Thor: The Dark World is a 2013 science fiction superhero fantasy action film directed by Alan Taylor, written by Don Payne, Robert Rodat, Christopher Yost, Christopher Markus, and Stephen McFeely, produced by Kevin Feige, and starring Chris Hemsworth, Natalie Portman, Tom Hiddleston, Stellan Skarsgard, Christopher Eccleston, Idris Elba, Ray Stevenson, Jaimie Alexander, Zachary Levi, Adewale Akkinuoye-Agbage, Tadanobu Asano, Rene Russo, Anthony Hopkins, and Chris Evans and Benicio del Toro in uncredited cameo appearances, the latter cameo used to set up the upcoming Guardians of the Galaxy movie.
Thor: The Dark World is the sequel to the 2011 film Thor and takes place a year after Marvel's The Avengers. Replacing Kenneth Branagh in the director's chair is Game of Thrones director Alan Taylor. Thousands of years ago, a race of beings known as Dark Elves tried to send the universe into darkness by using a weapon known as the Aether. Warriors from Asgard, led by Odin's (Anthony Hopkins) father King Bor, stop them but their leader, Malekith the Accursed (played by Christopher Eccleston, the beloved ninth incarnation of the Doctor), escapes to wait for another opportunity. The warriors find the Aether and since it cannot be destroyed, they try to hide it.
In the present day, Jane Foster, played by Natalie Portman, awaits the return of Thor, played by Chris Hemsworth, although it has been two years since they last saw once another. In the meantime, Thor has been trying to bring peace to the Nine Realms. Jane discovers an anomaly similar to the one that brought Thor to Earth. She goes to investigate, finds a wormhole, and is sucked into it. Back on Asgard, Thor wishes to return to Earth but his father, Odin, refuses to let him. Thor learns from Heimdall, played by Idris Elba, who can see into all of the realms, that Jane disappeared. Thor then returns to Earth just as Jane reappears. However, when some policemen try to arrest her, an unknown energy repulses them.
Thor then brings Jane to Asgard to find out what happened to her. When the energy is released again, they discover that when Jane disappeared, she crossed paths with the Aether and it entered her. Malekith, upon sensing that the time to strike is now, seeks out the Aether. He attacks Asgard and Thor's mother Frigga, played by Rene Russo, is killed protecting Jane. Odin wants to keep Jane on Asgard so that Malekith will come. Thor disagrees with his plan, so with his cohorts, he decides to take Jane away. He enlists the aid of his brother, Loki, played by Tom Hiddleston. Unfortunately, Loki's motivations remain unknown.
Thor: The Dark World is a rather surprising slight improvement upon its predecessor. I wasn't expecting it to be as good as the original, but I actually got something that turned out to be a bit better. Patrick Doyle's score for the first one was great, but Brian Tyler's score for The Dark World was one of the few cases of bigger does equal better. It's more fresh, more action-packed, and at times, more powerful. Tyler is quickly becoming one of my favorite composers. I mean, come on, listen to the man's score for Iron Man 3. He's great.
The action sequences and special effects are incredible. Think Lord of the Rings but with mesh-ups of Avatar: The Last Airbender (the show, not the terrible movie), Avatar (the James Cameron movie), Transformers, and even Star Wars. The action is shot beautifully by cinematographer Kramer Morgenthau with no choppy quick-cut edits, hacky zoom-ins, or amateur shaky-cam shots. Alan Taylor's Game of Thrones style is present in this film and it works. He's a very talented director and I look forward to his next projects.
The performances are great, the best coming from Hemsworth, Portman, Hiddleston, Hopkins, and Eccleston. Hemsworth surprised the hell out of me with his performance in the first film and he was even better in The Avengers. In here, he's still as great as he was in The Avengers. Portman gives a good performance as Jane and while being an important part of the film's plot because she needs the Aether to be removed from her, she's not just a damsel in distress. Also, she's incredibly nice to look at (she's Natalie fucking Portman), especially in Asgardian clothing, so there's that. To Chris Hemsworth, I say this: Lucky bastard.
Tom Hiddleston gives another great performance as Loki. Whereas he was a villain in Thor and The Avengers, in The Dark World, he's more of an antihero this time around...well, until the very end of the movie anyway. Anthony Hopkins is fantastic as Odin, but then again, Hopkins is great in anything. Malekith is a pretty two-dimensional who's motives are rather seemingly convoluted and just wants to take over the world, but Christopher Eccleston's gives a dark, brooding, intimidating, and menacing performance as the character.
FINAL SCORE: 8.5/10
Thor: The Dark World is another solid entry in the flawless Marvel Cinematic Universe. Seriously, that franchise has made eight films so far and a TV show and not one of them sucked even the tiniest ones. Thor: The Dark World succeeds due to good performances, a good story, witty humor (yeah, I liked Kat Dennings in this movie), fast-paced action sequences, great special effects, interesting antagonists, a nice twist at the end, and great characters, some of which are more three-dimensional this time around than in the first film. If you're a fan of the first Thor film, I recommend this sequel. Bring on Thor 3.
By the way, if you ever get this on Blu-ray, make sure you watch both post-credits scenes, one of which sets up Guardians of the Galaxy, and the Marvel One-Shot entitled All Hail the King, taking place after Iron Man 3.
Movie 43 is indeed a pretty damn bad comedy. Now, a comedy is hard to review, because not only is comedy subjective, but if you find it funny, then it's funny, and if you don't find it funny, then it's not funny. This film is considered to be the killer of comedy. This film is shit but in no way did it kill comedy. If anything, the shit-piles created by Friedberg & Seltzer killed comedy. Seriously, why couldn't those two fuckers die on November 30th instead of Paul Walker? Further proof that God may not even exist.
This film took four years to make, I shit you not. The idea was conceived by Peter Farrelly, who gave us Dumb & Dumber, Fever Pitch, There's Something About Mary, Outside Providence, and Kingpin. The idea was to make the raunchiest, crudest, most profane, most tasteless, zaniest, and most outrageous comedy ever created. Hugh Jackman and Kate Winslet did a sketch for the film, and the producers used it to convince other actors to join in on the absurdity. Talk about an epic career-killer.
I'm gonna skip over the wraparounds 'cause they're forgettable to say the least. Let's just go to our first sketch. The sketch involves Beth, played by Kate Winslet, going on a blind date with Davis, played by Hugh Jackman. The date starts off well until it's revealed that Wolverine has balls hanging around his neck. To the film's very little credit, the prosthetic balls look like real testicles, but that's it. A guy with balls on his Adam's apple isn't really hilarious, and the wacky hijinks and gags involving the balls are just stupid as fuck.
The next sketch stars Sabretooth and Princess Diana as a married couple who homeschools their teenage son, played by Lip from Shameless. Because they homeschool him, they feel they should do everything in high school to him, such as bullying, partying, teasing, and even talk about sex. This sketch isn't particularly funny but it's one of the somewhat better sketches of the film.
Sketch #3 stars Anna Faris and Star-Lord as a romantic couple. Star-Lord plans on marrying her, but Faris proposes that he shit on her because she's a coprophiliac. This is when the awful starts to become more apparent. Star-Lord's friends support the idea, like any other non-human being, and one of them even gives him "poop Viagra". If you expect me to find this shit funny, then chances are you're not right in the head. So he guzzles the poop Viagra, he and Faris start to go lovey-dovey but then it goes downhill, so she runs off and he chases after her. He gets hit by a car and shit splatters everywhere. Ha-ha. How fucking hilarious.
Next sketch: Macaulay Culkin's younger brother, in a role that should've went to Tobey Maguire or Shia LaBeouf, plays some guy working a night shift at a grocery store. His ex-girlfriend Veronica, played by Emma Stone, shows up and they argue. But then their argument turns into dirty, trashy, pseudo-romantic sex talk. She runs off but the customers encourage him to run after her. Where is the joke? There's no joke to be found in this sketch.
Then, we get our next sketch: Superhero Speed Dating. Robin, played by Justin Long, is getting pissed off at the fact that his speed dates are getting shit on by the Frank Miller version of Batman, played by Jason Sudeikis. Batman ruining Robin's chances at women? I've seen that before. It was a $20,000 short film you can find on YouTube with Justin Long as Robin. We meet several characters, like Uma Thurman as Lois Lane, Leslie Bibb as Wonder Woman, and Kristen Bell of Supergirl, the latter of which has her pussy described in vivid detail by Batman. Yeah, this sketch isn't funny, so let's leave it at that.
Next sketch: Some boss at a technology business, played by Richard Gere, is discussing and arguing with his co-workers regarding their new product, the iBabe, an MP3 music player that looks exactly like a naked chick. Teens buy the iBabe to have sex with them, but whenever they try sticking their dick in the iBabe's vagina, a fan in the vagina mangles them. A bunch of boring comedy shit happens and that's pretty much it. Nothing more, nothing less.
Next sketch: A boy and girl, the girl being played by Hit-Girl are watching TV and just as they start to kiss, the boy's brother, played by McLovin, interrupts, spies on, and annoys them. As he fucks off someplace me, Chloe Moretz discovers she's having her first period in a 2013 movie. So everybody flips out and they don't know what to do about it. Their dads try to help out, but they don't do jack shit. This sketch is dire. 'Nuff said.
Next sketch: Bo and Luke Duke's birthday present is a foul-mouthed, rude-talking leprechaun played by Leonidas. The leprechaun shoots them in the eyeballs and nipples, stabs them through the calves, head-butt them, beat the crap out of them, insult them in profane fashion, threatens them, and tells them dirty jokes about their moms. Fun fact: This sketch was directed by Brett Ratner. What ain't no country I ever heard off, Brett, nor is this sketch funny although not entirely unfunny.
Okay, let's just wrap this up before I puke and fall asleep. The next sketches involve Halle Berry and Stephen Merchant embarrassing themselves, Terrence Howard teaching his basketball team that blacks beat whites by a longshot, and Elizabeth Banks fighting a cat who's gay for Josh Duhamel, Not funny, not funny, and not funny. None of the sketches in this movie are even remotely funny, Makes me wonder how this got released in theaters.
FINAL SCORE: 2/10
Movie 43 is an unfunny, dire, and just tiring mess of a comedy, an anthology film, and a movie in general. It's not one of the worst comedies I've ever seen. I've seen a fuckload worse, but this film still sucks the big one with humorless jokes, raunchy humor that fails to make the viewer laugh, and gags that get tedious and wear off real quick, not that they were ever funny to begin with.
Holy fuck did this movie piss me off. The original novel of the same name by Scott Spencer is one of my all-time favorite books. It's a beautifully-written novel. Then, we have the original Franco Zeffirelli movie from 1981 starring the lovely Brooke Shields. That film was awful. Not only is it a terrible adaptation of the book but sappy, poorly acted, terribly written, and both funny and creepy unintentionally simultaneously. Now, we get this.
Endless Love is produced by Gossip Girl creators Josh Schwartz and Stephanie Savage, directed by Country Strong writer/director Shana Feste, and written by Feste and Gossip Girl co-writer Joshua Safran. It stars Alex Pettyfer and Gabriella Wilde as our main characters, David Axelrod (oh, I'm sorry, I meant David Elliot) and Jade Butterfield. Their instant desire for each other sparks a love affair that's made only more reckless by Jade's father, played by Bruce "What the fuck am I doing with my career?" Greenwood, who is trying to keep them apart.
David and Jade have graduated from high school in Georgia, even though in the novel, they're still in high school and the setting is Chicago. Now, as a film in general, this is much better than the 1981 version. The acting, the direction, the writing, the story, and the characters are done much better here. The performances aren't great, but the actors did their jobs. However, as an adaptation, this one is one hundred times worse.
The 1981 version is an abysmal adaptation, but fuck, at least that qualifies as an adaptation. At least shit from the book happened in that film. This film shouldn't be called an adaptation. It has literally nothing to do with the book. The only things they kept from the book were characters named David and Jade. Based on the novel by Scott Spencer my ass. Seriously, I'm surprised Spencer didn't sue these fuckheads to get his name off the movie.
The book's story is linked more to mental illness rather than a sappy, Nicholas Sparks-esque teen romance. It is told by David who has a total obsession over his girlfriend and her family. The book goes into detail about David's experience in the mental institution (no institution to be found in this movie). He's sentenced there for a number of years and continues to obsess over Jade, whom he hasn't seen for a very long time. It's kind of sad and dark because you feel sorry for this guy who can't function with a job or live his life without obsessing over this girl and her family.
He never really recovers by the end of the novel. You just assume he's a sick person with serious issues. Jade does love him, but is able to move on with her life and marry someone else. She can't handle the fact that David is somewhat responsible for her father's death. Then there's the graphic, ten-page sex scene between the lovers after they reunite in their early 20's. Later on, Jade becomes a lesbian for a short while as well.
With all of this information, you should realize this book is realistic and covers most of life's problems. What do both movies do? They just turn the book into cutesy Nicholas Sparks Twilight-reject fan fiction hodgepodge bullshit that caters to the unintelligent and simple-minded. However, at least the 1981 version is actually a fucking adaptation. This film shouldn't qualify as such and it's horrendous.
FINAL SCORE: 0/10
Yes, I gave this film the perfectly rotten zero out of ten. I don't feel the need to go into detail of how this film differs so greatly and so arrogantly from the original novel. Just pick up the book from your local library or order it off of Amazon and read it. You won't regret it. Even if you've never read or liked the book, this film is still a failure. It sucks ass. Not only is it the worst adaptation of all time (yes, there's an adaptation worse than Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief), but it's also the worst film of the year for me (I still haven't seen The Legend of Hercules). Fuck this unintelligent, sentimental, sappy, melodramatic bullshit. Just read the book and avoid this turd.
The Great Gatsby was a book my English teacher planned on us reading in high school. However, she got into an accident and was sick and injured. So we had a substitute who let us do what the fuck we want without causing trouble. And when my teacher got better, she forgot we had to read the book. So yeah, I've never read the book (I plan on doing so sometime). I am familiar with the previous two adaptations, released in 1974 and 2000 respectively. Those two were just okay. This recent adaptation released last year is inarguably the best of the three.
The Great Gatsby, directed by Baz Luhrmann from a screenplay by Luhrmann and Craig Pearce, stars Tobey Maguire as Nick Carraway as he recalls the story of how he met Jay Gatsby, played by Leonardo DiCaprio, and how the two of them eventually became good friends. As the story goes on, we've come to find out that Nick's cousin Daisy Buchanan, played by Carey Mulligan, has been the object of Gatsby's affections for years.
Gatsby has been throwing several parties, hoping against hope that she'll show up eventually. The two had a relationship years ago before Gatsby went to fight in the war. However, over time, Daisy had forgotten all about Gatsby and ended up marrying rich asshole Tom Buchanan, played wonderfully by Joel Edgerton. Eventually, Gatsby and Daisy reunite, kicking off a story of love, betrayal, and the corruption of the American dream.
Of the films directed by Baz Luhrmann, this is undoubtedly his best. I didn't care for Romeo + Juliet, I've never seen Strictly Ballroom, Moulin Rouge is one of my guiltiest pleasures, and I'm one of few who thinks Australia is underrated. The Great Gatsby perfectly mixes both style and substance in my opinion, neither one ever overshadowing the other. The film is beautifully shot and has dazzling visuals but Luhrmann and Pearce's screenplay provides enough story to be on par with them.
All the actors do fine jobs and play their parts perfectly. To be honest, I'm not a big fan of Tobey Maguire. I liked him in Brothers and Spider-Man 2, but I didn't like him in Spider-Man 1, Spider-Man 3, or Pleasantville (R.I.P. Paul Walker). In nearly all the films he's been in, he just acts stoic and boring. He's like that in the first act of this film and it's really meh. However, when we get to the second act, he surprised the hell out of me and showed a lot of emotional range. By the third act, the guy is fantastic. I mean...damn!
Joel Edgerton is excellently casted in the role of asshole millionaire Tom Buchanan. If they'd gotten any other actor (with the exception of Ben Affleck, who was originally casted in the role), they'd just play this character in a hammy, over-the-top, completely stupid yet fun fashion, like say Richard Roxburgh in, you guessed it, Moulin Rouge. However, Edgerton doesn't do that. He plays this asshole so damn well. I fucking loved the hell out of hating this guy.
In certain scenes when he should be going apeshit with anger, he manages to play it cool and keep his temper in check like he has absolutely nothing to fear. Tom Buchanan is nothing more than a spoiled, rich, greedy bastard who believes he can get away with anything and everything, and the sad thing is, it's because he can. He's so manipulative and smooth-talking that he can pretty much talk his way out of any situation. It's these traits that make Tom not only a good antagonist, but an intimidating one as well.
Carey Mulligan does a pretty solid job playing Daisy. She plays the part well. Isla Fisher was a decent choice for Myrtle Wilson, although to be honest, I think she would've made for a better Daisy. Jason Clarke did an okay job playing Myrtle's husband George (a Zero Dark Thirty reunion for Edgerton and Clarke). Finally, we get to Leonardo DiCaprio as Jay Gatsby. What can I say? The guy nails this role. He embodies everything that this character is supposed to be and he gets better as the film progresses.
I can't say enough great things about DiCaprio. You just need to see this movie. I thought DiCaprio used the term "old sport" a bit too much in this movie, but in the long run, it didn't bother me too much. Gatsby is a brilliantly-written character caught in a love triangle (take notes, Twilight) where he seems to be the only one ever truly invested. His love for Daisy is there and borders on obsession. We see the pain this character goes through, wanting nothing more than to be with Daisy. The way he speaks about Daisy, you really do get that he loves her, can't let her go, and would do anything for her. It all ends in a bit of tragic irony.
FINAL SCORE: 8/10
The Great Gatsby is one of the most surprising films of 2013. It's certainly a damn fine piece of cinema. Some of the song choices are very odd and out-of-place, the billboard that has the cover of the book on it gets repetitive and tedious, DiCaprio uses the term "old sport" a bit too much, the beginning and end with Nick narrating the story to a doctor wasn't needed, and the affair between Tom and Myrtle is underdeveloped. However, solid performances, a good story, a perfect mix of style and substance, and careful direction by Baz Luhrmann strengthen this film and make up for those flaws. Now, all I gotta do is go to the library and read the book.
Well, well, well, if it isn't the cheesy, campy, decent Wes Craven sci-fi horror film I talk about all the fucking time due to it having the most iconic death scene ever created. Now, Deadly Friend is a movie people never heard of. Nobody I know at TJ Maxx heard of it, my cousin doesn't know about it, and hell, not even my friends at high school ever heard a smidge about this film. It has a 5.2 on IMDb, a disastrous 0% on RT, although it's not really that disastrous considering it's only got 7 whole reviews in total, and grossed less than $9 million at the box office on a budget of $11 million.
A teenage genius, Paul, played well by Little House on the Prairie's Matthew Laborteaux, moves into a new town with his mom and his invention/friend/pet, a Bumblebee-look-alike who can carry 7500 lbs. in weight named BB (voiced by Roger Rabbit himself), or BeeBee, whatever the fuck. He's got a high IQ and is a whiz kid, thus explaining him teaching classes at Western Polytech, the local university. He gets a new friend in Tom, the local paperboy, he gets along with Dr. Johanson at the university, where he's studying the human brain, and his neighbor across the street is a crazy mean old lady neighbor bitch named Elvira Parker, played by Mama Fratelli (& Lift) herself, Anne Ramsey. Elvira is paranoid as hell, threatens people with a loaded shotgun, lives in a house protected by a chain-link fence, and gets killed by something she takes away, but we'll get to that later.
After getting adjusted to his new home, Paul gets a crush on his next-door neighbor Samantha, played very well by Kristy Swanson a.k.a. the chick Charlie Sheen kidnapped in the okay action comedy, The Chase. Sam even starts to like Paul as well. But Sam has an abusive alcoholic father who constantly gets drunk, beats her, and puts her on the edge of death. On Halloween night, Paul, Sam, Tom, and BB try to pull a prank on Elvira. When the prank fails, Elvira shoots the living shit out of BB.
A month later, Paul and Sam share their first kiss while he still mourns for BB. Oh, wait, I forgot to mention: DREAM SEQUENCE: Sam stabs her dad with a broken vase as her dad laughs at her in a close-up and blood hoses onto her face. Speaking of her dad, he kills Sam by pushing her down the stairs pretty damn hard, giving her brain damage. When Paul hears about this, he's heartbroken, but he has an idea: he's studying the human brain and BB's microchip is artificially intelligent. The microchip can link A.I. with the brain. So, he implants the chip into Sam's brain and Sam is now an android zombie. But then she gets out of control.
BB and Sam fight within each other for control of the body, akin to possession, while BB tries righting the wrongs committed against him with the help of Sam. For example, Sam finds her dad, yanks him off his feet down the stairs, breaks his wrist, and snaps his neck. I'm kinda glad because Sam's dad is a completely one-dimensional bore. Then, we get to the most famous scene in the movie. Remember when I said I talk about this film all time? Now, you're gonna know why.
So, the robot part of Sam finds Elvira, throws her to a wall, and as Elvira screams her lungs out like a retarded moronic dumbshit, Sam grabs the basketball Elvira stole from Tom earlier in the film and throws it at her head, causing it to explode on impact with gallons of blood and gore.
I talk about this scene A LOT. The abstract concept of a head explosion by a basketball is so fucking over-the-top, ridiculous, and goofy that you can't help but love it. Yes, there is a plot hole: an implanted robot microchip into your brain can't give you super-strength. Yes, I know that a basketball cannot at all do that much damage. Yes, the scene wasn't really impressive. Yes, the blood and gore look like Heinz ketchup and Welch's strawberry jam. Yes, when the body makes weird sound effects while running around in circles it looks like a puppet. I don't even care. This scene was irritating as hell, scary as shit, and funny as fuck, all at the same time, for all the wrong and the right reasons. It's amazing, it's disturbing, it's sick, it's side-splitting, and most importantly, it's one of the most creative, original, hilarious, overblown, and goriest death scenes in horror film history.
So after we get the scene that can't be ignored at all, Paul needs to stop the monster he has created, but before he does that, ANOTHER DREAM SEQUENCE: Paul dreams of a basketball bouncing up on his bed and the ball turns out to be the burnt head of Sam's dad. He gets into a fight with Tom, Sam kills some biker gang punk who threatened Paul and Tom earlier in the movie, the cops surround her, Sam starts turning human again, she returns to android zombie form, they shoot her, Sam dies in Paul's arms, so that's the end, right?
No, it's not, because after that, we get the most retarded ending to a film ever. Paul visits the morgue, a more malevolent version of BB pops out of Sam's head, Sam snaps his neck telling him to come with her (into oblivion, I guess), and the credits roll with BB being played and said over and over again. This ending is so shitty and so ludicrous it makes the basketball death scene look like something by David Mamet.
FINAL SCORE: 6/10
Yes, it's not really a good film and it has many flaws, but if you want to have some cheesy, campy fun with some corny 80's music and a plot that isn't full of substance, then this might be the movie for you.
Now there's an original cut of the film that was more of a sci-fi thriller. I talked many times about how the eventual film came to be, so I don't feel like talking about it now, but if the original cut was released, it wouldn't be like a modern Casablanca, but it would've been much better than the theatrical cut. But I'm okay with what we eventually have and I hope the original cut is released sometime in the future, maybe in 2016 to celebrate the movie's 30th anniversary.
Oh, I forgot to mention: Paul has a remote-controlled robot girl all to himself...and he never once thought of making her do *things*? Yeah, right.