Sure, MacFarlane, you can make us laugh, but it's time to grow up. Seriously.
| Original Score: 3/5
Everything goes on too long -- Ted's carousing, Lori's watchful waiting, John's wistful indecision.
It's a goofy premise pursued with crass -- as well as sentimental -- relish.
| Original Score: 3/4
You'll feel the warmth and camaraderie of a Bostonian and his little sentient bear.
| Original Score: A-
I tried to resist but couldn't.
The idea of a toy that comes to life - and then won't go away - isn't a bad one. Too bad that "Ted" manages to overstay its welcome without ever really coming to life itself.
| Original Score: 2/4
As unabashedly idiotic movie comedies go, Ted goes fairly well.
| Original Score: 2.5/4
"Ted" is so lazy you want to kick the stuffing out of it.
| Original Score: D
Underneath the matted fur of the movie's foul-mouthed bear beats a very real heart.
The plot is simply a shaky frame on which to hang drug and sex jokes and numerous pop-culture references.
| Original Score: 1.5/4
I expected "Ted" to be a one-joke movie, but it's got ideas spilling out of its seams.
| Original Score: 3.5/4
What began as a promising, if unhinged, experiment in suspending disbelief starts to feel like "You, Me and Dupree" for plushies.
In a universe of Hollywood comedies that seem determined to insult the audience and pander to the basest form of post-adolescent fantasy, "Ted" feels almost sophisticated.
The natural interactions between Ted and his beloved man-child owner, John, terrifically played as an adult by Mark Wahlberg, are more often than not ridiculously funny.
Ted's real trick is turning a one-joke premise into a reasonable facsimile of a movie, and one that isn't entirely bent on grossing us out.
It is funny to watch a teddy bear wail on Mark Wahlberg. But afterward, I mostly felt beat up.
For all of its transgressive plush-toy sex and screw-'em humor, the plot is pretty standard stuff.
To fully appreciate "Ted," it's best to simply forgive its bad behavior upfront and save any apologies for liking it until later. Sorry.
| Original Score: 3.5/5
I'm betting on Mark Wahlberg for best actor when the Oscars swing around next year.
Welcome to the funniest comedy of 2012.
Not every joke scores, of course. But the hits are worth the misses, and anyway, the movie's true genius is in the way its outlandish scenario is played so perfectly straight.
You can overlook an awful lot in a comedy when it makes you laugh.
| Original Score: B
Like "Family Guy," "Ted" is only about its own hyperlinked pop culture references.
MacFarlane has definitely made the best leap from animated television to movies since 1999′s South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut.
Ted is essentially a one-joke movie. Okay, it's a very funny joke, but it's still only one joke.
Seth MacFarlane's debut as a feature director hits all the sweet spots that irritate prudes. Ted is hysterically, gut-bustingly funny.
This is exactly the same plot as The Muppets, in which Jason Segel was forced to choose between Amy Adams and Kermit the Frog.
The sin of "Ted" is not that it is offensive but that it is boring, lazy and wildly unoriginal. If Triumph the Insult Comic Dog ever got a hold of Ted, there would be nothing left but a pile of fluff and a few scraps of fur.
| Original Score: 2/5
Some of this is undeniably funny, but the humor is very hit-or-miss.
A crass, foul-mouthed, mostly hilarious, surprisingly sentimental bromance about a grown boy named John and his teddy bear.
An incongruously cute interspecies buddy comedy that's powered alternately by the pixie dust of boyhood imagination and the ruder, cruder urges of adolescence.
The plot of "Ted" is fairly standard but greatly embellished by MacFarlane's ability to establish comic situations and keep them building.
The stuff that sticks to the wall is so outrageously hilarious that it's ultimately worth enduring the film's lackadaisical pacing and lazy misogyny.
Even though a lot of the movie is grating dumb-assery, it's something to behold. Stuffed with crap, but something.
| Original Score: C+
The one-note joke plays out longer and better than you might expect, at least for a while. But not forever.
| Original Score: 2.5/5
Will it make you wince with embarrassment? That's a promise. Will you also laugh? In double-time, like a Rockette.
Ted ends up undermining both halves of its whole, as well as its creator's clear intent to add something a little deeper to his crassness.
Anyone over 15 ... might sit in the theater in stony silence.
...it does serve up a pretty jaw-dropping array of remarkably crude, nasty, and at times pretty gut-busting jokes.
Much of the material works because the bear has someone to bounce off of; Wahlberg does his best work in situations like this, where he's playing it totally straight in a setting that's totally silly.
The movie's stuffing of creative smarts is still inert.
[A] predictably irreverent satire that's sweeter and, sadly, less funny than you might expect.
Not too many films serve up laughs that just keep on rolling with regularity from beginning to end, but Seth MacFarlane's directorial debut does so and without any feeling of strain.