White House Down (2013)

I was excited for it mainly because I have a huge man-boner for Channing Tatum and Roland Emmerich is a guilty pleasure director, Most of Roland's films have been fun and exciting to watch and Tatum has a body I want so I was expecting, "This is going to be awesome."

What...The....Fuck...Did...I...Just...Watch???

Let me just get this out of the way: Channing Tatum is maturing alot more in his acting, He is improving and showing multiple sides of a character he can portray (from gun-blazing action hero of G.I. Joe to Sexy Stripper in Magic Mike). I respect tatum and still am a major fan after watching this crap. (To the ladies: Sadly no shirt is ripped off, but what he's wearing in the poster is what he's wearing for the last hour of the film)

Plus Jamie Fox was ok. He doesn't really fit the president type in my head and I wasn't into the chemistry between him and tatum because it didn't seem believable and really just forced.

The first 40 minutes of the film was ok. It was slow, long; it shows the characters and helps to develop them. Nothing much really happens, just kind of goes. The White house explosion though was pretty cool though, this is where I start to think "Okay, Emmerich is going to make this badass"

and it just gets depressing throughout that point...

The plot was the main thing that killed it for me. I know what I said about mindless action, but I mean....this hurt to watch. Felt like my brain was getting fried. (It's hard to fully say what exactly without spoiling plot-points.) At points, it was trying badly to be like Die Hard.

There is one scene with lets just say...Presidential Limos with mounted gun turrets....like seriously

The CGI wasn't finished and you guys know I never dock points on that because I don't believe it's fair, given that this was a 2-month early screening. They do however have some work to do.

The pacing at the beginning was slow, The middle was ok but generally lagged, and the ending it was like "ok now we're going to wrap everything up at twice the time". Plus the movie is too long, It's like 2hrs. and 15mins and with a crappy plot, very hard to enjoy.

There is a reason to one of the "surprising" twists in the movie and it was really like, " come on dude, that's you're reason. There has to be a much better way of dealing with that."

Overall, I thought this film was garbage, everything about it made it a terrible movie. Channing tatum's existence gave it a .5 and because you can't give a movie 0 stars on Letterboxd.

White House Down should Stay The Fuck Down