|
B
|
78%
|
Iron Man 3 (2013) |
"
And so was born Iron Man 3, featuring the further exploits of the only superhero who is not dishwasher-safe."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted May 5, 2013
|
|
C+
|
60%
|
Oz the Great and Powerful (2013) |
"
It's Mila Kunis! And she's dressed like she took the wrong tornado on the way to F. Scott Fitzgerald."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Mar 17, 2013
|
|
F
|
14%
|
Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013) |
"
What's next, 'The Old Woman who lives in the Shoe - with Shoulder-Fired Rocket Launchers?'"
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Jan 29, 2013
|
|
C
|
65%
|
Mama (2013) |
"
As Jessica gradually decides the girls are lovely examples of childhood in full bloom rather than cootie-carrying carpet vermin, the ghostly CG manifestation called "Mama" gets jealous. And Hell hath no fury like a CG manifestation scorned!"
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Jan 21, 2013
|
|
D
|
19%
|
Texas Chainsaw 3D (2013) |
"
"Let's all take our bare bellies to Texas! Maybe we can have someone mesquite barbecue our own ribs - the ones we haven't had surgically removed, I mean'"
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Jan 6, 2013
|
|
B
|
93%
|
Zero Dark Thirty (2013) |
"
When you hear boots marching up your stairs, that guy who whispers "Osama, Osama" - It's not because you need to sign for a UPS package!"
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Jan 2, 2013
|
|
A
|
70%
|
Les Misérables (2012) |
"
Judging from the title I expected Les Miserables to be in French - so imagine my delight when I realized that this was the corner of Paris where every peasant in Britain lives! Chez blimey!"
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Dec 24, 2012
|
|
D
|
48%
|
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 (2012) |
"
Ah yes, the Volturi, who come dressed for battle like they're being photographed for a Dutch Masters cigar box."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Nov 18, 2012
|
|
A
|
92%
|
Skyfall (2012) |
"
'Wait a minute, did I just walk in on The Man with the Golden Groin?' asks Bond. 'I was going for Thunderballs,' says Bardem, 'but let's settle on yours!'"
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Nov 11, 2012
|
|
F
|
6%
|
Silent Hill: Revelation (2012) |
"
Radha Mitchell visits Sean Bean in a mirror cameo. 'Do I look fat in this mirror?' Radha asked. 'I wouldn't know,' quipped Sean. 'This movie isn't reflecting well on anybody.'"
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Oct 29, 2012
|
|
D
|
25%
|
Paranormal Activity 4 (2012) |
"
At this point, Katie is to the Paranormal Activity franchise what Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer is to Christmas."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Oct 22, 2012
|
|
D
|
63%
|
Sinister (2012) |
"
We begin with old Super 8 footage of a family hanging from a tree which is either a terrible tragedy or a natural outcome of the average Disney vacation."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Oct 15, 2012
|
|
D
|
21%
|
Taken 2 (2012) |
"
When Liam wants to kill the bad guys he just wraps his schvantz around their necks and strangles them to death. "
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Oct 7, 2012
|
|
D
|
39%
|
The Possession (2012) |
"
Kyra Sedgwick is in this movie, meaning it's two degrees of Kevin Bacon and even fewer degrees of terrible."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Sep 3, 2012
|
|
D
|
31%
|
Total Recall (2012) |
"
Len Wiseman and Kate Beckinsale are the Lucy and Desi of overstuffed action/adventure movies."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Aug 11, 2012
|
|
A
|
87%
|
The Dark Knight Rises (2012) |
"
Fueled by a diet of oxygen garnished with hydrogen, Anne Hathaway slices through bad guys like paper through rock and scissors. 'Wilst thou grant me one Tic Tac, O grumbling gut!'"
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Jul 21, 2012
|
|
B
|
73%
|
The Amazing Spider-Man (2012) |
"
Enter Peter Parker and the biggest hair this side of Kid 'n Play."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Jul 8, 2012
|
|
B
|
34%
|
Battleship (2012) |
"
The best part of Battleship's lackluster opening is that it immediately puts other game-based projects into turnaround: Easy Bake Oven: Apocalypse and My Pretty Pony: Rise of the Lycans, I'm talking to you."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted May 28, 2012
|
|
C
|
38%
|
Dark Shadows (2012) |
"
I knew we were in trouble when the cops drew a chalk outline around the box office."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted May 14, 2012
|
|
C
|
93%
|
Marvel's The Avengers (2012) |
"
What could be more effective against interstellar battle than a bow and arrows? 'You never know when an alien invader is the Sheriff of Nottingham,' warned Samuel L. Jackson."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted May 8, 2012
|
|
A-
|
79%
|
The Innkeepers (2012) |
"
Interview with Director/Writer Ti West. I liked this movie!"
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Apr 23, 2012
|
|
D
|
92%
|
The Cabin in the Woods (2012) |
"
...enough unemployed characters from Whedon's failed series Dollhouse to staff every Abercrombie & Fitch in Beverly Hills."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Apr 21, 2012
|
|
D
|
26%
|
Wrath of the Titans (2012) |
"
Ralph Fiennes returns in his ever-to-be-typecast role as the personification of evil - Hades, ruler of the underworld and, from the looks of it, ruler of the Doobie Brothers."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Apr 4, 2012
|
|
A-
|
85%
|
The Hunger Games (2012) |
"
The Hunger Games features names that are like color palette rejects at the Dior counter."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Mar 25, 2012
|
|
F
|
51%
|
John Carter (2012) |
"
John Carter will be hanging from those man-teets alongside animators for Treasure Planet in the new Disney World attraction: Hall of Disappointments."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Mar 12, 2012
|
|
C
|
54%
|
Dr Seuss' The Lorax (2012) |
"
I am the Lorax, I speak for the trees. I'm a creature whose hair is like Wilford Brimley's. 'But the trees have no tongue, and neither should you...' Unless Liberty Medical buys it, that's true!"
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Mar 4, 2012
|
|
F
|
41%
|
Journey 2: The Mysterious Island (2012) |
"
'I used to serve in the Navy,' Rock explained, by which he meant the Village People song of the same name."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Feb 12, 2012
|
|
A
|
79%
|
The Grey (2012) |
"
'I don't see this movie ending well,' said a member of Liam's tribe, 'unless the wolves start talking to each other with the voices of Ian McKellen and Jeremy Irons.'"
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Jan 30, 2012
|
|
D
|
26%
|
Underworld Awakening (2012) |
"
'One day,' Kate assures her daughter, 'you, too, will grow up to dress like a restaurant server in San Francisco.'"
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Jan 26, 2012
|
|
D
|
34%
|
Joyful Noise (2012) |
"
'My face hasn't moved since the concrete set in 1978,' Dolly explained. 'If my face were gold you could find King Tut entombed in it.'"
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Jan 14, 2012
|
|
A-
|
77%
|
War Horse (2011) |
"
War Horse is the kind of evergreen holiday movie that will play annually on TV like Judy Garland in Easter Parade - except with dead horses and poison gas."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Jan 7, 2012
|
|
A-
|
93%
|
Mission: Impossible Ghost Protocol (2011) |
"
Something goes wrong and the entire Kremlin blows up. 'The wattage of my smile has overpowered the antiquated Russian electrical grid,' explained Tom."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Dec 27, 2011
|
|
D
|
24%
|
Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 (2011) |
"
How else to explain a wedding gown designed by Carolina Herrera in a town where the average gown is designed by Cooter and Otis Herrera."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Nov 28, 2011
|
|
D
|
35%
|
Immortals (2011) |
"
'Our headgear is fabulous!' says Apollo, the god of music and poetry and the hottest club in West Hollywood."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Nov 13, 2011
|
|
D
|
71%
|
Footloose (2011) |
"
'I believe that any town where Dennis Quaid can wear pleated trousers should also be a town where kids can dance,' says Ren. 'But first, I will prove my bona fides by racing a school bus encrusted with stuffed animals!'"
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Oct 18, 2011
|
|
C+
|
60%
|
Real Steel (2011) |
"
'I was the only boxer who knew every song to Rodgers & Hammerstein's Carousel and had my own Tommy Tune tribute band,' said Hugh Jackman, whose career has taken him from Wolverine to glucosamine."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Oct 12, 2011
|
|
C-
|
85%
|
Contagion (2011) |
"
Elliot Gould!? What, were George Segal and Ryan ONeal unavailable? Was it "free cheese day" at the celebrity shelter?"
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Sep 26, 2011
|
|
C-
|
58%
|
Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark (2011) |
"
'How many quarts of Haagen-Dazs can I throw up into that bottomless hole?' Katie asked."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Aug 31, 2011
|
|
C-
|
82%
|
Rise of the Planet of the Apes (2011) |
"
I thought apes in the future were hairy humans with walnut shells for mouths! These look too much like monkeys. If I want to watch monkeys take over the world I'll watch the Jersey Shore."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Aug 14, 2011
|
|
A-
|
96%
|
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part 2 (2011) |
"
'The wand chooses the wizard,' says John Hurt, whose own wand hasn't made any choices since its scaffolding collapsed after Bea Arthur died."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Jul 18, 2011
|
|
D
|
36%
|
Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011) |
"
'I am the enemy of Decepticons and body hair, and I intend to remove both with lasers!' said Rosie."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Jul 9, 2011
|
|
C-
|
26%
|
Green Lantern (2011) |
"
Ryan Reynolds is a fearless fighter pilot famous for wielding his stick in many a starlet's cockpit."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Jun 21, 2011
|
|
B
|
82%
|
Super 8 (2011) |
"
'Did that train just hit a car or a Michael Bay retrospective?'"
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Jun 14, 2011
|
|
C-
|
33%
|
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011) |
"
'Aye,' said one scurvy swab, 'Did ye notice that Penelope is dressed like she be commanding the S.S. El Torito?'"
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Jun 1, 2011
|
|
B+
|
77%
|
Thor (2011) |
"
I knew there was a planet of Frost Giants, but I always assumed the neighboring planet of Heat Misers would keep them in check."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted May 6, 2011
|
|
D
|
26%
|
Arthur (2011) |
"
Russell buys Abe Lincoln's stovepipe hat and wears it for the rest of this movie despite numerous autograph seekers requesting the guitar licks from Welcome to the Jungle."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Apr 10, 2011
|
|
D
|
35%
|
Battle: Los Angeles (2011) |
"
'Don't fire until you see the whites of Anderson Cooper's hair!'"
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Mar 14, 2011
|
|
C-
|
73%
|
The Adjustment Bureau (2011) |
"
'Help, I'm being followed by super-human salesmen in cardigans and hats!'"
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Mar 5, 2011
|
|
D
|
20%
|
The Rite (2011) |
"
Our hero has a vision: It's a jackass with red eyes. No, not Charlie Sheen, a different one."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Feb 2, 2011
|
43%
46%
95%
99%
65%
61%
