Da 5 Bloods
On the Record
I May Destroy You
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Somewhere in a galaxy far, far away is a generational star ship full of frustrated muscle bound, and face, men with seedy intentions and stupid, stupid acting. Since the spaceship is a generational one, it usually means that you're born and you die on that ship while never be setting foot on a planet. I guess Mars, Pluto, Venus, Mercury, Neptune, Jupiter, Uranus and Saturn were not of any interest to them. They're obviously from Earth. There is one thing that this movie DOES answer and that's the age old question of there being other planets out there. In this film the answer is no. There is no other planets.
Since being on this spaceship really sucks, a certain dude is looking to conspire against the ship's captain (who looks like Santa Claus) and get off this ship thanks to the wiccan pirates that have come aboard. These sexy females who use their minds to speak their words that don't come out of their mouths somehow help the evil dude to distract the Captain along with every one else on the ship while he changes the course of the ship to a certain galactic system that may have an actual planet on it. He's doing it for a good cause even though he's going about it in a really wrong way. Kind of like a hostage situation except if you hold your own family hostage just because you want to go to Disney World only to find out that your family was planning on a trip to Disney World anyway. (Shrugs)
Serves well for an action packed adventure in space even though it would be perfect for the Homoerotic Sci/Fi genre. All the men, including the hero played by Reb Brown, are your typical 80s douchebags. They're the types you'd expect to be beating off to the movie Road House while getting a sun tan. There are women in the film though. You do get the wiccan women pirates who just keep doing the wiccan work-out of moving around and waving their arms as if worshipping the everlasting gobstopper. The actors involved give the wonderful script the stilted dialogue it truly deserved. The production values are seriously warehouse worthy and in one big chase scene involving Enforcer vehicles you could easily make out the craftmanship of what they're driving in: bowling-alley floor polishers. They do give off mighty explosions when crashed into other "Enforcer vehicles".
One of the worst sci/fi films to ever come out of South Africa since Invictus. (Please note: Invictus isn't a sci/fi film, but I will say I would rather watch THIS film instead of THAT film. Like it matters. I know. But just sending it out there. Brought to you by Nuts...Peanuts. That is all.)