The Garbage Pail Kids Movie Reviews
Dodger is a normal kid who is always beat up by a bully twice his age named "Juice" (Huh?), along with his cronies. Dodger works at Captain Manzini's antique shop, where he finds a trash can where green sludge comes out that he is forbidden to open. Dodger also has a little crush on Juice's girlfriend "Tangerine" (What is up with these names?), who is just using him to create shirts for a fashion show later on. Anyway, Dodger finds these hideous, terrible, bad-mannered, and most of all CREEPY kids called "The Garbage Pail Kids". Each one of them as their own gross talent, from puking to peeing their pants to farting, all of them aren't funny. It's just gross and stupid. But still, they misbehave but agree to sew some shirts for Dodger to impress Tangerine with. They later fail to attempt to entertain audiences by stealing a Pepsi truck ("We're the Pepsi generation now!" HAHAHAHAHAHAHA not funny), wrecking a Three Stooges movie at the theater, and doing just plain stupid stuff. Soon we learn that the Kids have to stay away from humans or else they go to a pound-like place called "The State Home for the Ugly" or something. It's ridiculous- they lock up ugly people for being too fat (Santa), too bald (Ghandi), or too tall (Abe Lincoln). Anyway, the kids eventually get out, trash Tangerine's fashion show because Tangerine helped Juice take the kids to go to the Ugly Place, and then Dodger gives Tangerine one last burn: "I don't think you're pretty anymore." Seriously, that's it? Like that's really heartbreaking.
Clearly, I hated this film. Why? I could go on and on and I will. For one, terrible, terrible acting and puppeteering. The Kids look like they just move their mouths whenever they want. For two, why make a movie from a trading card line? Why didn't they choose a book to adapt or something? The biggest reason I hate it is...it's not funny! If these writers think a kid with pimples all over his face who pees his pants every other scene is funny, they must be insanely stupid. The humor in this film is stupid, with jokes like nibbling toes, puking on people, eating snot, peeing pants, waking up people with smelly farts, and other crappy jokes. Seriously, protect yourself and don't see this disgrace of a film. This is why it's known to be one of the worst films to be ever made. 'Nuff said.