New Times

Rating Title | Year Quote Author
1 6%

Supercross (2005)

"If you love Kawasakis, Hondas, and Yamahas, and don't mind tin-eared writing, get down to the multiplex."

Posted Jul 27, 2014

Bill Gallo

2 6%

Son of the Pink Panther (1993)

"Stay away at all costs. Do not be lulled by nostalgic memories of Inspector Clouseau's malapropisms; do not be fooled by slick print or TV ads; do not let your kids talk you into it."

Posted Jul 23, 2014

Todd Anthony

3 0%

Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004)

"The first Baby Geniuses, released in 1999, was one of the most inane, humorless, ill-conceived, poorly acted comedies of the year. As difficult as it is to imagine, the sequel is even worse."

Posted Jul 15, 2014

Jean Oppenheimer

4 10%

From Justin To Kelly (2003)

"From Justin to Kelly is a musical so pedestrian it trips over its feet every time someone breaks into song or dance."

Posted Jul 9, 2014

Robert Wilonsky

5 3%

Speed 2 - Cruise Control (1997)

"First, the good news: Unlike most action film sequels, Speed 2: Cruise Control is not a mere retread of the original. Now the bad news: Better it had been."

Posted Jun 20, 2014

Andy Klein

6 11%

Batman & Robin (1997)

"Bring earplugs to Batman & Robin. A pair of noseplugs wouldn't hurt, either."

Posted Jun 18, 2014

Peter Rainer

7 17%

Wild Wild West (1999)

"Those expecting the quick wit and inventiveness of the television series will certainly be disappointed, as will those who expect the hip suavity that one usually gets from any performance by Will Smith."

Posted Jun 16, 2014

Hal Hinson

8 39%

Armageddon (1998)

"[Bay's] movies are trailers for themselves. Every scene is all climax and no foreplay. When it's all over you can't remember if you've been watching a movie or just a jumbo-sized coming attraction."

Posted Jun 6, 2014

Peter Rainer

9 92%

Up for Grabs (2005)

"Michael Wranovics' well-meant documentary about the absurd legal battle over the ownership of the baseball Barry Bonds hit for his season-record 73rd home run, back in 2001, is instantly overshadowed by subsequent events."

Posted May 12, 2014

Bill Gallo

10 97%

The Life and Times of Hank Greenberg (2000)

"The Life and Times of Hank Greenberg is precisely what a documentary ought to be: engaging and revelatory, turning forgotten footnotes and discarded minutiae into the stuff of riveting drama and poignant laughs."

Posted May 7, 2014

Robert Wilonsky

11 100%

Toy Story 2 (1999)

"It's a tough act to follow, but director John Lasseter and his Pixar crew have done about as well as can be expected with Toy Story 2."

Posted Aug 6, 2012

Andy Klein

12 27%

Punisher: War Zone (2008)

"...like a Seagal movie on crank, only with Friday the 13th bogeyman Jason Voorhees in the lead, provided Jason were smart enough to use guns and missiles"

Posted Dec 3, 2008

Luke Y. Thompson

13 7%

Shutter (2008)

"...like a video copy of The Ring which has so degraded that all the good bits are no longer visible."

Posted Mar 21, 2008

Luke Y. Thompson

14 25%

Drillbit Taylor (2008)

"Drillbit Taylor is pretty good in almost every aspect other than its lead performance."

Posted Mar 20, 2008

Luke Y. Thompson

15 40%

Dao huo xian (City Without Mercy) (Flash Point) (Fuse) (The Signal) (2007)

"There's nothing that I dislike about FLASH POINT, but I do wish it could be even more than it is"

Posted Mar 14, 2008

Luke Y. Thompson

16 8%

10,000 B.C. (2008)

"...the Yagahl speak English with an inflection that ranges from fake-African to fake-Russian, sometimes within the same sentence."

Posted Mar 7, 2008

Luke Y. Thompson

17 53%

Penelope (2006)

"...an enjoyable piece of fluff, ably anchored by Ricci in a full 180 from the confident freak that was Wednesday Addams back in the day. Insecure people are going to love this movie"

Posted Feb 29, 2008

Luke Y. Thompson

18 3%

Witless Protection (2008)

"Carner directs so poorly that even set-pieces which ought to be interesting -- a Keystone Kops bit staged on a pig farm here, an oh-so-careful fight in an antique room there -- are rendered amateurishly."

Posted Feb 22, 2008

Luke Y. Thompson

19 80%

The Spiderwick Chronicles (2008)

"SPIDERWICK's great charm is that it feels exactly like the kind of adventure story you might have imagined at the bottom of the garden one day during childhood."

Posted Feb 14, 2008

Luke Y. Thompson

20 67%

Build a Ship, Sail to Sadness (2008)

"Despite the apparent ugliness and sloppiness of the piece, there's a real gem of inspiration at the core, and the character of Vincent is wonderful."

Posted Feb 1, 2008

Luke Y. Thompson

21 22%

The Eye (2008)

"...it doesn't suck. It's far from brilliant, but as weekend multiplex popcorn fare, it mostly gets the job done."

Posted Feb 1, 2008

Luke Y. Thompson

22 2%

Meet the Spartans (2008)

"Perhaps the most oft-quoted line from 300 is "Tonight, we dine in hell!" Chowing down on a box of Butterfinger Minis during a screening of Meet the Spartans, you will truly understand what that line means."

Posted Jan 25, 2008

Luke Y. Thompson

23 22%

Mad Money (2008)

"It's mediocre, but it's not obnoxiously so. I had an okay time. But I had also had five beers."

Posted Jan 18, 2008

Luke Y. Thompson

24 70%

I Am Legend (2007)

"For about three quarters of its running time, I was thinking this could be one of the very best movies of the year."

Posted Dec 14, 2007

Luke Y. Thompson

25 42%

The Golden Compass (2007)

"I feel about it roughly the same way I did about the book -- hard to get into until the armored bears show up, and then pretty awesome as long as the bears hang around."

Posted Dec 3, 2007

Luke Y. Thompson

26 89%

The Savages (2007)

"The name of the movie is one of those insufferable cutesy puns...but don't let that deter you from a film that achieves the rare balance of being both hilarious and tragic."

Posted Nov 30, 2007

Luke Y. Thompson

27 63%

Holly (2007)

"...it's easy to imagine how another director might have felt the need to switch to slo-mo and cue the violins."

Posted Nov 21, 2007

Luke Y. Thompson

28 94%

No Country for Old Men (2007)

"People are calling it the best film of the year, and if it isn't, it's darn close."

Posted Nov 17, 2007

Luke Y. Thompson

29 51%

30 Days of Night (2007)

"If the comic book had never existed, this would be pretty cool. As is, it's a slightly missed opportunity with enough fun parts that it doesn't feel like a total waste."

Posted Oct 21, 2007

Luke Y. Thompson

30 78%

1408 (2007)

"...one of the most gleefully loony things you'll see this year."

Posted Sep 4, 2007

Luke Y. Thompson

31 67%

Right at Your Door (2007)

"There's no levity at all to distract from the unrelenting horror, unless you consider the entire film to be a big sick joke"

Posted Aug 25, 2007

Luke Y. Thompson

32 40%

Hot Rod (2007)

"...hands-down the funniest, laugh till you cry and your cheeks hurt comedy of the year"

Posted Aug 3, 2007

Luke Y. Thompson

33 92%

The Cool School (2008)

"...a fun, jazzy look at L.A.'s first real wave of modern artists"

Posted Jul 2, 2007

Luke Y. Thompson

34 86%

Flight of the Living Dead: Outbreak on a Plane (Plane Dead) (2007)

"The crowd loved it. If you have any affinity at all for the idea of zombies on a plane, you will too."

Posted Jul 2, 2007

Luke Y. Thompson

35 84%

Rocket Science (2007)

"This may be the most realistic high school underdog comedy since Welcome to the Dollhouse, if you consider that a comedy."

Posted Jul 2, 2007

Luke Y. Thompson

36 75%

Sunshine (2007)

"Lots of advance reviews have complained that the film falls apart at the end, which I don't buy at all."

Posted Jul 2, 2007

Luke Y. Thompson

37 82%

Talk to Me (2007)

"Dare one suggest Oscar noms for both leads? With Ejiofor, and I have said this on many occasions before, it is only a matter of time."

Posted Jun 30, 2007

Luke Y. Thompson

38 57%

Interview (2007)

"No surprise that Buscemi can carry off this kind of performance, but Miller holds up her end, and is a magnificent tease."

Posted Jun 30, 2007

Luke Y. Thompson

39 ——

Bajo Juárez: La ciudad devorando a sus hijas ()

"This is the real Hostel, apparently"

Posted Jun 30, 2007

Luke Y. Thompson

40 ——

Prison Town, USA ()

"...never boring for a second."

Posted Jun 30, 2007

Luke Y. Thompson

41 75%

The Last Winter (2007)

"...a talky indie that suddenly turns into a slasher flick where the killer is in fact the invisible hand of Mother Nature"

Posted Jun 30, 2007

Luke Y. Thompson

42 100%

Half Moon (Niwe Mung) (2007)

"While perhaps overlong, it has some good laughs (what exactly are "woman-sniffing dogs"?) and moments of odd beauty"

Posted Jun 30, 2007

Luke Y. Thompson

43 ——

Chasing Ghosts: Beyond the Arcade (2007)

"...some who see this film will laugh at its protagonists, others with them. A little of both feels about right"

Posted Jun 30, 2007

Luke Y. Thompson

44 56%

Charlie Bartlett (2007)

"...while the movie's not as radical as it seems to think it is, it does keep you guessing how it will all resolve."

Posted Jun 30, 2007

Luke Y. Thompson

45 90%

Trigger Man (2007)

"...follow-up to the killer bat movie The Roost is superior in almost every way, and cheaper, too!"

Posted Jun 30, 2007

Luke Y. Thompson

46 ——

Dead Daughters (2007)

"Russia apparently hasn't yet received the news that the "J-horror" films as a trend are over"

Posted Jun 30, 2007

Luke Y. Thompson

47 62%

Joshua (2007)

"[W]hy is it so hard to make a scary flick about evil kids these days? The Omen remake was pretty hilarious, and Joshua is ridiculous, though they are apparently attempting to re-position it as a "black comedy""

Posted Jun 30, 2007

Luke Y. Thompson

48 81%

Great World of Sound (2007)

"[Kene Holliday's] performance here is one of the year's best."

Posted Jun 30, 2007

Luke Y. Thompson

49 67%

Dynamite Warrior (2007)

"I know we've all thought to ourselves at some point that kung-fu movies could use a bunch of dynamite firecrackers"

Posted Jun 30, 2007

Luke Y. Thompson

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