"In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale" is unlike any movie I have ever seen. Jason Statham is Farmer, a... farmer who is married with a wife and a son. Said wife gets kidnapped and said son stabbed brutally to death by some Poundland LOTR orcs controlled by Gallian, a villainous Magus played by Ray Liotta cosplaying as Liberace, who is allied with Matthew Lillard's Duke Fallow, who is the Prince John from "Disney's Robin Hood" through a filter of heavy drinking and excess melodrama. They wish to usurp the throne of the King, who is Bert Reynolds pretending to be Sean Connery in "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves".
Gallian also attempts to seduce Muriella, the terribly named daughter of John Rhys-Davies's Magus character Merick. He dresses like James Mackenzie's character from that old TV gameshow "Raven" and tries to prevent his daughter from getting involved in the plot. Despite this, she still dons armour, hangs around looking incredibly enticing to the queer femmes in the audience, and sadly doesn't get much of an Eowyn moment. Farmer's brother-in-law exists while looking like an off-brand cross between Legolas and Geralt and contributing very little to the plot. There are a group of elves in the forest who look like Peter Pan's Lost Principal Boys joined Cirque du Soleil and they can somehow control vines. This is never explained. The King's army has a platoon of ninjas. Ron Perlman is there.
If you're looking for something really stupid that you can roast with your friends while drinking heavily, this is the perfect film for you. Know what it is going in and you won't be disappointed. But you will probably feel a lot of vicarious embarrassment for everybody involved.
I found "Lionheart" a strangely compelling film despite its premise being nonsense (the French Foreign Legion will not hunt you down if you desert, apparently). Jean-Claude Van Damme's Léon is a fascinating hero: he's allowed to be stereotypically masculine in his use of violence to solve most of his problems, yet also soft in his concern for his brother's wife and child, while also being surprisingly asexual no matter how many times he takes his shirt off. It's not an intellectual film (and probably has too many roundhouse kicks), but it is one I found surprisingly enjoyable. Check it out.