Da 5 Bloods
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Entire concept is a rip-off, naturally (of Pumpkinhead specifically, at the very least, not to mention plenty of other horror in general). Acting definitely average. Signature hook weapon? Well, kinda yes, kinda not really. Honestly, this movie could've tried a lot harder. It's not all that great. Then again, it's not horrible either. This is just a one time fling. So if you're bored and can't think of anything better to do... but then, you can usually think of something better to do, right?
Spends nearly the entire movie tempting the audience as it's about to do something more, or have some grand explanation, but never really does. You get a tiny smidge of action at the edge, and ofc the occasional pot shot of a jump scare to get your blood flowing if the movie's lucky (no such luck on my end, or maybe I've got freon for blood?), but ultimately, this movie's about as much as worth watching as the same kind of dumb arse vlog celeb that these idiots in the movie, as unfortunately dumb as in real life, hope to watch and emulate.
Tries to be something new and interesting--at the time, anyway, and in fact still manages to be at least some amount of fresh in the day and age in which I first saw it (late 10's)--and manages success in the way of keeping you guessing, even if some points are too obvious from what feels like eons before they even happen. Speaking of science, and of skirting rules, this movie isn't afraid of taking pot shots at bad "there's no way you can work you're way out of this" or "oh, I'm so much better than you" logic, even if it appears to turn right around and blast at said sniper later in some abstract but thoughtfully karmic way. That said, some might swear that the sole purpose of the movie would be some furry fan's delight at seeing a genetic experiment gone wrong have its way with both a guy and a girl... or perhaps it's hentai porn? Whatever. Doesn't matter. It's true. Not for me, mind you, but I'm rolling my eyes at the possibility that it wasn't purposeful. Oh, and last but not least, I hope you're not here for the horror, because that's one thing this movie ain't: HORRIFIC. Yes, using caps, but I have to. Is this is a horror flick, then I'm the effin queen of France.
It's a fun movie, but unlike the first, it really and truly suffers from the "let's try to make the Spider-Man movies more diverse" formula. Mysterio might be an interesting choice, but anyone who knows Spider-Man at all already knows what's going on the instant they see our favourite illusionist on the silver screen. Okay, the backstory was a little different, but it still spoils most of the movie. It's not like this flick has the reserve benefit of a secondary villain either. Also, despite some of the high-school drama being cute, having certain characters so early and not seemingly true to comic counterparts either still pisses me off too. The Betty Brant thing is still particularly infuriating. Ugh. Anyway, last but not least, Earth, Wind, Fire, Water... that's Captain Planet, not Voltron. What a-hole wrote that? Yeah, that Led Zeppelin bit was obviously a joke, but I don't think the other was. Screw you, Sony. Get it together.
I can appreciate the fact that Sony wants to paint a more diverse picture of the Spider-verse than just the usual super villains, although some times I do wonder about their choices. But the movie was fun, mostly well written, and despite the fact that Holland still feels a bit strange to the role, it works. The only thing I can't stand is when they try to take characters that don't have any place being so young or so early in the series, or diversifying them ridiculously just to get them in the movie or make them physically or racially different enough to plant in a series. Honestly, it's no different than whitewashing. And it's offensive too. Also, I just can't stand a little, blond Betty Brant either. Yeah, I'm docking an extra half just for that. Eff you, Sony. Nobody like a bunch of sick a-holes like you.