Okay, so the movie info has it a little wrong. 1) The beautiful singer's brother is not beaten by a gang, he's sort-of punched by ONE very skinny, seventies style, white "pusher" (named "Styx") while an extremely bored looking Jack Palance watches. 2) It's not her that organizes the mostly fine, foxy, female squad
(or brigade, I suppose you might say) but the brother's teacher. 3) "Action packed drama" seems like a reach, especially since whoever made this movie decided to add cartoonish (think "Flintstones" and "Scooby Doo") SFX and ludicrous "zany" music throughout the fight sequences. Not only is it stupid; it also robs the film of the one chance it had to make the ladies seem badass. Oh, and -4) I WILL argue that Alan Hale Jr., Pat Buttram, Jim Backus, Neville Brand and Arthur Godfrey is not a remarkable supporting cast. Unless the remark is "Oh, so this is where actors go to have their careers die." So, in this movie the teacher approaches the singer after the singer's brother is hospitalized. She somehow knows all about where the drugs get processed and wants the singer to help her recruit other women on their personal war against drugs. "Women CAN make a difference," says the teacher. They assemble a heavily boobed group consisting of the White Brunette Teacher, White Blonde Singer, Black Stunt Driver, Asian Martial Arts Expert, Latina "Top Model" Ex Junkie, White Flat (sorry, but it's noticeable in a movie like this) Cop, and a White Perky (and blonde) student that they let hang out.They pick horrible matching jumpsuits and plan everything on backs of Bennigan's Menus and with Canned Food. They buy a van (the most likable character in the film) from Mr. Haney then pimp it out; with a few phallic references thrown in for good measure. They attack a right wing militia group to get the weapons and ammo they need - though, with the singer's earlier statement that "I can buy us anything we need" it does seem a little pointless. Fortunately the militia is 3 overweight men led by Mr. Howell from "Gilligan's Island", so our sexy multiculti bevy takes them out no problem.They kidnap a pusher for info, intercept a shipment of unprocessed "stuff" (they never specify what the "drugs" are, though they look like tiny tampons when they show them in the beginning) by using their sex appeal and fierce fighting techniques (BOINK!), then bomb the processing plant. That leads to the teacher getting kidnapped by the head honcho drug kingpin, who is very into "Control". The "Angel's" come to the teacher's rescue, shooting it out with the henchmen and taking over the house - but not before "Little Trish" gets shot by Jack Palance. The student, who I think could probably find a better extra-curricular, blows away the head bad guy and starts babbling about immortality before she succumbs to unconsciousness. Ta-Da!The biggest problem I have with this movie isn't that it sucks so oh-my-god-unbelievably-awful, it's that it totally does that AND is demeaning to the women. I mean, it's an obvious Charlie's Angel's rip-off and they even up it a notch by making all the hot babes different ethnicities. The difference is that while men could leer at "Charlie's Angels" they themselves were competent and hardcore. They would beat your ass. They could roller-skate and use firearms. They dressed hot and did sexy things because they could, not because they had to.These women, while obviously filming it like it was serious and not doing too bad a job for a flick like this, have had the rug pulled out from underneath them in editing. I'm not kidding about the fight scenes either. It literally sounds like they took clips from"Wacky Races" to score the film and do the SFX. The piggish male characters say and do some of the most offensive stuff I've seen in a PG movie. Racist, Sexist and just plain old brain deadening "humor". Other disgusting things in this movie are the entire beach scene, where they sit in the fog then seduce the guys that are there to pick up the "drugs" . This involves a lot of ear-tongueing and some extraordinarily scrawny rednecks being stripped, bound and gagged. Any scene where Peter Lawford drunkenly spills lines like so much cheap Bourbon on his terrycloth robe is pretty grody too.If you are unfamiliar with Greydon Clark ("Black Shampoo", "Satan's Cheerleaders", "The Forbidden Dance" - that's right, one of the TWO Lambada movies that came out in 1990) this movie is a sterling example of what he does well. Absolutely nothing.
November 7, 2011
