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Poseidon Reviews

Nick Funnell
Time Out
Top Critic IconTop Critic

Petersen's expert direction ensures it remains gripping, keeping the tension ratcheted right up and commendably steering it all home within 100 minutes.

Full Review Source: Time Out

June 24, 2006
Joe Morgenstern
Wall Street Journal
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Poseidon betrays a studio mindset that can only hasten the current erosion of movie attendance -- skimping on human content while betting heedlessly on boom boom boom and gurgle gurgle gurgle.

Full Review Source: Wall Street Journal

June 22, 2006
David Edelstein
New York Magazine/Vulture
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As a humanist, I applaud the respect for life, but I miss the campy fun. The movie is, in all senses, a big downer.

Full Review Source: New York Magazine/Vulture

May 18, 2006
Richard Roeper
Ebert & Roeper
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... a waterlogged, unnecessary re-imagining of the cheesy blockbuster from the Seventies heyday of disaster films.

Full Review Source: Ebert & Roeper

May 16, 2006
David Denby
New Yorker
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Throughout the movie, Petersen has a dynamic feel for the rush and heave of the deluge, the pent-up energy, the sheer heft and momentum.

May 16, 2006

St. Louis Post-Dispatch
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May 13, 2006
Geoff Pevere
Toronto Star
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There's never any doubt that some of these uninteresting people will make the passage through hell to the hull, it's only a question of which ones. And whether we'll still be there to see whom.

Full Review Source: Toronto Star | Original Score: 2/4

May 12, 2006
Jack Mathews
New York Daily News
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Where the first film had to rely on stunt work and character conflicts, the remake is action on top of unbelievable action.

Full Review Source: New York Daily News | Original Score: 3/4

May 12, 2006
Rick Groen
Globe and Mail
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Petersen definitely brings a nautical pedigree to the gig -- the man knows from water. He's also wise enough to retain only the essentials from the '72 original, just the title ship and the rogue wave that did it in.

Full Review Source: Globe and Mail | Original Score: 2.5/4

May 12, 2006
Robert Denerstein
Denver Rocky Mountain News
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Poseidon's not so purely realized or ultra-intense that it can get by without revving its emotional engines, and its problems start early.

May 12, 2006
Lisa Kennedy
Denver Post
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While the ship's survivors are driven to live, Poseidon is never character-driven enough to make us care.

Full Review Source: Denver Post | Original Score: 2.5/4

May 12, 2006
Scott Tobias
AV Club
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Titanic without the metaphors, the class-consciousness, the love story, or anything resembling a theme, Poseidon invests so little in its screenplay that it might as well be an episode of The Love Boat gone horribly awry.

Full Review Source: AV Club | Original Score: C+

May 12, 2006
Rene Rodriguez
Miami Herald
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Neither bad enough to really laugh at nor good enough to be truly exciting, Poseidon just sits there, occasionally gripping, but only fleetingly. It's a bland spectacle.

Full Review Source: Miami Herald | Original Score: 2/4

May 11, 2006
Stephen Hunter
Washington Post
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Poseidon isn't cute, funny, warm, nice, inspirational or uplifting. It's about the incredible labor of survival in a world turned totally sociopathic in an instant.

Full Review Source: Washington Post

May 11, 2006
Kyle Smith
New York Post
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Poseidon is named after the wrong god. The god of laughter and derision is Momus, who was cast out of Olympus for mocking Zeus, Athena and Poseidon.

| Original Score: 0.5/4

May 11, 2006
J. R. Jones
Chicago Reader
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As enjoyably silly as the original.

Full Review Source: Chicago Reader

May 11, 2006
Bill Muller
Arizona Republic
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The movie is filled with flimsy characters with lives summed up in a tossed-off line or two.

Full Review Source: Arizona Republic | Original Score: 2.5/5

May 11, 2006
Stephanie Zacharek
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Poseidon, which cost some $160 million to make, certainly qualifies as a big movie. But it's the kind of 'big' that you forget almost as soon as you've left the theater.

Full Review Source:

May 11, 2006
Claudia Puig
USA Today
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Poseidon is a sodden saga, with a script that is awash in clichés. It nearly drowns under the weight of its own soggy tedium.

Full Review Source: USA Today | Original Score: 1.5/4

May 11, 2006
Moira MacDonald
Seattle Times
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By the end, you won't care who lives or dies, and you'll suspect the filmmakers didn't either.

Full Review Source: Seattle Times | Original Score: 1/4

May 11, 2006
Bruce Newman
San Jose Mercury News
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After you've seen Poseidon, you will never willingly crawl into a thousand-gallon ballast tank again.

| Original Score: 2.5/4

May 11, 2006
Mick LaSalle
San Francisco Chronicle
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An experience that's exciting and nerve-racking in the moment, but that, in the end, leaves audiences with a lonely walk back to the car.

Full Review Source: San Francisco Chronicle | Original Score: 2/4

May 11, 2006
Steven Rea
Philadelphia Inquirer
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There's nothing hip or ironic about Poseidon, which makes Russell and Lucas the perfect leading men: jut-jawed, macho, and able to keep a straight face while being pinned by fake beams, and held hostage by page upon page of sappy dialogue.

| Original Score: 2/4

May 11, 2006
Roger Moore
Orlando Sentinel
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So what if it's not United 93? It's about the spectacularly perilous journey, not the people making it, not some message about an under-regulated industry and accidents waiting to happen.

Full Review Source: Orlando Sentinel | Original Score: 3/5

May 11, 2006
A.O. Scott
New York Times
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The chief virtue of Wolfgang Petersen's reasonably well-executed remake of The Poseidon Adventure is that it keeps the action moving.

| Original Score: 3/5

May 11, 2006
Jan Stuart
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Poseidon is a great leveler of humanity: It renders everyone in the picture eminently disposable and everyone in the audience equally bankrupt for bearing witness.

Full Review Source: Newsday | Original Score: 1/4

May 11, 2006
Lisa Rose
Newark Star-Ledger
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Poseidon doesn't say much about society today, except that Hollywood continues to pour buckets of money into frivolous projects.

Full Review Source: Newark Star-Ledger | Original Score: 2/4

May 11, 2006
Colin Covert
Minneapolis Star Tribune
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Relying on empty spectacle rather than drama, Poseidon sinks faster than a topsy-turvy cruise ship.

Full Review Source: Minneapolis Star Tribune | Original Score: 2/4

May 11, 2006
Carina Chocano
Los Angeles Times
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It's Das Perfect Boot -- with the characters compressed to wafers. And I mean that both ways.

Full Review Source: Los Angeles Times | Original Score: 2/5

May 11, 2006
Amy Biancolli
Houston Chronicle
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If The Poseidon Adventure was pure camp classic, Wolfgang Petersen's uninspired re-do succeeds at neither -- it's not camp and it's not classic.

Full Review Source: Houston Chronicle | Original Score: 1.5/4

May 11, 2006
Tom Long
Detroit News
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Watered-down in every way imaginable, Poseidon capsizes under the very large load of corn it carries.

Full Review Source: Detroit News | Original Score: D

May 11, 2006
Terry Lawson
Detroit Free Press
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You can turn off your mind in Poseidon, just don't expect to relax and float downstream; you'll more likely be holding on to your seat like a flotation cushion.

Full Review Source: Detroit Free Press | Original Score: 3/4

May 11, 2006
Philip Wuntch
Dallas Morning News
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You will definitely gasp and gulp while watching the new film. But, sadly, these reactions won't be traced to the expert effects. Instead, you'll find yourself gasping and gulping at the incredibly lame dialogue.

Full Review Source: Dallas Morning News | Original Score: C+

May 11, 2006
Peter Rainer
Christian Science Monitor
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The relative briskness of Poseidon ensures that things won't get bogged down. If a sequence is dull, you can be sure it will soon be replaced by another, and another.

Full Review Source: Christian Science Monitor | Original Score: B+

May 11, 2006
Michael Phillips
Chicago Tribune
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We've sailed these waters before. Poseidon has been reimagined, if that's the word for it, in an impersonal, Palm Piloted manner, though not without its share of unintended laughs.

Full Review Source: Chicago Tribune | Original Score: 2/4

May 11, 2006
Ty Burr
Boston Globe
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There will be people who won't go to United 93 because they think it will be depressing yet will go to Poseidon expecting an exciting night at the movies, and I guess I don't understand how their brains work.

Full Review Source: Boston Globe | Original Score: 2/4

May 11, 2006
Eleanor Ringel Gillespie
Atlanta Journal-Constitution
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Poseidon is just a string of neat-o special effects in search of something that passes for a story line on which to drape itself.

Full Review Source: Atlanta Journal-Constitution | Original Score: B-

May 11, 2006
Roger Ebert
Chicago Sun-Times
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Petersen's heart isn't in it. He is too wise a director to think this is first-rate material, and too good a director to turn it into enjoyable trash.

Full Review Source: Chicago Sun-Times | Original Score: 2/4

May 11, 2006
James Berardinelli
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Petersen sets out to give us a group of undeveloped stock characters and a bunch of cheap thrills, and that's what he delivers.

Full Review Source: ReelViews | Original Score: 2.5/4

May 10, 2006
Christy Lemire
Associated Press
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'There's got to be a morning after,' went the Oscar-winning song from the original. In Poseidon, daylight can't come soon enough.

Full Review Source: Associated Press

May 10, 2006
Ella Taylor
L.A. Weekly
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If the prospect of expiring horribly strikes you as a rather extreme way of growing backbone and getting life plans back on track, you should know that Poseidon is a movie with absolutely no sense of humor.

Full Review Source: L.A. Weekly

May 10, 2006
Lisa Schwarzbaum
Entertainment Weekly
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[An] excellently undemanding, swimmingly enjoyable remake.

Full Review Source: Entertainment Weekly | Original Score: B+

May 10, 2006
Michael Atkinson
Village Voice
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An utterly empty-skulled genre mechanism and nothing more.

Full Review Source: Village Voice

May 9, 2006
Brian Lowry
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Wolfgang Petersen's large-scale liner moves reasonably well, though anyone with the faintest memory of its 1972 predecessor will wonder where most of the plot went, and the dialogue is so stilted it can honestly be said the less the better.

Full Review Source: Variety

May 8, 2006
Sheri Linden
Hollywood Reporter
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Its intensity is strictly physical, the intended emotional impact submerged in a numbing onslaught of death, danger and derring-do as a bunch of mostly annoying, self-centered passengers fight their way to the surface.

May 8, 2006
Peter Travers
Rolling Stone
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You'll end up entertained if you forgive the cliches and let Petersen grab you with the visuals, from the avalanche of water in the ballroom to the eerie sight of a flooded crawl space where wires take on the form of deadly tentacles.

| Original Score: 3/4

April 27, 2006
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