Ted

Ted

68%
  • R, 1 hr. 55 min.
  • Comedy
  • Directed By:
    Seth MacFarlane
    In Theaters:
    Jun 29, 2012 Wide
    On DVD:
    Dec 11, 2012
  • Universal Pictures

Opening

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Ted Reviews

Ben Walters
Time Out
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Sure, MacFarlane, you can make us laugh, but it's time to grow up. Seriously.

Full Review Source: Time Out | Original Score: 3/5

July 31, 2012
Joe Morgenstern
Wall Street Journal
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Everything goes on too long -- Ted's carousing, Lori's watchful waiting, John's wistful indecision.

Full Review Source: Wall Street Journal

June 30, 2012
Lisa Kennedy
Denver Post
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It's a goofy premise pursued with crass -- as well as sentimental -- relish.

Full Review Source: Denver Post | Original Score: 3/4

June 29, 2012
Laremy Legel
Film.com
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You'll feel the warmth and camaraderie of a Bostonian and his little sentient bear.

Full Review Source: Film.com | Original Score: A-

June 29, 2012
Bob Mondello
NPR
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I tried to resist but couldn't.

Full Review Source: NPR

June 29, 2012
Stephen Whitty
Newark Star-Ledger
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The idea of a toy that comes to life - and then won't go away - isn't a bad one. Too bad that "Ted" manages to overstay its welcome without ever really coming to life itself.

Full Review Source: Newark Star-Ledger | Original Score: 2/4

June 29, 2012

Globe and Mail
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As unabashedly idiotic movie comedies go, Ted goes fairly well.

Full Review Source: Globe and Mail | Original Score: 2.5/4

June 29, 2012
Tom Long
Detroit News
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"Ted" is so lazy you want to kick the stuffing out of it.

Full Review Source: Detroit News | Original Score: D

June 29, 2012
Rafer Guzman
Newsday
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Underneath the matted fur of the movie's foul-mouthed bear beats a very real heart.

Full Review Source: Newsday | Original Score: 2.5/4

June 29, 2012
Joe Holleman
St. Louis Post-Dispatch
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The plot is simply a shaky frame on which to hang drug and sex jokes and numerous pop-culture references.

Full Review Source: St. Louis Post-Dispatch | Original Score: 1.5/4

June 29, 2012
Kyle Smith
New York Post
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I expected "Ted" to be a one-joke movie, but it's got ideas spilling out of its seams.

Full Review Source: New York Post | Original Score: 3.5/4

June 29, 2012
Ann Hornaday
Washington Post
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What began as a promising, if unhinged, experiment in suspending disbelief starts to feel like "You, Me and Dupree" for plushies.

Full Review Source: Washington Post | Original Score: 1.5/4

June 29, 2012
Andrew O'Hehir
Salon.com
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In a universe of Hollywood comedies that seem determined to insult the audience and pander to the basest form of post-adolescent fantasy, "Ted" feels almost sophisticated.

Full Review Source: Salon.com

June 28, 2012
Claudia Puig
USA Today
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The natural interactions between Ted and his beloved man-child owner, John, terrifically played as an adult by Mark Wahlberg, are more often than not ridiculously funny.

Full Review Source: USA Today | Original Score: 2.5/4

June 28, 2012
Peter Howell
Toronto Star
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Ted's real trick is turning a one-joke premise into a reasonable facsimile of a movie, and one that isn't entirely bent on grossing us out.

Full Review Source: Toronto Star | Original Score: 2.5/4

June 28, 2012
Amy Biancolli
San Francisco Chronicle
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For all of its transgressive plush-toy sex and screw-'em humor, the plot is pretty standard stuff.

Full Review Source: San Francisco Chronicle | Original Score: 2/4

June 28, 2012
Betsy Sharkey
Los Angeles Times
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To fully appreciate "Ted," it's best to simply forgive its bad behavior upfront and save any apologies for liking it until later. Sorry.

Full Review Source: Los Angeles Times | Original Score: 3.5/5

June 28, 2012
Steven Rea
Philadelphia Inquirer
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I'm betting on Mark Wahlberg for best actor when the Oscars swing around next year.

Full Review Source: Philadelphia Inquirer | Original Score: 3.5/4

June 28, 2012
Colin Covert
Minneapolis Star Tribune
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Welcome to the funniest comedy of 2012.

Full Review Source: Minneapolis Star Tribune | Original Score: 3.5/4

June 28, 2012
Elizabeth Weitzman
New York Daily News
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Not every joke scores, of course. But the hits are worth the misses, and anyway, the movie's true genius is in the way its outlandish scenario is played so perfectly straight.

Full Review Source: New York Daily News | Original Score: 3/5

June 28, 2012
Chris Vognar
Dallas Morning News
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You can overlook an awful lot in a comedy when it makes you laugh.

Full Review Source: Dallas Morning News | Original Score: B

June 28, 2012
Michael Phillips
Chicago Tribune
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Like "Family Guy," "Ted" is only about its own hyperlinked pop culture references.

Full Review Source: Chicago Tribune | Original Score: 2/4

June 28, 2012
Mary F. Pols
TIME Magazine
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MacFarlane has definitely made the best leap from animated television to movies since 1999′s South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut.

Full Review Source: TIME Magazine

June 28, 2012
James Berardinelli
ReelViews
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Ted is essentially a one-joke movie. Okay, it's a very funny joke, but it's still only one joke.

Full Review Source: ReelViews | Original Score: 3/4

June 28, 2012
Peter Travers
Rolling Stone
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Seth MacFarlane's debut as a feature director hits all the sweet spots that irritate prudes. Ted is hysterically, gut-bustingly funny.

Full Review Source: Rolling Stone | Original Score: 3/4

June 28, 2012
Rene Rodriguez
Miami Herald
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This is exactly the same plot as The Muppets, in which Jason Segel was forced to choose between Amy Adams and Kermit the Frog.

Full Review Source: Miami Herald | Original Score: 2/4

June 28, 2012
A.O. Scott
New York Times
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The sin of "Ted" is not that it is offensive but that it is boring, lazy and wildly unoriginal. If Triumph the Insult Comic Dog ever got a hold of Ted, there would be nothing left but a pile of fluff and a few scraps of fur.

Full Review Source: New York Times | Original Score: 2/5

June 28, 2012
Soren Anderson
Seattle Times
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Some of this is undeniably funny, but the humor is very hit-or-miss.

Full Review Source: Seattle Times | Original Score: 2/4

June 28, 2012
Ty Burr
Boston Globe
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A crass, foul-mouthed, mostly hilarious, surprisingly sentimental bromance about a grown boy named John and his teddy bear.

Full Review Source: Boston Globe | Original Score: 3/4

June 28, 2012
Roger Ebert
Chicago Sun-Times
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The plot of "Ted" is fairly standard but greatly embellished by MacFarlane's ability to establish comic situations and keep them building.

Full Review Source: Chicago Sun-Times | Original Score: 3.5/4

June 28, 2012
Alonso Duralde
The Wrap
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The stuff that sticks to the wall is so outrageously hilarious that it's ultimately worth enduring the film's lackadaisical pacing and lazy misogyny.

Full Review Source: The Wrap

June 27, 2012
Lisa Schwarzbaum
Entertainment Weekly
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Even though a lot of the movie is grating dumb-assery, it's something to behold. Stuffed with crap, but something.

Full Review Source: Entertainment Weekly | Original Score: C+

June 27, 2012
Bill Goodykoontz
Arizona Republic
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The one-note joke plays out longer and better than you might expect, at least for a while. But not forever.

Full Review Source: Arizona Republic | Original Score: 2.5/5

June 27, 2012
Rex Reed
New York Observer
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Will it make you wince with embarrassment? That's a promise. Will you also laugh? In double-time, like a Rockette.

Full Review Source: New York Observer | Original Score: 3/4

June 27, 2012
David Fear
Time Out New York
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Ted ends up undermining both halves of its whole, as well as its creator's clear intent to add something a little deeper to his crassness.

Full Review Source: Time Out New York | Original Score: 3/5

June 26, 2012
Melissa Anderson
Village Voice
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Anyone over 15 ... might sit in the theater in stony silence.

Full Review Source: Village Voice

June 26, 2012
Glenn Kenny
MSN Movies
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...it does serve up a pretty jaw-dropping array of remarkably crude, nasty, and at times pretty gut-busting jokes.

Full Review Source: MSN Movies | Original Score: 3.5/5

June 26, 2012
Christy Lemire
Associated Press
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Much of the material works because the bear has someone to bounce off of; Wahlberg does his best work in situations like this, where he's playing it totally straight in a setting that's totally silly.

Full Review Source: Associated Press | Original Score: 3/4

June 25, 2012
Richard Brody
New Yorker
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The movie's stuffing of creative smarts is still inert.

Full Review Source: New Yorker

June 25, 2012
Peter Debruge
Variety
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[A] predictably irreverent satire that's sweeter and, sadly, less funny than you might expect.

Full Review Source: Variety

June 22, 2012
Todd McCarthy
Hollywood Reporter
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Not too many films serve up laughs that just keep on rolling with regularity from beginning to end, but Seth MacFarlane's directorial debut does so and without any feeling of strain.

Full Review Source: Hollywood Reporter

June 22, 2012
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