Brittany Runs a Marathon
John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum
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Is this whole "sexism in films" a trend now? Seriously, first we had The Other Woman and now we have Walk of Shame. Looking back on this film, I realized I shouldn't have seen it. Why? BECAUSE NOBODY ELSE DID! According to Box Office Mojo, Walk of Shame only made $59,209 domestically. I guess I only have myself to blame here... wait a minute I don't. This film has god awful writing, poor acting, a nonsensical story and of course stereotypes instead of three dimensional characters.
So this news anchor lady Megan (Elizabeth Banks) has a wild night of drinking and some rather bizarre night of sex with a bartender. Somehow, she wakes up in the middle of the night (she should be passed out drunk at this point but whatever) and leaves the bartender's apartment. Her car gets towed away, she wonders around the streets a lot of the time and... oh fuck it I DON'T CARE!. And you want to know why? I'll tell you why, because every single crazy thing that happens in this movie could've been avoided if only Megan had either just stayed at the apartment until morning or have one of her dumbass friends come and pick her up. But nope, we have to go through this night and day of crazy hijinks that first of all aren't funny and secondly could be avoided if everyone in this movie wasn't a fucking idiot or a sexist moron. But we'll get to the whole sexism thing a bit later.
I feel bad for everything single actor and actress in this movie. Why? Well because it looks like nobody wants to be in this movie. Even Elizabeth Banks is totally slumming it here and comes off very neurotic and annoying as Megan. Then again, if I was playing an offensive stereotype or clichéd character it would be hard for me to be dedicated to something a writer wasn't dedicated to. Seriously, it's like the script hates human beings in general. We get offensive black stereotypes, offensive Jewish stereotypes and of course sexist stereotypes. For some odd reason, every time Megan comes across someone they automatically think she's a prostitute. Why? No seriously I'm lost here. What's the point or joke here? Is it because she wears a tight yellow dress? I'm so confused here. And that's why I hate this movie so much. This is a film that would be made back in the 50's or 60's where a woman is mistreated badly because of what she wears. Also Megan's friends are sexist stereotypes. Both of them have no real interests besides drinking, partying and having one night stands. Yeah, are you offended yet?
I'm not going to spend much time on the humor in this movie. A lot of the jokes actually kind of remind me of the ones from Movie 43. This movie doesn't know the difference between dark humor and just outright insulting material. And really that's the word to describe Walk of Shame in a nutshell: Insulting. I mean it tries to throw in a message of "not being ashamed" and "be who you are" at the last minute but of course it means nothing especially after every single stupid and insulting thing has been said and done. Walk of Shame is literally a waste of time considering the fact that every single event happening in the film could've been avoided if every single character wasn't an idiot. The acting is pretty bad, the writing is both humorless and distasteful. Let's just say, I still feel ashamed that I watched this horrible excuse for a movie.
I'll be honest, I don't want to hate "Annie". This movie tries so hard and yet it doesn't really deliver. It's less a film and more a song and dance extravaganza. Everything else like the story, characters and acting all suffer due to the fact that... nobody on the set cared about those elements. Let's explore the ambitious but clunky "Annie".
Annie (Aileen Quinn) is an orphan who lives with other extremely annoying orphans along with the mean and hammy Miss Hannigan (Carol Burnett). One day out of nowhere, Annie gets invited to stay with Billionaire Oliver Warbucks (Albert Finney) and a ton of musical numbers ensue. I'll just say this first, Most of the cast is trying so hard with a script that really has no plot. For instance, Tim Curry and Bernadette Peters have small roles and yet they just light up the screen whenever they're around. I don't know why, but I also really love Carol Burnett in the Miss Hannigan role. It's either she is giving it her all or just doesn't care. She is just so over the top in this and it's just a joy to watch her ham it up. Aileen Quinn on the other hand... yeah she's annoying. I'm sorry I know she was just a young actress and child actors aren't usually that good anyway. However I call it like I see it.. Quinn's voice is mostly okay, I can take it or leave it. But she just can't act.
you know what this movie kind of reminds me of? Surprisingly, Annie reminds me of Xanadu. Why? Well it has the same big problem Xanadu had... It's a movie that only cares about the musical aspect and could care less about everything else in the film. I mean it too, the dance sequences are just incredible even if more than half the songs in this are pointless. Seriously do we need a song about guessing a Dog's name? O how excited these people are about adopting Annie? Hell, do we even need a song about going to the Movies? Guys, life has exciting moments but NOT THIS EXCITING!
Another issue this movie has is the fact that the plot and the character's motivations make no sense whatsoever. Like I said, if it's not a musical number who gives a shit? Let's take Annie for example. She doesn't really have a personality trait except for being a happy person almost all the time. It's really hard to care about someone who basically is a happy shell of a person. A lot of the characters only have one personality trait and nothing else to them. Warbucks is a rich jerk while Hannigan is just a mean horn dog. Also this movie thinks all children are just annoying brats that say "Oh My Goodness" over and over again.
As much as I want to like this movie, I just can't. It was more of an annoyance than a delightful musical. Yeah the acting was okay, the dancing was great and even some of the songs are good. However, everything else is so bland and a huge mess. The characters are stereotypes, the story is all over the place and even some of the musical numbers wear out their welcome. However there are a lot of people who like this movie so I guess if you're fan of musicals in general you can give it a shot. Let's just hope the Remake coming out this year is a much better film.
Yes, it's time for another Madonna film screw up. And wow... this film is kind of forgettable. Yeah there are still times we get to see Madonna make a complete ass of herself, but as a whole Shanghai Surprise is just a boring and stupid flick. A lot of the time, I kept asking myself "Did I miss something"? I'm even lost when it comes this film's legacy as a box office bomb. How did anyone remember this movie even existed? Is it just because Madonna is in it?
So Glendon Wasey (Sean Penn) and Gloria Tatlock (Madonna) go on this hunt for some Drug shipment of Opium in Shanghai, China and... I'm sorry that's all I got. The plot might sound simple but man it gets so complicated as the film goes on. There are double crosses, secrets revealed, it turns out some secrets were lies, some of the lies were true and yeah you probably just spotted a huge problem with this film. Shanghai Surprise is sure that it's an adventure movie when really it has no flowing plot. Absolutely nothing in this movie makes any sense whatsoever.
When it comes the characters there is nothing going on in that department either. A lot of the characters are just adventure film stereotypes. There is a friend who turns out to be a foe, a villain in disguise, a woman who only serves as a sexual concubine, an obnoxious twit (of course played by the Material Girl) and some idiot who should get out of this situation but is too stupid and horny to do so. Therefore, we are stuck in this loo of nonsense that feels endless.
With the exception of Richard Griffiths, everybody's acting in this movie is just awful. I can take hardly anybody in this movie seriously even for a minute. Sean Penn is very annoying and irritating in the Wasey role. It's like he's not even trying more than half the time. Then again, we have another person who can care less and of course that person is Madonna. I'll be honest, it's very hard to describe Madonna's acting anymore. There are only so many times and so many ways I can say she's a bad actress. In Shanghai Surprise, she comes off more as a whiner than a determined missionary. Yes, Madonna is a missionary in this movie... let that sink in.
I am already tired of talking about Shanghai Surprise. Why was it a Box Office Bomb? I don't know and frankly I don't care. Why do we remember this movie even though nobody saw it? Because It was the first time we saw Madonna actually try to act and have it blow up in her face. All in all, it's a forgettable film with no real reason to watch it. The only real enjoyment I got from the film is either when Richard Griffiths was on screen or some unintentional hilarity coming from the fact that Madonna can't act her way out of a paper bag. All I can say is: Madonna, you say your lines but do you feel them? Do you mean what you say when no one's around? If you know what Madonna song that line is from, 10 bonus points.
Um... What The Hell was that? Seriously, what did I just watch? Striptease really has no identity and no clear purpose. Was it a Crime Drama? Because it wasn't suspenseful. Was it a Comedy? Because it wasn't funny. Striptease is just a long and confusing mess. I don't know where to start with this film. It just seems so misplaced with little to no structure. Okay... I'll do the best I can with this THING.
Erin Grant (Demi Moore) is a divorced mother who wants sole custody of her daughter. Somehow through an interesting and stupid contrivance, Erin loses her job as a secretary for the FBI. In order to pay bills and survive, she takes a job as a stripper at the "Eager Beaver" (I don't care how sleazy a strip club is, why would you name an establish "Eager Beaver"?) Anyway, there are a lot of subplots including a murder, an annoying congressman (Burt Reynolds), a bouncer taking up space, Erin's ex husband acting like a moron for the entire movie and of course we have to put up with the Erin's general stupidity. Yes, you've probably spotted the first problem with Striptease... TOO MUCH IS GOING ON! This film has too many subplots even for characters we don't give a crap about. Why should I care about the bouncer guy and whatever he has going on? Why should I care about anything Erin's Ex Husband is doing? Hell, it's hard for me to even care about Erin herself. The point is, there are a lot of scenes that should've been trimmed or cut entirely.
The sad thing is the acting by almost the entire cast is pretty solid. Whether it be the dramatic moments or the comedic moments, the actors and actresses in this movie try their hardest to make their characters believable or at the very least bearable. I only have two complaints when it comes the acting component of this film. First of all, what is Burt Reynolds doing here? Talk about a totally phoned in performance with a huge annoyance factor. Second of all, Demi Moore... is just on autopilot in this movie. I didn't believe her even for a single moment. I never saw her as a character, I just saw her as Demi Moore which seems to happen a lot in whatever movie she's in. So yes, Moore truly was the worst actress in this film.
Now when it comes the actual story of Striptease, it just comes off confusing and tonally cluttered. There were obviously moments of intentional comedy, but none of the comedic scenes were funny at all. Most of the time, the comedy in this was painful... ESPICALLY when Burt Reynolds was involved. The only time I laughed was when it was unintentional. For instance, Demi Moore's "dancing" in this movie absolutely hilarious! It was like she was a bird having a seizure or something. I'll put it this way, Elizabeth Berkley is a better dancer than Demi Moore. Oh yes... I SAID IT!
So we've come to the biggest issue of Striptease. What exactly is this movie's purpose? What exactly is the point of this entire film? Like I said, sometimes it tries to take itself seriously other times it's almost trying to be a dark comedy. Sure, a film can pull off both if it had the proper talent behind the script and the camera. However, it just seemed like writer/director Andrew Bergman got bored with the movie he was writing and just threw random stuff together hoping it would be just clever and funny all on it's own. In the end, Striptease just seems like a total waste of film.
Even though I wouldn't call Striptease the worst movie I've ever seen, it was still a huge waste of time. There was clearly effort put in to this film and like I said the acting isn't all bad. However we still have to sit through bad writing, a confusing plot, really awful performances from both Demi Moore and Burt Reynolds, characters we don't care for or relate to and of course the painfully unfunny scenes. In short, Striptease is just a really stupid movie. Not the Worst, but definitely not worth your time or money.
It's really fascinating how hard and yet how little this movie delivers on both it's laughs and just as a film in general. Sex Tape is a movie with an endless amount of potential, however the execution of it's premise is just outright gross and awkward. So... let's look at this mess together shall we?
Jay (Jason Segel) and Annie (Cameron Diaz) are a couple who just love having sex. And I'll be honest, their sex scenes are some of the most disgusting things ever put on film but we'll get to that a bit later. Anyway their sex life has been pretty dull ever since they've married and had their two children. Annie comes up with this "great idea" of how to get that spark back into her marriage. Record a Sex Tape of course! Too bad nobody in this world doesn't know how to use the cloud or even use a proper USB outlet because the Sex Tape gets onto every tablet they give out to their family, friends and even the mailman (which begs the question, why would you give a Tablet to a complete stranger like the mailman?). So yes, with a set up like that this movie should be comedy gold right? You couldn't be more wrong! I mean yeah there are a few jokes that work here and there. However, those funny moments are extremely rare. A lot of the comedy has no payoff anyway and usually when it does it offers no laughs. A lot of the comedic scenarios in the film are just awkward and straight out STUPID. I won't give too much away, but there's a scene where Jason Segel is being chased by this dog when he and Diaz are trying to get one of the Tablets back. Not only is this scene not funny, but it seems to go on forever. That's another thing, the jokes go on for a long time. Which is sad, because a lot of the comedic scenarios have great potential to be funny but they're ruined by constantly shoving the joke in your face and down your throat.
Most of the cast tries their hardest with a script that makes no sense. Jason Segel in particular is really dedicated to this role and I commend him for playing a badly written role very well. Once again, Cameron Diaz really just phones in her performance with no real conviction and doesn't really offer anything to this role. She just comes off more annoying than funny. Yeah I'm sure she has no real material to work with here but still when a bad performance is a bad performance. Rob Lowe has this bizarre role as some CEO that has one of the tablets. His character is suppose to be funny but comes off very creepy. There is a surprise cameo in this I won't give away but I'll just say it's a waste of comedic talent and I have no idea what this person is doing here.
Even if this film had an Oscar Caliber cast, it still would be a failure because well all of the characters are boring and clichéd as hell. I don't even know where to begin. Just like with any bad comedy, a lot of the characters are just tools to unfunny jokes or just cardboard cut outs in general. Jay and Annie in particular very annoying and nauseating to watch. There is only one thing that makes this couple of characters stand out, they love having sex with each other... again, again, again, again and again. By the way, I'm in no way a prude. I'm all for sex in movies as long as it propels the story in some way or just develops the characters as the film goes on. However, Jay and Annie are the same sex addicted morons before the Sex Tape and after the Sex Tape. Very little to nothing changes about these ass hats and the whole sex obsession just seems like another comedic device that doesn't go anywhere.
Sex Tape is a comedy that has little laughs in it and it really has a lot of plot dead ends in it. Actually you can describe Sex Tape as just that: A Dead End. The film has a great and funny premise but the actual narrative doesn't go that far. The acting is meh for the most part and there are a few funny jokes in this movie. However sitting through bad writing, annoying characters, unfunny jokes and really gross sex scenes isn't worth getting to two or three good jokes. Just save your time and money guys.