This is the first of the infamous Uwe Boll's movies that I've had the "pleasure" to lay my eyes upon. It's not all Boll's fault, though. Oh no, there's plenty of blame to go around.
Let's start, if we may, with the script. The characters are all cookie-cutter archetypes without any sort of development, aside from the occasional monologue. A good portion of those characters are there simply to move the bare-bones and wholly unoriginal plot along, and that gets really annoying. On top of that, every single word of dialogue sounds like it's been lifted from a prepubescent emo girl's Hellsing fan-fiction. Who's to blame for that? Why, Guinevere Turner, one of the co-screenwriters of American Psycho, that's who! I don't know how much of her script was changed around by Boll for the end product, but I'm sure it wasn't tinkered with that much. Shame on you, Guin. Tsk, tsk, and tsk again.
Who else gave a poor contribution to this dreck? The cast. It's a surprisingly impressive lineup, which makes their performances all the more disappointing. There are only two actors who's performances actually impressed me: Geraldine Chaplin, who was a fortune teller in one scene. And Billy Zane, who played a vampire that was, in the end, not really all that important to the movie.
As for the rest of the cast? They just sucked (no pun intended). Sir Ben Kinsley is a brilliant actor (he's been knighted for Christ's sake!) but his performance as the movie's villain was probably the worst I've seen him do. He was bored, and I could tell. Coming form an actor of his caliber, I shouldn't be able to tell (he's been KNIGHTED for Christ's sake!). Kristina Loken, sexy though she may be, is a wooden actress. It may work for playing a robotic killing machine, but it does not work for playing a half-vampire, all slinky vixen killing machine. On top of her acting range that's on-par with Keanu Reeves', she "acted" with a very unconvincing British accent. Her co-star, the equally sexy and usually more talented Michelle Rodriguez, layed on a thicker, but equally unconvincing, accent. Hearing both ladies deliver their lines in this movie made me want to curb-stomp a baby. Add to that fun bunch: Michael Madsen, probably the most overrated actor of our generation. The only good performance I've seen him turn out was his iconic one in Reservoir Dogs. His performance in this as a Van Helsing-esque vampire slayer didn't change my mind.
And for the spoiled creme-brule on top, we come to Boll. He failed to get the best from his cast, and his ham-fisted directing left us with the god-awful fight scenes. They were all about the geysers of blood, and not enough about making the actual combat leading up to them convincing. Seriously, nobody swings a sword that slowly in a fight and lives to see the light of day!
Is there anything nice I have to say about this movie, some of you may ask? Well...the music was pretty good...and the cinematography, not counting the fight scenes, was really pretty. ...Oh, and Billy Zane and Geraldine Chapman, but I already mentioned them.
Other than that, it was awful. Really...really...awful...