In the beginning, there was only darkness.
Only thoughts and dreams floating through the vast emptiness that was.
Until, like that of a beautiful sunrise, our glorious lord and savior, the almighty ogre, Shrek, was born of these thoughts and dreams, of those whom had not yet come to be.
Shrek is infinitely knowledgeable, and the all powerful ruler of the universe.
For several thousand years, Shrek would pleasure himself in solitude, and he would dream about what could be, and what will be.
Until, he grow so tired of masturbating, that he decided to try anal fisting.
So large was his fist, so intense was the struggle.
The shit that he shat was so glorious, that it flew across the emptiness, and so strong was his passion, that most of his shit was set aflame.
After one huge push, his stomach was empty, and the Earth was formed from the last piece of shit that came from his rectum.
And from his anus flowed blood,
like that of a forest stream on a summer day, and this blood formed the oceans on earth.
Shrek was so pleased with the outcome, that he created the Dinosaurs, with which he lived with for many years. He would pleasure himself with the large reptilian beasts, until one day he let out such a fart that he wiped them out.
For many years again, Shrek was lonely, until from the ashes of the dinosaurs came mankind, a new race of intelligent beings. Shrek now used them to please his desires, and those remained loyal to Shrek, and those who were worthy of him, would sometimes receive a visit from the burly ogre. But unfortunately from the race of mankind came the everlasting evil that is Farquaad, who despised ogres, and swore to defeat our lord. Shrek and Farquaad still clash to this day, and Shrek will forever protect us.
And from here we tell of the exciting adventures of our lord Shrek, and his sub-deities, Puss and Donkey.