Baadasssss! (2003)

[left][font=Arial][size=2]My co-workers are silly. Thank goodness.

Recently, one of them was out of town, and left his sea monkeys on his desk "for others to take care of." After a few days of neglect (somebody clearly botched their assignment on sea monkeysitting), the little critters had died, or were just extremely sleepy. Ugly green water (full of too much food) is the suspected culprit, creating an asphyxiating environment for the hopeless sea monkeys.

However, by the magic of science (and green Jell-O and shrimp), the thirst for omnipotence over all things monkey, and the reliability of a good prank, a co-worker & I brought those sea monkeys back to life! *lightning bolt* The co-worker was very 'relieved' when he saw his "little darlings" still alive and kicking.

Behold! Vivacious, overgrown sea monkeys (and friend)!

[img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v293/neumdaddy/RT61.jpg[/img]
[img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v293/neumdaddy/RT71.jpg[/img]


The ensuing scientific analysis and morality debate is documented in this e-mail exchange (beware the work jargon!!)...


[color=Red][b] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~[/b][/color]

-----Original Message-----[/size][/font]
[font=Tahoma][size=2][b]From:[/b] Painted Forehead
[b]Sent:[/b] Tue 2/8/2005 8:03 PM
[b]To:[/b] Daddy, Neum; Poe, Edgar Alien; Shiny Wrappers, The Bringer of Things in; Caveman, Captain; Oakley's Ghost, Annie; Stupid, Professor; Vampira; The Flappy Flamingo, Flora
[b]Subject:[/b] SOS and associated manifestations (i.e. freezing shrimp in jello)
[/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=2]

So, looks like the shrimp/green jello concoction is now chilling out in the freezer. [/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=2]

SOS "Spreadsheet Overload Syndrome" is probably a contributing factor. I empathize, although I never froze stuff in jello to deal with it. A little ten minute break with some good music or a brisk walk/run works better.[/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=2]

Whomever felt compelled to do this after spending too much uninterrupted time with eyes glued to spreadsheets - I feel your angst and there is help. You don't need to freeze shrimp in jello to deal with this even if this seems like the answer. :-)[/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=2]


PLEASE get help[/size][/font] [font=Wingdings]J[/font][font=Arial][size=2]

cheers![/size][/font]
[font=Arial][size=2]
-----Original Message-----
[b]From:[/b] Captain Caveman
[b]Sent:[/b] Tuesday, February 8, 2005 10:12 PM
[b]To:[/b]Forehead, Painted; [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]Daddy, Neum; Poe, Edgar Alien; Shiny Wrappers, The Bringer of Things in; Oakley's Ghost, Annie; Stupid, Professor; Vampira; The Flappy Flamingo, Flora[/size][/font]
[font=Arial][size=2][b]Subject:[/b] RE: SOS and associated manifestations (i.e. freezing shrimp in jello)


Actually, I was suffering from ERDOS ([/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]ERD Overload Syndrome). Although it did start making a lot more sense after me and Neum threw it in the freezer. Who would've thought?

[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]-----Original Message-----
[b]From:[/b] Neumdaddy
[b]Sent:[/b] Wednesday, February 9, 2005 9:03 PM
[b]To:[/b] Caveman, Captain; Forehead, Painted; [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]Poe, Edgar Alien; Shiny Wrappers, The Bringer of Things in; Oakley's Ghost, Annie; Stupid, Professor; Vampira; The Flappy Flamingo, Flora[/size][/font]
[font=Tahoma][size=2][b]Subject:[/b] RE: SOS and associated manifestations (i.e. freezing shrimp in jello)[/size][/font][font=Arial][size=2][color=#0000ff]


*applies Sherlockian deerstalker cap*[/color][/size][/font]

[i][font=Arial][size=2][color=#0000ff]Dr. Watson, er Painted Forehead & myself, having [/color][/size][/font][font=Arial][size=2][color=#0000ff]endeavored a more intense investigation into the "shrimpsicle" phenomenon in the break room freezer, have deduced that a thawed overgrown sea monkey has a .00006% chance of becoming re-animated (I'm using big words so you really can't *not* trust me). If that is so, I fear for the safety of the plastic scuba man whom is also entrapped by green Jell-O ice, because that shrimp had a pretty mean look frozen on its face. Grarr.[/color][/size][/font][/i]

[font=Arial][size=2][color=#0000ff][i]Presently, our frozen science experiement rests at Mr. Edgar Alien Poe's old workstation (an environment, we discovered, with enough of Edgar's leftover muskiness to hasten the melting process), so if you care to gawk and witness the miracle of sea monkeys in frozen green Jell-O, we encourage you to ogle your brains out. However, my esteemed colleague & I will keep you all updated on its progress, but we hold great hope for the sea monkeys' survival. Godspeed, shrimpy. Godspeed.

[/i]*puffs Sherlockian pipe*



*gets back to work*[/color][/size][/font]
[font=Tahoma][size=2]
[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]-----Original Message-----
[b]From:[/b] Painted Forehead
[b]Sent:[/b] Wednesday, February 9, 2005 9:17 PM
[b]To:[/b] Daddy, Neum; [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]Caveman, Captain; [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]Poe, Edgar Alien; Shiny Wrappers, The Bringer of Things in; Oakley's Ghost, Annie; Stupid, Professor; Vampira; The Flappy Flamingo, Flora[/size][/font]
[font=Tahoma][size=2][b]Subject:[/b] RE: SOS and associated manifestations (i.e. freezing shrimp in jello)[/size][/font][font=Arial][size=2][color=#0000ff]


*takes off white labcoat and latex gloves*

I will not sleep well tonight given the .00006% chance of re-animation we discovered after hours of rigorous analysis in our lab.

However, lets just hope for the best since this is out of our control until the shrimp is 100% thawed. Remember, sometimes hope is all we have........when dealing with shrimp frozen in green jello.[/color][/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]

[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]-----Original Message-----
[b]From:[/b] [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]Professor Stupid[/size][/font]
[font=Tahoma][size=2][b]Sent:[/b] Wednesday, February 9, 2005 9:17 PM
[b]To:[/b] Forehead, Painted; [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]Daddy, Neum; [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]Caveman, Captain; [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]Poe, Edgar Alien; Shiny Wrappers, The Bringer of Things in; Oakley's Ghost, Annie; Vampira; The Flappy Flamingo, Flora[/size][/font]
[font=Tahoma][size=2][b]Subject:[/b] RE: SOS and associated manifestations (i.e. freezing shrimp in jello)[/size][/font]
[font=Tahoma][size=2]
[/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=2][color=#0000ff]After much testing, we have considered this abnormal growth in Sea Monkeys a failure. The molecular structure could not sustain the expansion of Jello molecules as they expanded. It seems in order to be able to re-animate, we must find ways of using a liquid that is capable of absorbing and transporting nutrients but at the same time won't expand when brought to it's crystalline form.[/color][/size][/font]

[font=Arial][size=2][color=#0000ff]Let's take a moment and bow our heads in honor of the sacrifice they made in the name of science. Let this be a reminder to live life to it's fullest and take nothing for granted. In loving memory of Alpha Shrimp and Beta Shrimp. We also like to extend our gratitude to the children that too had their life cut short during an earlier accident involving an encounter with Flora the Flappy Flamingo.
[/color][/size][/font][font=Arial][size=1][color=#0000ff]
[/color][/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]-----Original Message-----
[b]From:[/b] Edgar Alien Poe
[b]Sent:[/b] Friday, February 11, 2005 10:36 AM
[b]To:[/b] Stupid, Professor; Forehead, Painted; [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]Daddy, Neum; [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]Caveman, Captain; [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]Shiny Wrappers, The Bringer of Things in; Oakley's Ghost, Annie; Vampira; The Flappy Flamingo, Flora[/size][/font]
[font=Tahoma][size=2][b]Subject:[/b] RE: SOS and associated manifestations (i.e. freezing shrimp in jello)

[/size][/font][font=Trebuchet MS][size=1][color=#0000ff][size=2]After reading through the analysis and spending many sleepless nights thinking about the re-animation of the frozen shrimp I came across something. Be prepared for this... you may want to sit down....

JELL-O is made from gelatin, an animal product rendered from the hides and bones of animals. Now.. when you take gelatin and submerge a shrimp in it, the bone and hide in the gelatin could cause a serious reaction. Most people don't know about this, however I have read through the journals of Bubba (the Shrimp Master) from the historical documentary "Forrest Gump". This concoction of shrimp and jello is in fact the perfect recipe for re-animation, but this is also the recipe for pure destruction, as detailed by Bubba. Only when frozen, thawed, refrigerated, frozen, thawed, heated, frozen, thawed will the re-animation take place. However this process also causes the shrimp to mutate into a super-crustaceous teenage mutant ninja shrimp that will destroy all in its path. It will grow to the strength of 10 men... kinda like the incredible hulk... only in shrimp form... and with nun chucks.

With this new knowledge.. please heed the warnings of Bubba and myself and stop playing puppet master with this shrimp. Only bad things will come to you and yours.[/size][size=2]

[img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v293/neumdaddy/RT4.jpg[/img]
[/size]1938 - 1962[/color][/size][/font]
[font=Tahoma][size=2]
[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]-----Original Message-----
[b]From:[/b] Neumdaddy
[b]Sent:[/b] Friday, [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]February 11[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2], 2005 10:49 AM
[b]To:[/b] Poe, Edgar Alien; Stupid, Professor; [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]Forehead, Painted; [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]Caveman, Captain; [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]Shiny Wrappers, The Bringer of Things in; Oakley's Ghost, Annie; Vampira; The Flappy Flamingo, Flora[/size][/font]
[font=Tahoma][size=2][b]Subject:[/b] RE: SOS and associated manifestations (i.e. freezing shrimp in jello)
[/size][/font][font=Arial][size=1][color=#0000ff][b]

[size=2]"[/size][font=Trebuchet MS][size=2]please heed the warnings of Bubba and myself and stop playing puppet master with this shrimp."[/size][/font][/b][size=2]

No. Your soothsaying is exacerbating our already-downtrodden research team. It's enough that we have them toiling, whiplashed and coffee-stained, to concoct the potion of reanimation. In other words, "quiet, you." You've no idea the military funding behind our shrimp weapons err, "friends." (Nice save, Neum.)

PS.- You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you.

*pulls "Kill" lever*[/size]

...

...

...

Edgar Alien Poe
[img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v293/neumdaddy/RT3.jpg[/img]
(some unimportant year) - 2005[/color][/size][/font]
[font=Tahoma][size=2]
[/size][/font][color=#0000ff][size=2][font=Arial]*tear* He loved his cats.
[/font][/size][/color][font=Tahoma][size=2]
-----Original Message-----
[b]From:[/b] Professor Stupid
[b]Sent:[/b] Friday, [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]February 11[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2], 2005 10:57 AM
[b]To:[/b] Daddy, Neum; [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]Poe, Edgar Alien; [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]Forehead, Painted; [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]Caveman, Captain; [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]Shiny Wrappers, The Bringer of Things in; Oakley's Ghost, Annie; Vampira; The Flappy Flamingo, Flora[/size][/font]
[font=Tahoma][size=2][b]Subject:[/b] RE: SOS and associated manifestations (i.e. freezing shrimp in jello)
[/size][/font][font=Arial][size=2][color=#0000ff]

How I got my start in bio-engineering...[/color][/size][/font]

[img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v293/neumdaddy/RT5.bmp[/img]

-----Original Message-----[font=Tahoma][size=2][b]From:[/b] Painted Forehead
[b]Sent:[/b] Friday, [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]February 11[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2], 2005 11:11 AM
[b]To:[/b] Stupid, Professor; [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]Daddy, Neum; [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]Poe, Edgar Alien; [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]Caveman, Captain; [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]Shiny Wrappers, The Bringer of Things in; Oakley's Ghost, Annie; Vampira; The Flappy Flamingo, Flora[/size][/font]
[font=Tahoma][size=2][b]Subject:[/b] RE: SOS and associated manifestations (i.e. freezing shrimp in jello)
[/size][/font][font=Arial][size=2][color=#0000ff]

I hate to change the subject away from this serious matter, but Professor Stupid, your message below just gave me some ideas for possible fun committee activities.

Do you still have a pet chipmunk?[/color][/size][/font]
[font=Tahoma][size=2]
[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]-----Original Message-----
[b]From:[/b] Professor Stupid
[b]Sent:[/b] Friday, [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]February 11[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2], 2005 11:15 AM
[b]To:[/b] Forehead, Painted; [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]Daddy, Neum; [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]Poe, Edgar Alien; [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]Caveman, Captain; [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]Shiny Wrappers, The Bringer of Things in; Oakley's Ghost, Annie; Vampira; The Flappy Flamingo, Flora[/size][/font]
[font=Tahoma][size=2][b]Subject:[/b] RE: SOS and associated manifestations (i.e. freezing shrimp in jello)


[/size][/font][font=Arial][size=2][color=#0000ff]Sorry... it OD'ed
[/color][/size][/font][font=Arial][size=2][color=#0000ff]
[/color][/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]-----Original Message-----
[b]From:[/b] Painted Forehead
[b]Sent:[/b] Friday, [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]February 11[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2], 2005 11:46 AM
[b]To:[/b] Stupid, Professor; [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]Daddy, Neum; [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]Poe, Edgar Alien; [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]Caveman, Captain; [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]Shiny Wrappers, The Bringer of Things in; Oakley's Ghost, Annie; Vampira; The Flappy Flamingo, Flora[/size][/font]
[font=Tahoma][size=2][b]Subject:[/b] RE: SOS and associated manifestations (i.e. freezing shrimp in jello)


[/size][/font][font=Arial][size=2][color=#0000ff]In honor of your poor friend I think we should make him our fun committee mascot.


Yesterday we met and came up with our committee "mission, vision statement, and core values" but we do not have a mascot.[/color][/size][/font]

[i][font=Arial][size=2][color=#0000ff][b][font=Garamond][size=3]Back to the research:[/size][/font][font=Batang]
[/font][/b][font=Garamond][size=4]I second what Mr. Neumdaddy said. Einstein is rolling in his grave as he witnesses this "questioning" and anti-intellectual attitude about this "good solid science" we are conducting.[/size][/font][/color][/size][/font][/i]

"Imagination is more important than knowledge." Albert Einstein
[font=Tahoma][size=2]
[/size][/font] [left][font=Tahoma][size=2]-----Original Message-----
[b]From:[/b] Painted Forehead
[b]Sent:[/b] Friday, [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]February 11[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2], 2005 12:16 PM
[b]To:[/b] [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]Stupid, Professor; [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]Daddy, Neum; [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]Poe, Edgar Alien; [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]Caveman, Captain; [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]Shiny Wrappers, The Bringer of Things in; Oakley's Ghost, Annie; Vampira; The Flappy Flamingo, Flora[/size][/font]
[font=Tahoma][size=2][b]Subject:[/b] RE: SOS and associated manifestations (i.e. freezing shrimp in jello)

[/size][/font][/left]
[font=Arial][size=2][color=#0000ff]Some additional words from our inspiration Albert Einstein that is relevant here:[/color][/size][/font]

"Peace cannot be kept by force. It can only be achieved by understanding." Albert Einstein

[font=Arial][size=2][color=#0000ff]Anyone who "forces" us to stop this research is ostensibly acting as a barrier to understanding, and therefore a barrier to peace.[/color][/size][/font]

[font=Arial][size=2][color=#0000ff]In the interest of Peace we must procede!![/color][/size][/font]
[font=Tahoma][size=2]
-----Original Message-----
[b]From:[/b] Captain Caveman
[b]Sent:[/b] Friday, [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]February 11[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2], 2005 1:56 PM
[b]To:[/b] Forehead, Painted; [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]Stupid, Professor; [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]Daddy, Neum; [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]Poe, Edgar Alien; [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]Shiny Wrappers, The Bringer of Things in; Oakley's Ghost, Annie; Vampira; The Flappy Flamingo, Flora[/size][/font]
[font=Tahoma][size=2][b]Subject:[/b] RE: SOS and associated manifestations (i.e. freezing shrimp in jello)


[/size][/font][font=Arial][size=2][color=#0000ff]I opened the freezer to check the status of the sea monkeys just now, and I started feeling really dizzy. I went to the bathroom to splash some water on my face, and happened to glance in the mirror. This is what I saw:

[img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v293/neumdaddy/RT1.jpg[/img]
[img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v293/neumdaddy/RT2.jpg[/img]


I must have passed out or something, but when I regained consciousness, I was back to my old self. I think we can conclude from this that the side effects of close proximity to frozen sea monkeys are, at the very least: 1) 80's glam rock makeup, and 2) a righteous permed mullet. [/color][/size][/font][font=Arial][size=2][color=#0000ff] More research is clearly needed.[/color][/size][/font]
[font=Tahoma][size=2]
[b]From:[/b] Painted Forehead
[b]Sent:[/b] Friday, [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]February 11[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2], 2005 2:05 PM
[b]To:[/b] Caveman, Captain; [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]Stupid, Professor; [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]Daddy, Neum; [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]Poe, Edgar Alien; [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=2]Shiny Wrappers, The Bringer of Things in; Oakley's Ghost, Annie; Vampira; The Flappy Flamingo, Flora[/size][/font]
[font=Tahoma][size=2][b]Subject:[/b] RE: SOS and associated manifestations (i.e. freezing shrimp in jello)

[/size][/font][/left]
[font=Arial][size=2][color=#0000ff]I am sure that was traumatic man. You should get some therapy this weekend. :-)[/color][/size][/font]

[font=Arial][size=2][color=#0000ff]To help put your mind at ease we once again invoke a timely quote by Einstein:[/color][/size][/font]
"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one."

[font=Arial][size=2][color=#0000ff]What you saw in the mirror might be "the real you" and the shrimp has helped enlighten you to your true state of being. We are obviously making significant progress...

[/color][/size][/font][font=Arial][size=2][color=Red][b] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


[/b][color=Black]What wonders may Monday bring us with this riveting scientific dilemma?? Bate your breath, readers! The answers...they are coming!



Did I mention I work in a different universe located entirely within the collective consciousness of the insane? [/color][/color][/size][/font]