John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum
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What happens when you take talented performers like Faye Dunaway and Peter O'Toole and put them in a Superman spin off? Well obviously if I'm asking, you, of course, get a piece of shit!
The first problem comes right away, as you are given no exposition what so ever, instead given very brief introductions to new characters, as if we are expected to know who the hell they are! A girl named Kara Zor-El (Helen Slater) is part of a community of surviving Kryptonians in a pocket of trans-dimensional space called Argo City! As I said before, no exposition! I would have liked to have been shown or told how these people managed to escape Krypton! If I am to go off the continuity of the first Superman film, nobody was told that the planet would explode, as of course, the Supreme Council kept Jor-El from warning anybody, because they thought it was only a bogus theory!
But no, instead meet Zaltar(Peter O'Toole) leader of this community of continuity errors! He ends up stealing and eventually losing some gonad looking thing called the Omegahedron. So instead of going after it himself, Kara goes instead, whilst Zaltar demands to be put into the Phantom Zone as their civilization is about to be destroyed yet again! If you ask me that's a pretty cowardly move! What happened to a captain going down with his ship?
Anyways, we are then "introduced" to our villain, A witch named Selena ( Faye Dunaway). Selena bitches to her boyfriend or whatever named Nigel (Peter Cook) about how she wants the World, when suddenly that Omegahedron falls into her chip dip or whatever that shit was! She grabs it, goes insane out of nowhere, and steals Nigels Car!
And now for some special effect feces! Kara is flying through some shitty sound stage with flashing lights and crashes her pod right into a body of water, only to then burst out fully costumed in a Supergirl outfit! I mean why the hell not? This movie has already shown that it doesn't give a rats schlong about continuity, so why not just give her the costume right away? But wait it gets better, she proceeds to pick a flower and uses her heat vision to make it bloom and somehow not start a forest fire!
Back to Mommie Dearest, who comes home to some abandoned building and boasts to her room mate about no longer having to pay any bills, for she has some shitty plastic ball that fell out of the sky! Jump cut to Supergirl stopping at a truck stop only to have two truckers attempt to rape her, whilst speaking in a mediocre Jack Nicholson Impression! Pretty stupid move as they obviously saw her fly down, therefore knowing she could kick both of their asses easily! Which of course she does, nailing both in the balls so hard they fly into the air! Remember the epic fight in the city with General Zod in Superman 2? Yeah well, forget about seeing anything cool like that at all throughout the entire 2-hour movie! In fact, there is really no point in me even continue delving any further into the rest of the plot!
All you need to know is that the special effects look like they are from the 50's when this is an 80's film. The story is boring, confusing, and lacks any continuity or logic! The acting is either way over the top or way under performed! And worst of all, the characters are all uninteresting to the point where you don't even give a damn what happens to any of them.
You could say it's so bad it's good, but I say it's just a Super Turd! 1.5/5 stars.
Wonder Woman is the first female superhero transferred onto film that didn't result in ungodly crapfest like the "Supergirl" movie was! And with the last two films mercilessly shat upon by critics, I honestly wasn't expecting this to be any different, in fact, I thought, it might lead to another "if you give it a negative review your sexist" scenario like "GhostBusters" had.
So the first ratings came in and were overwhelmingly positive, so I went to see it with humble expectations, and was completely blown away by how good it was!
First of all Gal Gadot and Chris Pine have fantastic chemistry as Wonder Woman and Steve Trevor, and honestly both could easily be nominated for best actor/actress. Second, I am really impressed with DC using lesser known characters such as Doctor Poison(a golden age villain) Etta Candy(in comics was comic relief sidekick). It just adds to the scale of the universe they are creating and also lets overshadowed characters gain recognition. But the biggest improvement from the last two films is the story! It isn't complicated and cluttered with a thousand plot points, and sidequests like its predecessors, but instead, focuses on one objective and sticks to it until the very end, leading to less confusion, and a better product!
With that said, however, this movie is over 1 1/2 hours long! A Lot shorter than the other two films, but still is a long ass time sitting in a seat, with no intermissions! So if there's one issue Warner Bros/DC needs to work on, is its pacing!
But other than a few minor nitpicks, the movie was great and is already on my list as one of the best films of this year so far! It's empowering, it's well acted, it's epic, and It's a movie that both sexes can and will enjoy! 5/5
The Killing Joke is one of the most controversial comic books, and now has evolved into a controversial animated feature. However the controversy is no longer the violent and sadistic nature of the story, but rather the added prologue added to introduce you to Batgirl before she gets shot and paralysed by the Joker, and also to add to the runtime!
Now because this is technically two movies, i will review both of them and average up the scores to in order to be as fair as possible!
The prologue is for a lack of the better word, dogshit! It wasn't wanted nor was it necessary and actually made Batgirl really unlikeable! She is portrayed as an arrogant, violent, lustful bully who constantly argues with Batman and ends up forcing herself on him while he's unconscious, leading to an out of place sex scene!
This is what upset me and many others for 3 major reasons! The first reason is that Barbara Gordon in the comics was in a relationship with Batman's first sidekick Dick Grayson. Second, was the age difference between Barbara and Bruce. Barbara is in her late teens to early twenties whilst Bruce is in his late thirties to early forties. And the third reason is, Batman is not only training the commissioner's daughter behind his back, but is also having sex with her as well! Some friend!
However, when we finally get to The Killing Joke segment, it is extremely well done and very faithful adaptation! Mark Hamill and Kevin Conroy bring each panel to life as the Joker and Batman respectively, and it was really interesting to see Mark Hamills take on Pre-Joker during the flashback to one of the possible Joker origins.
So because of the actual Killing Joke segment was decent, i'm only going to subtract 1 star for the prologue, because one bad segment shouldn't turn one of the best comic book stories ever written into a flop.
The "buddy cop" comedies, one of the most overused formulas in modern cinema consisting of an independent non-cooperative cop being forced to partner up and by the end of the film the cop learns the power of teamwork! Now take the cop and pair him up with an elementary school kid and you get one of the most preposterous, unfunny, train wrecks of a movie you will ever see in your entire life called "Cop & 1/2."
The plot consists of an 8-year-old boy named Devon Butler (Norman D.Golden II) who dreams of becoming a cop and finally sees his chance to become one after witnessing a murder, and only willing to hand over the information if they make him a cop! And believe it or not, his outrageous demands are granted, as Butler is teamed up with veteran cop Nick McKenna (Burt Reynolds) who of course is rightfully upset with being given an 8-year-old as his partner. Now does any of this seem plausible?
The problem with this set-up is that the movie takes place in a real world scenario, which means even though it's a fictional comedy it still has to abide by the rules of the real world. Now with that said we have a police department who allows a kid bribe them into putting him on the force with a grown man he has never met as his partner and is allowed to be put in danger just so the police department can get a statement, and apparently his grandmother (his main guardian) sees no problem with this, in fact, she even allows him to stay over at his adult partners house! And even Reynolds character is ok with it! Never in any genre, setting, etc would this ever be allowed to happen! First of all his grandma would be in trouble with child protective services, the police department would be under investigation, and Reynolds would be accused of being a child molester!
That's only the problems I had with the plot! I haven't yet mentioned the complete lack of comedy in this film which is probably because the only gag the screenwriters came up with was to have a cop paired up with a school boy. That's right another film revolving around a single gag kind of like Mr. Magoo but without even the slightest bit of humor. The acting is cheesy; the characters are forgettable and unrealistic, and the production value resembles that of a shitty low budget 90's sitcom. But because it's so ridiculous and also because I'm extremely generous, I will give it 1.5/5 stars for its sheer audacity.