Ted Reviews

Top Critic
Ben Walters
Time Out
July 31, 2012
Sure, MacFarlane, you can make us laugh, but it's time to grow up. Seriously.
Full Review | Original Score: 3/5
Top Critic
Joe Morgenstern
Wall Street Journal
June 30, 2012
Everything goes on too long -- Ted's carousing, Lori's watchful waiting, John's wistful indecision.
Top Critic
Lisa Kennedy
Denver Post
June 29, 2012
It's a goofy premise pursued with crass -- as well as sentimental -- relish.
Full Review | Original Score: 3/4
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Laremy Legel
Film.com
June 29, 2012
You'll feel the warmth and camaraderie of a Bostonian and his little sentient bear.
Full Review | Original Score: A-
Top Critic
June 29, 2012
I tried to resist but couldn't.
Top Critic
Stephen Whitty
Newark Star-Ledger
June 29, 2012
The idea of a toy that comes to life - and then won't go away - isn't a bad one. Too bad that "Ted" manages to overstay its welcome without ever really coming to life itself.
Full Review | Original Score: 2/4
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Globe and Mail
June 29, 2012
As unabashedly idiotic movie comedies go, Ted goes fairly well.
Full Review | Original Score: 2.5/4
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Tom Long
Detroit News
June 29, 2012
"Ted" is so lazy you want to kick the stuffing out of it.
Full Review | Original Score: D
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Rafer Guzman
Newsday
June 29, 2012
Underneath the matted fur of the movie's foul-mouthed bear beats a very real heart.
Full Review | Original Score: 2.5/4
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Joe Holleman
St. Louis Post-Dispatch
June 29, 2012
The plot is simply a shaky frame on which to hang drug and sex jokes and numerous pop-culture references.
Full Review | Original Score: 1.5/4
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Kyle Smith
New York Post
June 29, 2012
I expected "Ted" to be a one-joke movie, but it's got ideas spilling out of its seams.
Full Review | Original Score: 3.5/4
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Ann Hornaday
Washington Post
June 29, 2012
What began as a promising, if unhinged, experiment in suspending disbelief starts to feel like "You, Me and Dupree" for plushies.
Full Review | Original Score: 1.5/4
Top Critic
Andrew O'Hehir
Salon.com
June 28, 2012
In a universe of Hollywood comedies that seem determined to insult the audience and pander to the basest form of post-adolescent fantasy, "Ted" feels almost sophisticated.
Top Critic
Claudia Puig
USA Today
June 28, 2012
The natural interactions between Ted and his beloved man-child owner, John, terrifically played as an adult by Mark Wahlberg, are more often than not ridiculously funny.
Full Review | Original Score: 2.5/4
Top Critic
Peter Howell
Toronto Star
June 28, 2012
Ted's real trick is turning a one-joke premise into a reasonable facsimile of a movie, and one that isn't entirely bent on grossing us out.
Full Review | Original Score: 2.5/4
Top Critic
June 28, 2012
It is funny to watch a teddy bear wail on Mark Wahlberg. But afterward, I mostly felt beat up.
Top Critic
Amy Biancolli
San Francisco Chronicle
June 28, 2012
For all of its transgressive plush-toy sex and screw-'em humor, the plot is pretty standard stuff.
Full Review | Original Score: 2/4
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Betsy Sharkey
Los Angeles Times
June 28, 2012
To fully appreciate "Ted," it's best to simply forgive its bad behavior upfront and save any apologies for liking it until later. Sorry.
Full Review | Original Score: 3.5/5
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Steven Rea
Philadelphia Inquirer
June 28, 2012
I'm betting on Mark Wahlberg for best actor when the Oscars swing around next year.
Full Review | Original Score: 3.5/4
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Colin Covert
Minneapolis Star Tribune
June 28, 2012
Welcome to the funniest comedy of 2012.
Full Review | Original Score: 3.5/4
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Elizabeth Weitzman
New York Daily News
June 28, 2012
Not every joke scores, of course. But the hits are worth the misses, and anyway, the movie's true genius is in the way its outlandish scenario is played so perfectly straight.
Full Review | Original Score: 3/5
Top Critic
Chris Vognar
Dallas Morning News
June 28, 2012
You can overlook an awful lot in a comedy when it makes you laugh.
Full Review | Original Score: B
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Michael Phillips
Chicago Tribune
June 28, 2012
Like "Family Guy," "Ted" is only about its own hyperlinked pop culture references.
Full Review | Original Score: 2/4
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Mary F. Pols
TIME Magazine
June 28, 2012
MacFarlane has definitely made the best leap from animated television to movies since 1999′s South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut.
Top Critic
James Berardinelli
ReelViews
June 28, 2012
Ted is essentially a one-joke movie. Okay, it's a very funny joke, but it's still only one joke.
Full Review | Original Score: 3/4
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Peter Travers
Rolling Stone
June 28, 2012
Seth MacFarlane's debut as a feature director hits all the sweet spots that irritate prudes. Ted is hysterically, gut-bustingly funny.
Full Review | Original Score: 3/4
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Rene Rodriguez
Miami Herald
June 28, 2012
This is exactly the same plot as The Muppets, in which Jason Segel was forced to choose between Amy Adams and Kermit the Frog.
Full Review | Original Score: 2/4
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A.O. Scott
New York Times
June 28, 2012
The sin of "Ted" is not that it is offensive but that it is boring, lazy and wildly unoriginal. If Triumph the Insult Comic Dog ever got a hold of Ted, there would be nothing left but a pile of fluff and a few scraps of fur.
Full Review | Original Score: 2/5
Top Critic
Soren Anderson
Seattle Times
June 28, 2012
Some of this is undeniably funny, but the humor is very hit-or-miss.
Full Review | Original Score: 2/4
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Ty Burr
Boston Globe
June 28, 2012
A crass, foul-mouthed, mostly hilarious, surprisingly sentimental bromance about a grown boy named John and his teddy bear.
Full Review | Original Score: 3/4
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Nathan Rabin
AV Club
June 28, 2012
An incongruously cute interspecies buddy comedy that's powered alternately by the pixie dust of boyhood imagination and the ruder, cruder urges of adolescence.
Full Review | Original Score: B
Top Critic
Roger Ebert
Chicago Sun-Times
June 28, 2012
The plot of "Ted" is fairly standard but greatly embellished by MacFarlane's ability to establish comic situations and keep them building.
Full Review | Original Score: 3.5/4
Top Critic
Alonso Duralde
TheWrap
June 27, 2012
The stuff that sticks to the wall is so outrageously hilarious that it's ultimately worth enduring the film's lackadaisical pacing and lazy misogyny.
Top Critic
Lisa Schwarzbaum
Entertainment Weekly
June 27, 2012
Even though a lot of the movie is grating dumb-assery, it's something to behold. Stuffed with crap, but something.
Full Review | Original Score: C+
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Bill Goodykoontz
Arizona Republic
June 27, 2012
The one-note joke plays out longer and better than you might expect, at least for a while. But not forever.
Full Review | Original Score: 2.5/5
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Rex Reed
New York Observer
June 27, 2012
Will it make you wince with embarrassment? That's a promise. Will you also laugh? In double-time, like a Rockette.
Full Review | Original Score: 3/4
Top Critic
David Fear
Time Out
June 26, 2012
Ted ends up undermining both halves of its whole, as well as its creator's clear intent to add something a little deeper to his crassness.
Full Review | Original Score: 3/5
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Melissa Anderson
Village Voice
June 26, 2012
Anyone over 15 ... might sit in the theater in stony silence.
Top Critic
Glenn Kenny
MSN Movies
June 26, 2012
...it does serve up a pretty jaw-dropping array of remarkably crude, nasty, and at times pretty gut-busting jokes.
Full Review | Original Score: 3.5/5
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Christy Lemire
Associated Press
June 25, 2012
Much of the material works because the bear has someone to bounce off of; Wahlberg does his best work in situations like this, where he's playing it totally straight in a setting that's totally silly.
Full Review | Original Score: 3/4
Top Critic
Richard Brody
New Yorker
June 25, 2012
The movie's stuffing of creative smarts is still inert.
Top Critic
Peter Debruge
Variety
June 22, 2012
[A] predictably irreverent satire that's sweeter and, sadly, less funny than you might expect.
Top Critic
Todd McCarthy
Hollywood Reporter
June 22, 2012
Not too many films serve up laughs that just keep on rolling with regularity from beginning to end, but Seth MacFarlane's directorial debut does so and without any feeling of strain.