ok...more morbidity. it was night. we were in a house at the end of a culdesac. but that didn't stop the great number of cars circling around and turning back away from the house. an ex-girlfriend and i were watching the light do it's magic on the open blinds. we were screwing. some conversation. most of it didn't
matter. she played the cute motherly thing which was always at her core and i played the jackass. as usual...i was frightened. the combination of the darkness in the room, the headlights through the blinds, and sex is too noir. i didn't like the dream. much less what happened at the end of it. i ruptured something in her. black ooze began to pour out of her foot onto the bed sheets. then some huge aggressive white guy came into the room, stared at me without speaking and then shuffled around in a drawer to which he came out with a shotgun, loading the ammunition right in front of me. end morbidity. i need to take control of my dreams. this one was too tangible to not be considered a threat. Set Me Free is about Hanna, a 13 year old french/canadian girl (karine vanasse) who is pretty confused, just then hitting adolescense, and living with her jewish, nothing-by-day...poet-by-night father who likes Rilke and an exhausted catholic mother. between the two of them, they do not provide hanna with anything close to an identity, but she does stumble upon a Godard film (My Life to Live) in a theatre after school. she is taken by the lead character, Nada, a prostitute who repeats over and over to herself in the film "I am responsible." the sensuality exhibited in the character as well as well as the self-destructive paradox of beinga prostitute and reciting to oneself "I am responsible" is too enticing for the lead character Hanna to resist and so begins to immitate. it's a very good film and vanasse (Hanna) is remarkable.
June 7, 2005
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