Thunder in Paradise - Movie Reviews - Rotten Tomatoes

Thunder in Paradise Reviews

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Super Reviewer
January 26, 2007
corny but entertaining
September 23, 2006
This was a crappy TV show that got thrown on the air in the early 90's... it was bad then. i'm sure it's worse now
May 14, 2013
Very nice action film.
½ August 25, 2011
this movie is lame and boring hulk hogan can not act to save his own life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
February 23, 2011
My childhood action movie! Talking boat with a set of 24inch pythons!
Simply Cinema
Super Reviewer
December 23, 2010
There are some things that get me mad on the subject of films. One of them is when wrestlers think that being able to pretend to beat the crap out of each other makes them the perfect person to star in an action movie, (don't even get me STARTED on basketball players). This is why 'The Rock' (or nerd-ly named Dwayne Johnson) was in The Mummy Returns. Then these wrestlers start to actually get this idea that they may actually be actors, so they decide to branch out into different film genres. This is why 'The Rock' (or nerd-ly named Dwayne Johnson) was in The Tooth Fairy. Now let me tell you something, 'The Rock' was not the first and certainly won't be the last wrestler to put 'Actor' on his/her resume. Let me tell you of one that was even better than 'The Rock' in not only in his ability to truly suck at acting in every way possible, but also at being able to pick movies that somehow manage to match his level of suckitude. And when this actor comes in contact with those movies, there is only hell to pay. The actor, is 'Hulk' Hogan (or girlishly named Terry Hogan). The movie, is Thunder in Paradise. Now, my first question is how a movie that sucked THIS MUCH managed to not only get two sequels, but also a TV show and a video game on the Phillips CDi. My final conclusion is that God hates us ALL.

Now, the movie is about an (of course) ex-marine named spencer and his side kick named 'Bru' (in what universe is 'Bru' a legit nickname for Bruce?) who have a super highspeed boat equiped with mini guns and missile launchers that they use to, as apparent from the opening sequence, sneak two people out of cuba. Two people. Thats it. But you better damn well enjoyed watching him sneak those two people out of Cuba because that is actually the only scene with action in it that you will get to see till the end of the movie. The rest of it plays out like some sort of rom-com. You'll understand when I tell you the full plot: Spencer, owing money to the bank that is now threatening to take his boat (I'd be more worried about the US government taking it) makes an agreement with a girl who to get married because she has three days to get married or her evil uncle gets her fathers hotel. They get married and he gets the money to pay off the bank. Starring Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!?! I WANTED DIE HARD, NOT THE BACK UP PLAN!!!! God! What where these guys thinking!?! Then there's some plot about a necklace with a map and modern day pirates. This movie doesn't know what the hell it wants to be. So, there are some pretty cheesy scenes, and then Hulk Hogan gets in his boat, saves the chick, and then blows it up the bad guys.

Sounds bad, eh? But let me correct the ending of my synopsis, I made a mistake. I said he blows up the bad guys. He doesn't. He blows up the bad guys' boat. Because this is the 90's, apparently no one is allowed to die in movies. So let me be perfectly honest when I tell you that NOBODY DIES IN THIS MOVIE!!! In fact, in the final scene, the film, makers take the time to show every single person jump off the boat before it blows up. This is in action movie, and I always thought that people died in action movies. Apparently, I was wrong. Then again, it wasn't that captivating as an action film. In fact, it was really boring. Even the director knew this. He actually added scenes of close-ups on girls in swimsuits just to keep the assumingly male audience from throwing the movie out! This movie is bad. I mean, REALLY bad. This is up there with Troll 2 and Silent Night, Deadly Night. God!!! Wow!!! Don't See this!!!! Ever!!!!
October 5, 2009
*1/2 (out of four)

Modern day pirates make the mistake of taking on Hulk Hogan and his family as they ride is his boat named "Thunder." What else can you expect from a Hulk Hogan actioner?
June 18, 2009
A thrilling movie that kept me on the edge of my seat. Truly the most epic movie of our time.
October 20, 2006
Here's another film rating.
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