Scary Movie 5 (2013)

Scary Movie 5 is the definition of what can go wrong with a movie, and my goodness does a lot of things goes wrong in this movie. First of all the film insists on continuing a franchise of spoof film by putting in a few cameos, giving us some disturbing jokes, and never once even attempting to be a decent comedy like the original film was. I must admit that I have never been a fan of the Scary Movie series, besides the first one I found them all to be too ridiculous and pathetic to be considered real entertainment. The writers seem to only want to offend and annoy people which are what they surely succeed once again with this entry. The first film had originality, used silliness to its advantage, and mixed in a good level of horror movie spoof without going off the rails. This film mixes in spoofs from not just horror movies, but films like "Rise of the Planet of the Apes" to "Inception" and it just never made me laugh, only cringe. I think most people know the routine of these films by know, but to make matters worse they switch out Anna Faris with Ashley Tisdale in the starring role, and I respect Faris for this because she must have saw the script and said "No, this is too bad, even for me." The trailer makes it seem as if Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan are the stars of the film, but really they are in the first few minutes of the film and have had their quick cameo. There were just so many things that go wrong in this film, whether it was the story, cast, jokes, or directing, that I cannot willingly tell anyone to see this movie unless you love seeing your money flushed down the toilet.


The story follows a group of people who believe that they are being haunted, and the following events just keep getting crazier and crazier.

The plot doesn't really exist, and as you can see from the story description above it was very difficult explaining what the story even came close attempting. I am not sure if the writers were trying to revive the series, but I haven't seen such a waste of time at the movies in a while. There have been movies I have disliked, but this film just seems like it took a few hours to make and they didn't attempt at all to make it funny. It just proves that if you slap a franchise name like "Scary Movie" on a poster people will pay to see it, even if they know it will be bad. I won't bother talking about the characters, and I don't mind this because it's just a group of the most boring, bland, stupid characters I have seen in a film for quite some time. I think this is a film aimed for Middle School students who still believe that "The Benchwarmers" is pure comedic genius and brilliant filmmaking, and I still think even they will find this film atrocious. I don't wish to go on further with talking about this plot; it will make me angrier that I paid to see this trash.

The cast brings back a lot of actors that I wished to never see on film again, and man they just love to screw with their own careers. Ashley Tisdale lives up to her expectations, and her expectations were so low that it can't even been describes. She is just Ashley Tisdale, which is the only way to describe her. Simon Rex is the only one that even attempts to bring some laughs, but thanks to this God awful script he can't be recognized. Erica Ash returns to the series, and as it can tell she has really hit a low in her career if this is the only job she can get. You have cameos from Charlie Sheen, Bow Wow, Snoop Dog, Mike Tyson, Mac Miller, Big Ang, and many actors that just seem to want nothing more than to look like fools. I am sorry but they just act like any other actors in a David Zucker film, dumb.

Scary Movie 5 makes every attempt to be as bad as possible, and I just couldn't learn to love the stupidity like so many others could. I still remember when I watched "Meet the Spartans" a few years ago, as I believed it would be a stupid brand of comedy which I enjoy (if done correctly) so I watched it. I could not believe what I was seeing; this trash was actually filmed and put into theaters. This is the point in my life when I realized that I actually have my limits when it comes to watching crap movies. The point of this story is to show that films like Scary Movie 5 are the reason that I review movies in the first place, because I want to voice my opinion on how bad some movies can be and how some people are ignorant enough to consider it great. If you really enjoyed this film, that is your own opinion and you are entitled to it, but I must please ask to reconsider and realize this to be the crap it truly is. This film has no laughs, no happiness, and finds every possible chance it can get to throw in a spoof and try and ruin a great film. I am not a fan of the Scary Movie series, and I will pray that this is the last I have to hear about them.