Da 5 Bloods
On the Record
I May Destroy You
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What a premise: 30-y/o Black man offers a 9-y/o White kid a ride home from therapy and doesn't think to PHONE ANYONE. If you can swallow that, then you'll have no problem with them spending the entire day riding around without calling the kid's parents.
I watched this because Seth Green is in it. Perhaps he was doing a friend a favor, because the script sucks even harder than the premise. Green's character is inconsequential from any angle.
The 9-y/o kid from therapy is unconvincing and not a joy to watch. The women in this movie mostly serve to attest t o what a hot player Gabe (J Lee) is. I don't blame the actors, every character is written for comic effect, and it's not funny.
Written/directed/starring J.Lee, this reeks of an ego trip that never should have gotten a production budget.
I saw an interview with Farrell saying he had watched a lot of Eurovision and understood how intrinsically ludicrous most of the acts are. What is so captivating is how dedicated and serious the artists are when unspooling the lavish idiocy.
It's a shame that this spoofs Eurovision, instead of presenting the show's peak moments of nutballery straight ahead. Everything needed is already in the mix, there was no need for the ludicrous backstory. Eurovision is already the WWF of song contests and only needed to be revealed to American audiences.
Instead of truly inspired comedy such as ELF, this is another bowl full of failure drowning in giddy stupidity.
This is a story with terror that outstrips the blood and torture porn that passes for "scary" nowadays. The feasibility of this story and its characters is enough to instill paranoia in anyone considering visiting a remote location near a small town.
There's no history of creepiness, just smart people running against stupid violent people. Among the young perpetrators, the pecking order is well structured. Among the adults, there's the usual denial and legacy of violence.
Very well done until the end, which is a gut-punch!
The first rules of a literary-based franchise is to enlist the energies of the existing fan base while making the creating a vehicle general audiences understand and get excited about.
With its expository dialogue, leftover character costumes and makeup from the Harry Potter franchise, and horrible narration by a miscast Josh Gad; this is a film in which images occur without context or interest. The writers and director exhibit no clue on how to tell the story, so they serve up a mess: elements and characters are just thrown at the screen. A lot of actors are DOING, but nobody is BEING... and no amount of corny narration can get them there.
ARTEMIS FOWL breaks both of those rules and its expensive, confused, unspirited failure is noted. After slogging through it -- taking several breaks to fix lunch, visit RawStory, answer emails -- I was surprised to see that many people saw the same movie and had a similar experience.
Kenneth Branagh has directed nearly two-dozen films, only CINDERELLA targeted a youth audience and it was fantastic and frisky. What caused Branagh to turn in such a lukewarm project as ARTEMIS FOWL? Perhaps the fault lies with McPherson and McColl, the screenwriters with two dozen projects between them, but only one children's film between both.
I kept waiting for powerful connection between any of the characters and nothing had more of a spark than can be generated by scuffing across carpet in dress shoes.
I'm hugely disappointed for Erin Colfer whose literary works deserved much better and a film franchise of multiple installments that are wonderful to revisit and that inspire frame-by-frame examination by fanatics who are rewarded by the details they unearth.
This film does not provide a foundation upon which to build a towering franchise, it can't even support itself.
The beginning of SCOOB! has an endearingly goofy "origin story" of how Shaggy & Scooby met, then how they meet Fred, Daphne and Velma. Part of the action takes place at the beach and it should be noted: people in swimsuits look like balloon animals when rendered with very basic computer-generated animation.
After the opening credits, the film takes a sharp dive and never recovers. It's also monstrously l-o-n-g for one story that is not strong even in retelling the premise.
For adults who grew up with the cartoon, watch the origin story, listen to the terrible remake of the theme song, watch a couple of minutes of the main story and be advised: IT DOESN'T GET BETTER.