It's almost as cynical as the actual Twilight, and not nearly as funny.
All but the most die-hard fans can agree that the Twilight movies are spoof-worthy. So it's too bad they don't get a worthy spoof.
| Original Score: 2/5
A few broader references might have made this punishing one-note trawl through the eminently spoofable tween-vamp saga slightly more watchable.
| Original Score: 1/5
This movie sucks more.
| Original Score: 0/4
| Original Score: 0/5
Plenty of gags fall flat, but writer-directors Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer... have tapped the vein more effectively than their norm, with enjoyable details and on-the-mark senseless brutality.
If you've ever read a single book -- we'll include Stephenie Meyer -- you're probably better than this.
With Vampires Suck, the film is just as guilty as the vampires.
| Original Score: 1/4
The Twilight Saga, with its operatic gloom and straight-faced fantasy, is undoubtedly ripe for a smart, good-natured ribbing. This isn't it.
| Original Score: C-
Perhaps the filmmakers deserve credit for their one show of restraint: No jokes in this movie have been made at the expense of Justin Bieber.
| Original Score: 0.5/4
Parodies can be hilarious. This one sucks.
Aside from the difficulty of spoofing a saga that has always been winkingly aware of its own angsty excesses, there is the inadvisability of angering a tweeniverse whose emotional investment in the originals borders on pathological.
| Original Score: .5/5
There's a joke or broad sight gag every 15 seconds or so, but the ratio of hits to misses is nearly nonexistent.
Vampires Suck finds Friedberg-Seltzer evolving ever so slightly, but adequacy remains out of their grasp, and mediocrity might just be an impossible goal.
| Original Score: D
The running time is a merciful 80 minutes. That's the one reliably great thing about reviewing bad movies: Almost all of the biggest losers are less than an hour and a half long.
Two very important things to note about Vampires Suck: The film is a spoof of the Twilight movies, and the title is a good indication of where the level of wit lies.
| Original Score: 1.5/5
It's the sort of movie where "finger food" is offered at a party. And it's fingers. Haw.
This instantly forgettable trifle is fairly close to worthless.