Brittany Runs a Marathon
John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum
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There's not many trilogies that contain 3 excellent films, but there's also not many trilogies that get as exponential worse as the House of the Dead trilogy. Yes, even though this 3rd film was retitled Dead and Deader; it's a House of the Dead movie.
Unlike the previous H.O.D movies. The third doesn't even try to integrate itself with the videogame series( except for that needing a 1st generation zombie sample b.s). Dean Cain is the lead as Lt. Bobby Quinn a special forces soldier who is half zombified by virus carrying scorpions ( yeah). The rest of his team is full zombie and wreak havoc on the military base.
Initially, it was a refresher to see a H.O.D movie not take itself seriously and actually have an interesting plot. That's where the compliments end though. From here on out we are teamed with a black cook who is clearly a rip off of L.L. Cool J from Deep Blue Sea, and he is in the movie to do the stereotypical black guy( go damn!, Shit! And that is whack!). But he's not the only one with bad lines; half of this movies' dialogue is made up of references.
: There is a scene with two soldiers sitting in a supply truck, you know they're going to be killed but they don't show them being killed or even them encountering zombies. Their two minutes of screentime is spent debating who played the best James Bond.
There are countless Dawn of the Dead and George A. Romero references; which begs the question: If you're making a zombie movie why would you keep referencing zombie movies that are better than yours? It makes the viewer go " Yeah I remember that movie, it was really good....Why am I watching this piece of s**t.
The movie plays out like every H.O.D movie: evil scientist doing experiments on dead bodies but needs 1st generation zombie blood because apparently zombie blood gets outdated like ipods, scientist fucks with main characters and forces them to come with him on his zombie blood quest, they find the 1st gen and the scientist gets bit, everyone bad dies and our main characters survive........... Wait wasn't Dean Cain still a half zombie at the end who if he does that way redmeat will turn. Into a full zombie? Yeah that's not addressed like a number of plot holes in this "film".
I hated this movie, the dialogue was lazy, characters were stupid, and really could you have made the black guy anymore stereotypical. The only thing that amused me was the evil scientist played by Peter Greene( otherwise known as Zed from Pulp Fiction) who's most famous line is " Bring out the Gimp". Just Everytime I see his face I laugh thinking of that line( yeah that was my saving grace, laughing at a line of dialogue on of these actors said in another movie....Need I say more)?
There's almost no way to review the movie Ninja Terminator because it makes no F**king sense. There is a reason for that though, and because two completely unrelated movies were spliced together and voice dubbed to create the weirdest, worst, yet at times badass martial arts movies.
There is the Ninja Terminator story which is garbage, there's a golden statue that has 3 pieces. When the pieces are combined he holder becomes impervious even to samurai swords. Theres a red ninja who you never find out their name and 3 black ninjas. 2 of the black ninjas are middle aged white guys and the third is japanese??? Japanese Ninja ( named Tomashi) gets killed by red ninja and then the splicing begins.
Red Ninjas call up a Yakuza in another movie to kidnap the Tomashis sister as random so the two middle-aged white ninjas will give up their piece of the statue. So Harry McQueen( Richard Harrison A.K.A middles aged white guy ninja) calls a private eye and overall badass in the other movie named Jaguar Wong ( Jack Lam) to help rescue Tomashis sister.
Jaguar Wong is awesome and had it only been his movie it would've been really cool. Instead you go back and forth Jaguar Wong fight, red ninja breaks into Harry McQueen's house, Jaguar Wong fight, red ninja breaks into other middle-aged ninjas house, Jaguar Wong fight etc. until Jaguar Wong rescues Tomashis sister from one of the most ridiculous looking villains ever Tiger Chan a Yakuza who dresses normal, business suit, gloves, nice tie but then there is this bizarre blonde Bob haircut wig which is so ludicrous you can't help but double over in laughter Everytime it's on-screen. Tiger Chan's death is as ridiculous as his wig too as he somehow jumps down with enough force that he gets sticks waist deep in sand and Jaguar Wong kicks him to death.... Maybe death he might've just beat him up.
Oh I didn't forget about the other story going on. Red Ninja challenges both middle-aged ninjas to a showdown. In preparation all three ninjas are testing swords on themselves and they're all invincible; which is Bulls**t because it's already been established that all three pieces are needed. If you're invincible with the one piece who gives a s**t about the other two. ((Deep breath.....Deep breath)).
Dumb five minute fight happens, middle-aged ninja who's name I never learned bites the dust because for some reason they become uninvincible during the fight( not explained). Harry McQueen holds the full gulden ninja statue and the red ninja blows himself up. End. Credits.
What you just read was more coherent t than what I actually saw because I've left out other major continuity problems. Sooooo much reusing footage Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhh! I've never had a movie leave me speechless but Ninja Terminator did it. Do I recommend it? If you want to feel like youve had the men in black memory swipe, this is the movie for you. But if you watch on YouTube and just skip to the Jaguar Wong parts you'll enjoy yourself. I don't know what to make of this movie.
It's hard to talk about Batman without letting my fandom take over, but seeing how LEGO Batman references so much Batman history; it's only appropriate to review it from a fan perspective. With that being said, "LEGO Batman" is by far my favorite Batman movie behind the original Adam West Batman. I loved "Batman Begins" and the "Dark Knight" but even those didn't keep me quite as entertained from opening shot to credits.
"LEGO Batman" is an encyclopedia of Batman knowledge,: from the laundry list of villains from comics and TV shows, to the marketing of Batman to kids in the 90s that included some of the most ridiculous Batman specialized action figures ( I'm pretty sure I had Arctic freeze batman s a kid). The unrequited love/hate plot between Batman and Joker is a hilarious play in their history as well.
At first I was skeptical that the LEGO version would be geared too much toward a 10 and under audience, but was pleasantly surprised how well it translates no matter how long you've been a Batman fan. Even if it's your first Batman movie it sums up his whole mythology well enough that you could understand his past, and motivations. (Will Arnett) takes the character in a more arrogant and look at me I'm Batman sort of way but it works so well because you could easily see a billionaire playboy having an unhealthy ego, even that plays well in showing batmans solitude and loneliness.
Simply put,this movie is amazing, and definitely the most fun I've had at the theater in a while. It's worth the full price of admission and I think seeing it on a small screen wouldn't do justice to the beautiful graphics this film has to offer. Grab your kids, your parents, your grandparents,friends, grab whoever and go see "LEGO Batman".
(( Major SPOILERS!!!))
but this movie sucks anyways.
When it comes to renegade cop movies, there are certain things that we've come to expect. The villain will be protected by law because the detective was a hot head and didn't obtain evidence properly, the detective stalks and bothers the villain until the department says "leave it alone", detective catches villain in next act of violence(within confines of the law) and kills him(justifiably). "Ten to Midnight" manages to do two of these things right.
The one thing this movie truly did well was paint the template for Mary Harrons' version of Patrick Bateman's in "American Psycho". The killer in this film is named Warren Stacy (Gene Davis), an office maintence man who kills women who reject his creepy sexual advances. Gene Davis and Christian Bale look so similar and the mannerisms remind so much of Patrick Bateman's, not only from the movie, but Brett Easton Ellis' novel .
Warren makes sure to have an alibi and kills Betty a co worker who had previously rejected him. Unfortunately for Warren, Betty was the gossipy type and wrote about it his creepy behavior in her journal. Warren tries to recover the journal but ends up killing Betty's roommate( another co-worker) and finding the diary is gone.The cops have the diary which then puts the most douchey version of Charles Bronson I've ever seen on his ass.
Bronson keeps trying to hook his new partner Paul McAnn ( Andrew Stevens) up with his hot but annoying daughter Laurie(Lisa Elbacher). Warren meets Bronson's daughter and becomes obsessed with her. Bronson has that gut feeling Warren is guilty, and after a couple failed attempts to catch him, plants evidence on him to get him for murder. [[ TIME OUT!!!!!!]]
This was one of the biggest problems with this movie. It's already long and boring, but you make you're renegade cop into a dirty corrupt piece of s**t who plants evidence? We're willing to forgive dirty cops in movies if it's taking money or gambling debts,but planting evidence is reserved for bad guys. Dirty Harry never put blood on a guys jacket to put him in jail. He waited til the guy messed up and shot him. This happens half way through the movie, and at this point on there's no one to root for.
[[ TIME IN!!!!]]
After McAnn finds out Bronson planted the evidence; he forces him to come clean. Subsequently Bronson is kicked off the force, and Warren is let free. Instead of leaving things alone, Warren runs it in Bronson's face that he got away; so Bronson stalks him relentlessly and begins to ruin his personal and work life in ways so lame I won't even mention them. Eventually Warren goes to kill Laurie, he ends up killing her three roommates instead. Bronson shows up and a foot chase ensues: Bronson running after Warren running after Laurie. They come to a police standoff where Warren pleads to Bronson that he's sick and has a split personality. As the cops are ready to take Warren away and hes smirking, Bronson shoots him in the head and the credits roll.
Two problems there too. 1. ) Bronson was off the force; why is he at the police standoff 2.) He shot an unarmed man, that's not heroic and itz actually criminal. Shouldnt the movie end with Charles Bronson going to jail???
I'm not sure, but what I am sure of is; this movie is slow, it's long, and there's almost no likeable characters to speak of, and that's a credit to Gene Davis as the villain and a total knock on our supposed hero Charles Bronson. Oh and one more thing
WHY IS THIS MOVIE CALLED TEN TO MIDNIGHT????!!!!!!
(( some spoilers))
When people think of Hackers whether real or fictional we think, Snowden, Mr.Robot, techy computer savants who spend countless hours in front of computer screens sifting through numerical code that would seem like gibberish to the layman. We don't think " highschool" kids ( who look 30), who dress like they're in a madmax film acting extremely flamboyant and depicting hacking as a mish-mash of every popular 80s arcade game with A.I.M trash talk( a.i.m.....Wow I'm old).
You know what though?.......
1 R3@LLY L1K3 TH15 M0V13. :D
Hackers was released in 1995; the era of dial up internet, MtV(when it was edgy), payphones, and floppy disks. It stars Johnny Lee Miller as a genius computer hacker named Dade Murphy A.K.A: Zero Cool, Crash Override ( coolest hacker names ever in this movie). He was caught hacking by the FBI when he was 10 or 11, and banned from using a computer or LAN line phone until his 18th birthday.( First:What? Second: Stupid)
He moves to New York city with his mom and soon falls in with a group of low level hackers at his highschool (yes, there are echelons of hacking according to this movie.) A young and very hot Angelina Jolie is Murphy's love interest and rival hacker named (Acid Burn); they go back and forth with the love hate relationship in this movie, but this is just the subplot of the film.
The main plot involves Overrides lame hacker friend (Joey), who trying to impress his friends accidentally copies a garbage file from a major oil corporation that would expose a couple corrupt executives syphoning money. This is where we get our villian, the best and worst part of this movie. Our main villian is Fisher Stevens (Short Circuit1 and 2 and a litany of television appearances) who's a hacker ,and the C.T.O of the oil company who rides a skateboard everywhere and only lets people call him " The Plague" ( someone actually calls him Mr.The Plague). Our secondary villian is Lorraine Brocca (The Sopranos, Goodfellas) as a ditzy C.E.O who blindly follows everything The Plague suggests. They're an odd mismatched pair and look like Jessie and James of team rocket if James grew a beard.
The Plague plans to blame Dade and his friends for a hack he created to syphon money from the oil company. The movie is pretty much a expose the douchey evil corporate fatcats who oppress our lives and try to blame us for their misdeeds.
The movie is very campy and ridiculous throughout(Especially Matthew Lillard), but it's also fun. Of course the way they show hacking in this movie is nothing like real life, but how awesome would it be if it was. This movie is like if hacker who was a videogame and anime junkie got to direct a movie. It's ultra 90s awesomeness, and you can totally see elements from this film that have inspired the amazing show Mr.Robot. Yes, this movie is dumb but it's too much fun to pass up.
P.s. awesome hacker names in this movie
Phantom Phreak Crash Override
Cereal Killer Acid Burn
Lord Nikon Zero Cool
In the past ten to fifteen years we've seen the horror genre take some very bizarre leaps, moving away from the stereotypical slasher film and monster movies to torture porn ( SAW and Hostel) and scientists with God complexes turning humans into freakish creatures with half-assed backroom fever dream procedures( Human Centipede franchise and Tusk).
As strange as these films are they've been very successful for straight to stream affairs, and the SAW franchise did enough box office money to make seven movies. What I'm saying is we have a morbid curiosity for strange horror, partially for the film itself but also to try and figure out what inspired these filmmakers. 1973's "SSSSS" offers a look at what may have inspired some of the most ludacris horror flicks of the past decade.
"SSSSS" follows Dr.Stoner (yeah), a scientist obsessed with snakes. We see him sell a failed snakeman early in the film to a carnival leaving the Dr. to find a new subject. A college professor colleague lends a student named David to assist Dr.Stoner. David is too dumb for his own good; as Stoner immediately injects him with an "innoculation" ( without asking specifically what it is) that we later find out is king cobra venom. ( Why this turns David into a snake instead of killing him is anyone's guess.Stoner doesn't say he augmented the venom).
David begins flirting and making advances toward Stoners equally dim and unassuming daughter Christina,but David soon begins changing. He sheds his skin, hes constantly cold(cold-blooded), and begins growing scales. After Stoners final injection, David.....Well I'll let you guys find out for yourselves.
There's plenty of bad dialogue, and cheese-tastic moments( like the Python they keep giving whiskey) I won't ruin those for you. This movie is two hours long and while there are ALOT of mono/dialogues about how snakes are misunderstood; the actually science shown early on in the movie is interesting(like watching animal planet), and the plot is silly enough to keep you entertained. There are some "WTF" moments in this film that are funny and disturbing at the same time. So get your friends together to have a blast, and remember.
Don't say it. Hiss it. Ssssssssssss
(( SPOILERS!!!! But this flick suuucks))
Independent films for quite some time have been seen as an alternative film genre that tells offkilter and taboo stories you don't normally see in wide release movies. Unfortunately Indie films have also earned a bad reputation for being vapid art that is offensive for offensiveness' sake, and it's on this side of the genre hemisphere we find "The Corndog Man".
"The Corndog Man" is a ten-to-fifteen minute short film that contains an hour of filler. A mysterious caller Corndog Man starts trolling a racist, boat salesman named Ace Barker. Corndog ,who never gives his name calls posing as a prospective customer, but soon begins to incessantly call Ace and tell him facts that let Ace know, Corndog is watching him.
The phone head games continue for fifty minutes of this film. Corndog continues to hound Ace; reminding him of evil deeds long forgotten, and it's learned that Corndog is out for revenge. He also tells Ace he knows his secret of being a closeted homosexual who has sex with black transsexuals(.......Yeah). Resurfaced memories, and revealed secrets; along with Corndogs' nonstop calling eventually lead to Ace having a mental breakdown in a very anti-climactic ending.
Ace spends the movie answering telephones, spitting out racial epithets, and threatening Corndog with violence. The real issue with this movie is the smut shots( peep hole into restroom, and Ace receiving a blowjob from his transsexual girlfriend) and dead time. Although the phone calls go on throughout the film, it's nonstop with no other action for about fourty to fifty minutes( I felt like I could hear the phone ringing once the movie ended). This whole series of calls could've been portrayed in five to ten minutes by using captions saying a day or week has gone by since the last phone conversation. So much of the dialogue is unnecessary to the plot that it feels like they were improvising ,and had nothing to say.
I'm actually really disappointed by this film, I had low expectations going into it and even those expectations weren't met. Still beneath all the gutter rhetoric, and racial slurs; there's a decent revenge story screaming to break free unfortunately this movie is as palatable as stale corndogs.
Why is it called Corndog Man?
His license plate says Corndog and everyone says corndogs in this movie
Alot of B martial arts/action movies suffer from a key flaw; taking themselves too seriously. Instead of embracing the fact that these movies are ridiculous, they try to add complex plot twists or deep character development which always comes off very hoaky and forced. Nobody is expecting an Oscar performance in a movie where you main character kills fifty people with his bare hands, and "Riki Oh: The Story of Riki" realizes that.
"Riki Oh" feels like a martial arts movie made by (Sam Raimi)[Evil Dead 1and 2, Army of Darkness], and by that I mean it has all the over the top blood and gore effects you would find in a Raimi movie. Unless you've seen the "Raid 1,2", you know that most fight movies don't have alot of blood; maybe a bloody nose or some small cuts, but you won't see people having holes punched through their stomach ( This happens 10 minutes into the movie).
This movie starts as a typical: badass guy goes to jail, every gang messes with him for no reason and he kicks the crap outta them and brings down a corrupt prison warden. Pretty straight forward, and nothing mind blowing. What is mind blowing metaphorically and literally is the insane fight scenes. This isn't "Ong Bak" amazing, with death defying stunts. It's just amazing with death. How? Let me let me just list a few ways Riki kills people.
- punches hole through a guys stomach (4 times in the movie)
- x ray punches a guy in the head and shatters his skull
- punches a guys arm, opposite hand, and his mouth off ( this all happens to one guy)
- blending someone to death in a meatgrinder
These are just a few of the highlights,but there are oh so many more. The English dubbing and use of bad rubber mannequins for some of the deaths keep the laughs accumulating as well. I could tell you everything psychotic that happens in this movie in detail, but I don't have time to write a novel. " Riki Oh" is also a film that you have to see to believe. You can describe it to someone but the full effect can't be felt until you see it yourself.
" Riki Oh" is currently on YouTube to watch with the English dubbing. It's gained a major cult following in recent years and already has over 6.5 million views on YouTube. So do I recommend this movie?
" Riki Oh" for myself, was almost the pinnacle of action movie entertainment. I laughed alot and found myself jumping out of my chair going " That was gnarly, and ridiculous, and awesome!". So if you and your buddies want to have a goodtime; grab some popcorn, fire up your computer and enjoy " Riki Oh: The Story of Riki", or as I like to call it. "Riki Oh: The Baddest Mothaf**ka to Walk the Face of the Earth". Sure that's a long title, but it's just as nuts as the movie.
There's a lot of things a movie can do to be considered bad. Bad acting, editing, directing, or music. Any of these elements can make a film underwhelming, but still leave you with a decent syory if there is stuff happening and you're being kept engaged. The ultimate sin of cinema, is being boring, and 50 shades of grey might be the biggest offender of that rule.
I went into this film having not read any of the books, and even after watching this movie; it seems like you still need to read the book to understand slot about these characters. We have Anna, the indecisive awkward and very plain looking virgin who is smitten with Billionaire Christian Grey. Grey seems more like Gordon Gecko as a Bond villian( he seems like he would have drinks with Patrick Bateman's and Goldfinger) and quickly becomes obsessed with Anna and controlling every aspect of her life; in what seems like very creepy stalkery almost gaslighting behavior. The main plot point of the whole movie is this stupid contract he's trying to get Anna to sign, saying she'll be his submissive and do whatever he says (Nevermind she's already been doing everything he says).
The rest of the movie plays out as: [lame pg-13 "kinky" sex scene (lame), he says he's not into relationships, she gets ready to leave him, he storms after her and says he needs her, she reminds him she hasn't signed the contract and then she does what he wants anyways]. This sequence of events happens about three or four times in a row with little dialogue between. It's all very boring and tedious.
Aside from this movie being two hours long and as boring as C-SPAN; the absolute worst part was that there was no conclusion. The ending was banking on this movie being successful enough for a sequel. Unfortunately they were right......... I recommend this movie as a cure to insomnia, but in no way shape or form was it entertaining. F**k this movie.
Most movies based off videogames are not good. In fact they're pretty much downright garbage. Which brings us to "House of the Dead" a 2003 Uwe Boll film adaptation of the popular arcade rail shooter. Some might have 2 questions.
1. who's Uwe Boll? 2. What's a rail shooter?
Uwe Boll is a director synonymous with straight to DVD B movie horror/action ; with the "Rampage" trilogy, "In the Name of the King 3", and "Bloodrayne" 2 and 3. I don't know if "House of the Dead" got a theater release ,but if so I'm sure it was short lived.
As for rail shooters. They're your typical arcade shooting games house of the dead, area 51, metal slug. They're games were you're rout is predetermined, most of them move the character for you,you just aim and shoot. There's little dialogue and the plot is simplistic and usually explained in 2 or 3 brief cutscenes. They're still awesome games, but how do you expand on that to make a 90 minute movie? Well after watching "House of the Dead" I can tell you this movie is clearly not the answer.
Our main characters consist of two douchey college guys, three hot girls( tough black girl,dumb blonde, and smart brunette), a kermudgenly German boat captain smuggling weapons, a coast guard badass chick, and Clint Howard as the first mate. That's a bad sign when you have a main party of seven actors nobody knows and Clint Howard is the most famous person in this film.
Our group is on their way to the rave of the year which is being held on Isle de Muerte. Despite missing the ferry to the island and the German captains warning, they pay him to take them anyway. They show up to the island of death and find the rave completely deserted and wrecked( they even find a shirt covered in blood); but think nothing of it and pour themselves some beers and try to hookup.
Zombies inevitably show up and our troop of morons start running through the woods. The blonde girl gets zombified, and her stupid boyfriend then gets eaten. They run into another group of survivors who were at the rave earlier; including my favorite character ,Liberty(an Asian raver girl in a united States flag jumpsuit who kills zombies with knives and roundhouse kicks).
Kirk the German captain shows up to reveal he was smuggling weapons and all hell breaks loose as we get a bad zombie shoot em up; with shitty editing, and horrible techno music throughout. It's so generic that they keep splicing in footage from the "House of the Dead" videogame;like they have to keep reminding you that the movie is based on the game.
There's a Ludacris shoot out scene with a really bad P.O.D sounding song that goes on way too long. Characters and zombies start dieing left and right. There's still not much revealed about the plot. In fact we're not introduced to the villian until an hour and fifteen minutes into a hot and a half movie.
The villian is an evil scientist who's been doing experiments for centuries and has made an immortality serum( Original :/ ). He's doing some weird stuff to make a perfect being,not really sure; even the short exposition is vague. He bites the dust in a death so ridiculous I won't ruin it if you decide to watch this movie. The movie ends in a cliffhanger thinking there will be a sequel, and guess what? They made "House of the Dead 2".
So as far as bad videogame movies go House of the Dead is upper echelon trash. Is it worth a watch? With enough of your friends to rip on it, it's definitely worth a view. It's by no means good, but it's so stupid and poorly done it's funny.
After watching "Riki Oh" one of the most over the top gorefest martial arts movies I've ever seen( and I've seen Raid 1 and 2); it only seemed fitting to keep diving into the realm of kung fu shlock,and to that end we have "Bloodfist 2050" also known as " Street fighter 2050".
There have been eight other "Bloodfist" movies(I've seen none of them) which all starred Don "The Dragon" Wilson, and at least featured another real life martial artist in Billy Blanks. However " Bloodfist 2050" gives us a cast that lets you know right away what kind of movie this will be. The film stars Matt Mullins who is a real martial artist, but could stars Glen Meadows and Beverly Lynne; both softcore porn actors(married also) who's filmography include: "Delta,Delta, Die", Maximum Thrust, and The Devil Wears Nada. Yeah it's that kind of movie.
The first fifteen minutes make absolutely no sense. There's a massive gun battle followed by a "Mad Max" ripoff high-speed chase (with some really bad explosion effects), then a "Warriors" like gang brawl breaks out, and next we're in the "Bloodfist" tournament. None of what I just described had any exposition,or dialogue; I had no clue who the main character was.
We finally meet Alex (Mullins); who's come to distopian Los Angeles to find out who murdered his brother. It's essentially the movie "Kickboxer" except the main character is already a good fighter. Alex meets two of his brothers acquaintances ,Randy(Meadows) a Bloodfist fighter and his brothers' best friend , and Nadia his stripper ex girlfriend(Lynne) who help him investigate the murder along with detective Slick (Joe Sabatino).
The investigation leads them to the Bloodfist tournament. Where Alex just starts questioning random fighters about his brothers murder. There's an obligatory "Chong-Li" character who seems shady and the stereotypical fighters: muay thai, karate, kung fu. The tournament fights were the only redeeming part of this movie; for how bad everything else is, these are done well. Most other fights in the movie are lazily choreographed and the sound effects don't match up to the action.
The rest of the movie plays out fairly standard from here on. Alex runs through the competition in the tournament,there's an obvious betrayal by a side character, crappy final fight, and Alex walks off into the sunset with closure, his tournament money, and his stripper girlfriend.
I waited until now to mention the strangest and most boring thing about this movie, because it's not something you normally gripe about from action movie. It's pretty much a given in tournament fighting movies you'll get some gratuitous nudity, and we do get a strip tease scene in this movie......... about five times. This movie is only 76 minutes long and feels like it was spliced together from a softcore porn and and a "Kickboxer" ripoff that was never released. I've never seen an action movie that made me bored of boobs, it this one did it.
So would I recommend this movie?
Even as B movies go this one was pretty garbage. The film quality is terrible(made in 2005, looks like 1995), sound effects are cheap, the music, when there is music, is bizarre and probably public domain tracks. It does have its hilarious moments, and a few good action spots, but not enough. Unless you want to watch "Kickboxer" and " Girls gone Wild" without changing the channel Id stay away from "Bloodfist 2050".
Before diving into "The Neon Demon" I'd like to preface this by is review by saying that Nicolas Winding Refn is one of the most visually stylistic directors of modern cinema. It has been a pleasure to watch every movie he has directed from the "Pusher" trilogy to " Only God Forgives". Refn holds the viewer accountable to decipher the story/message of the images on screen like an art gallery piece as his films are usually space on dialogue. That being said "The Neon Demon" visually was the best movie from 2016, the plot however is as apathetic as the characters of the film,but I think that's the point?
The movie follows Jesse (Elle Fanning) a 16 year old ( though she's told to say 19 by her agent) aspiring model who has that "it" factor, which draws everyone towards her in an obsessive and disturbing way. Early on Jesse meets Ruby (Jena Malone), a talented makeup artist who clearly has the hots for her. Ruby introduces Jesse to the most stereotypical super model mean girls Gigi (Bella Heathcote) a snarky plastic surgery addict and Sarah (Abbey Kershaw) who looks like she disdains every second of life in this movie.
They're typical bitchy mean girls who see Jesse's beauty as a threat to their success. Jesse upstages each of the girls; Sarah at a runway audition and Gigi at the runway show. Jesse seems sweet and innocent but there is a vicious monster lurking underneath her beauty and this is a credit to Elle Fanning for pouring herself into the character. She ditches her goody two shoes boyfriend (Karl Glusman) who's in the movie long enough to be used by Jesse to take her initial test photos, and pay for damages to her cruddy room at a sleazy motel run by a creepy,rapey Keanu Reeves.
After she hears the motel manager ( Keanu Reeves) raping a 13 year old next door; she goes to stay with Ruby who promptly tries to have sex with her, but Jesse rebukes her.This leads to Ruby losing her s**t apparently; because the next scene we see her doing funeral makeup on a body in the morgue, look longingly at it while flashes of Jesse go through her mind, and then mount and have sex with the corpse. Yes there is a lesbian necrophilia scene in this movie.
We then she Jesse admit to Ruby she knows how dangerous her beauty is and how pathetic everyone that aspires to look half as good as her are. Sarah and Gigi then show up and team up with Ruby to kill Jesse. We see the three of them showering covered in blood.
Ruby is next seen lying on top of what must be Jesse's corpse in a field of flowers. Gigi and Sarah are at a photo shoot where another model asks Sarah if she's ever been screwed out of a job by someone younger , and if so what did she do. Sarah says yes and replies, "I ate her". The photographer at the shoot is suddenly awed by Sarah who seems to have the "it" factor now. While on set Gigi gets sick, and runs to the bathroom. Sarah follows to see Gigi throw up an eyeball ;then say " I need to get her out of me" and proceeds to eviscerate herself with scissors. Sarah unphased, eats the eyeball and walks out. Roll Credits
I was ready to give this 1/2 a star during the necrophilia scene,but after letting the movie sink in; it began to seem clear that this movie was a piece of meta art. A film about how empty and shallow the fashion industry is and how it destroys and devours young girls (yes that pun was intended). Revealed during her almost sex scene with Ruby; Jesse is a virgin which adds to the whole ruination of purity and innocence by the fashion industry. As you can tell even from the detail in my review, the movie didn't pick up steam til the last 20 minutes or so, and by that point you've already seen a necrophilia scene so how much crazier could it get.
I respect the attempt Refn made at a glossy supermodel horror movie, but unlike "Black Swan" which also dealt with obsessive competition between catty girls in a beauty centric industry; "The Neon Demon" never lets us delve into the characters psyches to see them truly spiral. Every horrible act seems more reactive than cerebral. The soundtrack by ( Cliff Martinez) is incredible as always and the cinematography is something to behold but ultimately this film plays out like the darkest season of "America's Next Top Model " imaginable
Let's start with the good. Like other movie adaptations of Patricia Highsmith novels ("The Talented Mr.Ripley", " The Two Faces of January") , "A Kind of Murder" contains some great cinematography, and does an excellent job of capturing the aesthetic feel of it's time period(in this case 1960s). The problem with this movie is ummmm, everything else.
There isn't a single likeable person in this movie, and character motivations are vague if not non-existent. There's little exposition behind many of the relationships we see in the film; which doesn't make the viewer empathize or sympathize with any of the characters.
There was potential for this to be a good psychological thriller, instead it feels like this was adapted from a SparkNotes version of a Highsmith book.