Fast & Furious (2009)

The latest film is extremely noisy, features some fine stunt driving, particularly in its opening sequence, but it's dramatically a bit of a dribbler. I'm still trying to figure out the relationship between the opening of the film and the ending.

Diesel's bassoon-voiced, low-watt charisma seems best placed in this franchise, and there is an undeniable spark with his foil Walker, who's all white teeth and Californian tan.

Early, pre-credit scenes are so meticulously choreographed and expertly edited that you just cannot wait for the real film to begin. However, minutes later, you can't help wishing the thing would just hurry up and finish.

There are only a couple of things to be said about this movie: the cars are fast, the racing is faster and none of it makes the slightest bit of sense.

The soundtrack pounds away as the cars compete in the most unbelievable races with so many quick cuts and CGI that you hardly know who’s where in relation to anyone else. But it doesn’t matter.

The film appears to have been not so much directed as welded together out of other bad movies that have crashed and burned.

As far as car chase movies go, it's right on the money with great action scenes, terrible dialogue and some seriously sub-par acting.

"Ride or die, remember?" Er, not really, no. More like "Yawn and forget", as Nabokov once recommended. Only 13-year-old boys and Jeremy Clarkson could possibly enjoy this.

The story makes precious little sense but the car chases help to keep you awake and smouldering hunks Walker and Diesel get to make eyes at each other one more time.

Both screenplay and plotting are basic but the action scenes are a wonder to behold if you can forget the number of civilians who would have been killed as the chases progress through various cities.