James Mitchell's Movie Ratings - Rotten Tomatoes

Movie Ratings and Reviews

Alone in the Dark II

You would think that with a talented actor like Lance Henriksen on board, and a new cast and director that Alone In The Dark II would be better than the previous installment... bad news folks: It isn't. It is even worse actually, as unbelievable as that may sound. The only one who gives a damn is Lance, everyone else just gives performances that make those in Troll 2 look like Al Pacino in comparison,and the effects look worse, and it is just flat out boring. STAY FAR AWAY.

Bring It On
Bring It On(2000)
½

Dance films fall into two categories: God-Awful and Good. This one is thankfully the latter. The films main character Torrance Shipmun (Kristen Dunst) is a cheerleader who discovers that her cheerleading captain stole all the dance routines that made their team so good from another team. Now, Torrance must prove their team's worth in a competition. The only problem I can really say that I have with the film is that the plot is a sort of "has been there done that" affair, but the characters are still likeable and believable. One of the best things about this film is the humor, it really isn't a cheerleading film but more of a spoof of cheerleading films, and it works really well. It addresses what I've always thought: That if you are a guy, you will think that cheerleading is stupid. The film admits some of the stupid aspects of the "sport" and uses it to great effect; the jokes are really funny and put a really big smile on my face. Never once did I ever feel bored, I was always entertained. The acting is good, but the real star is the dances, which look spectacular and are incredibly fun to watch as well. Hell, this whole film is plain fun, guys on dates will think its fun, and girls will be having a blast with this. As a film for regular moviegoers, it is good, but for girls who like these dance movies it is spectacular.

Avatar
Avatar(2009)
½

Avatar... the biggest movie of all time. Made $2,782,275,172 worldwide. Is it worth the hype? Let's find out.
"Avatar" is the story of an ex-Marine who finds himself thrust into hostilities on an alien planet filled with exotic life forms. As an Avatar, a human mind in an alien body, he finds himself torn between two worlds, in a desperate fight for his own survival and that of the indigenous people. (RT summary)
This movie has incredible computer effects. It truly is a breakthrough in animation, everything from the creatures to the world and plants, everything looks photorealistic, and I could believe a world like Pandora exist (Even though it doesn't) It is truly pure eye candy. Also the action scenes really kick serious ass.
The script is what a lot of people have a problem with. And I more or less agree. The script is so cliche and it is all basically "Dances With Wolves meets Aliens". Now having said that, despite having been told a thousand times already, the story itself is really good. The script is full of likable characters, and the dialogue is also good. Also, it hits you over the fucking head with its "Save the enviroment" message, which while I agree with it, it kind of gets annoying. And as for the runtime: I did not mind it. And the pacing was pretty quick and kept the film moving forward.
The acting is also a mixed bag. Sam Worthington, Zoe Saldana ,Sigourney Weaver, and Michelle Rodriguez do terrific in their roles. But Giovanni Ribisi and Stephen Lang .... not so much. While not horrible performances, they are kind of "Eh... I'm just here to collect my check".
While it certainly isn't a masterpiece by any stretch of the imagination, James Cameron's Avatar is a pretty darn good sci-fi flick.

Silent Hill
Silent Hill(2006)

Silent Hill is one of those series that I could never get into. Silent Hill 2 was good, but the only other Silent Hill game I have played is Downpour and that one was abysmal. I know a lot of people are going to say that I should play the games first, but I'm going to dismiss that because it really shouldn't matter.
A mother and daughter flee to a strange abandoned town to seek out answers to the daughter's nightly psychological turmoil in Brotherhood of the Wolf director Christophe Gans' adaptation of the popular survival horror video game. Sharon (Jodelle Ferland) is a very sick child, yet rather than seeing her child suffer the cruel indignities of the medical profession, Rose (Radha Mitchell) ignores her husband's (Sean Bean) pleas and absconds with her ailing daughter to the fog-enshrouded town of Silent Hill. A town drenched in darkness and inhabited by a strange collection of menacing specters, Silent Hill seemingly swallows young Sharon whole upon arrival. Determined to get her daughter back at any cost, Rose sets out to explore the mysterious Silent Hill, only to discover an evil so powerful that it possesses the ability to transform anything it wishes. With the deeply disturbing history of the town slowly coming into focus through the dense fog, Rose soon realizes that both she and her daughter may be little more than simple pawns in a much larger, and seemingly supernatural, game. (Jason Buchanan, Rovi)
Let us talk about the things the movie gets right: The music. They got the composer from the games, Akira Yamaoka, back to do the music. It is a great, creepy soundtrack, as expected. And they nailed the LOOK and FEEL of Silent Hill, it is a gorgeous looking film. The monsters look really good and the best monster of all makes an appearance: Pyramid Head.
However, everything else about the film falls apart. The script is a cobbled mess, with no clear idea of where it is going and why. They leave things under-explained, or explained to the point where it doesn't make any sense. (For example: What the fuck was up with that ending). Also, there aren't really any scares, which is irritating to me. Also, the acting is pretty mediocre. The little girl does good, but everyone else it feels like is just phoning it in. And the film's pacing is all over the place: at times it goes too fast and you are like "Wait what? Why did that happen?" and other times it is so slow you're like "Can we please move along?".
I know some fans are going to tear me apart for this, but I'm sorry: Both this and Silent Hill Revelation are terrible movies, video game adaptations or not. But on the other hand: This is a masterpiece when compared to the piece of shit sequel that came out just last year, IN 3D!!!!

300
300(2007)
½

With the upcoming release of 300: Rise of An Empire, I figured it was time for me to review one of my favorite action films.
Sin City author Frank Miller's sweeping take on the historic Battle of Thermopylae comes to the screen courtesy of Dawn of the Dead director Zack Snyder. Gerard Butler stars as Spartan King Leonidas and Lena Headey plays Queen Gorgo. The massive army of the Persian Empire is sweeping across the globe, crushing every force that dares stand in its path. When a Persian envoy arrives in Sparta offering King Leonidas power over all of Greece if he will only bow to the will of the all powerful Xerxes (Rodrigo Santoro), the strong-willed leader assembles a small army comprised of his empire's best fighters and marches off to battle. Though they have virtually no hope of defeating Xerxes' intimidating battalion, Leonidas' men soldier on, intent on letting it be known they will bow to no man but their king. Meanwhile, back in Sparta, the loyal Queen Gorgo attempts to convince both the skeptical council and the devious Theron (Dominic West) to send more troops despite the fact that many view Leonidas' unsanctioned war march as a serious transgression. As Xerxes' fearsome "immortals" draw near, a few noble Greeks vow to assist the Spartans on the battlefield. When King Leonidas and his 300 Spartan warriors fell to the overwhelming Persian army at the Battle of Thermopylae, the fearless actions of the noble fighters inspired all of Greece to stand up against their Persian enemy and wage the battle that would ultimately give birth to the modern concept of democracy. ~( Jason Buchanan, Rovi)
This movie is visually stunning, as in like "Almost, if not more, visually stunning than the Matrix films". It truly does capture the feeling of the comic book it is based on. And the action here is truly incredible. Zack Snyder is truly a great visionary director, and action is clearly his specialty, which is why this movie succeeds. The effective use of slow-motion allows you to admire the epic large scale battles and the truly bad ass Spartans. The script here is well done, I know a lot of people criticize this movie for being simple minded, I disagree. Because I feel those people often forget about the political battle happening in the movie, with King Leonidas's wife trying to convince the idiotic leaders to send support for the grossly outnumbered Spartans. The political banter there in my opinion is anything but simple minded, it shows how terrified the Greek politicians were of the massive Persian armies, how truly corrupt some of them were, and how far Xerxes's reach truly was.
The acting here is really good, especially from Gerard Butler in the role that made him a star (King Leonidas). The banter between Xerxes and Leonidas is also really great and hearing Leonidas basically telling Xerxes to go fuck himself is one of those "Oh snap!" moments. And the movie is filled with multiple memorable quotes.
300 is truly a great movie. It is brutal, action packed, gorgeous to look at, well acted, well directed, and overall just a joy to watch.

The Wolverine
½

The last movie staring Wolverine was awful. So imagine my surprise when I heard they were making a sequel. Imagine my surprise when it turned out to not only be a great film, but the best superhero film of the summer.
Hugh Jackman returns as Wolverine in this sequel to the member of the X-Men's first solo outing. Mark Bomback and The Usual Suspects' Christopher McQuarrie penned the script, which takes its inspiration from the Chris Claremont/Frank Miller Marvel miniseries from the 1980s dealing with the character's adventures in Japan as he fights ninjas in the ceremonial garb of the samurai. Knight and Day's James Mangold directs. (Jeremy Wheeler, Rovi)
The Story here is overall pretty good, despite a few plot holes it is well told, and it is delivered in a stylish and cool way. It is more than just a straightforward action film, The Wolverine is the study of Logan. The study of a man who has lived for over a century, who hasn't aged at all while he has watched those he has loved wither away and die, and a man who has killed the one person he loves most.
The script is really well done, a surprise considering the biggest problem with X-Men Origins was indeed the shit script. The dialogue is quirky, funny, and natural.
The acting here is top notch. Everyone here gives good performances, but the star of the movie is Hugh Jackman, who proves he is still THE WOLVERINE, he gives what is easily the best performance of his career.
The action, despite some shaky cam that annoyed me, is great. There is a fight scene on a moving bullet train that is easily the best action sequence in the X-Men film series' history.
The Wolverine is a great surprise. It is well acted, well directed, beautifully shot, and is easily the best superhero movie of the summer. And take my advice: STAY AFTER THE CREDITS. There is something there that easily made me give the movie points, and while I won't spoil what it is, I can say this: X-Men Days Of Future Past can't come soon enough.

Max Payne
Max Payne(2008)
½

Review coming soon...

Pulse
Pulse(2006)

Oh boy have I waited a long time for this. My hour of revenge is at hand, at last Pulse you will suffer my wrath!!!
When wireless technology puts humans into contact with an unstoppable force that's determined to claim the lives of the living for the souls of the damned, it's up to a group of determined teens to close the gate before it's too late in director Jim Sonzero's remake of Kiyoshi Kurosawa's apocalyptic horror classic. A doorway between the human realm and the spiritual realm has been opened, and now the technology that once made humankind the ruler of the planet has become its digital Achilles heel. With every call made and every e-mail checked, life is slowly being stolen from the living and claimed for the dead. With no way of turning off the connection and no means of reasoning with a force they cannot understand, a desperate group of college students must discover a means of stopping the takeover before the entire planet is transformed into a cosmic haunting ground for wayward souls in search of a home. ~ (Jason Buchanan, Rovi)
Let me just come out and say it: I have no problem when ghost interact with technology, if it is done well. Granted, I don't think a movie has done it well (Does the Grudge 1 and 2 count?). But this movie is just silly. The movie tries to be all "Preventing the apocalypse" and stopping an invasion from another realm, problem is that that those causing said apocalypse are ghost. Yeah, I'm sorry but am I the only one who thinks the idea of Ghost vs Humanity is the stupidest idea ever?! Zombies I'll buy. Aliens I'll buy. Demons, I'll buy. Ghost however, ghost stories like this are supposed to be small scale. When you try to incorporate the larger picture it kind of fall apart. Here is how it bascally is: It is basically an army of the Grudge ghost vs the entire human population, military included. It is basically also Casper trying to destroy humanity. Completely effin stupid.
There are no scares in this movie. Even the jump scares fail miserably, which is kind of pathetic actually. And the acting and script... you know what I'm going to say. But what truly seals this movies fate is the ending. That ending has to be the worst ending I have ever seen in a movie ever. Basically everything that happened in the movie... IT DIDN'T MATTER!!!! I haven't been this furious at a film because of its ending...ever. Like this is everything that an ending should not be.
This movie can kiss my funky ass.

Planes
Planes(2013)

Oh my god, Disney did not just give a fuck about this. This is a straight up fucking cash grab. And they were originally going to release this straight to DVD, but some dumb shithead over at that evil lab under Disney headquarters said "You know kids like our crap Cars movies. How about we try to squeeze some more money out of the little fuckers".
Cars gets a spin-off with this Disney Toon Studios film starring the voice of Dane Cook as a vertically-challenged plane with high hopes of becoming an air racer. ~ (Jeremy Wheeler, Rovi)
The puns in this movie are annoying as hell. You think the Cars movies overdo it? Oh boy, you ain't seen nothing yet. It made my teeth grind in anger, like wow I never want to hear another Plane or Car pun ever again.
How is the plot? Mediocre as hell. Jesus Christ, it is a mess. The script is all over the place, racing from one lame joke to another with no rhyme or reason. No heart or love went into the dialogue or voice acting. And this is horribly animated, like wow they must have spent a maximum of a couple thousand on this.
I say stay far away . Hide your kids, hide your wife, hide your dog. The only people who I could see liking this are 2 year olds. But come on man, children deserve better than this.

Van Helsing
Van Helsing(2004)

The greatest monster hunter of them all has his work cut out for him as he tracks down three deadly foes in this action-adventure saga. Gabriel Van Helsing (Hugh Jackman) is a man who has dedicated his life to battling evil forces who exist outside the bounds of nature; Van Helsing's work has not always made him friends, and a false accusation of murder still trails him. But when he's summoned to Transylvania at the behest of Anna Valerious (Kate Beckinsale), whose family has been fighting supernatural beings for generations, Van Helsing wastes no time answering her call. There, Van Helsing discovers that the undying vampire Count Dracula (Richard Roxburgh) has put a misshapen creature named Igor (Kevin J. O'Connor) under his spell, and, in turn, has forged an alliance with a hideous monster (Shuler Hensley) who was created by the misguided Dr. Victor Frankenstein (Samuel West). Adding to Anna's burden is her brother, Velkan (Will Kemp), a lycanthrope who becomes a bloodthirsty wolf under the light of the full moon. Van Helsing also co-stars Elena Anaya, Silvia Colloca, and Josie Maran as Dracula's vampire brides. ~ (Mark Deming, Rovi)
While the film has some impressive action scenes, some good cgi, and good pacing, what ultimately brings the film down is the nonexistent plot, terrible dialogue, terrible acting, and no real sense of fun and a lack of real thrills.

G.I. Joe: Retaliation
½

Holy crap! They actually managed to make a good live action GI JOE movie.
In this sequel, the G.I. Joes are not only fighting their mortal enemy Cobra; they are forced to contend with threats from within the government that jeopardize their very existence. -- (Paramount)
I'm sure you guys are well aware of how much I dislike the other GI Joe movie. But I must say I actually enjoyed this one. Despite the awful third act where everything falls apart, GI Joe Retaliation is a fun, thrilling. cool ride with kick ass action scenes, good dialogue, cool villains, good special effects, and a script that knows what its audience wants. I also really like the banter between the Joes, especially between Duke and Roadblock.
While by no stretch of the imagination a great movie, GI Joe Retaliation is certainly an enjoyable action flick that is sure to please GI Joe fans.

Cursed
Cursed(2005)

Oh here we go again.
The team behind the Scream trilogy, director Wes Craven and screenwriter Kevin Williamson, present another entry in the teen-horror genre with Cursed. Starring Christina Ricci and Jesse Eisenberg, the film tells the story of two siblings who have to battle a werewolf that has been wreaking havoc on their neighbors, just as they learn that they might be marked with "the sign of the beast," and may become werewolves themselves. Along with Shannon Elizabeth and Judy Greer, Cursed also co-stars Dawson Creek alumnus Joshua Jackson, as well as R&B star Mya. -- (Rovi)
The problems with the movie are as follows: Awful pacing, terrible acting, abundance of cliches, shit script, terrible special effects, nonsensical plot, no scares, a stupid ending, terrible editing, and terrible directing. Is there anything good about this snooze-fest? Nope.

The Bourne Legacy

The Bourne Legacy isn't as good as the Matt Damon Bourne trilogy, if you think otherwise well then, you're a fucking moron. That being said, I still enjoyed The Bourne Legacy, despite its flaws. I actually like the direction that they took with this film, instead of just being focused on Jason Bourne, this installment delves deeper into the Ludlum universe, which I actually found interesting. The characters are well fleshed out and developed, and the story has all the twist and turns one would expect from the franchise. And the acting from everyone in the cast is also really good. However, the action scenes, while fun to watch and thrilling, are subpar when compared to those of the Damon trilogy. I believe this to be because of the pacing of the film, it just feels too slow. Plus, the idea of someone traveling around the world to get his pills just isn't as exciting as someone trying to unravel a massive conspiracy. And as for the ending... it just sucks. Despite these flaws, I enjoyed Then Bourne Legacy for what it was. And it is still a good summer blockbuster, and it benifits from its new lead character, but when compared to the other films in the series it falls flat.

Battlefield Earth

Battlefield Earth. Oh boy how I have dreaded this day...FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's my review of Battlefield Earth... just kidding, but seriously though it is god awful.
This big-budget (Piece of shit/ clusterfuck) science fiction adventure centers on a final battle between good and evil for control of the world. In the year 3000, Earth is ruled by the Psyclos, a vicious alien race of which Terl (John Travolta) is a member, that has laid waste to the planet, killed the majority of the population, and stripped Earth of its valuable resources (And camera stands apparently. Seriously, every shot is at a goddamn angle). Pockets of resistance remain among the surviving humans; Jonnie "Goodboy" Tyler (Barry Pepper) is one such rebel, living in hiding in the mountains near Boulder, CO. Eventually, Johnny begins organizing like-minded humans for a final stand against the Psyclos (When he discovers their weakness which is the stupidest fucking twist ever in the history of sci-fi!). The film is based on the novel by L. Ron Hubbard, the science fiction author also known as the founder of the Church of Scientology; it covers only the first half of the book, saving the remainder for a possible sequel (That better not happen or else I will riot.). Battlefield Earth also stars Forest (What the fuck am I doing here) Whitaker, Kim Coates, and Kelly Preston. ~( Mark Deming, Rovi)
As you can tell I am not exactly a fan of this bullshit, it makes me angry. Why, you ask. I'll tell you. The script is the biggest fucking mess I have ever witnessed. It contains horrible main characters, dialogue that is so bad it will make your ears bleed, and some of the worst villains in cinematic history.
The acting is worse than that featured in Troll 2. I am dead serious. No one here emerges unscathed, especially John Travolta who turns in the worst performance of his career. This is the type of acting that will be shown at film school with a big sign above it saying "WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T DO THIS". The main character and his girlfriend... I don't want to see them in a film ever again. Exile them from Hollywood if you must.
This movie had a budget of 30 million dollars. Looking at the film, I'm going to call bullshit on that. I think it cost 1 million MAX! These are the worst special effects in cinematic history, they don't even fucking try with this. The explosions, the enviroments, the ship designs, all of it is god awful. It fascinates me that this got through post-production.
Now you know I hate this movie. But the funny thing is the people involved in it actually defended it after it released. So here is what I'm gonna do. I will list what these people said in their defense, and I'm going to make them look like goddamn idiots. Okay? Here we go.
"When I felt better about everything was when George Lucas and Quentin Tarantino, and a lot of people that I felt knew what they were doing, saw it and thought it was a great piece of science fiction."- John Travolta That is highly unlikely. They probably did it for one of two reasons: 1.They didn't want to hurt your feelings or 2. They were drunk or high as hell.
"[The] critics were waiting for us to ... chop our heads off. Everybody hated Scientology for some reason. I didn't know people were so prejudiced." He argued that despite the film's poor performance it would cover its costs in due course: "Maybe [in] the second cycle with Internet, and HBO, and DVD, you always make your money ... so I'm not going to lose sleep over one movie that did not perform for us."- Elie Samaha
This has been a hot topic lately, with Johnny Depp and Armie Hammer saying the critics "Conspired" against the movie. That is not true. The critics didn't hate your movies cause they don't like its production history or because you guys are scientologist, that is simply untrue. She is just trying to expain away her pathetic failures, and doing a bad job at that.
And the best part: They were originally going to make a trilogy out of this. I shit you not.Two sequels to the worst movie ever made ? Yeah... no. Don't believe me saying how bad this is, lets see what the critics had to say.
"With this kind of epic ineptitude -- hell, the flick is set in the year 3000 -- you go for "worst of the millennium.""-Peter Travers (Rolling Stone)
"One of the darkest, ugliest, most uninvolving and incomprehensible major-studio fantasies I've ever seen."-Jack Mathews (New York Daily News)
"Here is a picture that will be hailed without controversy as the worst of its kind ever made. It could be renamed Ed Wood's Planet of the Apes if that title didn't promise more cheesy fun than the movie actually delivers." -David Edelstein (Slate)
So yeah... stay far away from this movie. Please.

Mission: Impossible Ghost Protocol
½

Your mission, should you chose to accept it: Sit back, relax, and try to enjoy my review of Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol
This is not just another mission. The IMF is shut down when it's implicated in a global terrorist bombing plot. Ghost Protocol is initiated and Ethan Hunt and his rogue new team must go undercover to clear their organization's name. No help, no contact, off the grid. You have never seen a mission grittier and more intense than this. -- ( Paramount)
The movies script is pretty good, other than the mediocre villain it contains a great action packed plot, great dialogue, good character moments, and great humor. The characters, unlike the previous Mission Impossible movies, are now fully fleshed out. They have good chemistry and their banter is a joy to listen to. The fact that the actors do an incredible job portraying them also helps this.
Now to talk about the best part of the movie: The action. WOW. This movie contains some of the best action scenes ever on film in my opinion. It keeps you glued to your seat, it is basically a summer blockbuster in terms of thrills, even though it came out in winter. That part where Tom Cruise is climbing that ridiculously tall building is in my opinion the best part of the movie.
Great script, great acting, kick ass action scenes, and good directing help land Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol on my top ten favorite spy films ever, which is no small feat.

Life of Pi
Life of Pi(2012)

Wow... that is how I would sum up Life of Pi... WOW.
Director Ang Lee creates a groundbreaking movie event about a young man who survives a disaster at sea and is hurtled into an epic journey of adventure and discovery. While cast away, he forms an amazing and unexpected connection with another survivor...a fearsome Bengal tiger. -- (Official Site)
Life of Pi is an incredible movie. The script has a big hand in that. I never read the book this is based on, but looking at this as a stand-alone film it is one of the best scripts this decade. It contains a great plot and tells it in a different narrative structure that manages to work beautifully.
The acting here is some of the best you'll ever see. Suraj Sharma turns in what is truly the best performance of 2012, you feel for his character. You feel his emotions, his sadness, his hatred, and his joy and annoyance. The other members of the cast do great as well.
This movie is also really gorgeous. It is truly a visual treat, the cgi is some of the best I have ever seen. Especially on the cgi tiger, which looks truly lifelike.
Life of Pie summed up in two words: A masterpiece.

Batman Begins
½

After the failure that was Batman and Robin, it seemed like we were never going to get another Batman film. In comes Christopher Nolan, an ambitious brilliant filmmaker who has chosen to resurrect one of the most sacred superheros of all time.
The origins of the Caped Crusader of Gotham City are finally brought to the big screen in this new adaptation of the perennially popular comic-book series. The young Bruce Wayne (Gus Lewis) leads a privileged life as the son of wealthy, philanthropist parents, both of whom stress their commitment to improving the lives of the citizens of crime-ridden Gotham City. After his mother and father are murdered by a mugger, however, Wayne grows into an impudent young man (Christian Bale), full of rage and bent on retribution until encouraged by his childhood sweetheart, Rachel Dawes (Katie Holmes), to search for answers beyond his own personal vendettas. Wayne eventually finds discipline in the Far East under the tutelage of Henri Ducard (Liam Neeson), a member of the mysterious League of Shadows who guides him in the study of martial arts -- and the ways in which an ordinary man can hone his senses to an almost superhuman acuity. After seven years away from Gotham, Wayne returns, determined to bring peace and safety back to the city. With the help of his faithful manservant, Alfred Pennyworth (Michael Caine), and Lucius Fox (Morgan Freeman), a scientist at his late father's corporation, Wayne develops a secret identity as Batman, a masked fighter for justice. But when a shady psychiatrist (Cillian Murphy) joins forces with the criminal underworld, Wayne realizes that putting an end to their nefarious plans will be very difficult indeed. Batman Begins also features Gary Oldman as Lt. James Gordon and Tom Wilkinson as the crime boss Carmine Falcone. ~( Mark Deming, Rovi)
The film has an incredibly dark, bleak look. AND I FUCKING LOVE IT!!!!! It brings me back to the Burton films. Yet, it also brings me memories of the animated series. The look and feel of the true Batman is captured here. To those who complain that these movies are too dark: BATMAN IS DARK!!!!!! His fucking parents were gunned down in a goddamn alley. I hate the idea of campy Batman, that is not who the character is. And as for not being faithful to the comics: Who gives a rats ass? Honestly, stop being so close-minded.
The script here is incredible. It truly gives us a great look psychological look at the character of Bruce Wayne, we see his pain, his torment, and we get to watch a man take his fears and use them against his foes. I love how they show us the training of Bruce Wayne, it paints a clear picture of how Batman became so badass. And the banter between him and Ducard is the highlight of the film. David S. Goyer is the mind behind the script, and it is clear he loves this character.
The cast here does incredible in their roles. Gary Oldman is perfect as Comissioner Gordon, Christain Bale is incredible as Bruce Wayne, and Liam Neeson is a joy to watch here. However, there is one exception: Katie Holmes as Rachel Dawes. This woman.... ugh, if Christopher Nolan, one of the best diectors in Hollywood right now, can't get a good performance out of you then you are just a bad at acting. She is so flat, stiff, and honestly she fails to show any goddamn emotion.
With a smart and incredible script, a incredible cast, badass action scenes, and a amazing director behind the camera, Batman Begins truly saved the fledging franchise, and was the beginning of one of the best trilogies to come out of this generation.

Superman Returns

And here we go, another movie that gets hate for no apparent reason. And I am going to review it, yay.
The Man of Steel returns to the big screen with this continuation of the icon's film legacy that picks up after the events of the first two Christopher Reeve films. Some time has passed since the events of Superman II and the world has gotten used to life without Superman (Brandon Routh) ever since his puzzling disappearance years earlier. Upon his return, he finds a Metropolis that doesn't need him anymore, while Lois Lane (Kate Bosworth) has moved on with another young suitor Richard White (James Marsden) in the meantime. As the hero begins to tackle the fact that life on Earth has continued without him, he is forced to face his old arch-nemesis Lex Luthor (Kevin Spacey) and restore the life that was once his. Directed by Bryan Singer from a script by the writing team of X-Men 2, Superman Returns marks a return to the screen for the man in tights, whose production history has seen many failed attempts including a famous near-miss from Tim Burton and Kevin Smith with Nicolas Cage in the lead role, along with another from director McG and writer J.J. Abrams (Lost). Singer eventually won the prestigious gig when he pitched the idea to not tackle the origin story again, but continue with director Richard Donner's original vision. ~ (Jeremy Wheeler, Rovi)
I really enjoyed this movie, granted I like Man of Steel more but I still view this as an enjoyable, fun comic book movie. Bryan Singer brings his excellent directing skills to the franchise that hadn't been on the screen for decades, and the tale he has chosen to told is really good. I like the script, it is well made, well plotted, contains great dialogue, and is at times really charming. Brandon Routh is cast perfectly to wear the sacred cape, and he does good in his role. And the Lois/Clark love story is as delightful to watch as it was before. And the two have good chemistry. The action and special effects are really great, it is well shot and well edited. And the music is also really good.
The pacing of the film is kind of the biggest problem I have with it, that and the fact that it is over 2 hours. Like really? That and the fact that they had to have Luthor be the villain again, I mean he was a joy to watch and all but fucks sake: When are we going to get a live action Doomsday vs Superman film?!
With a great script, a good cast, and a big budget, Bryan Singer crafted a great love letter to the Richard Donner films that everyone grew up with. This is in my opinion, really underrated.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
½

Now I know if anyone reads this review they are gonna tear me apart. But you know what, it is time for me to reveal my thoughts on this movie.
Everyone's favorite archeologist adventurer dusts off his hat and trusty whip for yet another globetrotting trek as Indiana Jones returns to the big screen nearly 20 years after racing for the Holy Grail alongside his father in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989). Harrison Ford reprises his role as the iconic, snake-loathing screen hero in a sequel that also finds Karen Allen returning to the series for the first time since 1981's Raiders of the Lost Ark. Ray Winstone, John Hurt, Jim Broadbent, and Shia LaBeouf round out a cast that also features Cate Blanchett in the role of villainous Russian operative Agent Irina Spalko. Steven Spielberg calls the shots on a script penned by David Koepp (and adapted from the screen story by executive producer George Lucas). ~ (Jason Buchanan, Rovi)
This movie has some problems, I will not deny that. Some of these ideas are flat out fucking stupid, (The fridge, inter-dimensional aliens, the monkeys) those things all suck ass. And the villain's plan is never quite clear.
But this is a fun as hell movie. The action scenes are really well done, the acting is good, the script for the most part is good, and the movie delivers the thrills one would expect from the franchise.
Now to address the fans idiotic complaints: "The movie is not realistic!!!" No shit sherlock. But the other movies weren't exactly grounded in reality either, I mean a box that makes peoples faces melt off, a grail that gives you eternal life, people, that is a stupid thing to criticize a movie for. "There are aliens in the movie!!!" Well that to is a bullshit argument, what the hell else were they gonna do?
Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is a fun, well made adventure/action movie that I really enjoy. Again, I fail to understand why this movie is so hated.

Doom
Doom(2005)

What happens when you take a first person shooter and turn it into a movie? You get well... this shit.
One of the most popular and influential video games ever makes its way to the big screen in this sci-fi thriller. A coalition of Earth's scientific and military interests have established a research colony called Olduvai on the planet Mars, but one day all communication from the outpost stops and no one can tell what has happened -- though the final messages suggest it's not good. Believing foul play may have overtaken Olduvai's crew, the Rapid Response Tactical Squad, a team of specially trained military personnel, are deployed to investigate the situation and, if necessary, eliminate the invaders. But Sarge (Dwayne Johnson, aka The Rock) and Reaper (Karl Urban), leaders of the RRTS team, soon discover the situation is far more grim than they could have imagined. An experiment on Olduvai has very literally opened a portal to Hades, and a variety of savage and demonic creatures have overtaken the colony. Now the RRTS must seal off Olduvai, close off any access to Earth, and exterminate the satanic beasts before they can kill again. Doom also stars Rosamund Pike (as Dr. Grimm), Dexter Fletcher, Ben Daniels, and Deobia Oparei. ~ (Mark Deming, Rovi)
The monsters look really cool, the make-up and look and feel of the monsters is captured perfectly here. Keep in mind, this is more based on Doom 3 than the other two Doom games. Some of the action scenes are kind of fun, like the final shootout that is shot entirely from a first person perspective.
Now everything else about the movie is a complete and utterr failure. The script is a fucking mess, with characters that are flat, dull, and uninteresting. The story is all over the place, and in the end it tries to pull some philosophical bullshit at the end and utterly fails. The acting is awful across the board, and the dialogue is just as bad.
The idea of trying to make movies based on video games is one of the most stupid ideas Hollywood has ever come up with. It just doesn't work!!!!

Shrek the Third

Time for me to review one of the worst sequels ever: Shrek The Turd.
Shrek and Fiona's (Mike Myers and Cameron Diaz, respectively) fairy-tale wedding has gone off without a hitch, yet just as the beaming newlyweds prepare to enjoy their blissful "happily ever after," the sudden death of King Harold (John Cleese) finds everyone's favorite ornery ogre being reluctantly fitted for the royal crown. Troubled to learn that not only will he be compelled to rule Far Far Away, but that he and Fiona are also expecting a little ogre, Shrek determines to track down his new bride's rebellious cousin, Artie (Justin Timberlake) -- the one true heir to the throne -- in order to focus on fatherhood without the added distraction of having to preside over the kingdom. As Shrek sets out with faithful companions Donkey (Eddie Murphy) and Puss in Boots (Antonio Banderas) to locate the medieval high-school slacker and bring him back to become the reigning sovereign of Far Far Away, handsome snake Prince Charming (Rupert Everett) slithers back to the castle in the company of the dreaded Captain Hook (Ian McShane) to stage a diabolically timed coup and assume control of the throne. Now, as Shrek, Donkey, and Puss in Boots do their best to wrangle up the feisty Artie, Fiona must enlist the aid of fighting princesses Snow White (Amy Poehler), Sleeping Beauty (Cheri Oteri), Rapunzel (Maya Rudolph), and Cinderella (Amy Sedaris) to barricade the castle and fend off Prince Charming's invading army of fairy-tale villains until her beloved husband can return with the cavalry to save the day. ~ (Jason Buchanan, Rovi)
The first Shrek came as a welcome surprise: it was funny, well animated, and well acted. The sequel was also those as well, and it naturally progressed the story. Shrek The Third is a cobbled mess. Filled with too many pop culture references for my taste. And the story here is complete and total crap, whoever wrote this script should hang their head in shame. Nothing here is funny, charming, or even entertaining. It feels so contrived and forced. Ugh! Just because it is a kids movie doesn't mean you have to make it so insulting to our intellect. You got your poop jokes, your piss jokes, and all that other crap you have grown to hate in kids movies. Oh, and let us not forget the "Switching bodies" storyline we've seen a thousand times before done better than this. But I will say this: The film is well animated and well acted. But those are the only positives I can think of.
Add all this up and ta da! We got another third entry that manages to disappoint fans and critics alike! Sorry Shrek, but perhaps you should go back to your swamp.

White House Down
½

Is it just me or does Hollywood seem to have a fetish for blowing up the white house?
The White House is under siege in this action thriller from Independence Day director Roland Emmerich and The Amazing Spider-Man's writer James Vanderbilt in this Sony Pictures release. Channing Tatum stars. ~( Jeremy Wheeler, Rovi)
The movie came out at a really bad time: cause we already got our White House Destruction fix with Olympus Has Fallen earlier this year. Just cause you add Magic Mike and Django doesn't mean we are gonna watch the same movie twice. And at least Olympus Has Fallen was a good movie, this is just plain mediocre. I'll just quickly list the good stuff: The leads have good chemistry, the acting is good, and the special effects are decent. The bad? EVERYTHING ELSE. Unlike Olympus, which took itself very seriously, which worked to that films benefit, this films tone is all over the bloody place. One minute it is supposed to be all "Hoo hah America", then next it is all dark and serious, then it becomes a comedy. No rhyme or reason, but the tonal shifts make it hard for me to get into the action. Speaking of which the action scenes here are edited horribly, like seriously stop shaking the goddamn camera. And to top it all off the script is a cliche ridden and poorly plotted mess.
Let me just clarify: I don't hate the movie. It isn't an awful movie, just plain mediocre. Truthfully, I am gonna forget about this film in a couple weeks so it's good I reviewed it now. Best way to sum it all up: meh.

The Green Hornet

I have never seen the Green Hornet tv show or read a comic featuring the character. Just letting that out there right off the bat.
In the 3D action-comedy The Green Hornet, Britt Reid (Seth Rogen) is the son of LA's most prominent and respected media magnate and perfectly happy to maintain a directionless existence on the party scene - until his father (Tom Wilkinson) mysteriously dies, leaving Britt his vast media empire. Striking an unlikely friendship with one of his father's more industrious and inventive employees, Kato (Jay Chou), they see their chance to do something meaningful for the first time in their lives: fight crime. To get close to the criminals, they come up with the perfect cover: they'll pose as criminals themselves. Protecting the law by breaking it, Britt becomes the vigilante The Green Hornet as he and Kato hit the streets. Using all his ingenuity and skill, Kato builds the ultimate in advanced retro weaponry, Black Beauty, an indestructible car equal parts firepower and horsepower. Rolling in a mobile fortress on wheels and striking the bad guys with Kato's clever gadgets, The Green Hornet and Kato quickly start making a name for themselves, and with the help of Britt's new secretary, Lenore Case (Cameron Diaz), they begin hunting down the man who controls LA's gritty underworld: Benjamin Chudnofsky (Christoph Waltz). But Chudnofsky has plans of his own: to swat down The Green Hornet once and for all. --(Sony)
The chemistry between Rogen and Chou is what saves this movie from disaster. They both turn in good performances, and you can tell that they are having fun in their roles. The action scenes are pretty bad ass, and the humor is well done and it often made me laugh. I also really like the concept of the Green Hornet, like now I want to learn more about this character.
The movie's biggest problem is the script. The script is so "been there done that". You can successfully predict everything that is going to happen in the movie at the 30 minute mark. Also the cliches are EVERYWHERE!!!!
Overall, I think the Green Hornet is a flawed, but entertaining fun comic book movie.

Bride of Chucky
½

Review coming soon...

Carrie
Carrie(1976)

Review coming soon...

Halloween
Halloween(2007)
½

Review coming soon...

Halloween
Halloween(1978)

Review coming soon...

Panic Room
Panic Room(2002)

Review coming soon...

Jason X
Jason X(2002)

Review coming soon...

Pandorum
Pandorum(2009)

Review coming soon...

Mars Attacks!
½

Review coming soon...

Dr. No
Dr. No(1962)

Review coming soon....

Species: The Awakening

(Epic) Review Coming soon....

Titanic 2
Titanic 2(2010)

(Epic) Review Coming soon....

Pacific Rim
Pacific Rim(2013)
½

Review coming soon....

Iron Man 3
Iron Man 3(2013)

Iron Man 3 had a lot to live up to, coming off of, one of if not the, best superhero movies ever. Does it succeed? Yes.
Marvel's "Iron Man 3" pits brash-but-brilliant industrialist Tony Stark/Iron Man against an enemy whose reach knows no bounds. When Stark finds his personal world destroyed at his enemy's hands, he embarks on a harrowing quest to find those responsible. This journey, at every turn, will test his mettle. With his back against the wall, Stark is left to survive by his own devices, relying on his ingenuity and instincts to protect those closest to him. As he fights his way back, Stark discovers the answer to the question that has secretly haunted him: does the man make the suit or does the suit make the man?(Disney)
The script is really good, it contains great dialogue, a good interesting plot, great humor and wit, and a badass plot twist (More on that later).
Robert Downey Jr. is once again incredible as Tony Stark, and everyone else in the cast does good in their roles as well, especially Ben Kingsley. And the film also contains some badass action scenes and great special effects.
Now to address fan complaints. First of all: This is a look at Tony Stark's character, a look at in his inner demons. Those of you complaining about him not being in the suit enough: You are damn morons. Like, you really need constant action? And now the big one: The plot twist (Spoiler Alert!!!! Please move on to next paragraph if you don't want the plot twist
laid out of you). This is a movie IDIOTS!!!!!!!! Naturally they are going to change shit. Let's
be honest here: if they had stuck to the comics, and had a stereotypical Chinese terrorist going "Ah, Iron Man, ah" China and the rest of Asia would have been in an uproar. You know why? Cause the character of the Mandarin was based off of Asian stereotypes. And comic books and movies are a completely different medium, you have to expect some stuff to change. And the Mandarin storyline in the comics was honestly pretty cliche and predictable. This is THE MARVEL CINEMATIC UNIVERSE, not the comics. You want the comics? Read the comics.
There are a few problems though: The true villain is kind of generic, and the pacing of the film is a little bit too fast for my taste.
Iron Man 3 is a great summer blockbuster, a great entry into Phase 2 of the Marvel Cinematic Universe that kicks it off with a bang, and a worthy follow up to the Avengers.

X-Men Origins - Wolverine
½

X-men Origins Wolverine is a miserable failure. This is a fact that is really well known, like they had all the ingredients to make a fun summer blockbuster but they fumbled the ball.
The gruff, adamantium-clawed Marvel superhero Wolverine strikes out on his own in this X-Men spin-off starring series regular Hugh Jackman. The story gets under way as the boy who will become Wolverine makes a shocking discovery about his family bloodline, and gains a brother in the process. Flash forward to find the mutant siblings battling side by side through two world wars and Vietnam -- where they are sentenced to death for killing a commanding officer -- and Logan (Hugh Jackman) and his brother, Victor Creed (aka Sabretooth, played by Liev Schreiber), have joined a top-secret government task force. When their targets begin to include innocent civilians, conscientious Logan escapes to the Canadian Rockies, where he builds a home with pretty schoolteacher Kayla Silverfox (Lynn Collins). Informed by his old commanding officer William Stryker (Danny Huston) that the members of his old team are being targeted for death, Logan is heartbroken when Victor finds and kills Kayla. Vowing revenge, Logan agrees to take part in a dangerous experiment that will fuse his bones with a powerful metal alloy called adamantium, which makes him virtually indestructible and gives him the strength needed to defeat his powerful brother. Subsequently betrayed by Stryker, Logan (now Wolverine) sets out to find his blood-lusting brother and stop the cycle of violence once and for all. Along the way, the temperamental hero is joined by fellow mutants John Wraith (Will.i.Am) and Remy LeBeau (aka Gambit, played by Taylor Kitsch). But before Wolverine can seek vengeance against Striker and his brother, he'll have to do battle with Deadpool (Ryan Reynolds) a formidable mutant instilled with many powers. (Jason Buchanan, Rovi)
Funny thing is though, the movie does a horrible job explaining all this? The scriptwriter is Skip Woods, who is known for such classics as Swordfish and A Good Day to Die Hard. This is such a terrible script, it is mind boggling really. The dialogue is so flat, dull, and unfunny and the plot makes no fucking sense. So you are gonna kill Wolverine, a man made of adamantium, with an adamantium bullet. Fucks sake! Forget basic science, that idea in of itself is stupid. The special effects are all beyond awful. Which is unforgivable considering how big this film's budget was. And don't get me started with Deadpool. I can forgive if they change stuff from the comics, but in the context of the film itself it is still a stupid idea. You don't get a funny guy like Ryan Reynolds, make him a badass in the beginning, and then glue his fucking mouth shut!!!!
I will say this about the film though: The films action scenes aren't bad. They arent good either though. Hugh Jackman gives a powerful performance in the role, Liev Schreiber does good, and Danny Houston does good as Stryker.
The biggest problem lies in the premise itself: We do not need to know the history of this character. What makes Wolverine so awesome is his sense of mystery!!!! Like seriously. And I know they made a comic that told us his origins as well, and to be honest it was shit there as well.
X-Men Origins may not be the worst superhero movie ever made, not even close actually. But it is among the most forgettable and mediocre superhero movies ever made.

Star Wars: Empire of Dreams

This is truthfully my favorite documentary ever. And I will explain why here.
Filmmaker George Lucas struggled for years to bring the story of Star Wars to the big screen, and his efforts to remain independent of the studio while making the first trilogy changed the way movies are made. This two-and-a-half-hour documentary culls archival footage, interviews with countless cast and crew members, and yes, fans, to present as comprehensive a look as is possible at the Star Wars phenomenon. (Michael Hastings, Rovi)
The documentary reveals some surprising facts about the making of The Star Wars trilogy. It also reveals many of the problems and hoops George Lucas went through making the films. It makes respect the OLD GEORGE LUCAS (Pre-special editions) even more than I already did. After this, I look at The Star Wars Trilogy with fresh new eyes. This documentary is a must see for both Star Wars fans and Non Star Wars fans alike.

Gladiator
Gladiator(2000)
½

Review coming soon....

Inception
Inception(2010)
½

Review coming soon....

Galaxy Quest
Galaxy Quest(1999)

Review coming soon....

Armageddon
Armageddon(1998)

Review coming soon....

John Carter
John Carter(2012)

Review coming soon....

TRON
TRON(1982)
½

Review coming soon....

THX 1138
THX 1138(1971)
½

Review coming soon....

Stargate
Stargate(1994)
½

Review coming soon....

The Matrix
The Matrix(1999)

Review coming soon....

Spaceballs
Spaceballs(1987)

Review coming soon....

Gangster Squad
½

Review coming soon....

Red
Red(2010)

Review coming soon....

Die Another Day
½

Review coming soon....

The Punisher
The Punisher(2004)
½

Review coming soon....

RoboCop
RoboCop(1987)

Review coming soon....

Sherlock Holmes
½

Review coming soon....

Daredevil
Daredevil(2003)
½

Review coming soon....

Hellboy
Hellboy(2004)

Review coming soon....

Hancock
Hancock(2008)

Review coming soon....

Spider-Man 3
Spider-Man 3(2007)

Review coming soon....

X-Men
X-Men(2000)

Review coming soon....

Batman
Batman(1989)
½

Review coming soon....

Iron Man 2
Iron Man 2(2010)

Review coming soon....

Spider-Man
Spider-Man(2002)
½

Review coming soon....

X2: X-Men United
½

Review coming soon....

Iron Man
Iron Man(2008)
½

Review coming soon....

Watchmen
Watchmen(2009)

Review coming soon....

Machete
Machete(2010)
½

Review coming soon....

Spider-Man 2
Spider-Man 2(2004)

Review coming soon....

Thunderball
Thunderball(1965)

Review coming soon....

Octopussy
Octopussy(1983)
½

Review coming soon....

Goldfinger
Goldfinger(1964)

Review coming soon....

GoldenEye
GoldenEye(1995)
½

Review coming soon....

Casino Royale
½

Review coming soon....

Moonraker
Moonraker(1979)

Review coming soon....

Trollhunter
Trollhunter(2011)
½

Review coming soon....

[Rec]
[Rec](2007)

Review coming soon....

Quarantine
Quarantine(2008)

Review coming soon....

Cloverfield
Cloverfield(2008)
½

Review coming soon....

Apollo 18
Apollo 18(2011)
½

Review coming soon....

Predator 2
Predator 2(1990)
½

Review coming soon....

Total Recall
Total Recall(1990)

Review coming soon....

Event Horizon
½

Review coming soon....

Serenity
Serenity(2005)
½

Review coming soon....

Predators
Predators(2010)
½

Review coming soon....

District 9
District 9(2009)

Review coming soon....

The Thing
The Thing(2011)
½

Review coming soon....

The Lone Ranger

This just proves that Disney will stop at nothing when it comes to trying to recreate that Pirates of the Caribbean box office success. Problem is: They keep failing.
From producer Jerry Bruckheimer and director Gore Verbinski, the filmmaking team behind the blockbuster "Pirates of the Caribbean" franchise, comes Disney/ Jerry Bruckheimer Films' "The Lone Ranger," a thrilling adventure infused with action and humor, in which the famed masked hero is brought to life through new eyes. Native American spirit warrior Tonto (Johnny Depp) recounts the untold tales that transformed John Reid (Armie Hammer), a man of the law, into a legend of justice-taking the audience on a runaway train of epic surprises and humorous friction as the two unlikely heroes must learn to work together and fight against greed and corruption. (Disney)
The Lone Ranger has some fun action scenes: mainly in the beginning and the end. The action for the most part is well done. Armie Hammer and Johnny Depp do good in their roles, and that's about it.
There are many problems with the Lone Ranger, but here is the quick version: The script is awful, truly awful. I'm talking "Transformers-esqe" level of sloppy writing. They bring up about 10 different side-plots, and those all lead to nowhere. And the editor should be fired: 2 and a half hours!!!! TWO AND A HALF FUCKING HOURS!!!!!!! Jesus fucking christ. And about 1 hour and 50 minutes of it are so boring, I'm shocked I didn't fall asleep. The jokes are unfunny, and come in at awkward times. And the acting from everyone else other than the main leads are awful deadpan performances.
The Lone Ranger tries to be Pirates of the Caribbean for Westerns. Yet it fails in every regard. I know there are some out there who like this movie (Namely morons). Now to be clear: I didn't hate the movie (Though the rest of the world apparently does), and there are far worse movies I have seen this summer (Grown Ups 2, After Earth). But I do hate those that think that this is quality entertainment. But guys let's honest: Who was this movie made for? Not for kids, they have no fuckin clue who the Lone Ranger is. Not for older people since they are supposed to have higher standards and since it is so boring. Is it for monkeys? Seems like the Lone Ranger is doomed to fail when it comes to films. There were two Lone Ranger movies before I think. Never heard of them? There is a reason for that. I do enjoy how bad this movie is performing at the box office however, it is fuckin hysterical.

Monsters University
½

Monsters Inc. is my second favorite Pixar movie, right next to The Incredibles. So when I heard that they were making a prequel to it naturally I had my doubts. But I'm glad to report that not only is this one of the best movies of the summer, it is the best animated movie of the decade thus far.
Mike Wazowski and James P. Sullivan are an inseparable pair, but that wasn't always the case. From the moment these two mismatched monsters met they couldn't stand each other. "Monsters University" unlocks the door to how Mike and Sulley overcame their differences and became the best of friends. -- (Walt Disney)
The story is honestly really well done. It has that Pixar magic that many other animated movies this decade have thus far lacked, even the good ones. It really does truly give a new dimension to these characters you have grown to love in the previous Monsters movie. And it parodies the "Campus life" pretty well I might add. The script is well done, with good dialogue and good humor. Billy Crystal and John Goodman reprise their roles as Mike and Sullivan, and they truly are as great a pair as they were before. Their chemistry and banter is the highlight on Monsters University.
With a great script, incredible voice talent, stunning animation, and great humor, Monsters University is one of the best movies of the summer and will entertain and delight people of all ages.

The Colony
The Colony(2013)

The Colony is... an interesting movie to say the least. Now, that 0% score is totally fuckin stupid.
Laurence Fishburne (The Matrix), Bill Paxton (Aliens) and Kevin Zegers (Dawn of the Dead), headline an all-star cast in this savage and unrelenting thriller about mankind's greatest enemy: himself. As an endless winter engulfs Earth, humans struggle to survive in remote underground outposts. When Colony 7 receives a distress call from a nearby settlement, Sam (Zegers) and Briggs (Fishburne) race through the snow on a dangerous rescue mission. What they find at the desolate base could mean mankind's salvation-or its total annihilation. Terrifying discoveries will unfold that will change the rules of survival forever. (RT summary)
Now, this film has its problems. The cliches are all over the place, the so called "Threat to humanity" is incredibly predictable and we've seen it a thousand times before. So what makes me give this a 60%?. Well, the film first of all is gorgeous looking. I love the locales and setting. I love films like this where the biggest threat is the icy cold. I like the action, which is really well shot and well edited. I like the make-up effects, and I really like the actors and this cast of characters. Now, the ending of the movie is A.Predictable, B.Predictable, C.Predictable, and D.Lame.
Overall The Colony is an above-average sci-fi action flick that, while it definitely won't win any awards any time soon, is a fun ride.

Safe House
Safe House(2012)

Denzel Washington is just awesome. Like seriously, you could have the worst movie in the world and yet you'll still love him. That takes talent.
Denzel Washington and Ryan Reynolds star in the action-thriller Safe House. Washington plays the most dangerous renegade from the CIA, who comes back onto the grid after a decade on the run. When the South African safe house he's remanded to is attacked by mercenaries, a rookie operative (Reynolds) escapes with him. Now, the unlikely allies must stay alive long enough to uncover who wants them dead. -- (Official Site)
Now let me just come out and say it: the actors do a phenomenal job with what they're given to work with. And as expected Denzel steals the show, and he and Reynolds work well together. I think it's well directed, I like some of the cinematography which is gorgeous, and I like its dark gritty atmosphere. Now the problem here lies in the script, it is so predictable and paint by the numbers. The action is at parts choppily edited and that annoys the everlasting hell out of me.
Overall its great cast, pacing, and action help elevate Safe House from its script to it being the status of a Above-Average action movie.

R.I.P.D.
R.I.P.D.(2013)
½

So yeah I'm just gonna come out and say it: RIPD is the biggest Men in Black ripoff ever. Don't feed me BS about "oh that's how the comic was", after seeing this I don't think I'm gonna ever read that comic.
Jeff Bridges and Ryan Reynolds headline the 3D supernatural action-adventure R.I.P.D. as two cops dispatched by the otherworldly Rest In Peace Department to protect and serve the living from an increasingly destructive array of souls who refuse to move peacefully to the other side. Veteran sheriff Roy Pulsifer (Bridges) has spent his career with the legendary police force known as R.I.P.D. tracking monstrous spirits who are cleverly disguised as ordinary people. His mission? To arrest and bring to justice a special brand of criminals trying to escape final judgment by hiding among the unsuspecting on Earth. Once the wise-cracking Roy is assigned former rising-star detective Nick Walker (Reynolds) as his junior officer, the new partners have to turn grudging respect into top-notch teamwork. When they uncover a plot that could end life as we know it, two of R.I.P.D.'s finest must miraculously restore the cosmic balance...or watch the tunnel to the afterlife begin sending angry souls the very wrong way.( Universal)
Now, I came into this with the lowest of expectations, and what do you know it met them. Unlike the good comic book movies this summer (Iron Man 3, Man of Steel) RIPD places an emphasis on the chemistry between Bridges and Reynolds, problem is that it is nonexistent. I don't buy these two as partners. Now to be fair, the actors respectably do good with what they're given to work with, with Bridges being the best by far. Another major flaw is that the script is total garbage. It has a villain whose motives are nonexistent, and an impending doom which when you see it you can't help but laugh. The special effects are average, they're not terrible but they aren't good.
It's a good thing I'm reviewing this now, because in a couple hours I'm going to remember nothing about this movie. While there is some fun to be had here, RIPD leaves you with a hollow feeling inside. It's not as bad as critics are making it out to be and it isn't the worst movie of the summer, though that isn't saying much.

The Sickhouse
½

Say what you want about the British but they have made a lot of good movies, The Sick house is not one of those good movies. Containing an utter throwaway plot with a shit script mixed with poor dialogue, the only good thing I have to say about this flick is that it is visually gorgeous. Is a films' visuals good enough to save it if everything else is so bad: Nope.

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance

Ghost Rider Spirit of Vengeance is a truly awful movie, not only is it an embarrassment to this character that is featured in the title, but it is an embarrassment to the superhero genre as a whole. So, it is a ever so slight downgrade from its predecessor.
Nicolas Cage reprises his role as Johnny Blaze in Ghost Rider Spirit of Vengeance. In this gritty new vision for the character, directed by Neveldine/Taylor (Crank), Johnny is still struggling with his curse as the devil's bounty hunter - but he may risk everything as he teams up with the leader of a group of rebel monks (Idris Elba) to save a young boy from the devil... and possibly rid himself of his curse forever. -- (Sony)
The plot is that Johnny Blaze, played by Nicholas Cage, must protect a child from the devil and his forces. Sounds fun right? Well it is... for about 20 minutes. The rest of the film is complete dog shit. The plot is a nonsensical mess full of plot holes and outright stupid moments (In the end he turns into, basically the angel rider... I am serious). This script is poorly written and shows that whoever wrote it has no knowledge of the character, and the dialogue written is atrocious and unintentionally funny.
The acting here is a slight improvement, but seeing as how the acting in the previous film was some of the worst ever shown in a superhero movie that isn't saying much. Nicholas Cage still looks like he's on meth throughout the whole thing, and everyone else is barely trying. The only positive I have is that the special effects look decent.
Ghost Rider: Spirit Of Vengeance downright sucks. It is clear that it was meant to be campy fun, but that doesn't work with a character like this with an established history, and it ends up being shit because of it.

Ghost Rider
Ghost Rider(2007)
½

Okay let me see: You got a b-list Marvel comic book character, you get Nicholas Cage to play him, and you get a questionable director behind the camera: What made any of us think this was gonna be good again?
When a motorcycle-riding stuntman offers his soul to Mephistopheles in order to save the life of the one he loves most, he is forced to play host to a powerful supernatural entity whose flaming skull visage strikes fear into the heart of his enemies in this feature-film version of the long-running comic series. By day, Johnny Blaze (actor and comic-book devotee Nicolas Cage) is one of the world's best-known stuntmen, but when the sun goes down and he is in the presence of evil, the death-defying daredevil bursts into flames to become the indestructible, motorcycle-riding antihero known to the world as the Ghost Rider. ( Jason Buchanan, Rovi) (By the way I'm just gonna copy and paste these summaries from now on. So if that summary sounded familiar, its because its not mine)
So Nicholas Cage can sometimes be good in a movie. And other times he can be awful. In this movie, he falls under the latter. Everyone in this is AWFUL!!!!!! Eva Mendes, well I'll give her a pass because I wasn't paying attention to her acting but everyone else is so dull, flat, and lifeless. You would think goddamn George Lucas directed this movie.
The plot doesn't fare any better I might add. The villains are more of a laughing stock than a threat, and the main baddie Blackheart does nothing but act all emo and be all like "I'm gonna destroy the world cause I got daddy issues".
The action scenes are mundane, and flat out just not interesting as well. Just like the rest of the movie I might add. And you know what is even more surprising: They made a sequel to this! And it is somehow even worse.

Creepshow
Creepshow(1982)

Creepshow is an horror anthology created by horror gods Stephen King and George Ramero. With a dream team like that at the helm expectations are naturally sky high, do they meet them? Hell yeah, Creepshow is a kick ass flick. Each of the stories told here are well executed, well told, and well directed, and they are all unique in their own right. And not only that, but their dialogue is well written and delivered well, and thankfully the make up looks terrific. If you call yourself a fan of horror and you haven't seen this yet, what the hell are you waiting for?

Creepshow 2
Creepshow 2(1987)

Creepshow 2 follows the unfortunate pattern of a lot of horror movie sequels, which is that it is good in it's own right, but when compared to the original it's fucked. Creepshow 2 contains good stories, nice haunting visuals, classic dark themes, well written dialogue, and (Mostly) good acting. However, the films biggest downfall is that it's stories aren't as unique as those told in the original.

Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark

Goddammit! Goddammit! I can't believe I wasted around two hours watching this piece of shit! Why the fuck did Guillermo Del Toro attach his name to this horrendous pile of dog shit! I came in prepared to like the film (I saw this when it was in the theater, keep that in mind) and I was stupid enough to pay ticket price to see this, I should've just snuck in.
The story of Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark is a family that is going through a rough transition moves into this creepy ugly ass mansion. The walls are peeling off, dead rats are everywhere, so naturally the white people are like "We'll take it!", but unbeknownst to them there are goblins also there, despite being really small (And fake as hell) they are still vicious, so the goblins begin preying on this little girl. I will give the movie this: it is really ambitious to have a little girl as the main lead and she does a great job, despite being given shit to work with. The plot itself though is hardly worth mentioning, it just goes through the motions.
The dialogue is really quite bad, it's almost insulting how poorly written this script is. Every single line of dialogue is either fucking horrific or just not good, whoever wrote this script needs to be thrown in a cage for 24 hours as punishment cause goddamn, I could've written a better script (Not much better mind you, but better nonetheless)! And I suck at creative writing, hell a middle school kid could write it better than whoever wrote this! And the acting from everyone except the little girl... fuck, boy I have not seen such awful acting in a horror movie since One Missed Call. But the worst thing about the movie is Katie Holmes, that bitch cannot act! Every movie I have seen her in she has been awful, hell if Christopher Nolan as director can't at least give you a hint of acting ability then you know you got problems, but I'm starting to digress. Bottom line is, the bitch needs to stay home and stop trying to act.
Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark is downright awful. The only good thing about this movie is the little girl. Shame she had to be in this movie though.

Savages
Savages(2012)

Savages tells the story of a woman and her two boyfriends who run a successful drug business. The cops don't care, and their business really isn't that violent... that is until the Mexican drug cartel shows up and is like "you are going to come work for us, and if you say no we kill you." Naturally the two friends are like "No, fuck you." The cartel retaliates by kidnapping their girlfriend, now they must get her back.
So how did this film turn out? Is it as good as Platoon? Is it as bad as I hear Alexander was? Fuck no to the first one, and no to the second one. While it has its flaws, it still knows how to entertain you and even makes you think a little bit. The main characters are assholes, yet you actually want them to succeed and kill the asshole cartel boys, who are EVIL. Who each character represents is kind of left up to you, obviously Jon Travolta represents "The man" otherwise known as the United States (Which I sort of find insulting, yet it is kind of true. He, in all honesty is actually the best part of the film). I'm actually torn on the villainess in the movie (The leader of the cartel), you want to hate her because of all the horrible things she has done and yet her origin story makes you feel incredibly sympathetic towards her. The main characters, while I was interested in what happened to them, I was far more interested in what was happening to the villains.
The script here is sort of a mixed bag, the dialogue at times is so horrifyingly bad that you want to bang your head against a wall. Yet, at times it is also smart and well written. And as for the story, while it works it feels so drawn out despite it being as simple as it is. And as for the acting, it is for the most part really good and you can tell the people who played the villains had fun with their parts. The violence is also a mixed bag. At times, it is so extreme sometimes that it almost becomes one of the fucking Hostel movies, and I've made it clear how much I hate those. Yet, whenever the shooting starts the movie gets so much better and you start to forget the problems the movie has.
Savages is a good movie, but it most certainly is not a great movie. Yet, it is also a welcome return to form for Oliver Stone. It gets more right then it does wrong, but be warned: The film lives up to its title. Also the ending sucks.

Contraband
Contraband(2012)
½

Contraband tells the tale of a legendary smuggler who is forced back into the business when a crook holds his wife and kid hostage. The script is well written, containing good dialogue and a good plot. The acting is also pretty good, and the film greatly benefits from Mark Wahlberg as the main lead, as he gives one of the best performances of his career, plus the action kicks ass. The problem is the film's awful pacing, it is all over the place and sort of becomes boring in some parts. But still, Contraband is a career redemption for Mark Wahlberg, and a good film overall.

Star Trek: First Contact

Star Trek: First Contact's plot is that Captain Picard and the crew of the Enterprise must stop the Borg from altering history. Now, I'm going to let you know right off the bat that the plot is the weakest part. Despite it being well told, it contains numerous plot holes that are kind of hard not to notice. And yet, that is overshadowed by the great acting, smart dialogue, terrific special effects, and phenomenal action scenes. First Contact stands as the ONLY good Next Generation film.

Jennifer's Body

I'm not going to lie: I do not find Megan Fox actractive at all. No, its not because of her toe-thumbs (though those don't exactly help) it's because of horrible an actress she is. Okay, in this movie you have Megan Fox playing the typical snobish high school cheerleader who gets possessed by a demon after a fire, now her friend Needy (played by Amanda Seyfried) must stop her from eating everyone. Sounds interesting right? Well, at some parts it really is. At parts, this film is so unique and clever it allows you to overlook Fox's horrible acting, but thats mostly due to the fact that the script was written by Diablo Cody (She wrote the fantastic script for JUNO), but not even her brilliance in the script can change how poorly shot this movie was. Some of the effects such as the gore and demon effects look mediocre as hell. Another thing, this film isn't scary at all. I'm sorry, but a cheerleader isn't that scary to me, she'd be more afraid of me than I would be of her. Like I said, at some parts this film is really interesting and funny but at others it is awful.

The Boondock Saints

Despite it's plot being downright fucking stupid, The Boondock Saints still manages to be entertaining due to its good pacing, quirky dialogue, relatively good acting, and well directed badass action sequences. If you are one of those that doesn't mind a movie being downright silly, then go check this one out.

The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day

Using the basic blueprint for what a good sequel should be, The Boondock Saints II may not reinvent the wheel, or even wax it up to make it look shiny, all that much. But it is still a very fun action movie that contains stylish action and funny dialogue that largely succeeds despite it's mundane plot.

Creep
Creep(2005)

Silly, boring, lifeless, and overall just not entertaining. Creep is a prime example of everything wrong with horror movies in general: They put far more focus on trying to scare you than trying to tell a cohesive story. This is a ride that you would be better off skipping.

Hollywood Kills
½

F'ed up in all the wrong ways possible, and coming off as a mediocre SAW wannabe, Hollywood Kills has an interesting premise but fails due to awful acting, a horrendous script, and a terrible ending that makes everything that happened previously entirely irrelevant.

Grown Ups 2
Grown Ups 2(2013)

Anybody who saw this crap instead of Pacific Rim ought be ashamed of themselves. Seriously, this is so much worse than the first Grown Ups! At least that had heart! This! This shit right here! You do not take a great comedian like Chris Rock and under use him like this! The plot... there isn't one! I seriously... I am so angry! This is tracking better than Pacific Rim! America: Can You get your shit together. This is about as unfunny as can be, there is not a single moment where I so much as chuckled. Fuck Adam Sandler for stooping this low, his last movie "That's My Boy" despite it's problems, was really enjoyable for me. I want Adam Sandler to do more comedy like THAT. Not like this shit here! And let me just say: This is Kevin James worst performance yet. Seriously, that 90% audience rating... that shit needs to drop down to a 3% maximum. Thankfully, I watched this online pirated. Awful movie. Worst film since InAPPropriate Comedy.

Zombie Apocalypse

surprise surprise: It sucks

Monster-in-Law

Funny enough I suppose, it ultimately is brought down by a series of cliches. What saves it though is Jane Fonda, who is flat out awesome. Overall, I say give it a rental.

Transformers
Transformers(2007)

Transformers is about as dumb as it gets. It has a silly ass premise, dumb human characters, annoying jokes, and overall there is no reason for it to exist. So why do I like this movie? Because it is the very definition of FUN. The action is incredible and the cgi here is sometimes breathtaking, and the pacing moves so quick you won't have time to notice all the plot holes and inconsistency, and there is a lot of action to be had here. Overall, the movie is much better than it should be, and is a very fun time. The sequels however suck.

HALO Legends
HALO Legends(2010)
½

HALO Legends is like Batman: Gotham Knight and The Animatrix in that it is a anthology movie that contains eight episodes chronicling the much beloved HALO video game universe.
The tales told include (but are not limited to): A soldier with no emotion fighting off Covenant forces in a badass power armor suit, a group of ODST's and a SPARTAN assassinating a Prophet, the origin of The Flood and The Forerunners, and a SPARTAN down on his luck. All of the episodes are well animated, containing some breathtaking moments, and the many action scenes are pure eye candy. The dialogue is well penned and well voiced, with the strongest episode being the origins of the SPARTAN program. However, the one episode that really sticks out in a "not so god" kind of way is the one about the unlucky SPARTAN, in that it tries to be all jokey and shit. Problem is, not all of the jokes are funny.
But despite the one episode being mediocre, the rest of the episodes are incredible and should be seem by anime fans, and if you are a HALO fan like me this is a must buy.

Aliens
Aliens(1986)

For every dozen sequels that aren't as good as their originals, there comes a badass flick like Aliens that not only is as good as alien, but better in every category.
The Story of Aliens is that Ripley, still haunted and traumatized after the events of the first film, is asked by her employers: The Weyland-Yutani Corporation to take a squad of colonial marines to destroy a possible Xenomorph infestation there.
The performances by everyone in the cast are compelling and memorable, especially from Sigourney Weaver as Ripley who puts on one of, if not the, best performances I have ever seen on film. The sound design is also equally commendable; nothing is quite as memorable to me as the sound of a marine's pulse rifle firing, or the screeching of Xenomorphs. Speaking of Xenomorphs, I love the angle that director James Cameron took with them. We get to see more of the inner workings of their hive, how they think how they fight together, their thought process, how intelligent they can be, and just how dangerous they truly are.
The story is kind of familiar (Believe me, the idea of being trapped behind enemy lines isn't exactly new here) but I think that it works to the films advantage. It takes some of those familiar themes and adds a whole new layer to them and makes them fit into the alien universe. Like the previous film it takes the familiar Good vs Evil and adds a whole new dimension to it. A connection of Vietnam can also be made to this film (If you are reading this, please don't start a flame war) I mean think about it: We have over cocky, over confident, marines going into unknown territory to fight an enemy they don't quite understand, and are defeated by the enemy that uses unconventional tactics in battle. James Cameron even said that some of the designs (Weapons, ships, etc.) Were taken from the Vietnam War.
The films also takes the uncanny high levels of tension from Alien and cranks it up to a thousand. The dialogue is some of the best in cinematic history, and the characters are great as well. Another thing that must be mentioned, I also really liked the relationship between Newt and Ripley. It is portrayed realistically and adds a whole new dimension to the character of Ellen Ripley. Don't worry, Newt isn't annoying or stupid for a kid. In fact, she is actually really smart and reacts with brains instead of brawn. Hell, she even helps save Ripley at some points.
Aliens is a masterpiece. Great writing, special effects, amazing gripping story, good set design, great mood and tone, action, and horror all contribute to this being one of the best film of all time. F**k those that don't like this movie, whether or not Aliens is better than Alien can actually be debated till you're black and blue in the face. But what can't be debated is that Aliens is a not only a masterpiece of science-fiction, but also a masterpiece of cinema.

Disaster Movie

This movie's title lives up to its quality: it is a disaster of a film. None of this is funny, and if you find this film funny you're an idiot... or too young to know any better. Fucking disgrace to film is what this movie is.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars

Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace and Star Wars Episode II:Attack of The Clones were some of the biggest disappointments ever. Not because they were awful (They were) but because of what they had the potential to be. They contained awful stories, some horrific acting, and no sense of wonder. Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of The Sith was a massive improvement, while its story was a mixed bag as was the acting, the special effects, incredible action scenes, great pacing, sense of wonder, and pounds of fan service, along with the ending duel (Which was one of the best duels in cinematic history) helped us overlook some of the flaws and it overall was a good movie that ended the series on a high note. So you would think that with one of the fatal flaws of the prequels out of the picture (Well, mostly anyway) that being George Lucas and his need to control every aspect of the film, that the studios would be able to make The Clone Wars as good if not better than Revenge of The Sith. Right?
The Clone Wars takes place between Episodes II and III, Anakin Skywalker, his new padwan Ashoka Tano, and Obi-Wan Kenobi must find Jabba The Hutt's kidnapped sun before the Hutt Cartel declares war on the thinly spread and relatively weakened Galactic Republic and its army of Clone Troopers.
Now the film opens up with a decent opening battle. I mean, it isn't among the franchise's best action scenes but it is still good enough. But then, the new character shows up. Everything from there-on out is a downward spiral. The dialogue gets worse, the action gets less intense and less well shot, and to be honest the story gets into a never ending series of cliches and predictable plot twist. And the animation, truthfully is average. It isn't bad, but it ain't exactly Pixar.
Truthfully, this movie disappointed me, coming off of Revenge of The Sith I thought the quality was going to improve, I was wrong. The Clone Wars TV Show contains good writing, badass action, and twist and turns along with unique visions of the Star Wars universe. Too bad the animated movie contains none of that. Watch the show, it is really good. But the movie flat out sucks.

Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace

There is a very good reason why this film gets shat on so much and is often called one of the biggest cinematic disappointments of all time: It flat out sucks, and if anyone ever tells you otherwise than they are either a dumbass Star Wars fanboy or a stupid little kid.
The story is basically the Jedi have to stop a trade corporation from doing something to a peaceful planet by some means that are never explained to us.Let me just come out and say it: The movie doesn't make any fucking sense. And the plot itself isn't exactly what you would call "Interesting" or "Complex" either. Like, why the fuck are we talking about trade routes in a Star 'Wars movie, who gives a shit? Like I understand that this has to lay the groundwork for the entire Star Wars saga, but that doesn't give it an excuse to be this boring.
How is the acting? Not much better than the plot unfortunately. While Liam Neeson and Ewan McGregor do good in their roles (With what they're given to work with), everyone else in the movie is AWFUL! Jake Lloyd is awful, Natalie Portman is hollow, shallow, and just boring to listen to, and Jar Jar is annoying as fuck. And speaking of Jar Jar: Why is he here? If you thought the Ewoks sucked... they still do, but Jar Jar is so much more annoying than those walking teddy bears ever were. He is clearly meant as comic relief, yet every joke he makes is the equivalent to a fart or piss joke. I don't find him racist, just annoying and by far one of the worst characters in cinematic history.
However, I will say this about the movie: The action scenes are really cool (What few of them there are) and the film has really damn good visuals. Like, seriously I give massive props to the effects team, cause the film is pure eye candy. This was the Avatar before there was well... Avatar. And the action is crisp and easy to follow and honestly, really thrilling (With the exception of the podrace, which goes on way too long and is not all that interesting to watch). The duel at the end between Darth Maul and the two jedi is a true sight to behold.
However, there is way too much going on at the end: You got the battle up in space, the battle between Dath Maul and the jedi, the queen attempting to infiltrate the palace, and the gungans fighting the droid army. The jedi duel should be in the movie, the infiltration should be in the movie, everything else should be cut out. And another problem with the end is they way they kill off Darth Maul, like it has no meaning cause we didn't even know who he fucking was! At least with Boba Fett in Return of The Jedi we knew who he was and what he wanted, so despite his embarrassing death he remained badass, Darth Maul on the other hand goes out in the stupidest way possible, and we have no clue who he was or what he truly wanted?! Did he want revenge? Money? Power? We never find out.
So yeah, while the film has impressive visuals and battle scenes the movie itself, with all of its boring political talk, shoddy script, and overall boredom it is easy to classify this as the biggest cinematic disappointment ever, though Attack of The Clones was so much worse than this.

Resident Evil

This movie is so damn lame. It's got a lame script, acting that is at best passable, and no genuine scares. Okay, the film begins in an underground labroratory called "The Hive", owned by an evil massive corporation called Umbrella. The Hive's artificial intellegence all of a sudden goes ballistic and kills everyone inside. The Umbrella Corporation dispatches a team of badass commandos, when they arrive they discover that they must battle though swarms of zombies and other creatures if they want to make it out alive.

I have to admit, I found the story to be quite interesting. If you haven't played the video games that this film is based on don't worry: Everything is explained. However I do recommend thatyou play the games as that makes it much more cooler to see iconic images such as the mansion in film form. This film could be considered a prequel of sorts to the video games as it expands on the games' universe.

While I like the story a lot and the ending that leads into the Nemesis Program is also really well done, everything else about the film is complete and total dogshit. The godforsaken dialouge made me cringe in some parts. I really do not like the fact that this is supposed to be a horror movie and yet about halfway through, it turns into an MTV music video. When you're main character can do all this kung-fu bullshit it makes the zombies less threatening. You don't really ever feel scared for them.

But there is one other thing that I will compliment the film on, and that is the make-up, creature, and gore effects are really well done. And the monster at the end, which I'm sure fans will be familiar with, will make the fans also scream with glee. Especially considering this film's budget was pretty small.

While the story is well told and interesting, the film is left with a hollow feeling at the end. But fans of the game are sure to dig the hell out of this movie.

The Cabin in the Woods

Hot damn! Cabin in The Woods is one of the best horror films I've ever seen. The plot here is several teenagers go to a cabin out in the middle of nowhere to have sex, drink beer, and smoke pot. Yes, that does sound incredibly cleche'd, but the story is one of the best in horror movie history, and there are enough twist and turns to keep you interested. The characters are cheche (On purpose, which is actually explained in the film) but are fleshed out and likeable. When the film tries to be scary, it really is scary. But the great horror isn't why I love this film even though it is part of it, the best part is the comedy. There are dozens of laugh out loud moments, the movie never takes itself that seriously and basically mocks all the bad parts of recent horror films in a really unique and creative way. Now, it is time to talk about the ending. I'm sure that many people will not like this ending, but for me it is one of the best endings to a horror movie ever! It wraps everything up in a really well done way and the payoff is well worth the wait. The Cabin In The Woods is a genre changer, this is the film that future horror movies will be judged by, best horror movie of the decade so far.

Vampires Suck

To Jason Friedberg and Aron Seltzer: Please stop making movies. Your films are not funny, they never were funny, they never will be funny! If you can't even do a spoof of Twilight right then you are a horrible disgrace to the art of film making. It's not that the jokes in this film grew old months ago, they grew old years ago! You still have the stupid door in your face joke, the poop joke, and constant unfunny references to things like shows and other movies. For example, there is one scene where the girl ask who the Edward spoof guy is (His acting is even worse than Robert Pattison's look like Leonardo DiCaprio) and her friend list a bunch of names, the Bella spoofer says "No, not the douchebags from the Jersey Shore". Do you understand how insulted I felt to be watching this bs? If anyone you know thinks that this is a funny, well made film you have my permission to smack them with a baseball bat.

Epic Movie
Epic Movie(2007)

Epic Movie lives up to its name: It is an epic disaster of hollywood filmmaking. Unfunny, pointless, and insulting to the human mind, Epic movie should be avoided at all cost by everyone.

The Grudge
The Grudge(2004)
½

J-Horror remakes can be deceptive. On one hand some of them are decent (The Ring) while others are just plain awful (One Missed Call, The Ring Two, Shutter), and then there are a select few that are actually good, such as the Grudge.

The plot of the Grudge is very hard to explain (for reasons I will talk about later) but I?ll try my best to explain it: There is this ugly ass old house in Japan. Anyone that goes in that house gets ?The Curse? which basically means some old Japanese woman that likes to make burp noises , her kid that likes to sound like a cat, and the husband will hunt them down and kill them.

The Grudge is basically a remake of a much more superior J-horror film titled Ju-On, plus it has the same director. Despite being bogged down by MPEAA (Trust me, the Ju-On films are much more scarier and bloodier) the director does conjure up some creepy moments. Such as this whole section that takes place in an office complex. That part made me freeze in terror. Hell, almost all of the imagery and gets under your skin. The acting is good I suppose, and you don?t hate the characters.

However, the main problem of The Grudge is the plot. It is so damn confusing and hard to follow, mostly due to the fact that it keeps switching characters what seems like every five minutes. However, if you like horror movies The Grudge remains a must buy regardless.

Alone in the Dark

Uwe Boll has finally come out and made his worst movie yet. Alone in the Dark is ASS! Normally, i would try to give you a synoposis of the plot, but there is no plot here! In the beginning of the movie, there is this long ass text scroll that is like if they took the opening Star Wars scroll and made it as boring as possible and guess what... it makes no fucking sense! As for the main star in the movie: Christian Slater, as bad as he was in The Wizard, he is so much worse here. He isn't even fucking trying here. In fact, no one here in the cast is trying. I hope that those checks contained a lot of 0's. Alone in the Dark contains one of Uwe Boll's most annoying trademarks, and that is the shitty action sequences. They are all shot in such boring angels, that I almost fell asleep during them. Plus, they are literally shot in the dark so you cant tell what the fuck is happening. The special effects in this movie are so bad, even Stephen Sommers would say "Damn do those effects look bad." There are parts so bad I almost felt embarassed, like in one scene a soldier was supposed to be dead and yet while people are walking away she lifts her head up. I mean, how did that get past editing? Some people say that Uwe Boll is the new Ed Wood, no, at leat Ed Wood had a passion for filmmaking, Uwe Boll on the other hand just doesn't give a fuck. I would say that he is the least talented director in Hollywood, but I believe we all know which infamous duo has earned that title(Hint hint: They directed Vampires Suck and Disaster Movie).

Ghost Town
Ghost Town(2009)

Ghost Town features a creepy setting and impressive special effects (When you take into account its extremely low budget), unfortunately what drags it down is the poor script, sub-par acting, and those typical "Oh you have got to be fucking kidding me" moments expected in a SYFY channel original movie. Worth a Rental, but nothing more than that.

Resident Evil: Afterlife

Movie adaptations of video games have a tendency to suck, and while there are some that are good (Mortal Kombat) most of them suck. Unfortunately, Resident Evil Afterlife is one of the sucky ones. Afterlife picks up where the last Resident Evil film left off, a character who is not from the games named Alice is going after an evil corporation called Umbrella who basically has turned almost everyone in the world into zombies and she wants to stop them before they do... something, while rescuing any survivors she finds. The plot, well... there isn't one, not in the slightest is there even a resemblance of a plot. Well, what about character development, the answer to that question is "What Characters? All I saw was slow motion action scenes". Speaking of slow motion action scenes, there are way too many scenes that go into slow motion for no reason other than the fact that this film's director (Paul W.S Anderson) apparently has a fetish for the Matrix films, hell even the first ten minutes are ripped off from the Matrix, they ripped off the biggest scene in that film! About halfway into the film Alice goes to a prison where survivors are hiding and meets up with a bunch of side characters that you aren't going to give a damn about so I am not going to name them, she also meets Claire Redfield's brother palyed by the guy from the tv show Prison Break, who gives a horrible preformance. Hell, everyone in this movie does a terrible job, especially the guy who plays Albert Wesker(Shawn Roberts) the leader of Umbrella, but I can't really blame him as the script is so bad that even Robert De Niro couldn't make it sound good! Now, Paul W.S Anderson says that he loves the video games (Resident Evil 5 specifically), well let me tell you this: As a huge fan of the video games, this film has NO resemblance to the games other than then some of the characters and that it has the same name. He also shoves in shit from the game into the film for no reason and it makes no damn sense. For example, while in the prison the survivors encounter a massive man who the zombies don't f**k with, while in the middle of all this crap has managed to build a huge ass axe. Where did he come from, is he a zombie, why is he after these people? The movie never gives us an answer. The only things I will give this film credit for is that the 3D is actually pretty good (This was filmed with the same cameras James Cameron used to make Avatar) and that the film looks goregous, the backgrounds look beautiful. This is my message to Paul W.S Anderson: Stop raping the Resident Evil franchise!

Safe
Safe(2012)

You got to love Jason Statham, even if you don't like his movies usually (In The Name Of The King being one of the few exceptions) you cannot deny that they are fun. Such is the case with Safe, a movie in which Jason Statham plays a boxer, that one day really pissess off the mob to the point where they kill his family and tell him "If we ever catch you making friends of any sort, we will kill them." but one day he sees a little girl is running away from the mob and he decides to help protect her, not only from the mob, but a Yakuza-like gang and corrupt cops. The story here is actually surprisingly quite intelligent, with the girl memorizing the numbers and finding out what they mean, and while it may get a bit predictable it works quite well. The acting is top notch from everybody, especially from Statham (You can actually understand him this time). The characters are likable and well fleshed out. Now, if you've seen the trailer and think that the little girl is going to be an obnoxious little twerp, you're surprisingly wrong. She is actually quite smart. Never at any point did I think to myself "You dumb bitch". Now we get to the star of Safe, which is the action scenes. They are well filmed so that you could tell whats going on, and so thrilling that you'll barely have time to catch your breath. By the time one of them was over I was actually standing up in the theatere. Safe is one hell of a dazzling action spectacle.

Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star

Not funny! Not funny! Not funny! Please, no more Nick Swardson! No more I beg you!!!!!!! Please no more!!!!!

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Transformers Revenge of the Fallen is one of the worst action movies I have ever seen in my entire life. How do you fuck up a concept this simple? Robots beating the shit out of each other should've been awesome, yet dumbass Michael Bay found a way to fuck it up beyond belief.

Now, before I delve into this giant... Clusterfuck, let's go back in time to 2009, an eager 12 year old who is one of the biggest Transformers fans in his school is going to see the sequel to what he considered a fun movie, Michael Bay's Transformers. He's wearing a shirt that has Optimus Prime on it, all he wants is to watch a movie about giant robots beating the living fuck out of each other with his father, he isn't expecting... fucking Shakespeare here. When he watches the movie, instead of getting a dumb fun movie, he gets a movie with racial stereotypes, dogs humping each other twice, lame jokes, terrible action scenes, lame effects, overlong runtime, and about a thousand other annoyances. When the movie is finally over, he turns to his dad and says "What the fuck was that?!" Now instead of slapping him for using such language, the father says "I know right!" That little kid... was me. The reason I told you this story is to disprove those retarded assholes who say "Aw Peter, what did you want. Just turn your brain off and try to have fun, it isn't supposed to be deep" so no fuck you, I went into this movie expecting an entertaining good summer film, and that isn't what I got so I have a right to be pissed off.

I'm supposed to give you guys a synopsis of the plot of this movie, but... there isn't one! I could copy and paste a synopsis from IMDB, but let's be honest here this shit doesn't make any fucking sense! WOW! Michael Bay has managed to make a movie that is something ridiculous, something like 2 hours and forty-minutes where nothing fucking happens! NOTHING! There are dozens if not hundreds of plot holes in this piece of shit movie, but I don't have time to list them all... no wait yes I do. Let's list some of them right now.

*Why does no one know about the transformers when they fight in a massive city?

*How come only a prime can defeat the fallen?

*How come the military left the allspark remnant undefended?

*Why doesn't Sam want bumblebee after he just saved his fucking life moments ago? Why can't Megan Fox act worth a damn?!

*How come Jetfire has the ability to teleport when no one else does?

* Why does Michael bay think we give a fuck about the human characters?!

* Where was that place where the fallen was on? Was it an asteroid?

*How come the military couldn't contact their troops in Egypt when a fucking diplomat could talk to command... from Egypt! If the fallen is so powerfulwhy did he have to revive Megatron? Is he just lazy, he could've clearly killed optimus by himself?

*It's been shown how untrustworthy and power hungry Megatron is the fallen stupid.

*How come Jetfire has a beard?

*Why did the Decepticons kidnap Sam's annoying ass parents?

*And since when could Transformers transform into hot chicks?

But one of the biggest problems I have with the movie is the racist pair of ghetto bots named Skids and Mudflaps, if you are black you should be offended by these two, because I'm not black and I'm offended. They talk in slang that black people haven't used in decades! Like "Hey dude! Let's fuck up some shit due! Stop being such a pussy. Yo dude!" And "Man, come on motherfucker! Let's go dog!" They are the equivalent of two Jar Jar Binks'. And we have to spend the whole fucking movie with them! No, you don't get to spend the movie with Optimus Prime, Jetfire, or Ratchet, instead you get to spend the movie with the most racist personas I have seen since Jar Jar Binks. And speaking of annoying...

The characters in this movie are fucking annoying. Why do we need human characters in a fucking Transformers movie? Why?! They serve no purpose in the context of the plot. Why do we need Megan Fox? I'm going to disprove of all those guys who says "Well she's hot, so you shouldn't mind" and "Real men like Megan Fox" Anybody who says these things is a fucking idiot that should be tortured beyond belief for their sheer stupidity. I don't need Transformers to show me hot girls! I could go on the internet and download that type of shit for free, and it'll probably have more of a plot to it than Revenge Of the Fallen. So to those who go to Transformers movies to see Megan Fox and hot girls: Please for fucks sake, grow up. All that Megan Fox does in this movie is say stupid shit like "Oh Sam, I'll never leave you Sam" (Which apparently she did, loll) or "We are in this together Sam" I mean cut me a fucking break, in the first movie it was sort of a believable romance cause they treated it sort of like a play thing, and didn't seem all to serious about it. And they never said such stupid romantic lines before, at least not to the point where it would annoy me. Here, I literally kept saying in my head "You dumb bitch, please shut up and get to the robots already." Shia LeBouf shows here just how annoying he can be in this movie, cause he never shuts his fucking mouth, and I don't blame him, I blame whoever wrote the script. All he does in this movie is talk really fast and scream really loud. And what purpose does Shia's roommate serve? Why is he there? He does nothing but whine and bitch trough out the whole fucking movie. For fucks sake, they have managed to make his character more annoying than John Turturro!

And they add in way too many new robots, it gets to the point where I can't tell the difference between them anymore cause they all look the fucking same. All of them are a grey color except for Optimus Prime who is red, The Fallen who is blue, Bumblebee who is yellow, and Mudflap and Skids who are green and red. I mean, they introduce like 30 new Decepticons and you learn the names of like 5 of them. If you had trouble following the first movie, well let's just say as someone who was able to follow the first one, I couldn't tell what the fuck was going on. I think that this also leads into my next paragraph which is...

Transformers Revenge Of the Fallen contains some of the worst actions scenes I have ever seen. I mean seriously, Uwe Boll would watch Revenge Of the Fallen, to feel better about himself. Every action scene is shot too close, to frantic, and in such weird angels that it is impossible to tell what the fuck is going on. I compare it to if in the first Matrix during the lobby shootout scene someone took a tree and covered the screen so that you couldn't tell what the fuck was happening.

I also hate this films sense of humor, I mean Michael Bay just isn't funny. In fact they are actually kind of embarrassing, it's like South Park if you took out EVERYTHING that made South Park good and funny you would most likely end up with this. Like the scene where Shia's character's annoying mom eats a bunch of brownies that contain drugs and she goes around being all high and shit and making unfunny jokes, I literally face palmed during that scene. If you found anything in this movie funny, shame on you, SHAME ON YOU!

Oh and a little side-question here, why are all the girls at the college campus hot? I mean I'm not saying I don't like hot chicks, I love them, but like I said before, it gives me the impression that Michael Bay believes that the only way teenagers will go to see his movies is if he puts hot girls everywhere and it just comes off to me as him being desperate and just plain stupid, Like he probably realized how much money he blew into this (around 200 million if I'm not mistaken) and that if this bombed (Which it should have) he would be fired, so he added in the hot girls so that dumbass teenagers with hormone issues would be tricked into seeing it. And where did all that money go anyway? Definitely not to the effects, they're horrible, the transformers look like junk just crushed together and they look so fake to me that I know it didn't go there, at least I hope it didn't. I'm thinking that it went to the marketing, that's probably why this movie was successful. That money could have gone to the poor, or to the homeless or something, anything but this.

Michael Bay also manages to rip off shit from tons of other sci-fi movies , and not in a good way in way where you go "Aw fuck, really?" Take a wild guess where Michael Bay got the idea of a hot robot alien girl (cough*Species*cough). He even rips off the first film for god's sake! I'm surprised that no one pointed this out, but remember in the first movie when they call in the bombing run on Scorponok and it has the camera pans behind the bomber gunship, I swear that when they call in the bombing run on the Devastator which is this big robot with balls, ha ha Michael Bay, very funny, (Wait, wasn't Devastator that big tank that was killed in the last movie? Did anybody care to watch the first movie before writing the fucking script?) and they use the exact same angle and shot to the point where I swear that they just reused that reel.

Transformers Revenge Of the Fallen is one of the worst movie sequels I have ever seen, and I've seen a lot. Michael Bay really dropped the ball on this one, hell even Michael Bay and Shia Lebouf think that Revenge Of The Fallen is crap, no one can defend this turd of a film after even the director and the main star call it crap. All copies of this movie should be burned on sight.

Chernobyl Diaries

Piece of shit! That's what Chernobyl Diaries is. Never before have I seen a film with so much potential turn out so damn bad. Here is this movie in a brief summary: dumbass teenagers go to Chernobyl, encounter mutants, and die one by one. If you thought that this movie was going to be sort of like Cloverfield or The Blair Witch Project with a first person camera point of view (Which is what I expected from a movie titled Chernobyl Diaries) well guess what: It's not! It is shot like a traditional movie (Which makes it a whole lot less scary) except whenever something intense is going on it goes all shaky, it gets so damn annoying really fast. There must've been one of those facilities from The Cabin In The Woods under Chernobyl pulling the strings (If you saw Cabin In The Woods you know what I'm talking about) because the main characters act so f***ing stupid that you can't wait for them to get eviscerated. First of all, of all the places in the world you could take a tour (Japan, Paris, London, etc.) why the hell would you go to Chernobyl?! Which is well known as one of the most dangerously radioactive places on planet Earth? It makes the movie so much harder to watch when your premise is so damn stupid. In the movie, when the main characters find out that their van's power cables have been cut, why don't they just walk to the military checkpoint that is only 5 miles away instead of hiding in the van like a bunch of idiots? How come the infamous reactor is in the center of the city when we all know that it isn't? How can the mutants still be alive when they've been exposed to lord knows how much radiation? Who are the mutants exactly? Are they former residents that stayed behind? Are they tourist who got trapped there? Why didn't these teens leave when they saw that all of the soliders at the checkpoint were heavily armed. Why, why, why, why, why?! In some movies like Cloverfield it is okay to leave questions unanswered as long as it fits into context with the plot (Real everyday people probably wouldn't know what the monster was and where it really came from. That helps build fear and tension to the movie) but here they set it up like there is going to be a real payoff in the end and then guess what: The movie ends! Hell, you hardly ever see the damn mutants at all. Whenever you do it is all blurred out and distorted, which just leads me to believe that they were just too cheap to hire a make-up artist (Though they blew cash on a fake cgi bear)The characters are what you expect , dumb annoying 20-something year olds you can't wait to see get torn apart. You'd be better off going to the real Chernobyl than watching this movie.

World War Z
World War Z(2013)

I gotta admit: this sounds like a dumb idea on paper... Take a monster well known to be at home in the horror genre and put it in a summer blockbuster. Well I'll be damned, it actually worked pretty well.
The story follows a UN Doctor who must travel around the world to stop a deadly zombie outbreak threatening to destroy the entire human race. The plot, while it deviates from the book in many ways, is really well done and really well told.
Brad Pitt stars as the main character: Gerry Lane. Brad Pitt pulls off his role perfectly, and truthfully this is one of the best performances of his career. You buy him as a really smart family man who just wants to ensure his family's survival. The other actors do well in their roles as well, and their characters are pretty interesting and well fleshed out.
How are the zombies: F*cking AWESOME! Now, I now some hardcore zombie loyalist (Otherwise known as idiots) are all up in arms cause according to then "They aren't true zombies. Why couldn't you make them slow?" Let me ask you guys a question: which do you find scarier: A slow ass zombie or a sprinting zombie who charges at you. Obviously you would say the latter. Fast zombies make for a far greater threat, and a better apocalypse. Slow zombies would get their asses kicked truthfully. And the makeup for the zombies here is really well done, and they are really threatening.
What truly sells World War Z is the great action scenes. This is a summer blockbuster so naturally this is expected, but still: WOW. But by far my favorite part is when they have to sneak around the zombies: The suspension and levels of tension are almost unbearable. And the fast pacing of the film ensures that you will never grow bored.
Overall, World War Z is a success. With great performances, awesome zombies, great pacing, and gripping terror, World War Z is truthfully one of the best zombie movies we have had since since the 2004 Dawn of The Dead Remake, and is actually better than 28 Days Later and 28 Weeks Later.

The Amazing Spider-Man
½

**Just a quick heads up: I'm one of those that loves Spiderman 3, and the other two Rami films. The Spiderman trilogy is one of my favorite trilogies ever. Reason I'm saying this is because I know there were people that didn't like Spiderman 3, if you're one of those stop reading right now. Otherwise, kick back and I hope you enjoy.**
The story of The Amazing Spiderman is that one day, while going through some old junk, Peter Parker discovers something about his parents, who left him under mysterious circumstances. While investigating, he gets bitten by a radioactive spider (Take a wild guess what happens to him). Now he must uncover his past and stop Doctor Connors "The Lizard" from unleashing armageddon on NYC. Some people complain that this film revisits a lot of the same threads of the Rami trilogy. While they're not wrong and it did annoy me a tiny bit, those plot elements appear in every fucking origin story of Spiderman out there, they are very important plot elements that would've hurt the movie if taken out. And the film sort of goes over these familiar plot points really fast. The story is actually really well told, due to great pacing and likable characters, I was always interested in what was going on. There are also tons of Easter eggs for hardcore spidey fans to pick out. I also like how they had Peter Parker build his web shooters, the fact that he didn't in the Rami trilogy stuck out as sort of stupid to me. The pacing is all over the place: It speeds up, it slows down, it speeds up again. Yet it all feels organic and natural. I also really liked the romance in this movie, much more than that of the Rami trilogy. The chemistry between Gwen Stacy (Emma Stone) and Peter Parker (Andrew Garfield) felt unique and believable, which it should considering that they are actually dating (Are they still, I haven't been keeping up with that). The acting compliments the film's story, serving up fine performances from everyone in the cast. Also, The Lizard has to be the best villain to be in a Spiderman film to date. The true star of The Amazing Spiderman has to be the action scenes. They are fucking amazing. They are so frantic, quick, and intense and move at really fast speeds, and yet you can still tell what is going on. The special effects also shine in the action scenes. While it's retelling of old plot threads did annoy me a bit, yet the plot overall is still well told and crafted, backed up by great set-pieces, good dialogue, badass action, great acting, kickass 3D, and beautiful special effects. Add all these together and you have one of the best spiderman films yet.

AVP - Alien Vs. Predator
½

Talk about a letdown. I mean what the fuck happened? Did Paul W.S (Worthless shithead) Anderson's balls drop off or something? Well, we got a lot of shit to dig through so lets get started.
The story of Alien Vs Predator (AVP) is that a satellite owned by the Weyland Corporation detects a pyramid in Antartica, so a team led by owner and billionare Charles Bishop Weyland, is dispatched to investigate. Obviously, they don't have a fucking clue what awaits them. First of all, why is the movie set in the than present day 2004? Somebody else on Youtube already pointed this out but wasn't the whole point of the Alien films to try to stop the Xenomorphs from reaching Earth, cause if they did it would mean the end of everything. Did whoever wrote the script consider that before writing the fucking movie? NO! Of course they didn't. To make matters worse, the story is predictable as hell. You can already tell who is going to live and who is going to die, which removes the tension immediately. And don't even get me started on the plot holes, contradictions, and outright stupid shit, like the fact that the predators hate the cold, that is why they hunt in the extreme heat, yet in here they are hunting in one of the coldest places on the planet.
The characters in AVP are fucking brainless monkeys who deserve to die for their poor qualities as well... characters. None of them are memorable or interesting in the slightest sense of the word. A lot of them are downright annoying, like that guy who would not shut the fuck up about his kids. Or that prick with his stupid good luck charm. When they die in horrible, painful ways, you just do not give a shit. And that is unacceptable. Dialogue in AVP is as bad as it gets. Almost every line that comes out of the characters mouth makes you cringe, the lack of quality in this script is truly remarkable. I know for a fact that nobody with an IQ above 50 proofread the script before filming began, cause towards the end the last surviving predator and human team up to kill the aliens. Never mind the fact that the predators are supposed to be bad guys, but I swear they almost kiss at one point. If they had explained the team up better (Like they did i How are the predators in AVP? Answer: Fucking pussies. For some reason, the fast and agile predators that we have come to love have been replaced by predators that are slow and clunky, they're basically the rejects. Whoever wrote this shit script also has obviously never seen a Predator film, cause they even got the fucking predator thermal vision wrong! And someone please explain to me why they make lion noises. Why did the predators not bring their weapons with them? When you hunt the most deadly prey in the galaxy you don't do it unarmed, unless you want to die. n the comics)What truly cripples AVP is its PG-13 rating, where as every other film in the franchise has an R rating, and for good reason cause they contain strong language, blood and gore, and dark mature themes. All of these have been removed to attain the PG-13 rating, which wouldn't bother me so fucking much if it wasn't so obvious. Every time someone drops and f-bomb, or is about to get killed in a gruesome way the film cuts away. I compare it to a hot girl about to show you her rack when all of a sudden an old man walks in front of you and blocks your view entirely. The fact that the film was released in the summer is no excuse for its poor quality. then maybe I wouldn't find this so insultingly stupid.
Despite all of my complaints, I can see the movie being seen by many as fun, but only the second act of the film (The first act is boring, and the third is fucking stupid AND boring). Call me a hater, because I don't give a fuck how many people like this horrendous piece of shit (Korey Coleman, James Cameron, come on man, you know deep down you hate this film like the rest of us), the movie is a terrible idea for a film (It works for comics and video games, but films aren't those, they are a completely different medium) and should not have been made.

Death Tunnel
Death Tunnel(2005)

While it contains a fascinating setting that I wish more ghost films would explore (Waverly Hills Sanatorium, look it up it is quite interesting, and frightening) Death Tunnel contains far too much terrible dialogue, plot holes, unexplained character motivations, and unlikable characters to justify watching it.

2012
2012(2009)
½

In case you have been living under a rock for the past decade, then you probably know that the world was supposed to end last year as predicted by fucking fools. So, I'm going to review the movie which is equally as fucking stupid. The movie stars John Cusack as a failed author who finds out that the world is ending, so he tries to take his family to safety from the oncoming apocalypse. The plot is downright silly, with dumb shit that makes no sense to an ending that I couldn't stop laughing at. Hell, I found this movie hilarious when I wasn't supposed to. But I will say, whenever we finally see some destruction the movie does get better. If you have to see this, rent it.

Independence Day
½

I do not like this movie. I apparently am one of the few that thinks that Independence Day is one of the most overrated films ever. Now, if you are one of those that loves this movie: A. WTF do you see in this stupid ass movie? and B. Stop reading this review right now, cause I'm not going to do anything but talk shit about this movie.Independence Day's stupid plot is that aliens come down and are basically all like "Yo, earthlings. You are going down" and we are all like "No, you guys are going down" and war basically ensues as the special effects of the film take place above the storytelling. There is not one character in this movie that I liked, other than Will Smith obviously, hell I despised them. They are all so bland, uninteresting, and downright annoying that I almost fell asleep during the first act. That is until the aliens start blowing up everything, then the film does get more interesting. You see, the film's only strengths are it's action scenes and special effects, cause they are spectacular. The action is shot beautifully and moves at such a frantic pace that I was like "Okay this is more like it" then it would go back to people just talking, and talking some more, and then guess what: Then they talk some more! This wouldn't bother me so fucking much if the dialogue was well written, but it's not! It is so cheesy that I couldn't help but groan several times throughout the movie. On the whole. Independence Day is a bad movie saved by great special effects and action scenes, rent it if you must but DO NOT see it in 3D! Of all the movies to Re-release, why Independence Day?! Why not the first Matrix, or Kill Bill instead?!

Sinister
Sinister(2012)
½

Oh Sinister, oh Sinister how much do I love thee? Let us count the ways.
Sinister stars Ethan Hawke as an author who writes highly controversial stories about murder. So he movies into a house where the previous family that lived there was murdered, keep in mind he didn't tell his family about that fact. He finds a box of old 8mm films, so obviously he watches them. Now, seeing as he can't move his family out of the house (For reasons that actually make sense) he must now try to protect his family from an entity that won't stop till they are dead. Sounds really formulaic right? Nope, Sinister is smart enough to make this familiar story unfamiliar. Ethan Hawke and the rest of the cast help sell this story, all of them do great jobs with their roles (Hawke being the standout, obviously). The script is as a whole is well penned and contains great dialogue.
What makes me love Sinister is that it is actually terrifying. Along with some truly horrifying imagery, the supernatural entity is the most terrifying I have seen in a horror movie, but the way he comes out and kills you is what really makes him scary. I'm not going to spoil the film for you, but I will say this: For the next two weeks after you watch this film, you will be scared of any photo that has something in the background you can't make out, like I said: see the movie and you'll know what I mean
While the ending is not terrible, it is a bit disappointing. But despite that, the film is a visually stunning, well acted, smartly penned, and very scary film that all horror buffs must see.

I Spy
I Spy(2002)

I, Spy (Based on the tv show of the same name, which I have never seen) is the story of a special agent and a famous boxer who are forced to work together in order to recover a stolen stealth plane. The story is beyond stupid, and the dialogue is sort of a mixed bag. So why do I like this movie? It's sense of fun is why, which is because it moves at a "Fast but not too fast" pacing. There is always something comedic, action packed, or a little bit of both, going on, and the thrills are nonstop. Plus, Owen Wilson and Eddy Murphy work really well together. All in all, don't believe the low Rotten Tomatoes score, if you can let yourself go an just have fun with a movie then give this one a chance.

Scary or Die
Scary or Die(2012)

Poorly filmed, horribly acted, not scary, and almost unwatchable. Scary or die is the clear example of what horror anthologies should avoid being like. I love horror anthologies, so if I say that the film is boring then the film is fucking boring, and I'm quite forgiving of these types of movies. The only reason I'm not giving this film a "F**K YOU" is because it helped put me to sleep. Goddamn, how do you make a movie like this with blood, gore, and hot girls so fucking boring? That shouldn't be possible anymore, even if you have a low budget like this did, cause that excuse doesn't really cut it anymore due to amount of low budget horror films I've seen that were terrific.

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

2009 and 2010 were the worst summer movie seasons, like ever. For every good movie that was released during them (District 9, Toy Story 3, Inception, Iron Man 2) we had a ton of shitty movies that accompanied them. And G.I Joe: The Rise of Cobra was one of the bad ones, yet not as bad as some of the others were. It is just flat-out stupid. G.I Joe: The Rise Of Cobra is about... well, it's about a team of soldiers trying to stop terrorist from unleashing ghost ooze against the world. The story is so stupid, that it is insulting to stupid movies to classify this as stupid. There is no beginning, there is no middle, and there is no end. It is just shit blowing up with no rhyme or reason. Who is this Cobra, what is their ultimate goal, where are they getting this technology? If you are a fan of G.I Joe (Like myself), you may have the answers... but there is no way in hell anybody else will! Cause they never fucking explain anything! And they butcher the G.I Joe lore. I'm not saying that G.I Joe lore, while definitely not perfect, it was there. My problem is that they took a series with an established history behind it and they did nothing with it. For fucks sake, they made the Baroness blonde! And don't even get me started on what they did to Cobra Commander.
How is the dialogue? Awful, fucking horrendously awful. The nonstop action cleche' moments are downright embarrassing, from lines such as "You could do that?" to "Now you will die, without saying a word" the dialogue makes you cringe, and all of this is poorly delivered as well. The acting here is as fake as the horrible special effects. Speaking of which, the action scenes downright rip off Michael Bay's Transformers movies. Of all the action movies they could've ripped off, why Transformers? G.I Joe: The Rise Of Cobra, while not a F**K YOU, it is most definitely a Some Ole' Bullsh*t. It is a embarrassment to this franchise. Thankfully, the sequel looks much, much better. Hopefully, it'll succeed where this film failed.

Conan the Barbarian

I have never seen the Arnold Conan films, so I didn't know what to expect when I saw this horrendous excuse of a film. But those originals... they have got to be better than this! Cause this... this piece of shit pissed me the fuck off, there is nothing of quality here! NOTHING! The plot is that Conan, as a boy witnesses his father being killed along with the rest of his village. Who does this to him? A warlord that is so one-dimensional that he belongs in an Austin Powers movie, not a Conan film. Now, Conan seeks revenge against him. It is far, FAR worse than it sounds. This script is so poorly written that it makes you wonder if a monkey wrote this. Never once did I give a shit about what was happening onscreen, cause the dialogue is fucking atrocious. And its' delivery... don't even get me fucking started. None of these people here even TRY to act! As for Conan himself, he was as boring as everything else in the film. The action scenes here are horribly shot and poorly edited. You can never tell what the fuck is happening since everything is shot so tight. The special effects, sets, make-up, and costumes all look awful, these people ought be ashamed of themselves.

In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale

You know what? If Uwe Boll isn't going to take the time to try to make his movies at least watchable, then I'm not going to write a decent sized review. Here is my review: Acting- Horrible,The Script- abysmal, Action- Even worse than the script. Man, fuck Uwe Boll, goddamn douchebag needs to stop making movies and do something else instead. (That was my review, now I'm sort of ranting.) The reason we won't ever get a great video game movie is because Hollywood keeps letting dumbasses like this cunt make them, and apparently they aren't stopping. Apparently they are not only going to rape Mass Effect, but they are also going to rape Uncharted, and Metal Gear Solid, and for some reason some dumbass thought it would be a good idea to make a Kayne and Lynch movie? Hell, they are planning to churn more of these out than they did before, I shit you not. Talk about desperation, an Angry Birds movie? What the fuck, is Hollywood really that desperate? What's next? Are they going to make movies out of fast food chains (Imagine: McDonalds The Movie, Revenge of The Burger King. I can see it already) cause that's the direction we appear to be headed.

House at the End of the Street

Despite featuring the incredible acting talents of Hunger Games star Jennifer Lawrence, House at The end Of The Street is the clear cut definition of a dog shit horror film with horrendous acting and a dumb ass script. Why was this given a theatrical release again?

Asylum Blackout
½

What happens when the lunatics take over the asylum? Well, you get one suck ass movie. Despite the creepy atmosphere and some creepy visuals, Asylum Blackout fails due to a lackluster plot, dog shit dialogue, and terrible acting. If you want something similar to this go out and play Batman: Arkham Asylum. Not only cause it's Batman, but also because it kicks ass and it does this type of story really well, where as this film does not.

Outpost: Black Sun

While it's premise is beyond stupid, some of the acting is a bit sub-par, and the cliffhanger ending pissed me off, Outpost:Black Sun is still an entertaining B-movie experience due to some witty dialogue, gruesome action scenes, tense moments, and great make-up. I would actually be interested in seeing a sequel to this.

Arthur
Arthur(2011)
½

About as useless and unnecessary as possible, what Arthur suffers from is a poor script, lame acting, and despite some genuine laughs, depth. It's a damn shame to, because the cast is actually really likable.

Paranormal Activity

This movie's bullshit, there I said it. I have to agree with the haters on this film (And on this series for that matter), I generally think that most ghost movies are shit (Obviously, there are exceptions) but when done well like on Celebrity Ghost Stories and School Spirits (Yes, I know that those are all full of shit, but they scare me nonetheless), however when done shitty like on Ghost Hunters they fucking annoy me. Paranormal Activity not only fucking annoys me with it's poor quality as a film, but also with how overrated it is critically (An 82%! Really?!). Paranormal Activity is about a young couple who are experiencing weird shit at night, so they decide to film it. They then discover that they are being haunted by a supernatural entity that has been following the girl, named Katie, since she was a little girl. Naturally, seeing as how they are dumb young white people, they don't decide to leave the house like anybody with a brain would do, instead they decide to stay for reasons that are never explained. And plus, the boyfriend, Micah, is treating this like a joke and is even taunting this thing. The plot is uninteresting, dull, and overall just fucking stupid. The characters here are some of the most unlikable I have ever seen in a horror movie, they bicker, wine, complain, and are downright fucking stupid. Okay, so it is pretty obvious that this thing has a fetish for Katie, and yet when she gets mad at her boyfriend she throws him out of the bedroom and goes back to sleep in that same bedroom, you know: The one where all the crazy shit has been happening, and she sleeps there alone. Again, the girl that the ghost wants goes to sleep alone. Does that sound smart to you, and to top it off she was just yelling at Micah for not taking this seriously. Yeah, she is so clearly taking this seriously herself. It doesn't help that the acting is horrible and the dialogue is garbage. Now we get to what truly cripples the movie: The poor pacing and no real scares. I find the idea of ghost terrifying, so why do I find this movie so fucking hilarious? A guy like me, I should be horrified. It's because the timing is poor, and it is way to slow for it's own good, all the ghost does is slam pots, walk around, and slam doors. That doesn't scare me, what would scare me is if I woke up and found a ghost sitting on the side of my bed with shark teeth and glowing red eyes, blood on their face, and they were hostile as fuck. You know, things that are actually scary. Now I am all for psychological horror, but it is just poorly done here. Before someone calls me a hater, I came into this film with an open mind, I was ready to sit back and enjoy a good horror flick. But then, the film started and at first I was like "Wow, this is really boring. But maybe it's just me" and as that shit went along I realized "Naw dude, it's this movie, it's just boring". Why this has such a high rating on rotten tomatoes, I don't fucking know. Maybe they saw a different movie then I did, cause all I saw was a truly horrible horror film. There is not one thing I liked about this film, and in my opinion it is the very definition of a awful film.

Star Trek Into Darkness
½

Star Trek Into Darkness is without question the best movie of the summer thus far. Star Trek 2009 was without question one of the best movies released that summer, it had great acting, some really good action, it looked gorgeous, and it had a good plot to go with it. Star Trek Into Darkness has the crew of the Enterprise going after a terrorist named John Harrison, who was once one of the Federation's top agents. The plot may sound really generic, but believe me when I say that it isn't. It goes to some places that really caught me off guard. And as for the villain: Best villain since Darth Vader. Believe me when I say this: Benedict Cumberpatch is an incredible actor, he truly steals the show whenever he comes onscreen. And he is without a doubt the best villain in the franchise's long history. Everybody else in the cast gives great performances as well. And as for Spock and Kirk, it is still such a joy to see them work together, and their banter is truly great. The action set pieces are awesome, as the movie whisk you from one incredible action scene to the next you will barely have time to catch your breath. There is however some minor problems I have with the film: The constant need of the film to reference previous entries is kind of irritating, and the ending is pretty predictable. But these minor flaws don't hold Star Trek back from being the best movie of the summer so far, and likely being one of the best films of the year.

The Evil Dead

Very few films can mix humor and horror like The Evil Dead. The film is about a group of teenagers who are going to a cabin out in the middle of nowhere. While there, they find a book called the book of the dead, one of them recites the words and in doing so, releases unleashes a bunch of demons. The acting is top notch from everyone, along with the creepy as hell demon voices that are garunteed to give you the creeps and the sound of the winds increasing outside, it wins in the auditory department. This film is gory. Yes I've seen hundreds of not thousands of films and this is the only film that the gore looked so real and disgusting, I actually threw up. There is no horror film out there right now that can match this film in terms of violence, between demons getting their heads cut off and buckets of blood (literally), I recommend that you bring a barf bag. Another thing is that this is the scariest film I have ever seen, even more so than The Exorcist. The way this film builds up suspense and tension is unrivaled in any film in any category, not just horror, and the best part: most of the scares aren't jump scares! It is also unrivaled in the humor department, heads are getting cut off and yet it is intentionally funny, the sort of humor that you'll find in Zombieland and Shaun Of The Dead (Though this film came before both). Add all this, plus the most creative camerwork in the industry and you've got the formula for one badass film. If you like movies of any sort, go check this out. And even if you don't like movies (I've never met anyone like that though) you should still go out and buy this movie. The Evil Dead is a masterpiece, I cannot recommend this movie enough.

Mission: Impossible 2

Why this film gets so much hate I'll never know, but I still love it. The plot is a bit simplistic however: the team basically has to stop a madman from unleashing a virus that has the potential to wipe out humanity. But the plot isn't what I love about this film, it is the teriffic action scenes, good acting, and sense of style. This installment was directed by John Woo (Face/Off, Hardboiled) so you obviously have a ton of slow motion setpieces. They look really awesome, epecially during the motorcycle chase near the end. If you are looking for a film that is very deep and complex, you won't find it here. But what you will find is a cool film that boast good witty dialouge, triple-a acting, and action set pieces that truly dazzle. Mission Impossible is a nonstop thrill ride from beginning to end.

Thor
Thor(2011)

I admit it: I never liked Thor all that much in the comics. I know I've probably pissed off a lot of people by saying that, but Thor always seemed like an a-hole to me. But guess what? I love the Thor movie! The story is that there is this place called Asgard, which is basically the Norse God's version of Olympus. Thor, the son of Odin, is basically acting like a royal asshole. Showing defience towards Odin and having an attitude that says "I'm just better than you". Odin goes off on him like "I've had enough of your s**t, I'm stripping you of your powers and exiling you to Earth to learn some respect!". The characters in Thor are really likable and interesting. Thor is also really funny, there is great comedy in this movie and that makes the film all that more engaging. The story is also well told, with terrific action scenes to back it up. Top that off with awesome special effects and Thor ends up being nothing short of spectacular entertainment.

The Grudge 3
The Grudge 3(2009)
½

There is an ancient hollywood saying: When a film in a series that is usually released in theateres goes straight to dvd, it isn't a very good sign. That is clearly the case with the loathesome piece of shit known as The Grudge 3. The plot of this so called "product of entertainment" is that the curse from the previous films is now manifesting in an apartment complex in chicago, a woman comes in saying that she knows how to put an end to the curse once and for all (Thank god, because I'm getting sick of these f***ing Grudge movies) and a bunch of bullshit happens. If you thought that the other Grudge movies had a confusing plot like I did, well they still do, but you will have an even worse time trying to follow the plot of this shlock. The characters are unlikeable royal dumbasses who deserve to die for being so damn stupid (Seriously, why don't they just run away from the ghost lady, she clearly isn't that fast. Or better yet, why dont they just punch her in the face then run away?). And worse of all: the acting is so bad that I felt like my ears were being raped from the inside-out. Add in fake cgi ghost that are more laughable than scary and you got one curse that never should've been resurrected.

Transformers: Dark of the Moon

I have to admit, when Michael Bay announced Transformers 3, I was incredibly skeptical. I had a feeling that it was going to suck just like Transformers 2 did. Well, I was right. First off, lets get this out of the way, you don't see any damn Transformers fighting for over an hour! An hour of stupid comedy that isn't even funny. If you think this movie is funny, you need to get your head checked. The acting is horendous at best, torture at worst. Michael Bay is best when he's tearing s**t up, not trying to make a film based on a franchise that has decades of story to draw from. Shia Lebeouf is a very talented actor in my opinion, but here, he is just annoying. He does two things in this film: scream and talk really fast. The character that Rosie plays is more likeable than Megan Fox's character from the last film, which is not saying much. The completely stupid story starts in the beginning of the cold war, a ship carrying a bunch of transformers crash lands on the moon, and the U.S beats Russia to it and while inside, the astornauts discover all the corpses inside along with Sentinel Prime, even though according to the last film all the primes were said to be killed (we saw those stupid looking ghost!) that is my main problem with this series, the last two films have been nothing but reboots from the first one, they disregard the story and the continuity makes so sense. Anyway, as I was saying, the decepticons headed by mr meanie head Megatron, are about to unhatch this plan to bring the dead world of cybertron to Earth, and at some point, wipe out humanity. The story, well f**k it, if you can figure this crappy story out, you deserve a medal. As for the action, well its okay, but it gets so boring like three quarters into the film, you grow to hate these characters so you don't care weather they llive or die. The new transformers, well, we don't know anything about them so who cares? The cgi on the transformers look like junk smashed together, a.k.a not good. The only part of the movie I enjoyed is when the main characters are trapped in a falling building, that part was quite entertaining. Oh, and as for the 3D, it sucks as well. Bottom line, this film sucks, its the worst embarrassment the transformers have ever had to put up with, you will never ever get me to watch this piece of trash that we are forced to call entertainment ever again!

Marvel's The Avengers

Excelcior my fellow Marvelites! Marvel's The Avengers has finally arrived and I can safetly and happily say that not only does it live up to the massive hype surrounding it, but it actually surpasses it. In The Avengers: Iron Man, The Hulk, Hawkeye, Black Widow, Thor, and Captain America all have to team up (Unwillingly I might add) in order to stop Loki and the alien spieces under his servitude(The Chitari) from taking over the Earth. I f***ing love this movies' script, for many reasons not the least of which is that it adresses what I was thinking "Wait, I thought that these people always work alone. How are they going to be able to suck up their pride and fight as a team?" Well... lets just say that when they first meet each other these heroes don't get along very well. In fact, it is more like a WWE smackdown, since when they first meet they beat the shit out of each other. The reason why this works so well is because of like I said if because of the script. The dialouge is so clever, funny, well-written, and believable that I stand by my word when I say that this is one of the best scripts ever written in cinematic history. Also partially due to the fact that the awesome director (Joss Whedon. You might recognize him as was the writer for for Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Toy Story, Serenity, Firefly, etc.) also wrote the script, and that he is such a huge comic book fan and he has such an eye for detail that I find incredible. There are so many easter eggs in this movie for Marvel fans to discover (Like in Captain America:The First Avenger), and they are all worth the hunt. The fact that he has written so many scripts and some comic books and directed some tv episodes, it makes sense for him to direct a movie with several different famous superheroes in one movie. I also find it amazing how none of the heroes become the odd one out, each of them do so many badass things that fans of each hero (If they aren't fans of all of them) will be more than satisfied. Everybody in this movie does terrific triple-A preformances. It is hard for me to pick out who I liked the best but if I had to choose I'd pick Loki (Tom Hiddleston), and right behind him is Bruce Banner/ The Hulk (Mark Ruffalo). The 3D is surprisingly well done, while not Avatar-3D good, it is still pretty damn good. You are probably wondering "Well how was the action?" The answer: F***ing badass! You can always tell what is going on during the many action scenes unlike some other action films out there (Cough*Transformers 2*Cough) and they are all so intense that you don't want them to end. The Avengers is a truly amazing, dazzaling, and breathtaking film that I hold it even higher than The Dark Knight. Marvel has outdone themselves again and not only raised the bar for superhero action movies, and for films in general, but they have also obliterated it. It raises the bar for superhero movies. It is truly a movie spectacle that must be seen by all, DC films are going to have to step up their game now. Robert Downey Jr. was right when he said that The Avengers was Marvel's finest hour. I got one question though: What's next Marvel?

The Darkest Hour

Holy crap! I knew Russia made terrible movies but holy shit, this has to be the of the WORST science fiction films I have seen in years. If I had to choose which was worse: Skyline or well.... THIS, I'd have to choose this. I'd go as far to say that I'd rather watch Skyline twice than The Darkest Hour. At least Skyline had good special effects in its failed attempt to make up for its cluster fuck of a script and plot. The Darkest Hour's special effects are on par with an Asylum movie. Here is the plot in a nutshell: Asshole teenagers go to Moscow for some business deal, get screwed over, start hanging out at bars, and then aliens invade. However these aliens are invisible. That makes it cool right? Wrong! Now, this is directed by some talentless hack I've never heard of, but it's also produced by the same asshole who directed 2008's Wanted. And a lot of the problems I had with wanted make an appearance here, such as the clumsy climax, or those stupid moments that make you want to bang your head up against the wall. To me Wanted wasn't a good film either, but holy fuck it looks like the Matrix when compared to this. The script is such a fucking mess from beginning to end, nothing happens after the invasion begins. NOTHING. All the characters do is moan or bitch about shit you don't care about, and Emile Hirsch... that dude needs to fire his agent, or whoever keeps picking these shitty roles out for him. Out of all the unlikable characters you are forced to spend 89 minutes with, his is the worst. The dialogue is atrocious, you'd think this was one of the Transformer sequels with how poorly this was written. The action scenes are poorly shot, poorly edited, choppy as hell, and overall unwatchable. The special effects look really bad, which is not really that odd since this movie had a budget of $30 Million, but still! And as for the aliens, well... I'm still laughing at them... once you see how they look when they are not invisible you cant help but laugh. Like really! Really guys, I've seen a lot of dumb shit in my 15 years but this here is truly remarkable in its stupidity. WOW. The Darkest Hour may sound like an epic title, but the movie is anything but. Unoriginal, uninteresting, and just fucking stupid, The Darkest Hour is a prime example of a film that SYFY would look at and say "No way in hell will we show that on our channel. We have low quality standards, but they are not THAT low."

Alien3
Alien3(1992)
½

Alien 3 is obviously the most divisive entry in the sacred Alien series, some people love it, some hate it. I lean more towards the first one, I think its a good movie, but not a great one like it should've been. Alien 3 picks up some time after where Aliens left off. An alien egg has somehow managed to get on board the Sulaco (How it got there, I don't have a fucking clue.) A fire breaks out and all the cryopods are ejected into space and crash land on the barren desert prison planet Fiorina 161. Ripley is once again the only survivor... the only human survivor that is, if you know what I mean. Alien 3 has its problems, chief among them being the killing of Hicks and Newt. It is so cheap and overall fucking stupid it makes you angry that they killed them in THAT way. There are way too many characters, like 50 inmates I think, and most of them look alike. Ripley acts out of character several times, and it makes her seem... off. Also I don't like the part where they kill the dog, it just seemed pointless to me.. they could have done that off screen. However, Alien 3's pros help outweigh its cons. While the killing of Newt and Hicks is a slap in the face, it does help set the dark mood of the film. The cinematography looks so dark, bleak... and fucking gorgeous. It is truly creative in its set design and also memorable. While most of the characters don't get enough screen time and development, those that do are actually fascinating. Like that guy who is a former rapist, well now in the prison he is a preacher for the prison's religion. Alien 3 is also very psychology ambitious, themes like religion, forgiveness, hate, and revenge are all brought to the forefront here and are handled very well. The acting in Alien 3 is really good, especially from Sigourney Weaver as Ripley, as is the script and most of the dialogue (several cheesy lines aside). The alien (yes, there is only one this time again) is a hit or miss. It is a hit in that it is a new fascinating variant of the xenomorph that we haven't seen before and I find that scary. It's a miss in that it looks really bad in some parts, like it looks cgi though it actually isn't. Alien 3 is a good movie in my eyes, while it has its flaws I still view it as a worthy entry into the Alien saga, and this is where the series should've ended. But no... Hollywood had to milk it with the next installment... and oh boy is it a doozy.

Django Unchained
½

Quentin Tarantino is back with his kick ass new film, a spaghetti western called Django Unchained. Containing a great story, terrific performances, good dialogue, and brilliant pacing, Django is Tarantino's best film since Pulp Fiction, and that is really saying something. The story of Django Unchained is that a black slave turned bounty hunter named Django is going after a plantation owner that has his wife. The story is told in a great way that only Tarantino can do, I can't explain it really, but the story is so fascinating I was always interested to see where it was going. It also uses its setting to great effect, along with great pacing that keeps moving at a fast pace, you will find this story's setting just as interesting as its colorful characters and gorgeous visuals, or the gripping balls-to-the-wall action scenes. With its all-star cast containing big names like Leonardo Dicaprio, Samuel L Jackson, Jamie Foxx, and many others you know that they are all going to pull off their roles perfectly. And boy do they ever, especially Leonardo Dicaprio who plays one of my favorite villains in recent memory, and Jamie Foxx is a natural fit for this character. Their dialogue is well written, but there is one problem with the dialogue and that is the constant usage of the n-word. While I understand that people back then used that word very often, I still could've done without them saying it every 30 seconds. However, that is a relatively small complaint. Django Unchained is a insanely entertaining western that I hold on par with Tarantino's best film: Pulp Fiction. It's brilliant mix of action, dialogue, setting, visuals, and storytelling ensures that this is one film that deserves all the praise it has been receiving. As for Spike Lee's stupid criticism: I didn't know who he was till he said what he said, and he looks like a fucking moron for saying it. This film is pure awesome.

Lincoln
Lincoln(2012)
½

Stephen Spielberg's Lincoln stars Daniel Day Lewis as the beloved president during the dark days of the civil war. While countless men are dying on the battlefield, another war is being waged in the heart of Washington: The war to free slaves. The story is a gripping one, it captures your attention right at it's creative opening and keeps your eyes glued to the screen throughout it's runtime. We all know what is going to happen in the end, but the film still manages to keep you on the edge of your seat till it's heartbreaking ending, not only managing to be entertaining but also really informative. The acting in Lincoln is spectacular, everyone here gives the best performances of their careers, especially Daniel Day Lewis as the title character. What also helps is the terrific dialogue, which is not only historically accurate but also really well written. The film's visuals also help compliment all of this. With great directing, great acting, and overall spectacular film making Lincoln is not only the best film by Spielberg since Jurassic Park and is a more than worthy addition to his library.

Flight
Flight(2012)
½

From the director of Forrest Gump, Back To The Future, and The Polar Express comes a brilliant drama starring Denzel Washington as a pilot, one day while flying his plane gives out and he is forced to crash land, while several passengers die, he is able to save most of the people onboard. Now, the blame for the crash has to fall on someone and unfortunately he is that someone. From there on, Flight chronicles the aftermath of such a traumatic incident and what effects it has not only on the body and mind, but also the human soul. This is the best story I have seen in an film all year, and considering all the movies I have seen in 2012 that is saying something. You are truly invested in this character, you care about what happens to him, and Denzel brings the characters to life in a way only he can. While Denzel is the one who steals the show, everyone else in the cast do a terrific job as well. And it also helps that they are backed by a smart script that takes its characters in directions that help make their struggles all the more interesting. It is also very dark, yet it is not all up "in your face" dark, but when you look past it's surface and just look at it's themes... well you'll see what I mean. It all moves at a good pace so that you never get bored, and you got to appreciate that. Flight in my opinion is truly one of the best films of 2012, I LOVE this film.

Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief

Damn 20th Century Fox, can you possibly rip off Harry Potter any more? Speaking as someone who read the book, I will say the book is much, much better. Here they changed way too much, and not for the better. The basic plot is that one day Percy Jackson finds out that he is a demigod, he is being accused of stealing Zeus' fake ass lightning bolt and his mother his kidnapped by Hades. Now he must rescue his mom and find a way to clear his name. The plot is tiresome and mundane, unoriginal, and downright stupid. It also contains some poorly written characters, horrendous dialogue, and terrible performances from everyone in the cast. Hell, the only good thing is that the effects look good, not great mind you. I hate it when people say this, but I have to say it here: The book is better.

Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith
½

The first two Star Wars prequels are awful movies, there is no doubt about that. So how is the third and final Star Wars prequel? In short: Good... surprisingly. George Lucas managed to pull out all the stops in his final prequel, and it pays off. The plot takes place several years after Episode 2, the clone wars are now in full swing and the whole galaxy is torn apart by it. In the middle of all this, Anakin Skywalker is having his loyalty tested as his mentor Palpatine and the Jedi are at each others throats, and he is caught in the middle. Soon, he will discover a devastating secret which will ensure his transformation into Darth Vader. I have to admit, the story is actually really good. You know that most of these characters are going to die, but you don't know when. So it's really enjoyable to watch these characters march towards their doom. The acting is sort of a mixed bag, Ewan McGregor is perfect as Obi-Wan Kenobi, but Hayden Christensen as Anakin... he was AWFUL. It doesn't help that the script is also weak, while Obi-Wan's dialogue is well written, witty, and in some parts funny, Anakin's is sloppy and embarrassing. And as for Natalie Portman's dialogue.... fuck, it is shit as well. The stars of Revenge Of The Sith are the action sequences and the special effects, both of which have taken massive leaps forward since episode 2. The action scenes are well shot, beautifully filmed, and they look spectacular. Say what you want about George Lucas but he does know how to direct action. Star Wars Episode III is a welcome addition to the Star Wars saga and despite its problems, is a redemption for George Lucas after the clusterfucks that were the first two Star Wars prequels. I say go check this one out.

Man of Steel
Man of Steel(2013)

Man of Steel has been the very definition of an "Audience vs Critics" movie. The critics are sort of mixed about it, yet the audience seems to really like it. So who's right? Let's find out.
Man of Steel opens with a Kryptonian general (General Zodd) launching a failed coup against those in power. Jor-El (Superman's father) believes that Krypton is going to explode so he sends his infant son to Earth just as the planet dies. However, unfortunately for Superman his new world will soon fall prey to a very angry General Zodd, who will stop at nothing to see his former home world restored.
The story told here (while not perfect) is pretty damn good. It isn't just a straight up action movie like you may have heard. It is really about a space refugee who is not only trying to just fit in, but also trying to discover who he really is. And in that regard, it works pretty well.
Henry Cavill is a great superman. He has a great screen presence, and he is also fit physically.
The cast pulls off their roles really well. Amy Adams makes a great Lois Lane, Laurence Fishburne does well as the head of the Daily Planet. However the one who steals the show here is Michael Shannon as Zodd. He is truly a force to be reckoned with, you feel his anger, his emotion, and his small sense of self-hatred.
But let's cut to the chase here: The action scenes. Oh those action scenes... were FANTASTIC. Zack Snyder is one of the best directors in hollywood when it comes to action, and he clearly knows this. Even when it moves as fast as the speed of light, you can always tell what's happening. The fights between Superman and Zodd were so intense that I felt like I was on a roller coaster. They must have caused billions of dollars in property damage. And the special effects looks pretty good, like as good as they're gonna get.
As good as this movie is, it does have some minor problems: There wasn't exactly much humor here, at all, and whenever they tried to insert some in here it felt so forced and unnecessary. And Superman doesn't really save anybody. As a matter of fact, he must've killed at least a couple dozen people by accident. You can tell that DC and Warner Bros. already are getting antsy for a Justice League movie, cause they shove in a few unnecessary references to other DC comics (Batman, more specifically). Also the product placement kind of annoyed me, hell for like fifteen minutes superman throws down in an IHOP.
But these are minor flaws. Man of Steel is a really good summer blockbuster, while it may not knock Star Trek: Into Darkness off it's "Best movie of the summer" throne, it is still really good. Do I like it better than Iron Man 3? Yes. Zack Snyder has not only honored the Superman legacy but he also brings it successfully into the present day. Christopher Reeves would be proud.

Star Trek
Star Trek(2009)
½

I'm not really much of a Star Trek fan (I saw like one season of TNG and some of the movies), but hot damn was this movie fucking badass. During one of the worst summer movie seasons in cinematic history (2009) Star Trek came out and blew audiences and critics away, and for very good reason. It is one of the best summer movies ever and if you call yourself a fan of sci-fi you must see this, and if you love a fun action movie you must see this. Star Trek rewrites the history of the franchise, with a pissed off Romulan named Nero going back in time and killing Kirk's father. Nero disappears for a couple decades, but then he returns to finish what he started. The story is so well told and it is incredibly well paced. It truly is the shining example of everything a sci-fi script should encompass, it has great dialogue, good humor, shocking plot twist, and a slam-bang conclusion. It also uses the series mythology well, remember in the old show how Mr.Sulu would just sit on a console? Well now, he is a kickass sword fighter. Aurora is now a super genius, and Bones is just awesome. Hell, I hold this script on par with that of Iron Man. The action in Star Trek is everything I wanted it to be: Constant, well shot, well edited, and is extremely pretty to look at. But what I loved even more than the action and script, was the acting. Chris Pine nails it as Kirk, and the guy who played Spock is perfect in his role, whenever these two are onscreen they steal the show. The whole cast does terrific jobs with their roles, and they truly bring these characters to life once again. Star Trek is exactly what summer blockbusters are supposed to be: Well written, gorgeous looking, action packed, smart, beautifully acted, sexy, and insanely fun. I cannot wait for the sequel.

Total Recall
Total Recall(2012)
½

I have to admit: Total Recall isn't really all that bad for a remake. Total Recall stars Colin Ferrel as a man whos life is down the shit, basically. Though, personally I don't see how anyone that has hot ass Kate Beckinsale as a wife can be miserable. So he goes to this place called Rekall that fucks with your mind, and suddenly a team of soldiers arrives and shoots the place up. From there, he discovers that he is a badass secret agent and now he has to find a way to escape the hostile police force. Let's get this out of the way right now:The remake of Total Recall isn't as good as the original. But it is still a fun ride nonetheless. The special effects and action scenes are awesome. You can always tell what is happening and it is thrilling and intense as hell. Overall, it is a goregous, well-shot, and well directed film. The acting and the characters are pretty good as well. Personally, I don't mind that the creators of the remake removed the mars aspect, as it always seemed stupid to me. But the major problem I have with the remake is how predictable it is. If you've seen the original, then you pretty much already know all the twist and turns. If you can forgive that it isn't as good as the original, the remake of Total Recall is a really entertaining, fun as hell ride.

Paranormal Activity 4
½

It's official, I am sick of these Paranormal Activity movies. It is one of the most overrated film series ever, in my opinion only the third one is good. So I naturally thought "Okay, I liked the third one. Perhaps this one will improve upon that one." Boy, was I sorely mistaken. Paranormal Activity 4 picks up where #2 left off. Several years after Katie went batshit insane and killed everyone, she and her son have moved in next door to a "Typical" family, a teenage girl (Kathyrn Newton) and her boyfriend (Matt Shively) and they begin to terrorize them. The one true positive I have for this movie is that I actually liked the two main leads, the girl and her boyfriend. They seemed relatable and likable to me. Plus, they're the only ones with any fucking brains here! When the girl shows her parents hardcore evidence, they brush it off like "Wow, cool special effects." and she might as well have said "Are you fucking nuts! This isn't normal!" The main problem with Paranormal 4 is that it is the same fucking thing as the last three films! It doesn't even try! You've seen all of this shit done before better, this is pure audience exploitation. They're riding off the name of a successful franchise and just shat out something they knew that the audience would see.

With a half-assed plot, bad script, and no scares, Paranormal Activity 4 is a prime example of Hollywood just cashing in on a successful franchise, regardless of the low quality and no effort put into this film. You know, to some degree, I would be able to forgive this film if they tried something ambitious. But they didn't. And you know what, I know that we are going to endure at least two more movies of this bullshit.

Prometheus
Prometheus(2012)

Prometheus has finally arrived in theateres. The big question is: Is it a prequel to alien or not. Well, yes and no. Yes in that it takes place hundreds of years before the events of Alien, and no in that it doesn't feature the Xenomorph (Not for long at least). But Prometheus is still a awesome film regardless. Here is the plot: A bunch of scientist are sent to an uncharted planet to discover the origins of mankind, and end up uncovering something far more terrifying than they could've ever dreamed. I really don't want to spoil the plot. The script here is pretty good with a terrific narrative that has all sorts of twist and turns. Trust me, there are surprises in here that even I didn't expect. The dialouge here is very good and truly fleshes out the characters, molding them into people that we can root for. I didn't want any of these characters to die, though some obviously do. I don't know why some people are saying that they don't like these characters, I think that these characters are well written even if they sometimes do dumb shit. Which character I liked the best: it would be a tie between Charlize Theron's character and Michael Fassbender's character. Last but certainly not least, I would like to praise the film's visuals. It looks truly sci-fi-ish and goregous. The one problem that kind of irritated me was that it didn't truly answer any of the interesting questions it brought up. The mythology of this film is a fascinating that as soon as it was over, me and my friends wouldn't shut about about it for at least twenty minutes, I don't know about everyone else but I want to learn more about this film's universe. Prometheus is a welcome return to form for the entire sci-fi genre, and should be looked on in the future as a truly good film. Welcome back Ridley Scott, we missed you.

Species
Species(1995)

Why is this movie rated so low? The movie is about a group of scientist and mercanaries hired by a scientist (Ben Kingsley) to track down an alien exparament named Sil (Natasha Henstridge) before she reproduces an offspring and humanity is overwhelmed. The creature effects look beautiful, that isnt surprising due to the fact that the creature designs done by H.R Giger. The acting is top notch, especially from Ben Kingsley. The story is full of likeable characters, even if they do make stupid descisions a lot of the time. The nudity, and the idea of an alien trying to have sex with you, is actually quite interesting. I have to admit, this movie does have problems, especially that dumbass ending.In the end though, I got good sci-fi action, a good story, good characters, and good acting. And thats all I wanted out of this movie. If you like sci-fi B-movies, go check this one out.

The Exorcism of Emily Rose

How often do we get a film that truly gets you to think about your religion, how often do we get a horror film that doesn't rely on gore for its scares. Well, that is the case with the Exorcism Of Emily Rose. Half of the movie takes place in a cortroom, where Father Richard Moore is on trial since people believe that the exorcism he preformed on Emily Rose was the reason of her death. It is well acted, intense, and right up there with other horror films. The other half of the film is about the possession of Emily Rose (Jennifer Carpenter) and how she slowly went insane. It scared the living hell out of me, there are some genually creepy moments here that will get under your skin. The supernatural effects are really done here, and Carpenter does a good job of portraying the madness that Emily is descending into. As hard as this may seem to believe, this film will keep you thinking after the credits roll about religion, weather or not Emily was truly possessed. They leave it up to you to figure out, and it works to this movie's strenghts. While I highly doubt weather or not this is a true story, it is an entertaining film nonetheless.

Resident Evil: Damnation
½

Resident Evil Damnation takes place between Resident Evil 5 and Resident Evil 6, it's plot is that Leon Kennedy has been inserted to a fictional war torn country, there are two factions: The asshole government and the asshole rebels. He is to stop their usage of B.O.Ws (Bio-Weapons), why he didn't arrive with an army to stop this is never truly explained. Come to think of it, the plot itself, while well told and well written, contains numerous plot holes and a couple WTF moments, plus the runtime is fucking ridiculous. Oh, and by the way Ada Wong is also involved in this. If you have never played the video games, then skip this one by cause it relies heavily on the viewers' knowledge of the games' storyline. The dialogue is, despite a couple cheesy moments, pretty good overall and is well acted (A surprise from a series known for its terrible dialogue). How is the action: Fucking badass. The monsters in here look so cool and are so well animated, just like everything else. The film is downright gorgeous to look at. Overall, Resident Evil Damnation, while definitely not a great movie, is the definition of what a GOOD video game movie should be like. But will we ever get that truly great video game movie?

Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones

Star Wars Episode II Attack of The Clones is the worst Star Wars movie ever. It has a lame script, terrible action sequences, a horrible romance, clunky dialogue, and overall poor filmmaking. Now I don't need to kick a dead wamp rat, hell RedLetterMedia has said most of what I want to say, so I'm just going to try to make this as short as I can. The story here is that Anakin must protect fine ass Natalie Portman from assassination by bounty hunters hired by a Sepratist faction led by the sinister Count Dooku (Christopher Lee, whose incredible talents are just wasted here), while Obi-Wan(Ewan McGregor, whose talents are also wasted here) hunts down the bounty hunters: Completely fucking retarded. The plot has so many plot holes, and the fact that the main characters are all morons doesn't help.

All the main characters in this movie are stupid idiots. For example, in the beginning of the movie Natalie Portman barely survives an explosion on a landing pad; now you'd think that she want to be somewhere safe mere hours after that occurred. But nope, instead, while she knows that someone is trying to kill her she sleeps in a bedroom with a massive window where a city of billions can see her, and to top it off she turns off all the security cameras so that she could have her privacy. Do I smell bullshit? If it had been the Slender Man that was after her, she would've gotten killed. Did she think of that? Or what if the assassin was not a complete buffoon and just parked his/her speeder across the street and sniped her from the window.

Now to talk about the worst part of Attack of the Clones: the romance. The romance in this movie is so flat, dull, boring, uninspired, and cliché' romance I have seen since Daredevil. And the dialogue Anakin and Natalie Portman say to each other is so cringe worthy, it's the type of dialogue where you say "You can't be fucking serious" like twenty times. To anybody who likes this piece of shit: Tell me with a straight face that "I don't like sand" And "I wish I could just wish away my feelings" is good dialogue. You can't and you know it. I wouldn't mind so much if it were only a small part in the movie, but the romance part is like 60% of Attack of the Clones, which you can tell is a big problem. You don't care about the romance, because the two characters have no chemistry, no real reason to love each other other than the fact that they want to fuck each other in the grass. Cut me a break.

The characters are unlikable hypocrites that you hope die in the most awful way possible. For example, whenever Anakin does something reckless he tells him "Oh Anakin you are reckless" and when a probe droid outside the window is about to assassinate Natalie Portman, Obi-Wan jumps out the window at it. Okay, so rescuing your master is reckless but fucking jumping out the window isn't? Anakin, who is a jedi knight which means he is supposed to love democracy and prefer freedom to dictatorship if I understood correctly, says he supports a fascist dictatorship, and Natalie Portman still falls in love with him. And even after he murders a whole village of sand people, women and children included, and admits to Portman what he did she still falls for him. What kind of sick bitch is she? Anakin Skywalker has to be the most unlikable protagonist I have seen... ever!

The action scenes, while well shot and well directed, are also a letdown. Because we don't care about the characters or story, all the tension is immediately pulled away and they become boring. We don't care if the jedi stop Dooku from escaping, cause we don't even know what his intentions are, so what's the danger in him escaping? I say let him. And during the final duel (Which rips off Empire Strikes Back so much that it honestly becomes embarrassing) we don't care if Anakin dies, hell in fact I wanted him to die. You can't just shove in action scenes to try to make up for poor storytelling (cough*Michael Bay*cough). The special effects don't fare any better, they still look fake as hell to me and I could tell that it is all shot against a blue screen.

Star Wars Episode I The Phantom Menace is a horrible movie, the fact that anybody likes that movie astounds me. However, The Phantom Menace is a masterpiece compared to the Clusterfuck that is Attack of the Clones. I know that if any Star Wars fanboys read this, they're going to tear me a new one. I'm sorry, but I'm not going to just lay down and praise the first two Star Wars prequels when I think that they are shit. This was the point when the Star Wars franchise seemed dead; however we all received a pleasant surprise with Star Wars Episode III Revenge of the Sith.

Romeo + Juliet

While Leonardo Dicaprio and the woman who plays Juliet do pretty good job with the material they are given, the movie itself is all style over substance, it has arresting visuals. However, since this retelling of the play takes place in modern times the dialogue feels out of place and takes you out of the otherwise good film. Then again, I'm one of those that thinks Romeo and Juliet is overrated.

Zero Dark Thirty
½

Zero Dark Thirty stars Jessica Chastain as a CIA operative who is on the hunt for Osama Bin Laden and follows her efforts from 2001 till that day when the navy SEALs killed his ass. It is a tale that is well told and told with respect. It contains twist and turns that, despite knowing how this was going to end, kept me on the edge of my seat. Along with a great script, terrific characters, a standout performance from Jessica Chastain, and the brilliantly shot of that raid, Zero Dark Thirty's only real flaw is that the pacing can be a little slow at times. Other than that, this is a truly remarkable film and is a must watch.

Blade Runner
Blade Runner(1982)

What can be said about Blade Runner that hasn't already been said? There is the period of time before Blade Runner, and there is the period after Blade Runner. Thanks to Ridley Scott's brilliant directing, this plot of a man hunting down a group of rouge human replicants is brilliantly paced so that you never get bored. There is always something visually stunning onscreen 24/7, in my opinion the best part of Blade Runner is not its smart script, great story, or Oscar performances, it's the film's gorgeous and breathtaking visuals. A true piece of art, Blade Runner is something that every human on the planet should watch.

V/H/S
V/H/S(2012)
½

Horror anthologies are my favorite sub genre in film. I just love the well done ones cause they are able to tie together several different stories together, and I don't know why but I just find that so intriguing. The fact that it just screams different to me is probably the main reason I am in love with this sub genre. V/H/S is a horror anthology tied together not only by a main story, but also by the format the stories are presented in: That good ole' fashioned format from the era of the dinosaurs called VHS. In other words, each of these stories are presented in the found-footage format. Sounds like a recipe for awesome right? And it sometimes is... it works a lot of the time but it also doesn't work in some spots and that makes it feel a bit uneven, the film falls into the classic category of good but not great. The main storyline is that a group of assholes that go around doing just awful shit: We are talking rape, murder, break ins, and they film all of their crimes. They get offered a job by a mysterious party, they are to break into an old man's house and steal a VHS tape. So they arrive at the house and find the old man dead in front of several TVs and a bunch of VHS tapes. So these fools start watching these tapes, and whenever they pop a tape in the film cuts to whatever is on the tape. It is a truly intriguing premise. Each of these horror segments are directed by different people. The stories that are on the tapes are the tale of a couple on a honeymoon being stalked by an unknown person, a bunch of kids bringing a girl to a motel room for sex and discover she is not what she seems, foolish friends that accidently interrupt an exorcism, a girl seeking revenge against something clearly not human, and finally a woman who experiences mysterious things at night. The one with the honeymoon directed by Ti West is in my opinion the weakest, the two lovers are kind of annoying and the ending for it is just dumb. The segments with the motel room, the girl seeking revenge, and the girl who experiences weird shit are surprisingly the best ones, seeing how they are the best written, best acted, and overall best filmed segments. Personally, I think the segment with the girl with her own agenda against the entity in the woods is really the best, the sense of isolation coupled with the well timed scares and creepy atmosphere. The segment with the exorcism is a mixed bag. While it contained truly creepy imagery also featured asshole main characters and an ending that is just "meh". The reason for these guys interrupting the ritual in my opinion was just fucking stupid and as for the dialogue: Sometimes good, sometimes awful. How is the main storyline about the break in? Well... mostly good. It also features some truly horrifying imagery, gripping suspense, and great timing. Despite the characters being assholes, you really want to know what happens to them and you really want to see them die. But the ending is a complete WTF. Overall, I applaud V/H/S, I am sick of routine horror films and I am especially sick of found footage films. However, V/H/S mostly succeeds due to the effective use of it's handheld perspective, good acting, and well done video effects. I really wish that more horror movies would experiment like this, I view V/H/S as a good film but not as good as I wanted it to be.

Skyfall
Skyfall(2012)

Right from it's thunderous opening and its majestic title sequence (Preformed wonderfully by Adele), I could tell that this was an evolved James Bond, I was in for a treat of a film that could be an easy contender for best film of the year, for me at least. The badass plot is that James Bond is pushed to his limit physically and mentally, as a disturbing foe emerges with a dangerous past that forces him to second-guess his loyalty to "M". The story is really well done here, I'd dare say that it's the best story from the James Bond franchise yet. In fact, you could actually spoil the movie! A 007 film where you actually have to say spoiler alert! This is backed by an amazing script, containing funny, sizzling dialogue that feels grounded in reality(No goddamn laser battles here). Plus, the villain (I won't say who he is, for those who haven't seen the film yet. And shame on you if you haven't!) is the most fierce one in Bond history. Bond is pushed far beyond what he probably thought he was capable of, humanizing the once seemingly immortal action hero in the best possible way. Daniel Craig is the best Bond in history, and if you disagree then you clearly haven't seen this movie, he is a true badass and this film proves it. He also gives the best performance of his career, as does the rest of the cast. Sam Mendes directs them in a way comparable to my favorite director of all time: Christopher Nolan. Hell, if you've ever wondered what it would be like if Nolan directed a Bond film, here is your answer. The stunts and epic set-pieces are equally commendable. There are so many epic action scenes here that I dare not list them all for fear of leaving one out. They grab you by the balls and immerse you in the tension and excitement Mendes is going for, and it (Obviously) works. Skyfall is incredible. It takes Britain's favorite spy and brings him to the world we live in now, adding a whole new dimension to the character previously unseen before. The franchise feels fresh and ready for action. I haven't been this excited for James Bond since Casino Royale, and that's commendable. Is Skyfall the best Bond yet? The answer is YES.

Starship Troopers

Starship Troopers has to be one of the dumbest movies I have ever seen in my entire life. There, I said it. I am so goddamn sick of stupid idiots out there calling it "A jaw-dropping experience"(Kenneth Turan, Los Angeles Times) or "Massive, hilarious and thrilling." (Gregory Weinkauf, ÜberCiné) Those idiot critics are fucking morons. There aint nothing deep about this shit, it's a dumb sci-fi shoot em' up that only works about a quarter of the time. The story, what little there is, is that a bunch of space marines have to stop a race of fake ass cgi bugs from wiping out humanity. There are those idiots out there that are probably like 'But Peter, it has such dark themes such as humans being where they don't belong and questioning whether or not we have the right to exterminate a species" Yes, the movie does carry those themes but they are so poorly executed and used to no effect. If you want to see a deep, mature, dark, science-fiction epic that carries those themes and does them justice, well James Cameron's Avatar is for you. Starship Troopers is nothing but a cliché, dumb as hell meathead war story. The acting in Starship Troopers is wooden, stale, and just bad. These characters are seeing the friends being torn to pieces and suffering gruesome deaths and yet they show no goddamn emotion about it. The dialogue doesn't fare any better. Some of it is so bad that it makes you cringe; it tries to add in some dark humor but fails miserably. The characters are unlikable cum stains that you never grow attached to and you begin to hate their guts over the course of the film. The special effects look like shit, I mean seriously, this came out in 1997 and this is the best that they could come up with? Seriously? The positives that I have about this movie are the awesome action scenes and that if you can somehow manage to turn your brain off than I can see people enjoying it. If you have to see this movie, just rent it dude.

X-Men: The Last Stand

X-Men 3 sucks. What the fuck happened, the first two X-Men movies are some of my favorite action movies ever, so you could imagine how shocked I was at the sheer flaming awfulness of this one. The plot takes place some time after X2, after the announcement of a cure for mutants, The Brotherhood launches an assault against humanity and all that stands between them and the extinction of the human race is the X-Men. The script for this film sucks. There is so much wrong with it that I don't even know where to start. Oh I know, how about the completely stupid handling of Wolverine/Jean Grey romance. In X-men 1 and 2, the relationship between the two characters felt natural, organic, and real. Here, it feels hokey, tacked on, useless, and overall just uninteresting. I would say spoiler alert, but since this movie has been out for almost 7 years I'm not. When Jean wakes up from her coma the first thing she does is basically tell wolverine "Fuck me", doesn't that seem... oh I don't know: dumb? And when they are basically "Doing it" all I was doing was looking at my watch. It doesn't help that the dialogue is shit. There is a lot of action in X-Men 3, I would dare say too much. It replaces all of the characterization and overall feel that I fell in love with in X-Men 1 & 2, the star of those movies in my opinion wasn't the action scenes, it was the characters, story, and dialogue. But I will say, the action that is here is well directed and overall pretty impressive. From the fight between Juggernaut and Wolverine, to forest battle, and the climatic battle at the end, there is plenty of eye candy. The special effects here are a mixed bag: The explosions, fire, and ice effects look good. But the make-up for Beast and Mystique, and Wolverines claws look AWFUL. With that huge budget this film had, that was the best that they could do?! The plot here is so uninteresting (Just like almost everything else about the film, apparently) , it's like they sat down and said "How can we make the audience not give a shit. Oh I know! Lets change all of their personalities, turn them all into total assholes. And you know all that characterization and stuff that the critics loved? Get rid of it. Just replace it with explosions." "Brilliant idea! What's your name again?" "Simon Kinberg" Director Brett Ratner has taken all of the things that the audience loved about X-men 1 and 2 and replaced them with nonstop explosions. While there are people who like X-men 3 (Roger Ebert,may he rest in peace) as you can see I'm not one of them. Thankfully, several years later X-Men First Class came to the rescue (And boy, was it fucking awesome). If you have to see X-Men 3, just rent it. There is absolutely no reason to buy this movie, it just sucks.

The Matrix Revolutions
½

The Matrix Revolutions is a good end to a good trilogy that ensures that the series goes out with a bang. While the plot leaves a lot to be desired, and the ending is anticlimatic, the action scenes, good acting, good dialogue, and spectacular special effects help make up for that. This picks up right where Reloaded left off, Neo, Trinity, and Morpheus must stop an army of machines from obliterating the last remaining human city. The plot is probably the weakest part of the film, there are parts that were brought up in Reloaded and the Wachowski's don't do anything with them, especially the revelations that were brought up concerning the nature of the matrix. And the ending, oh boy... while I understand what happened in the end I wish I didn't, cause it is fucking insulting. And most people will not understand it, cause it is never explained how what happened... well happened. While the plot sucks, the script is well done. The dialogue is very matrix-y with all the philosophy it contains, while it doesn't contain as much philosophy as the 1st and 2nd Matrix films, it is still really interesting. The characters are still well written and interesting, and it is also interesting to see where their relationships go, you are with these characters and you want to know what happens, and that is commendable. The acting is relatively good, but my main complaint in the acting department is that the actors always have that serious look on their faces, and after 3 movies its getting old, it would've helped greatly if they had inserted some humor in the movie. What has to be the best part about Revolutions has to be the action sequences: the club shootout, battle of zion, the final battle between Neo and Smith, they are all fucking badass containing some great stuntwork backed by asthonishing special effects and good camerawork plus gorgeous cinematography. The Matrix Revolutions is a good film and a worthy conclusion to the Matrix trilogy, while the story is sub-par and the ending leaves much to be desired, the film overall is really well done and is a must-see for sci-fi lovers.

Men in Black III

Men In Black 3 is a solid, fun, action sci-fi movie that I really enjoyed and I view it as a worthy entry in the MIB series. The story of Men In Black 3 is that Will Smith must travel back in time to save his friend played by Tommy Lee Jones from an escaped alien prisoner and prevent an alien race from invading the Earth. It may sound cleche, but hey it works. The acting, characters, and action kick ass. The jokes are funny and charming. And the movie is also filled with a surprising amount of heart. Men In Black 3 is a very fun summer movie that I highly recommend.

Resident Evil: Retribution
½

I came into this movie prepared to hate on this movie, I was prepared to DESTROY it. Yet, in the end I actually dug this film. Is it a good movie? Oh fuck no, but I had a blast with this installment, and it is one of (If not the) the best video game movies yet. The plot of Retribution has Alice captured by Umbrella Corporation and basically trapped in their underground facility which (Spoiler alert, for those who actually pay attention to the plot of these movies) is run by the Red Queen A.I from the first film, who has since then gone even more homicidal since then, now Alice must stop her from exterminating humanity. The story is dumb, yet it helps propel the film forward and the pacing is always moving forward, it never stops and that is a good thing here. The script has taken several huge leaps since the last installments, while its not "Good" it is more humane, funny, quirky, and entertaining. I also really like how they brought in almost everyone from the games, such as the badasses Leon Kennedy and Barry Burton, along with some returning faces from earlier installments like "One" and "Rain". I found their interactions with each other interesting and they truly felt like characters from the game (Which is good or bad, depending on your point of view). The best part of this film (Which came as a surprise to me) was the action scenes. The battles are EPIC, and so much fun to watch, they had me by the balls and kept me engaged throughout. The special effects have also taken a major leap forward, and the constantly changing scenery helps keep things fresh. While I don't consider Retribution a good film, matter of fact: its stupid. Yet I had a massive amount of fun with it. It's the clear-cut place of a guilty pleasure for me, and now I'm curious to see how the next installment is. And as for those gamers pissed that the movies aren't like the games I say this: Have you seen or played Resident Evil 5, or better yet Resident Evil 6? Those games are quite stupid, especially in their plot and dialogue, and if you disagree then I actually feel sorry for you.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter
½

Now this movie might sound like the stupidest movie in the world when you hear its story: Abraham Lincoln basically grabs an axe and decides to go out and kill vampires. But believe me when I say that once you get past its stupid premise, the movie becomes so much fun. It boast badass action heroes, good acting, awesome special effects, and fucking sweet vampires. However, the film does contain some bad dialogue, a weak villain, and a story that is as stupid as it sounds. Its dumb fun, yet it's well done dumb fun, if you are like me and you are sick of these pussy twilight vampires, I say go check this one out.

Battleship
Battleship(2012)

You know for a movie based on a board game Battleship is actually a hell of a lot of fun. It's plot is basically a bunch of alien ships touchdown in the pacific, activate a dome that traps several ships of the United States Pacific Fleet inside, and begin tearing shit up. Now, from a critical standpoint Battleship has a lot of problems. The acting isn't very good, the dialouge is wooden, and the plot doesn't really make a whole lot of sense. However, I was never bored for a single moment during Battleship's run time of 131 minutes, mostly due to the films many action scenes. All of which kick so much ass. And plus the special effects look AMAZING. Battleship is the clear-cut case of a guilty pleasure for me, its' like a roller coaster, it's dumb, loud, and unnecessary but yet it is so much fun that when it is over you walk out saying "I don't know why this was made or why I paid for it but yet I'm glad I did". This is the type of film where you check your brain at the door and just lay back and relax and prepare for a fun 2 hours of aliens and the navy shooting at each other. Battleship is a very enthusiastic rental.

Snow White and the Huntsman
½

The story of Snow White And The Huntsman is that a huntsman (Chris Hemsworth) must hunt down dumbass Snow White (Kristen Stewart) for the evil queen (Charlize Theron). The story is decent enough, but it just feels so mundane and "Been there, done that". I mean, how many times have we seen this story before? The horrendous dialogue and poor pacing doesn't help matters at all. Now to talk about the worst part of the film: Kristen Stewart. She gives what can easily be described as her worst performance yet. In fact, let me take this time to apologize to Megan Fox, as bad as she is, Kristen Stewart is much worse. She has that same goddamn look on her face that she has throughout those goddamn Twilight abominations, the look of what can be best described as a stoner. No fucking emotion at all. She watches her father get murdered right before her eyes, and she barely flinches! This wouldn't annoy me so much if she had been a supporting role, but she is the main star. There are some things that save the movie: Despite Kristen Stewart's half-assed performance, the rest of the cast does a good job, especially Charlize Theron, who basically MAKES the movie. She puts such a passion into her role that you can't help but be amazed at it. The action scenes are well shot and well directed, even if they feel a bit slow at times. They lack the intensity of The Lord Of The Rings Trilogy and the Harry Potter saga. But as I said, I still found them entertaining. Overall, Snow White And The Huntsman tries to do a Lord Of The Rings twist on the classic tale, yet falls short. However, the action scenes, special effects, and good performances from most of the cast save the movie from disaster.

The Dark Knight Rises

Damn! This summer just keeps getting better and better. Christopher Nolan has outdone himself again, not only is The Dark Knight Rises the best of the Nolan trilogy, and the best superhero movie of all time, but I think that it is also one of the greatest movies of all time. Period.

In the Dark Knight Rises, we are introduced to the menacing villain Bane, played by Tom Hardy who has... shall we say "Plans for Gotham" Now, after his eight year exile, Batman must put on the costume one more time and save Gotham, no matter the cost. We are also introduced to Selina Kyle, played by Anne Hathaway, who has plans of her own.
The acting in The Dark Knight Rises is fantastic. Everyone from Christian Bale to Joseph Gordon Levitt act out their scenes with such powerful emotion and character almost never seen in Hollywood nowadays.
I've heard some people complain that there aren't a whole lot of scenes with Bruce Wayne as Batman and that Bane isn't really a memorable villain. I disagree; I think that while he isn't as memorable as Heath Ledger's Joker, Bane isn't any less of a menacing villain because of it. He has a ton of memorable lines from "When Gotham is ashes, and then you have my permission to die" to "Let the games begin!" He is also much stronger, agile, and faster than Batman.

Bane also has what appears to be a foolproof plan. He makes the Joker and his attempts to drive Gotham insane look pathetic in comparison. Whereas the Joker was more like a wild Coyote, Bane is more like a Dragon. When Bruce is all like "I will stop him, I've put down thugs like him before" and Alfred gives him a scared look and basically says "The fuck, are you insane?! Look at this guy! He would've been a challenge for you in your prime!" Okay, maybe not quite like that but you get the hint.
Bane is the toughest villain Batman has ever faced; his minions are loyal to him to the point where if the cause calls for them to die, they'll die willingly and without having a moment's hesitation, Bane is a great addition to the Nolan universe. And yes, this movie is more of The Gotham Chronicles than the Batman Chronicles, but does that make it any less compelling, thrilling, and intense? Nope.

However, whenever Batman does come onscreen for an action scene, that's when the movie goes from a masterpiece to a cinematic treasure. The action scenes, from the hand to hand combat, to the car chases, to the climactic battle, they are some of the best action scenes ever on film.
Add all of this to the heavy emotion that brought tears to my eyes and you've got an epic masterpiece that blows away all of my expectations.

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey
½

Peter Jackson's The Lord Of The Rings trilogy is my second favorite trilogy ever (Sorry guys, but in my book Nolan's Batman is still number 1), so naturally I was skeptical when I heard that they were making The Hobbit into a trilogy. But I have to say that while An Unexpected Journey isn't even in the same ballpark as the LOTR trilogy, it is still really kickass.
The story is one of the stronger points of An Unexpected Journey. It is well told and intense. Since they are turning this into a trilogy, some central plot points are pulled out of someone's ass. Surprisingly, this didn't annoy me at all and these points are really well integrated into the key central story. But I hate the way the film ends, like literally it just "Ends". Nevertheless, I'm intrigued to see where the story goes. It helps that this script is so well written and contains great dialogue.
The visuals are also incredible. Due to the higher frame rate, there is so much stuff going on onscreen. While it does feel a bit jarring at first, there came a point where I got used to it. The film is true eye candy, especially during the fucking awesome action scenes that deliver edge-of-your-seat thrills. There is not a single effect that doesn't look brilliant, these are some of the most incredible visuals of the decade.
What I personally like the most about An Unexpected Journey is the acting. Everyone in the cast naturally gives Oscar-worthy performances, but once again the one who steals the show is Andy Serkis, who returns as Gollum. Gollum not only looks better detailed, but he is given much better material to work with here despite him being onscreen for only like 20 minutes. But what a glorious 20 minutes it is, these twenty minutes are better than any of the scenes containing Gollum in the trilogy. You truly feel sorry for him and see the helpless side of him, cause remember: He is a slave to the ring, and it is the only thing he cares about anymore. Naturally, you know what happens, but it is still heartbreaking. Why I don't understand why critics are being so fucking stupid when it comes to rating this film. It deserves a far higher score on Rotten Tomatoes than it currently has. This is a truly great film and a great beginning to what will surely be an epic trilogy.

The Hunger Games

The Hunger Games (based on the novel of the same name) is the best movie I have seen in a movie all year. Im serious, in a year of shitty of movies this is excellent. Great acting, the girl who plays Kattnus does a triple- A preformance as so does the rest of the cast. The romance, while cheesy as hell, is doable and the actors do a good job of conveying it. The special effects are also terrific, especially the fire effects. The action is also quick and brutal. All in all, this is the best movie based on a book since LOTR:Return of the king and best sci-fi film since Inception and The Matrix. GO SEE IT!

28 Weeks Later...

This is one of my favorite zombie movies ever. The story takes place 28 weeks after the rage virus had ravaged London, the U.S military is attempting to repopulate the city. However, one of the survivors carries a secret that will reignite the infection. The zombies once again are terrifying and are just as fast as they were in the original. The characters, while not as good as the ones in the original, are still interesting and it is sad wwhenever one of them dies. Another element of the film is the inclusion of the military, who say that that they are there to protect the civillians, but when the infection starts, they will do whatever it takes to stop the outbreak, including killing civillians. It adds to the tension that the film was going for. This is a fantastic film that all zombie fans should see, even if it isn't as good as 28 Days Later,

Dr Seuss' The Lorax

One of the best animated films I've seen since Kung Fu Panda 2. In this movi, the main character Ted Wiggins(Zac Efron)lives in a city where technology rules. All the trees are gone. He sets out to find a tree to impress his true love(Taylor Swift) and in doing so meets the Once-ler(Ed Helms) who is responsible for the destruction of the trees. He also, however, attracts the attention of the main antagonist of the film(Rob Riggle. The animation looks beautiful, especially the animation of The Lorax himself(Danny DeVito). The way the story of how the trees were destroyed is told through interesting flashbacks. The love story, for me, is the only drawback. It is so cleche' that it is a bit embarrassing. The awesome 3D, however,more than makes up for that. All in all, I don't care what the professionals say, I love the movie. If you have kids, take them to see this film, I guarantee you that they will have a great time.