Patrick Michalek's Movie Ratings - Rotten Tomatoes

Movie Ratings and Reviews


Flat and listless. A Gothic Bond all Dark and Brooding. Witch in this case translates to: boring. Save U.S. the angst and back-story and give U.S. watt we came for: ACTION.
Despite the IMAX induced cinematography and percussives this latest Bond is long on wind and short on drama.
Once this latest-gen screenwriter gets over the "Poindexter As Wizard of Oz" fan-boy syndrome, we can actually push forward the narrative and re-kindle the fire of the original Bond.
And how, on the "50th Anniversary Of Bond" you can manage to not credit Ian Fleming, welp, I'll let Ian wreak his vengeance from beyond the grave.


I really enjoyed watching Ye Olde EastWitch go up in a ball of flames, other than that. skip it. Two-Horns Down. 0(

A Good Day To Die Hard

Yet another ridiculous premise about a guy who, if he started acting up the way Willis does, would be shot DEAD within 3 minutes by the local SWAT team. Grow up, Bruce. Two-Horns Down. 0(

Max Payne
Max Payne(2008)

Welp, I liked it. Not as much fun as the vid-game, but Mark is gewd as the tortured Max Payne. I still wanna know how he got out of thoses hand-cuffs at the end tho. One-Horn Up. 9)

The Wolfman
The Wolfman(2010)

If you like dark and Gothic with a capitol KREEPY, this movie is for you. Much better than peep-holes give it credit for. Emily Blunts' performance alone is worth the view. Two-Horns Up. 0)

Raiders of the Lost Ark

IMAX is really not the best way to see this film as the tech from that time does not take advantage of the resolution. Mostly though, it's the soundtrack that falls flat. If you've seen this movie as many times as I have, you really wanted a transcendent experience witch unfortunately was not provided simply by seeing it on a bigger screen.

Prey for the Beast

Opening a flick with some TROLL staring into his 21st Century navel is NOT the way to grab an audience. Two-Horns way, way down. 0(

Snow White and the Huntsman

Whoosh, Boom, Hack, Slash, Scream....Bleccch. And to top it off, Theron needed lip-gloss in about half of her scenes. No more psycho-b!tches for me, thanks. Two-Horns Down. 0(

The Big Combo

Snappy dialogue and so very many fine actors. No body sleep-walks in this hard-boiled dick saga. Worth the view. Two-Horns up. 0)

The Dark Knight Rises

Dud...The Bad-Guy looks like a Strogg from Quake 4...BORING. Trying to tie all the loose ends up when you dun need to is frankly, DUMB. New ground should have been broken here to make the product insert of the "Robin" franchise go down a little less like wet sand-paper. Zero drama for the full run of the movie, and the Cat-Woman, let's face it, was too Kung-Fu. Just more Defense Department/CIA self-promotion with all the nuance and subtlety of a Honey Boo-Boo all-nighter. This one should have been left on the cutting room floor. Two-Horns Down. 0(

The Triumph of Sherlock Holmes

This one is interesting because you can almost see where Downey got his quirky mannerisms from. And since it isn't the usual cast of suspects, there are surprises in each act. Two-Horns Up. 0)

The Young in Heart

Not the funniest comedy, but the character portrayal is engaging, and occasionally reveals truths that more ambitious productions ignore for the sake of 'splosions and pyrotechics. Boffo sound quality for the period. Two-Horns Up. 0)

The Incredible Hulk

Boredom: followed rapidly by stereotypical super-hero fisticuffs that by now have lost their ability to shock, or awe. Turgid performances by the main characters dun help much neither. But William Hurts' cosmic-surgery is a modern-day wonder of the whirled. Two-Horns down. 0(

Iron Man 2
Iron Man 2(2010)

If you can bereave that a corpulent and ham-handed hulk like Mickey Rourke could also be a physicist and computer-programming engineer, the movie is really quite gewd. Downey's Stark is an incomparable comic-book super-hero. Two-Horns way, way up.

Django Unchained

If you can judge a movie by it's trailer, then this is one dawg that should be left in the kennel. Dumb premise, typical Hollywitch stereo-typing and worst of all: another Leonard DiCaprio fandango. Ever since Inception, this guy's acting has just gotten worse and worser. Two-Horns Down. 0(


With any luck, they finally find The Alien Anti Super-Hero that at long last destroys this entire geriatric genre. Two Horns down. 0(

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Tightly edited, grimly evocative and heart-warming; without being sappy. Two-Horns up. 0)

Blade Runner
Blade Runner(1982)

How you can not mention Philip K. Dick in any consideration of Blade Runner is beyond me. 0(

The Amazing Spider-Man

Dood needs to get a Sigmund Freud to shrink his obsession with his parents. Get over it, bro. More woosh, boom, blah. 0(


If the trailer is any indication, the trailer gets Two-Horns up. 0)

Sherlock Holmes

Boffo production values and splendid performances all-round make this rendition of "Merry Olde England" one for the Ages. Two-Horns Up. 0)

Total Recall
Total Recall(2012)

Skip this dirge and rent the Verhoeven Opus with Arnold.

Mission: Impossible Ghost Protocol

Pure Hokum. And not good Hokum. Hokey High-Tech Hokum. Two-Horns Down. 0(