The Avengers Reviews
Pretty bad movie! Take my word for it, there is nothing in "The Avengers" for you to get. It is not clever, its not some high concept parody, its just a really, REALLY badly written, acted, and directed movie that I doubt anyone on the production team was happy with after it had been finished. NOT recommended!
British Ministry secret agent John Steed, teams up with Emma Peel to stop Sir August De Wynter from destroying the world with a weather changing machine. They are called in to investigate Prospero, a plot to blackmail Britain by controlling the weather. Emma Peel is suspected of being involved but it is discovered that she has a double who works for the real baddie, Sir August de Wynter. He threatens to freeze Britain, at one point unleashing a blizzard on Trafalgar Sqaure.
There's so many problems with the story that literally anyone could write a three hundred page novel on why this movie sucks. First of all, this organization has an invisible agent and all he gets to do is paperwork. Apparently according to this movie an invisible agent is useless for any kind of spy work. Second, these characters are boring, bland, and so uninteresting that I soon realize I was going to need beer to get through this. The characters are so calm for the whole movie, even during the more exciting (I that use that term loosely) action scenes. Third, you have Sean Connery in a bear costume in a room filled with other in bear costumes. I'm curious about this particular scene for one reason, it`s the fact that someone actually wrote this and actually made it in the final version of the movie. Why? Fourth, Sean Connery character is taking over the world to become rich, even though he's already rich. I drank another bottle of beer just because of how stupid the movie main villain motivation was. I still can't believe this was written by adults. Fifth, you have two Uma Thurman in this movie and you think with that genius idea the movie would be interesting. It`s not, both Uma Thurman characters are equally boring and poorly written. There`s actually a scene of Uma Thurman jumping off a building in a bear costume, my first reaction upon seeing that was to drink another bottle of beer and not to break my t.v. Sixth, there`s no people to save in this world. Every time you see the city that our uninteresting characters are in, there`s no people. My theory is that the city the movie was being filmed in was evacuated to prevent lawsuits from citizens for appearing in a terrible movie. With so many problems with the story I pointed out I could rant on all day how terrible the story is. It`s one of the most poorly written movie I had the displeasure of watching.
Unfortunately for me everything else was just as bad. As much as I love seeing Uma Thurman and Sean Connery on screen together, their performance were awful. It's not their fault, it`s poor writing and a even poorer direction that are to blame. There`s no interesting imagery, no good score, awful special effects, and nothing is done right. I find it ironic this is my second Uma Thurman movie I review where she works with great talent to a very disastrous result. As for the special effects in this movie, let's just say the studio that brought us the over the top Mega Piranha would be proud of these effects. With all that out of the way, i'm going to rant more about the movie awful story. Seventh, the ridiculous climax has Connery getting killed and pulled away from the off screen by lightning. Was there no other way the writers could have killed this character. Eighth, the main villain has several chances to kill our heroes and lets them off freely knowing that they'll attempt to stop him. Dumbest villain ever written. Ninth, it`s gets even more over the top than it already is when you see poorly CG robotic bees attacking your main characters, and then getting saved by a old woman with a machine gun. Tenth, this movie was cut from its original run time of 115 minutes which means the editing department didn`t cut off enough. This is truly garbage with no redeeming value other than the fact that it somehow has Thurman and Connery in it.
The Avengers is a movie so poorly written and dumb that I actually needed beer to get through which has not happened since Jaws 4 The Revenge. The Avengers is unworthy of it title, great talent, and it`s definitely unworthy of your time that could be better spent. Now that i'm done with this unspeakable mess of a movie, i'm going to get a hangover with the hopes of forgetting that I ever watched this.