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Spider-Boy: Far From Peter Parker Virtueless. Formulaic. Predictable. Unsatisfying. This isn’t the hero we love in Peter Parker, this is just a little coward who would rather hold hands with some bore at an opera than do what every male has wanted to do since he was 4: fight villains. Go home marvel. Your drunk. May the MCU die in a hole
Enough humor to earn 3 stars. But this isn’t classic Pixar. It has no heart or purpose. Its just a mediocre cash grab. Best as a rental.
Flawed but arguably my favorite XMen movie so far. Pride is the villain. Humility is strength. The aliens are the primary flaw.
This doesn’t work as a musical. That was a colossal disappointment. A lifeless monotony of failure. Unnaturally musical. Forced songs that miss the mark in every way. Each song misses the exact thing you love about the song. None of them carry the emotional resonance you fell in love with. It’s a pity party of cliches and formulaic nightmares. It’s not even bad enough to care about or elicit a response. It’s just forgettable waste. I could have guessed this was his life. No real insight. The only enlightenments ironically come from the villains. The mom is a train wreck who surprises you with truth that the movie wants you to think are awful. It’s not a well written movie. It’s not clever or visually creative. It’s lazy. Elton’s great classics can’t be touched. I love them too dearly. They are above this cash grab. The director should be banned from making movies. The director should be banned to hard labor in Siberia. Ugh. He obliterated what should have been a good movie. There’s a story here that fails to take flight. They have the lazy audacity to attempt to wrap up the underlining theme with a post credit sentence written on screen. That’s just piss poor movie making. It should have followed Bernie’s story. Elton is too flat to carry a movie. Yes, Elton John is somehow flat and boring. How? Why God, WHY?! His lyrics have nothing to do with what’s going on in Elton’s life. They have no connection. Bernie is the true hero. Elton would have worked better as a side character you have fun interactions with peripherally. Instead he’s just an exhausting mess. Bernie is the man! What’s his story? That would have made a better movie. This movie should have just been a biopic. Making it a musical tanked it. D+ at best