Ugh, god. I think I must have outgrown this movie before I even gave it a decent shot. To give credit where it's due, it is a beautiful film. The backgrounds are to die for; the forestscapes are breathtaking and I found myself wishing that real thickets were as lush and idyll. Maleficent's castle alone would have been
worth the price of admission. Dude, it's freakin' Mordhaus 45 years before Metalocalypse! Indeed, the woman's got exemplary taste in architecture. Her taste in minions, foes and general story worlds however is really lacking. The poor witch is much too badass a villain to degrade herself in a movie like this. Three pudgy and inept fairy godmothers who, in fifteen years, can't learn to sew or bake are really below her as nemeses. Maleficent is better than that. This movie's got huge problems. The writing should have been so much tighter; instead of events advancing the plot, this is a series of vaguely amusing and unconnected events interspersed with cursory plot detail. Sleeping Beauty is an example of terrible storytelling: It could have been a rom-com farce about two royal lovers that don't know that they were bethrothed to begin with. It could have been a fascinating story of a bitter anti-monarchistic sorceress who's trying to wake up her countrymen to thier blind hero worship. In fact, that would have given the villain believable motivation for her deeds, which are instead done out of the evil of her heart. The closest thing we get to a real story would be the tale of three clingy spinsters who never grew up, but try to define thier own identities through thier artifical roles as mothers. Because really, the three portly sprites are the actual protagonists of the film, not the title character. I don't understand this movie. What's its moral? Be sure to invite everyone to your daughter's christening? Teach your children about the dangers of the world, instead of trying to isolate them from them all? Blech. I want to see Maleficent in her own movie.
May 30, 2011
Top Critic
