watch. A movie this special comes along once in a long while, and I can't recommend it enough. Near perfection.

Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie

Picture commentary by the Nostalgia Critic or the Angry Video Game Nerd slapped with the title "the movie," sold commercially, and back when talking about something by ranting was the original idea of two robots and a tortured, everyday guy, and you'd essentially get this movie. Now, I haven't seen any of the original TV show, so I was going in here completely blind. Little did I know, I was going to love it. While I wasn't an enormous fan of the sketch humor that was outside the actual commentary- partly because I wanted commentary, not a more traditional comedy fest- it was, at the least, quite entertaining. The opening parody of 2001 left me in stitches, I'll tell you that much. Of course, the true genius of this is the commentary. An average Joe, Mike Last-Name-I-Forget-But-Not-Really-Important-Anyway, and the robots Servo and Crow are forced by a mad scientist to watch terrible sci-fi films. Today's (or possibly tonight's... why do I keep bringing up stuff that isn't important?) selected torture device is an oldschool science fiction movie with your typical special effects, flawed science, bad dialogue, ludicrous concept, and bland characters, "This Island Earth." All throughout the film, our heroes- sort of- are subjected to this terror, all the way leaving hysterical quips, and I truly do mean that. I don't think I've ever laughed harder at a movie than I have this one. Sure, the sketches did get more than a few genuine crying fits out of me, but the brilliance, of course, is the commentary. The skits are just intermission, introduction, conclusion, the works. Other than that, there's little else to say. It was a riotous good time. If there's anything else I'd like to tack on here, it's that the editing is superb. I could distinguish between the commentators and the movie perfectly, a concern of mine before watching the actual film, and... well, I can't give it a higher recommendation. It's available on Netflix instantly but it's certainly worth owning on DVD anyways.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

In many ways, this movie reminds me of Batman & Robin. There's no substance, too little humanity, serves mostly as decent eye candy, with glaring plot holes, unfunny humour, and just all-around unpleasantness. It looks pretty, but I'd give it little more than that. Sure, Optimus may have a few good lines. Other than that, though, I really don't remember that much about this movie 3 years later. It's just a poorly done, poorly acted mess. Still... it's not AS bad as everyone makes it out to be. There's certainly far worse movies. Nevertheless, it's barely worthy of being called a film. It's a shoddy mess. It's forgettable, it's racist, it's sexist, it's over-explosion-y (props to Michael Bay for forcing me to invent a new word to describe his movies), it's poorly acted, poorly written, more hole-ridden than an old blanket salvaged out of a landfill and put through the washing machine a few dozen times and stabbed with a mechanical pencil repeatedly, it's not a pleasant thing to watch... it's just a bad movie. Just skip it and ignore its existence. It's not even so bad it's good. it's just what the cat coughed up from God knows which of its extremities.

Buried
Buried(2010)
½

Claustrophobes beware, Buried is one of the most cramped movies I've seen in a while. It's more than that, though, it's a thrilling, sometimes philosophical, wonderfully acting piece and a great Netflix instant choice. The pacing is perfect, the acting is never unbelievable, the set-up is both terrifying and original... it's definitely one I'd suggest to all. The story of Buried is, in its simplest form, one of man-v.-terrorists, almost reminiscent of Die Hard. Our protagonist, Paul Conroy, is a trucker in Iraq who is kidnapped and placed in a coffin underground in who-knows-where and kept as a hostage. His most vital tool is the cell phone his captors give him, which he uses to communicate with everyone from his family to the people trying to save him to his insufferable kidnappers. If you're looking for a great psychological thriller, look no further- Ryan Reynolds's acting is among the best I've seen, and I truly do mean it. He doesn't portray a particularly good character, but, with the exception of his very last line, he never says something that feels unbelievable, poorly acted, or out-of-place. Sure, he's not a wise-cracker like John McClane or a negotiator like Speed's Jack Traven, but he's much more: real. He never comes off as a written character, he seems more like a "what-if?" happening before our eyes. One part of the movie that stands out for me is when he completely snaps early on as he realizes the full extent of his dilemma and slams against all sides of his container. Of course, later on, he accepts his situation, gradually, and you truly do realize how real he is and how much you want him to get out of his predicament. Overall, I'd say that, unless it sounds too intense (it has a tendency to get that way frequently), it's absolutely worth a look.

Elf
Elf(2003)
½

A true modern-day Christmas comedy classic, Elf is a great movie that should be watched in any way- a family rental, on TV around the holidays, or flat out buying & watching it whenever. Sure the movie has a cheesy message, but it's at least trying to do it interestingly, and it's a very interesting telling of it all. But in honesty, this is a comedy, and I'm sure most of you will want to watch it if it's funny or not. Luckily, it's hysterical. There's seldom an unfunny joke in this movie, and I will guarantee that, at least once (though probably more), you will be crying your eyes out from Buddy's antics. Will Ferrell is great, the story is funny, the jokes are funny, and it's got an irresistible family-friendly Christmas charm. It's definitely worth a watch whether you think you'd like it or not. A favorite comedy of mine.

Rubber
Rubber(2011)
½

Rubber is the kind of movie that simply defies description. It's completely absurd, yet takes itself seriously, yet is supposed to be taken absurdly, it's... it's completely wacky is what it is. The story centers around Robert, a tire with psychokinetic abilities, primarily those concerning the exploding of objects, an audience viewing his escapades, and the people orchestrating all the events of the film. That's difficult to make up. Along the way, Robert falls for a female character, gets reincarnated as a tricycle, unites his brethren, attacks rabbits, birds, tin cans, and people, and all as a group of onlookers goes through a cold night, starvation, and eventual death. Like I said, it's a peculiar flick, intentionally so, and that's where all of its charm comes in. It's so wonderfully odd, so out there, so self-aware, that it's so entertainingly funny. I wouldn't go out of your way to see it, unless you want something truly special in a way no other movie is, but if you're bored on Netflix one day, it's there, and I'd recommend checking it out. I'm glad I saw it.

Friday the 13th

I was looking forward to this movie, especially concerning the interesting premise and the notoriety it's earned as one of the best-known slashers around, but boy was I disappointed. Okay, maybe my expectations should've been for a campy, gore-infested, poorly-acted, dully-thought slasher movie, but the fact remains, it's a campy, gore-intfested, poorly-acted, dully-thought slasher movie through and through. It really confuses me that so many people enjoyed this movie. I'm not insulting opinions here, just using them to counter mine. The premise of Friday the 13th is pretty basic. A lineup of generic, expendable characters all head out into the woods to Camp Crystal Lake, nicknamed Camp Blood. In case you hadn't guessed by its genre listing on Netflix, its notoriety, or just simply the cover, they are- shockingly- picked off one by one by a never-revealed killer. The movie, most of the time, follows a fairly simple formula that gets repetitive because of just how strongly it sticks to it. It goes something like this: A straggler or two are caught on their lonesome(s), we get some "creepy" (majorly sarcastic quotes... though I can't really say whether it's scary or not since I'm almost never scared by movies) expositions, we get reassured that nothing is wrong, they throw out a jump scare (if you ask me, a lazy cliche when we're supposed to be scared), and then we have a bland, thoughtless death scene. For the time, the special effects still weren't that great. They're hard to believe, but this is an older film so, to an extent, it's forgivable. Another thing to bring up is how little we care about the characters. I don't even think the movie bothered to bring up all of their names. They have no personalities, they exist solely to be killed off... they might as well be wearing a red shirt and walk around wearing a timer that says how much longer they have to live. So after a series of mind-numbing death scenes, all but one of our characters are dead. It's at this point that our killer is revealed, and if you're still reading this despite by strong unethical opinion, spoiler alert. A distraught mother of a boy who was killed in part because of incompetent camp counselors wants to avenge her son's death, and as such wants to murder people who had nothing to do with it (logical motives? HA.) and, I should throw this in here, is introduced as a friendly character, so it comes as a little bit of a twist. My biggest problem with this isn't so much the sudden introduction and shortly after character shift this late into the film, but the fact that SHE'S A SIXTY-SOME YEAR OLD WOMAN WHO'S SUPPOSED TO BE THREATENING. I know, I'm stereotyping, but she really doesn't do anything that anyone else can't fight back against. It's laughably silly, just as Pennywise the Dancing Clown was in Steven King' It and Chucky the Doll was in Child's Play. After the final act, the killer winds up dead because our main character is, I guess, the only person to fight back against their assailant, our protagonist winds up in a mental institution but still alive (though she's dead within the first five minutes of the next film...), and they throw out a "hey, guess what you lucky ducks, we have plentiful room for plentiful sequels!" Should you watch this movie? Well, if you can get past the cheesiness, lack of acting talent, and mind-numbing quality of it all, it might be worth a watch just to see a serious iteration of the cliches everyone knows and has parodied- 'don't go in the house," "don't go alone," etc. Still, it's pretty bad if you're like me and was looking for a high-quality slasher flick like me. I didn't like it, plain and simply, but if you can get past its flaws, it might be worth a look with a few friends over on Netflix, even if just to make fun of. Decide for yourself, you lazy opinion freeloaders.