Mark Ramsey

Mark Ramsey
"You Can't Polish a Turd"

Agrees with the Tomatometer 78% of the time.

Mark Ramsey's reviews (from any publication) always count toward the Tomatometer because this critic is a Tomatometer-approved critic.

Listing Of All Reviews & Articles

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Showing 1 - 50 of 458
Rating T-Meter Title | Year Review
C 56% Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit (2014) "'Maybe we should have recruited the audience,' said Chris Pine, 'because all I see out there are shadows.' " ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Jan 25, 2014
F 37% Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones (2014) "Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones is written and directed by Christopher Landon, son of Michael Landon, whose Little House on the Prairie pantry must have been stocked full of a very small number of original ideas and a large quantity of fine weed. " ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Jan 25, 2014
D 66% Thor: The Dark World (2013) "'Inside her is a relic that predates the universe,' says Anthony Hopkins. 'And we don't mean Michael Douglas.' " ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Nov 13, 2013
C 60% Ender's Game (2013) "Harrison Ford looks less likely to chase aliens and more likely to chase those young whippersnappers off his lawn. " ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Nov 4, 2013
F 58% Riddick (2013) "Riddick! Because one name says it all - and not nearly enough - all at the same time! Riddick! Because "Riddikulous" has too many syllables. " ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Sep 9, 2013
B- 70% The Wolverine (2013) "'If you were as sick as I am,' said the old Japanese man propped up on a bed of hydraulic pistons, 'your oncologist would be a supermodel too - in a school-girl costume with braids and in need of a spanking!' " ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Aug 1, 2013
D 72% Pacific Rim (2013) "As I watched Pacific Rim I could literally feel myself shedding IQ points the way Kate Hudson sheds a big lunch in the bathroom of the Beverly Hills Hotel. " ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Jul 16, 2013
B 79% Iron Man 3 (2013) "And so was born Iron Man 3, featuring the further exploits of the only superhero who is not dishwasher-safe. " ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted May 5, 2013
C+ 59% Oz the Great and Powerful (2013) "It's Mila Kunis! And she's dressed like she took the wrong tornado on the way to F. Scott Fitzgerald. " ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Mar 17, 2013
F 15% Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013) "What's next, 'The Old Woman who lives in the Shoe - with Shoulder-Fired Rocket Launchers?' " ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Jan 29, 2013
C 65% Mama (2013) "As Jessica gradually decides the girls are lovely examples of childhood in full bloom rather than cootie-carrying carpet vermin, the ghostly CG manifestation called "Mama" gets jealous. And Hell hath no fury like a CG manifestation scorned! " ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Jan 21, 2013
D 19% Texas Chainsaw (2013) ""Let's all take our bare bellies to Texas! Maybe we can have someone mesquite barbecue our own ribs - the ones we haven't had surgically removed, I mean' " ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Jan 6, 2013
B 93% Zero Dark Thirty (2013) "When you hear boots marching up your stairs, that guy who whispers "Osama, Osama" - It's not because you need to sign for a UPS package! " ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Jan 2, 2013
A 70% Les Misérables (2012) "Judging from the title I expected Les Miserables to be in French - so imagine my delight when I realized that this was the corner of Paris where every peasant in Britain lives! Chez blimey! " ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Dec 24, 2012
D 48% The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 (2012) "Ah yes, the Volturi, who come dressed for battle like they're being photographed for a Dutch Masters cigar box. " ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Nov 18, 2012
A 92% Skyfall (2012) "'Wait a minute, did I just walk in on The Man with the Golden Groin?' asks Bond. 'I was going for Thunderballs,' says Bardem, 'but let's settle on yours!' " ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Nov 11, 2012
F 5% Silent Hill: Revelation (2012) "Radha Mitchell visits Sean Bean in a mirror cameo. 'Do I look fat in this mirror?' Radha asked. 'I wouldn't know,' quipped Sean. 'This movie isn't reflecting well on anybody.' " ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Oct 29, 2012
D 24% Paranormal Activity 4 (2012) "At this point, Katie is to the Paranormal Activity franchise what Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer is to Christmas. " ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Oct 22, 2012
D 62% Sinister (2012) "We begin with old Super 8 footage of a family hanging from a tree which is either a terrible tragedy or a natural outcome of the average Disney vacation. " ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Oct 15, 2012
D 21% Taken 2 (2012) "When Liam wants to kill the bad guys he just wraps his schvantz around their necks and strangles them to death. " ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Oct 7, 2012
D 40% The Possession (2012) "Kyra Sedgwick is in this movie, meaning it's two degrees of Kevin Bacon and even fewer degrees of terrible. " ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Sep 3, 2012
D 30% Total Recall (2012) "Len Wiseman and Kate Beckinsale are the Lucy and Desi of overstuffed action/adventure movies. " ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Aug 11, 2012
A 87% The Dark Knight Rises (2012) "Fueled by a diet of oxygen garnished with hydrogen, Anne Hathaway slices through bad guys like paper through rock and scissors. 'Wilst thou grant me one Tic Tac, O grumbling gut!' " ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Jul 21, 2012
B 72% The Amazing Spider-Man (2012) "Enter Peter Parker and the biggest hair this side of Kid 'n Play. " ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Jul 8, 2012
B 34% Battleship (2012) "The best part of Battleship's lackluster opening is that it immediately puts other game-based projects into turnaround: Easy Bake Oven: Apocalypse and My Pretty Pony: Rise of the Lycans, I'm talking to you. " ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted May 28, 2012
C 37% Dark Shadows (2012) "I knew we were in trouble when the cops drew a chalk outline around the box office. " ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted May 14, 2012
C 92% Marvel's The Avengers (2012) "What could be more effective against interstellar battle than a bow and arrows? 'You never know when an alien invader is the Sheriff of Nottingham,' warned Samuel L. Jackson. " ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted May 8, 2012
A- 79% The Innkeepers (2012) "Interview with Director/Writer Ti West. I liked this movie! " ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Apr 23, 2012
D 91% The Cabin in the Woods (2012) "...enough unemployed characters from Whedon's failed series Dollhouse to staff every Abercrombie & Fitch in Beverly Hills. " ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Apr 21, 2012
D 25% Wrath of the Titans (2012) "Ralph Fiennes returns in his ever-to-be-typecast role as the personification of evil - Hades, ruler of the underworld and, from the looks of it, ruler of the Doobie Brothers. " ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Apr 4, 2012
A- 84% The Hunger Games (2012) "The Hunger Games features names that are like color palette rejects at the Dior counter. " ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Mar 25, 2012
F 51% John Carter (2012) "John Carter will be hanging from those man-teets alongside animators for Treasure Planet in the new Disney World attraction: Hall of Disappointments. " ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Mar 12, 2012
C 54% Dr Seuss' The Lorax (2012) "I am the Lorax, I speak for the trees. I'm a creature whose hair is like Wilford Brimley's. 'But the trees have no tongue, and neither should you...' Unless Liberty Medical buys it, that's true! " ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Mar 4, 2012
F 42% Journey 2: The Mysterious Island (2012) "'I used to serve in the Navy,' Rock explained, by which he meant the Village People song of the same name. " ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Feb 12, 2012
A 79% The Grey (2012) "'I don't see this movie ending well,' said a member of Liam's tribe, 'unless the wolves start talking to each other with the voices of Ian McKellen and Jeremy Irons.' " ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Jan 30, 2012
D 26% Underworld Awakening (2012) "'One day,' Kate assures her daughter, 'you, too, will grow up to dress like a restaurant server in San Francisco.' " ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Jan 26, 2012
D 33% Joyful Noise (2012) "'My face hasn't moved since the concrete set in 1978,' Dolly explained. 'If my face were gold you could find King Tut entombed in it.' " ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Jan 14, 2012
A- 77% War Horse (2011) "War Horse is the kind of evergreen holiday movie that will play annually on TV like Judy Garland in Easter Parade - except with dead horses and poison gas. " ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Jan 7, 2012
A- 93% Mission: Impossible Ghost Protocol (2011) "Something goes wrong and the entire Kremlin blows up. 'The wattage of my smile has overpowered the antiquated Russian electrical grid,' explained Tom. " ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Dec 27, 2011
D 24% Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 (2011) "How else to explain a wedding gown designed by Carolina Herrera in a town where the average gown is designed by Cooter and Otis Herrera. " ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Nov 28, 2011
D 35% Immortals (2011) "'Our headgear is fabulous!' says Apollo, the god of music and poetry and the hottest club in West Hollywood. " ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Nov 13, 2011
D 70% Footloose (2011) "'I believe that any town where Dennis Quaid can wear pleated trousers should also be a town where kids can dance,' says Ren. 'But first, I will prove my bona fides by racing a school bus encrusted with stuffed animals!' " ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Oct 18, 2011
C+ 60% Real Steel (2011) "'I was the only boxer who knew every song to Rodgers & Hammerstein's Carousel and had my own Tommy Tune tribute band,' said Hugh Jackman, whose career has taken him from Wolverine to glucosamine. " ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Oct 12, 2011
C- 84% Contagion (2011) "Elliot Gould!? What, were George Segal and Ryan ONeal unavailable? Was it "free cheese day" at the celebrity shelter? " ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Sep 26, 2011
C- 58% Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark (2011) "'How many quarts of Haagen-Dazs can I throw up into that bottomless hole?' Katie asked. " ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Aug 31, 2011
C- 82% Rise of the Planet of the Apes (2011) "I thought apes in the future were hairy humans with walnut shells for mouths! These look too much like monkeys. If I want to watch monkeys take over the world I'll watch the Jersey Shore. " ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Aug 14, 2011
A- 96% Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part 2 (2011) "'The wand chooses the wizard,' says John Hurt, whose own wand hasn't made any choices since its scaffolding collapsed after Bea Arthur died. " ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Jul 18, 2011
D 35% Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011) "'I am the enemy of Decepticons and body hair, and I intend to remove both with lasers!' said Rosie. " ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Jul 9, 2011
C- 26% Green Lantern (2011) "Ryan Reynolds is a fearless fighter pilot famous for wielding his stick in many a starlet's cockpit. " ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Jun 21, 2011
B 82% Super 8 (2011) "'Did that train just hit a car or a Michael Bay retrospective?' " ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Jun 14, 2011
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