Valentine Reviews
The contradictory sexual politics in this lightweight slasher suggest that at some point it was meant to satirize the traditional mores of the self-satisfied female characters.
In the new teen slasher flick Valentine, a public-school nerd, now grown up, seeks to systematically murder all the girls who wouldn't dance with him at the Grade 6 Valentine's dance. Or maybe that's not what happens. It ís hard to tell.
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| Original Score: 0/4
Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Top CriticA cheesy horror flick that doesn't take itself too seriously.
Valentine isn't scary, but it is unsettling; not ultimately satisfying, but arresting in the moment.
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| Original Score: 2/4
Looking good but lacking much in the way of personality or gray matter.
Succeeds on its own modest terms, and the plot doesn't fall apart under credit-roll pondering.
The eeriest moment was easily the movie's last, after the nonsensically contrived climax provided a classic interactive moment. 'Sequel!' the audience moaned.
When it's hard to hear the dialogue because the audience is laughing, it's clear that Valentine doesn't even succeed on its own limited terms.
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| Original Score: 0.5/5
A smart, stylish horror picture that offers a fresh twist on the ever-reliable revenge theme and affords a raft of talented young actors solid roles that show them to advantage.
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| Original Score: 4/5
Not only is it deadly dull, but the killer actually courts the audience's sympathy.
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| Original Score: 1.5/4
The standard stalker stuff that Scream satirized.
Playing it straight with material this ridiculous is an exercise in self-defeat.
The killings themselves mostly lack imagination.
Doesn't contain a single scary or imaginative moment.
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| Original Score: D
Blanks ... directs in almost entirely suspense-free fashion.
Even by the thoroughly undemanding standards of its burned-out genre, Valentine is vacuous, tedious, and perfunctory.
| Original Score: 4/100
Simply mines the same tired, predictable slasher-movie vein.
Valentine isn't nearly as horrible as the ads would suggest. That's not to say the movie's good, either.
Credibility and intelligence are pretty thoroughly battered.
