Van Helsing Reviews

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Time Out
January 26, 2006
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Anthony Lane
New Yorker
August 1, 2004
The horror flick, at its height, was a lyrical caressing of our fears; by the end of this nonsense, you fear for the well-being of the genre. 'It's dead!'
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June 6, 2004
It's empty calories: There isn't a single nourishing, non-synthetic sequence in the entire movie. Not a scene. Not a line. Not a look.
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Rex Reed
New York Observer
May 20, 2004
This moronic abomination is not a movie. It's just a noisy, nasty and repulsive video game-slash- theme-park haunted-house ride designed to appeal to the offspring of warlocks and trolls.
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Richard Roeper
Ebert & Roeper
May 13, 2004
This is one of the dopiest movies of the year.
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Ed Park
Village Voice
May 11, 2004
The orgy of morphing, shrieking, lightning-cracking, and habitual rope-swinging quickly turns oppressive.
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St. Louis Post-Dispatch
May 8, 2004
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Desson Thomson
Washington Post
May 7, 2004
A special-effects extravaganza that uses the barest of excuses to bring these characters together.
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Stephen Hunter
Washington Post
May 7, 2004
There's never a dull moment, but there's also never a moment. It never stops. It's a perpetual-motion machine.
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Geoff Pevere
Toronto Star
May 7, 2004
A junk-food feast for the eyes and utterly thought-cleansing fast for the intellect.
Full Review | Original Score: 1/5
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Moira MacDonald
Seattle Times
May 7, 2004
This movie is just too silly for words.
Full Review | Original Score: 1.5/4
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Mick LaSalle
San Francisco Chronicle
May 7, 2004
A big, loud, boring wreck.
Full Review | Original Score: 0/4
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Stephanie Zacharek
Salon.com
May 7, 2004
This is what happens when you spend pots of money on special effects but don't give a fig about storytelling.
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Jay Boyar
Orlando Sentinel
May 7, 2004
A turbo-charged retelling of the Dracula, Frankenstein and Wolf Man sagas, this extravagant creature-feature crams everything in but Abbott and Costello.
Full Review | Original Score: 2/5
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Lisa Rose
Newark Star-Ledger
May 7, 2004
The experience of watching the film is best described as deadening.
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Lou Lumenick
New York Post
May 7, 2004
Van Helsing is more amusing and exciting than frightening.
| Original Score: 2.5/4
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Jami Bernard
New York Daily News
May 7, 2004
Old monster movies were thrilling in a way that mingled terror, sexuality and a real preference for the monsters over their tormentors. Van Helsing is a kiddie adventure on an endless, meaningless loop.
Full Review | Original Score: 2/4
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Rene Rodriguez
Miami Herald
May 7, 2004
The rare kind of movie where the badness just adds to the fun.
Full Review | Original Score: 2.5/4
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Eric Harrison
Houston Chronicle
May 7, 2004
We've seen worse movies -- I'm sure of it -- but this opening salvo of the summer season is so extravagantly, off-the-wall bad it pushes the others from memory.
Full Review | Original Score: F
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Rick Groen
Globe and Mail
May 7, 2004
The idea is every bit as dumb as the execution.
Full Review | Original Score: 1/4
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Tom Long
Detroit News
May 7, 2004
No one's going to argue that Van Helsing is a great movie, but it's just the sort of loud, splashy, silly, summer fun flick we've come to expect.
| Original Score: B-
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John Monaghan
Detroit Free Press
May 7, 2004
Loud, clunky attempt at updating the classic Universal Pictures baddies of the '30s and '40s.
Full Review | Original Score: 1/4
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Robert Denerstein
Denver Rocky Mountain News
May 7, 2004
A vampire movie that's dressed to kill, but unable to draw blood.
| Original Score: C
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Michael Booth
Denver Post
May 7, 2004
Enjoying the overblown but well-intentioned Van Helsing requires the campy mind-set of that TV show, not the spooky gravity of classic monster flicks.
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Roger Ebert
Chicago Sun-Times
May 7, 2004
Silly and spectacular, and fun.
Full Review | Original Score: 3/5
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Ty Burr
Boston Globe
May 7, 2004
Van Helsing is one excruciatingly loud set piece of CGI hooey after another, and when a character or a plot twist does manage to make you laugh, you're not sure whether it's camp or ineptitude.
Full Review | Original Score: 1.5/4
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Bill Muller
Arizona Republic
May 6, 2004
Looks like a movie assembled by a room full of computer geeks munching Doritos and playing Wolfenstein in between stints of designing Dracula's fangs.
Full Review | Original Score: 2/5
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Claudia Puig
USA Today
May 6, 2004
The dashing Jackman plays his part well enough, but the script doesn't provide sufficient Indiana Jones-style bons mots to win us over.
Full Review | Original Score: 2/4
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Peter Travers
Rolling Stone
May 6, 2004
A shrieking bore.
| Original Score: 1/4
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Steven Rea
Philadelphia Inquirer
May 6, 2004
A noisy, 19th-century fantasy adventure that goes nowhere.
| Original Score: 1.5/4
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A.O. Scott
New York Times
May 6, 2004
Despite the rococo obsessiveness of its special effects and its voracious sampling of past horror movies, Van Helsing is mostly content to offer warmed-over allusions and secondhand thrills.
Full Review | Original Score: 2/5
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Colin Covert
Minneapolis Star Tribune
May 6, 2004
More and more summer movies depend on relentless action sequences at the expense of coherent narrative, but Van Helsing might be the first whose overkill reaches nuclear capacity.
Full Review | Original Score: .5/4
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Scott Foundas
L.A. Weekly
May 6, 2004
It's all cliffhangers, with no downtime in between.
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Philip Wuntch
Dallas Morning News
May 6, 2004
The film is an unending cavalcade of razzle-dazzle that becomes continuously less dazzling.
Full Review | Original Score: C-
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Glenn Lovell
San Jose Mercury News
May 6, 2004
Stephen Sommers' follow-up to his popular Mummy remakes is all climax and no foreplay, all computer effects but zero sense of dread.
| Original Score: 2/4
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James Berardinelli
ReelViews
May 6, 2004
Van Helsing is the worst would-be summer blockbuster since Battlefield Earth.
Full Review | Original Score: .5/4
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John Anderson
Newsday
May 6, 2004
A mess, but not a fun mess.
Full Review | Original Score: 1.5/4
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Owen Gleiberman
Entertainment Weekly
May 6, 2004
A long, kinetic, yet dreary mess.
Full Review | Original Score: D+
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Michael Wilmington
Chicago Tribune
May 6, 2004
A movie that's underwritten, overdirected, overproduced and almost constantly over-the-top. But it's also, at its best, a big tongue-in-cheek extravaganza.
Full Review | Original Score: 3/4
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Bob Longino
Atlanta Journal-Constitution
May 6, 2004
Stuffed with enough over-the-top computer effects to choke George Lucas.
Full Review | Original Score: C-
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Todd McCarthy
Variety
May 3, 2004
The concoction seems far more contrived than plausible, but the sense of evil overkill is entirely representative of the picture itself, which repeatedly looks ready to blow all its fuses due to sensory overload.
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Kirk Honeycutt
Hollywood Reporter
May 3, 2004
This creature feature is exhilarating fun, a richly designed and often quite funny re-exploration of the movie past.