Marmaduke? More like Marmite Puke.
I have read the comics page every single day since I was 10. I am turning 21 next month. Don't laugh.
So I know relatively well the ins and outs of many comics. I was never a big fan of Marmaduke, but I knew enough about it to know that a movie based on the comic was a really stupid idea. Let's break it down into a few easy reasons as to why a movie should have never even been thought up or green lighted, never mind fully created.
1) MARMADUKE DOES NOT TALK. Period. He does not utter one word, or one thought bubble. See, Marmaduke works like Family Circus: One panel (most of the time, sometimes once in a new moon the one panel would be divided by two) with a caption at the bottom. That was the purpose of Marmaduke's owners; a usual American family that would complain about Marmaduke's shenanigans, thus creating the jokes that all pet lovers could relate to. Marmaduke doesn't say one stinking word, and just reading the poster and seeing that "Owen Wilson plays as Marmaduke" already sets this movie for a disaster.
2) THE COMIC WAS ONLY ONE PANEL. Yeah, where the hell are you going to come up with an hour and a half movie from this? Every day, there would be one panel to start and resolve a story. Like I said, rarely twice, but that still doesn't cover more than a minute in terms of a movie. But you can say "oh, Andy, all they have to do is combine many of these comics and make a movie about Marmaduke's shenanigans", to which I reply "if you put together many different unrelated stories into one, you should not be making movies". With this I ask, how the hell are these guys making movies?
3) MARMADUKE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH FART JOKES. I didn't say little. I didn't say few instances. NOTHING. Nowhere in Marmaduke was there ever a slew of scat jokes. This is almost as bad as the Cat In The Hat when it comes to destroying a childhood for many people around the world. Marmaduke was a clean innocent comic, and these morons destroyed its 53 years of running by saying "Hey, it's not good enough. Let's make it more "catered" to the audiences of today". With a 10% tomato meter reading, I now know that I am not the only one that agrees that these "film makers" are nothing more than garbage, who should stick to the original source and not be moronic. I must ask, why do all of these "film makers" feel that jokes about flatulence and urination are absolutely essential in family comedies (or just comedies period)? NO ONE CARES FOR THIS CRAP ANYMORE. No pun intended.
4)MARMADUKE DOESN'T BEFRIEND CATS. I actually think he may have been scared of them in the comic. Again, animals do not talk in the comic, so hiring the "I-think-I'm-Funny" man George Lopez to be the cat was another stupid idea.
I could go on and on and on about how much this movie is stupid, but I just can't cover enough ground. This is one of the worst movies I have seen in ages. It surpasses Garfield AND its unnecessary pathetic sequel which is really saying a lot. They destroyed my childhood with Garfield, and they may have put people into asylums with Marmaduke. It starts off with a fart joke, and that's when you know that all these people are doing are treating you like idiots. Simple, stupid idiots. They show no effort in treating you, the audience, like human beings. And poor William H Macy. He got dragged into this pile of trash. He was probably a fan of the comic himself and he wanted to be a part of something special. What he got into is a movie that is so unlikeable that I can barely even recall what it was about. It's kind of hard when the plot is not there.
Marmaduke does not deserve the 10% it's been getting. It is damaging to watch. It is stupid and absolutely forgettable. I'm surprised I made it out of the theater alive, either from how harmful this movie is, or from being so bored that I tried to catch fuzzy peaches in my mouth (and almost choked a number of times, to which I say "dammit, so close to not having to watch this"). This movie isn't worth the ticket I paid for it. If these imbeciles don't throw in the towel now, they really are more stupid than we all thought.
Final Rating: 0.5/10
Keep An Eye Out For: Some really sad voice overs. I say sad because I feel awful that they have this on their resume: Fergie, Keifer Sutherland, the Wayans Brothers, and more, are now scarred for life with this in their lists.