Mark Wahlberg

Mark Wahlberg

Highest Rated: 94% Three Kings (1999)

Lowest Rated: 12% Renaissance Man (1994)

Birthday: Jun 05, 1971

Birthplace: Dorchester, Massachusetts, USA

By his own admission, actor Mark Wahlberg went from a jailed Boston street thug to a respected, legitimate actor in less than a decade, with attention-grabbing stops as a rapper and underwear model along the way. He received his first acting kudos for his starring role as ambitious porn star Dirk Diggler in "Boogie Nights" (1997), but proving he was no one-hit-wonder, went on to deliver memorable performances in "Three Kings" (1999), "Four Brothers" (2005) and "The Departed" (2006), for which he received an Oscar nomination for Best Supporting Actor. Wahlberg also made his mark as co-creator and executive producer of HBO's comedy series "Entourage" (2004-2011), with its loosely-based portrayal of his life as a young star suddenly flush with cash, power and women. While reaping the critical success of that show, Wahlberg moved on to more adult roles, playing a reluctant Marine sniper in "Shooter" (2007) and a father grieving the tragic murder of his daughter in "The Lovely Bones" (2009). By the time he tackled the Oscar-baiting roles of real-life underdog boxer Micky Ward in "The Fighter" (2010) and a Boston policeman hunting real-life terrorists in "Patriots Day" (2016), as well as raucous comedy with "Ted" (2012) and "Daddy's Home" (2015), Wahlberg was firmly established as one of Hollywood's more versatile performers.

Photos

Highest Rated Movies

Filmography

Movies

Credit
No Score Yet No Score Yet Infinite Evan Michaels (Character) - 2021
37% 53% Spenser Confidential Spenser (Character),
Producer
- 2020
48% 56% SCOOB! Blue Falcon (Voice) - 2020
81% 82% Instant Family Pete (Character),
Producer
$67.3M 2018
23% 44% Mile 22 James Silva (Character),
Producer
$36.1M 2018
No Score Yet No Score Yet Unbanned: The Legend of AJ1 Himself (Character) - 2018
21% 50% Daddy's Home 2 Dusty Mayron (Character),
Executive Producer
$104M 2017
79% 65% All the Money in the World Fletcher Chase (Character) $24.8M 2017
15% 43% Transformers: The Last Knight Cade Yeager (Character) $130.1M 2017
83% 82% Deepwater Horizon Mike Williams (Character),
Producer,
Executive Producer
$61.4M 2016
80% 86% Patriots Day Tommy Saunders (Character),
Producer
$31.8M 2016
45% 50% Ted 2 John (Character) $81.3M 2015
33% 57% Entourage Producer $32.4M 2015
31% 49% Daddy's Home Dusty Mayron (Character) $150.3M 2015
31% 29% Mojave Norman (Character) - 2015
25% 65% Manny Unknown (Character) - 2014
18% 50% Transformers: Age of Extinction Cade Yeager (Character) $245.4M 2014
43% 31% The Gambler Jim Bennett (Character),
Producer
$33.7M 2014
50% 47% Pain & Gain Daniel Lugo (Character) $49.9M 2013
64% 66% 2 Guns Marcus "Stig" Stigman (Character) $75.6M 2013
28% 40% Broken City Billy Taggart (Character),
Producer
$19.7M 2013
75% 87% Lone Survivor Marcus Luttrell (Character),
Producer
$125.1M 2013
81% 87% Prisoners Executive Producer $61M 2013
52% 57% Contraband Chris Farraday (Character),
Producer
$66.5M 2012
69% 73% Ted John Bennett (Character) $218.6M 2012
78% 60% The Other Guys Det. Terry Hoitz (Character) $119.2M 2010
No Score Yet No Score Yet The Invocation Himself (Character) - 2010
90% 89% The Fighter Micky Ward (Character),
Producer
$93.6M 2010
66% 55% Date Night Holbrooke Grant (Character) $98.7M 2010
32% 52% The Lovely Bones Jack Salmon (Character) $44M 2009
18% 24% The Happening Elliot Moore (Character) $64.5M 2008
16% 29% Max Payne Max Payne (Character) $40.7M 2008
47% 80% Shooter Bob Lee Swagger (Character) $47M 2007
57% 61% We Own the Night Joseph Grusinsky (Character),
Producer
$28.6M 2007
72% 73% Invincible Vince Papale (Character) $57.8M 2006
91% 94% The Departed Sgt. Dignam (Character) $132.4M 2006
52% 80% Four Brothers Bobby Mercer (Character) $74.5M 2005
63% 75% I Heart Huckabees Tommy Corn (Character) $12.8M 2004
73% 80% The Italian Job Charlie Croker (Character) $106.1M 2003
33% 27% The Truth About Charlie Joshua Peters (Character) $5.3M 2002
44% 27% Planet of the Apes Captain Leo Davidson (Character) $180M 2001
53% 59% Rock Star Chris Cole (Character) $17M 2001
47% 64% The Perfect Storm Bobby Shatford (Character) $182.6M 2000
64% 51% The Yards Leo Handler (Character) $882.7K 2000
48% 43% The Corruptor Danny Wallace (Character) $15.2M 1999
94% 77% Three Kings Sfc. Troy Barlow (Character) $60.7M 1999
43% 57% The Big Hit Melvin Smiley (Character) $27.1M 1998
93% 89% Boogie Nights Eddie Adams/Dirk Diggler (Character) $26.4M 1997
79% 53% Traveller Pat O'Hara (Character) $500.6K 1997
46% 63% Fear David McCall (Character) $20.5M 1996
45% 76% The Basketball Diaries Mickey (Character) $2.1M 1995
12% 53% Renaissance Man Pvt. Tommy Lee Haywood (Character) $24.2M 1994
No Score Yet 30% The Substitute Ryan Westerberg (Character) - 1993

TV

Credit
No Score Yet No Score Yet Access Daily Guest 2019-2020
No Score Yet No Score Yet etalk Guest 2020 2016-2018 2013-2014
89% 66% McMillion$ Executive Producer 2020
No Score Yet No Score Yet Entertainment Tonight Guest 2020 2016-2018
No Score Yet No Score Yet The Dr. Oz Show Guest 2020
No Score Yet No Score Yet Access Hollywood Guest 2019-2020
No Score Yet No Score Yet Today Guest 2020 2018 2012-2015 2010 2008
No Score Yet No Score Yet The Late Late Show With James Corden Guest 2020 2017-2018
No Score Yet No Score Yet Jimmy Kimmel Live! Guest 2020 2010-2013 2008
No Score Yet No Score Yet The Ellen DeGeneres Show Guest 2017-2020 2013-2015
72% 72% Ballers Executive Producer 2015-2019
No Score Yet No Score Yet Wahlburgers Unknown (Character),
Executive Producer
2014-2019
No Score Yet No Score Yet Today With Hoda & Jenna Guest 2019
No Score Yet No Score Yet Extra Guest 2018-2019 2016
No Score Yet No Score Yet Wahlburgers: Wahl of Fame Unknown (Character) 2019
No Score Yet No Score Yet The Talk Guest 2017-2018 2014
No Score Yet No Score Yet Today With Kathie Lee & Hoda Guest 2018
No Score Yet 58% The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon Guest 2014-2018
No Score Yet No Score Yet Live with Kelly and Ryan Guest 2017-2018
No Score Yet No Score Yet Sunday Today With Willie Geist Guest 2018
No Score Yet No Score Yet Entertainment Tonight Canada Unknown (Character),
Guest
2017-2018 2015
No Score Yet No Score Yet Entertainment Studios.TV Guest 2018 2016
No Score Yet 77% Shooter Executive Producer,
Director
2016-2018
No Score Yet No Score Yet Dish Nation Guest 2017-2018
No Score Yet No Score Yet Complex X Fuse Guest 2018
No Score Yet No Score Yet Good Morning America Guest 2013-2018 2010
No Score Yet 40% The Late Show With Stephen Colbert Guest 2018 2016
No Score Yet No Score Yet People Features Guest 2018
No Score Yet No Score Yet The Graham Norton Show Guest 2017 2015 2012-2013
41% 63% Chelsea Guest 2017
No Score Yet 26% Late Night With Seth Meyers Guest 2017 2014
No Score Yet No Score Yet Conan Guest 2017 2014 2012 2010
No Score Yet No Score Yet Today's Take Guest 2016
No Score Yet No Score Yet Wahlburgers: Extra Helping Unknown (Character) 2016
No Score Yet No Score Yet LIVE with Kelly Guest 2016 2012
No Score Yet No Score Yet Live! With Kelly and Michael Guest 2013-2015
No Score Yet No Score Yet The View Guest 2015
92% 96% Boardwalk Empire Executive Producer 2010-2014
No Score Yet No Score Yet CBS This Morning Guest 2014
No Score Yet 75% Late Show With David Letterman Guest 2014
No Score Yet No Score Yet Made in Hollywood Guest 2012-2014 2009-2010
No Score Yet 100% The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson Guest 2014
No Score Yet No Score Yet The Tonight Show With Jay Leno Guest 2014
No Score Yet No Score Yet 106 & Park Unknown (Character),
Guest
2013
No Score Yet No Score Yet Larry King Now Guest 2013
No Score Yet No Score Yet Late Night With Jimmy Fallon Guest 2012-2013
No Score Yet No Score Yet The Insider Guest 2013
No Score Yet No Score Yet Anderson Guest 2013 2011
No Score Yet No Score Yet Kickin' It: With Byron Allen Guest 2012 2008
No Score Yet No Score Yet ES.TV Guest 2010-2012
No Score Yet No Score Yet Piers Morgan Tonight Guest 2012
66% 78% How to Make It in America Executive Producer 2010-2011
66% 83% Entourage Mark Wahlberg (Guest Star),
Executive Producer
2004-2011
No Score Yet No Score Yet Entertainers: With Byron Allen Guest 2008-2011
No Score Yet No Score Yet The Early Show Guest 2010 2008
No Score Yet No Score Yet Hollywood & Dine Guest 2010
88% 96% In Treatment Executive Producer 2008-2010
No Score Yet No Score Yet Lopez Tonight Guest 2010
No Score Yet No Score Yet Mark at the Movies Guest 2010
No Score Yet No Score Yet Entertainment Studios.com Guest 2008-2009
No Score Yet 66% Top Gear Guest 2008
No Score Yet No Score Yet Lyons & Bailes Reel Talk Guest 2008
No Score Yet No Score Yet Saturday Night Live Unknown (Guest Star) 2008
No Score Yet No Score Yet Late Night With Conan O'Brien Guest 2007-2008
No Score Yet No Score Yet Talkshow With Spike Feresten Guest 2008
No Score Yet No Score Yet Son of the Beach Unknown (Guest Star) 2002
91% No Score Yet The Ben Stiller Show Unknown (Guest Star) 1993
No Score Yet No Score Yet FREE HBO: Ballers Executive Producer
No Score Yet No Score Yet FREE HBO: Mcmillion$ HD Executive Producer

QUOTES FROM Mark Wahlberg CHARACTERS

Paul Doyle says: Did you say your friend kept athletic supplies in his warehouse?

Daniel Lugo says: Do we have to have this conversation now? Over! What's the problem?

Paul Doyle says: I'm lookin at a lot of homo stuff right now Patriot one. A lot.

Ted says: What's you're middle name?

Samantha Jackson says: Leslie

John Bennett says: Oh my god, you're Sam L. Jackson!

Samantha Jackson says: Who is that?

Ted says: Haven't you seen any movie ever? He's the black guy.

Dignam says: Oh you're a fucking genius huh? Who forged you're transcript, dickhead?

Joshua Joyce says: It's a big magnet!

Cade Yeager says: It's sucking up metal and dropping it!

Daniel Lugo says: I can deal with his impotence. I cannot deal with your incompetence.

Cade Yeager says: I think we just found a Transformer.

Cade Yeager says: Will we ever see you again?

Optimus Prime says: Cade Yeager, I do not know. But whenever you look to the stars, think of one of them as my soul. Defend this family, Autobots. As they have you. Defend all they can be.

Cade Yeager says: What do you think being human means, that's what we do. We all make mistakes Sometime those mistakes turn into something more beautiful.

Shane Dyson says: I'm Her Boyfriend

Cade Yeager says: What?

Tessa Yeager says: Yes Dad, He's My Boyfriend

Cade Yeager says: Tessa, You're So Grounded!

Cade Yeager says: Oh, man. I'm so gonna patent this shit.

Cade Yeager says: Teenagers...

Optimus Prime says: I went through the same thing with Bumblebee.

Harold Attinger says: I'm only going to ask you this once, Where is Optimus Prime?

Cade Yeager says: You tell me.

Marcus Luttrell says: That's not a knife, that's a fucking duck!

Ted says: Why are you crying?

John Bennett says: My dick is squished by the TV.

Det. Terry Hoitz says: I don't like you. If I were a lion, and you were a tuna, I'd swim out to the middle of the ocean and freaking eat you! Then I'd bang your tuna girlfriend.

Marcus "Stig" Stigman says: I got a plan. I mean, I'm capable of coming up with a plan.

Marcus Luttrell says: I don't go home, you don't go home

Marcus Luttrell says: I don't go home, you don't go home.

Matt Axelson says: If I die, make sure Cindy knows how much I love her. And that I died here with my brothers, with a full fucking heart.

Marcus Luttrell says: You're not going to die.

Sergeant Troy Barlow says: Okay. Well, then you choose who we take. Tell the others it's not convenient and they're gonna have to die because I can't do that, Chief, okay? You're gonna have to do that yourself.

Debbie Barlow says: What was that?

Sergeant Troy Barlow says: A wall just exploded.

Debbie Barlow says: I thought the war was over, honey.

Sergeant Troy Barlow says: Well, it is and it isn't, babe. Could you do me a favor and call the Reserve Center?

Sergeant Troy Barlow says: Hey, I got a family. If I'm gonna shit in a bag for the rest of my life because I got shot after the war was over, that'd be pretty fuckin' stupid, wouldn't it, Major?

Conrad Vig says: Blacks make better receivers than quarterbacks.

Sergeant Troy Barlow says: Stop speaking right now, Conrad.

Chief Elgin says: Warren Moon is one of the best quarterbacks in the league.

Conrad Vig says: Houston's gone nowhere with Warren Moon.

Chief Elgin says: What about Randall Cunningham?

Sergeant Troy Barlow says: Chief, don't get in the mud with him, man.

Conrad Vig says: Ahhhh, Eagles'll never make it to the Super Bowl with Randall Cunningham.

Chief Elgin says: Doug Williams not only took the Redskins to the Super Bowl, but they won.

Conrad Vig says: Yeah, so?

Sergeant Troy Barlow says: We can all agree there are many excellent black quarterbacks.

Conrad Vig says: Lord knows what vermin live in the butt of a dune coon.

Chief Elgin says: Why do you let this cracker follow you around, man?

Sergeant Troy Barlow says: Aw, he's alright, man, he's got no high school, he's from a group home in Dallas. He doesn't know any better.

Conrad Vig says: Don't tell people that.

Chief Elgin says: I don't give a shit if he's from Johannesburg. I don't want to hear "dune coon" or "sand nigger" from him or anybody else.

Conrad Vig says: Captain uses those terms.

Sergeant Troy Barlow says: Look, Conrad, the point is that "towel head" and "camel jockey" are perfectly good substitutes.

Chief Elgin says: Exactly.

Conrad Vig says: I apologize, it's just confusing with all this pro-Saudi, anti-Iraqi type language and all that.

Marcus "Stig" Stigman says: You ever heard the saying "You gotta face only a mother could love?" Well that don't apply to you, you are uglier than the devil's asshole itself.

Marcus "Stig" Stigman says: [To Papi Greco:] You know I've been rackin my brain, trying to figure out who you look like and it finally donned on me.. You look like a Mexican Albert Einstein. Minus the genius factor, obviously. Want some yogurt?

Marcus "Stig" Stigman says: You know I've been rackin my brain, trying to figure out who you look like and it finally donned on me.. You look like a Mexican Albert Einstein. Minus the genius factor, obviously. Want some yogurt?

Marcus Luttrell says: Next one Shane.

Shane Patton says: Have fun you lucky bastard.

Mike Murphy says: I wanna be on you.

Marcus Luttrell says: I wanna be on you.

Mike Murphy says: On you.

Danny Dietz says: New grass leads to new bushes by the window, leads to new windows, leads to new curtains, leads to new sofa, leads to new rug, leads to new floor...

Mike Murphy says: Got it.

Marcus Luttrell says: Loss of control. Got to let that go bro.

Danny Dietz says: It’s like this weird journey that she’s on. Moving through the house one room to the next.

Danny Dietz says: It's like this weird journey that she's on. Moving through the house one room to the next.

Mike Murphy says: Why? How much do they cost?

Marcus Luttrell says: I don’t know. Oprah money.

Mike Murphy says: Fuck.

Marcus Luttrell says: Since when does she want an Arabic horse?

Mike Murphy says: Since I got an email this morning. Probably saw it on Oprah.

Marcus Luttrell says: Oprah rides Arabic horses?

Mike Murphy says: I don’t know what Oprah does.

Mike Murphy says: I don't know what Oprah does.

Marcus Luttrell says: I don’t see anything but steep. I could be wrong. Hope I’m wrong. If it’s anything but steep I’m not seeing it.

Marcus Luttrell says: I don't see anything but steep. I could be wrong. Hope I'm wrong. If it's anything but steep I'm not seeing it.

Danny Dietz says: Just put your feet where I put my feet. All day long. You’re gonna love it.

Danny Dietz says: Just put your feet where I put my feet. All day long. You're gonna love it.

Marcus Luttrell says: We wanted that fight at the highest volume. The loud fight. The loudest, coldest, hottest, most unpleasant of the unpleasant fights.

Marcus Luttrell says: An unrelenting desire to push yourself harder and further than anyone could think possible.

Marcus Luttrell says: There’s a storm inside of us. I’ve heard many team guys speak of this. A burning. A river. A drive.

Marcus Luttrell says: There's a storm inside of us. I've heard many team guys speak of this. A burning. A river. A drive.

Daniel Lugo says: Sometimes God just fucks up your order and you gotta chow down on that shitty shame sandwich.

Daniel Lugo says: My name is Daniel Lugo. And I believe in fitness.

Daniel Lugo says: My name is Daniel Lugo and I believe in fitness.

Daniel Lugo says: I love my new home. My new neighborhood. And my little brat pack crew.. I kept it real wit them lil mufuckas, and they kept it real wit me.

Daniel Lugo says: I love my new home. My new neighborhood. And my little brat pack crew. I kept it real wit them lil mufuckas and they kept it real wit me.

Daniel Lugo says: What are you lookin at you lil chubby broad? Don't eyeball me, boy. I see your mother driving up an down the street lookin at me; I'll be your stepfather by the week.

Daniel Lugo says: What are you lookin at you lil chubby broad? Don't eyeball me, boy. I see your mother driving up an down the street lookin at me. I'll be your stepfather by the week.

Marcus "Stig" Stigman says: "Are we people?"

Marcus "Stig" Stigman says: Are we people?

Det. Allen Gamble says: Are you a big man? Huh? I'm talking to you!

Det. Terry Hoitz says: What?

Det. Allen Gamble says: Do you wake up in the mornin' and say, "I'm puttin on my big boy pants. Look, I'm wearin' a belt. I got big boy pants on."

Det. Terry Hoitz says: No.

Det. Allen Gamble says: Put on a little jacket, you go, you take you lunch cause you have big boy pants on? You got your big boy pants and your snack? I can say big loud things! I can be demonstrative!

Det. Terry Hoitz says: Stop!

Det. Allen Gamble says: We don't, we don't do this!

Det. Terry Hoitz says: You're scarin' the shit outta me man, stop it!

Det. Allen Gamble says: Is this how you conduct yourself? In a democracy?

Sergeant Dignam says: Yeah, shoot a cop Eitstein! Watch what happens!

Colin Sullivan says: Yeah, shoot a cop Einstein! Watch what happens!

Billy Costigan says: What would happen is that this bullet would go right through your fucking head!

Lori says: Welcome back, Ted.

John Bennett says: It was you. You did it.

Ted says: Son of a bitch. You wished for my life back.

Lori says: No. I wished for my life back.

John Bennett says: I thank you for saving every one of us!

David McCall says: Hey Mr. Walka!

David McCall says: Nicole, get me a Coke.

David McCall says: You filthy little whore!

David McCall says: Just you and me Nicole, nobody else.

Nicole Walker says: Nobody else [kisses David back]

Nicole Walker says: Nobody else.

David McCall says: Do you want me?

Nicole Walker says: Yes.

David McCall says: Tell me, tell me you want me.

Nicole Walker says: I want you David.

David McCall says: Yeah?

Nicole Walker says: [nods her head] David?

Nicole Walker says: David?

Nicole Walker says: I love you.

Nicole Walker says: Isn't this the car they stopped making 'cause it, I don't know, blows up or something?

David McCall says: Guess that's why I got her.

Nicole Walker says: Isn't this the car they stopped making 'cause it, I don't know, blows up or something?

David McCall says: Guess that's why I got her.

David McCall says: Daddy, you will forever hold your peace.

David McCall says: You're not dancing.

Nicole Walker says: I know.

John Bennett says: I've found my car keys. What's going on? (Looks in the corner) Is that a shit?

John Bennett says: I've found my car keys. What's going on? Is that a shit?

Tommy Corn says: Once you realize the universe sucks, you've got nothing to lose.

"Irish" Mickey Ward says: Cut me Mick!

Ted says: [dressed in a suit and tie] I look stupid.

Ted says: I look stupid.

John Bennett says: No you don't, you look dapper.

Ted says: John, I look like something you give to your kid when you tell 'em Grandma died.

Eddie Adams/Dirk Diggler says: I'm seventeen

Jack Horner says: You're a seventeen year old piece of gold.

Eddie Adams/Dirk Diggler says: Yeah, right.

Det. Terry Hoitz says: Bye Shiela!

Daniel Lugo says: Snatch that Cabbage Patch!

Micky Ward says: I'm the one fighting, I know what I need.

Charlene Fleming says: And you need Dicky?

Micky Ward says: I want Dicky back. And I want you, Charlene, and I want O'Keefe, and my family.

Charlene Fleming says: You can't do that to us.

John Bennett says: You know, if your leg got trapped under a rock I would chew it of to get you free. Is that cannibalism?

Lori says: Only if you swallow

Lori says: Only if you swallow.

"Irish" Mickey Ward says: (to george ward) what you doing running in hear like a silverback fucking gorilla.?

"Irish" Mickey Ward says: [to george ward] What you doing running in hear like a silverback fucking gorilla?

John Bennett says: Hello? 911? I need the police right way! This guy took my teddy bear!........ Hello?

John Bennett says: [calling 911] This guy took my teddy bear! [pause]

John Bennett says: [calling 911] This guy took my teddy bear!

John's Dad says: GET MY GUN!!!

John's Dad says: GET MY GUN!

John's Dad says: Helen, get my gun!

Young Ted's Voice says: Is it a hugging gun?

Young John says: Dad! No!

John Bennett says: Is it a hugging gun?

Ted says: Is it a hugging gun?

Thomas says: That's me and Skeritt

John Bennett says: Wow

Thomas says: Goddamn right wow.

Ted says: Thunder buddies for life, right, Johnny?

John Bennett says: Fucking right.

Ted says: Alright, come on, let's sing the thunder song.

John Bennett says: Alright.

John Bennett says: Ted: [singing] When you hear the sound of thunder, / Don't you get too scared. / Just grab your thunder buddy / And say these magic words: / "Fuck you, thunder! / You can suck my dick! / You can't get me thunder / 'Cause you're just God's farts!" [blow raspberries]

John Bennett says: Ted: [singing] When you hear the sound of thunder, / Don't you get too scared. / Just grab your thunder buddy / And say these magic words: / 'Fuck you, thunder! / You can suck my dick! / You can't get me thunder / Cause you're just God's farts!' [blow raspberries]

Ted says: Lets get stoned.

John Bennett says: You get the job and we can smoke this afterwards.

John Bennett says: Your my best friend Ted cause I don't have any, because I didn't have any in school and was picked on an bullied pretty much everyday.

Adrian Doorbal says: what kind of warehouse did you say your friend had ?

Adrian Doorbal says: What kind of warehouse did you say your friend had ?

Daniel Lugo says: just a storage one why?

Daniel Lugo says: Just a storage one why?

Adrian Doorbal says: cause theres a whole lotta homo shit in here.. a whole lotta homo shit

Adrian Doorbal says: Cause theres a whole lotta homo shit in here... A whole lotta homo shit.

Ted says: It's called "Mind Rape", it's actually pretty mellow.

Ted says: It's called 'Mind Rape', it's actually pretty mellow.

John Bennett says: It doesn't sound very mellow.

Ted says: Well he only had three other batches: "Gorilla Panic", "They're coming! They're coming!" and something called "This Is Permanent"... Go on, spark it up!

Ted says: Well he only had three other batches: 'Gorilla Panic', 'They're coming! They're coming!' and something called 'This Is Permanent'... Go on, spark it up!

John Bennett says: Oh, I got you, motherfucker! I got you! [Ted laughs]

John Bennett says: [John pokes a lobster head from out the door] Rawr!

Ted says: Hahaha!

John Bennett says: Who lives here? I'm comin' to get who lives here! You owe me lobster money!

Ted says: Ahahaha! That's my buddy Johnny. Not the lobster, the guy runnin' it.

Det. Terry Hoitz says: If you touch him one more time, I'll beat you with Allen's head.

Det. Allen Gamble says: No he's won't. He's just using a hyperbole but that's a really weird example.

Sergeant Troy Barlow says: Are we shooting people or what?

Det. Terry Hoitz says: What is it with you and hot women?

Captain Queenan says: You're a worker. You rise fast.

Sergeant Dignam says: Like a 12-year-old's dick.

Captain Ellerby says: Go fuck yourself.

Sergeant Dignam says: I'm tired from fucking your wife.

Captain Ellerby says: How is your mother?

Sergeant Dignam says: Good, she's tired from fucking my father.

Sergeant Dignam says: Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe fuck yourself.

Daena says: What tribe are you from?

Leo Davidson says: United States Air Force, and I'm going back to it.

Leo Davidson says: How the hell did they get like this?

Daena says: What other way would they be?

Eddie Adams/Dirk Diggler says: [standing in the kitchen at work with Jack] So, you want five or ten?

Jack Horner says: What?

Eddie Adams/Dirk Diggler says: Well, if you just wanna see me jack off, it's ten. But if you just wanna look at it, it's only five.

Eddie Adams/Dirk Diggler says: When I close my eyes, I see this thing, a sign, I see this name in bright blue neon lights with a purple outline. And this name is so bright and so sharp that the sign - it just blows up because the name is so powerful... It says, "Dirk Diggler."

Eddie Adams/Dirk Diggler says: When I close my eyes, I see this thing, a sign, I see this name in bright blue neon lights with a purple outline. And this name is so bright and so sharp that the sign - it just blows up because the name is so powerful... It says, 'Dirk Diggler.'

Elliot Moore says: Why won't somebody give me a goddamn second?!?

Elliot Moore says: Why won't somebody give me a goddamn second?

Lori Collins says: Can I give you a ride home?

John Bennett says: No thanks, I'll walk. I might get raped but if I do I'll know it's my fault because of what I'm wearing.

Sergeant Dignam says: Whoopdee-fuckin-doo

Sergeant Dignam says: Whoopdee-fuckin-doo.

Det. Terry Hoitz says: I'm a peacock and I gotta fly

Det. Terry Hoitz says: I'm a peacock and I gotta fly.

Captain Ellerby says: Go fuck yourself

Captain Ellerby says: Go fuck yourself.

Sergeant Dignam says: Well I would but I'm tired from fucking your wife

Sergeant Dignam says: Well I would but I'm tired from fucking your wife.

Captain Ellerby says: How's your mother?

Sergeant Dignam says: Good. She's tired from fucking my father

Sergeant Dignam says: Good. She's tired from fucking my father.

Senator Charles F. Meachum says: I am a US Senator

Senator Charles F. Meachum says: I am a United States Senator!

Bob Lee Swagger says: Exactly

Bob Lee Swagger says: Exactly.

Sergeant Dignam says: I'm the guy who does his job. You must be the other guy

Sergeant Dignam says: I'm the guy who does his job. You must be the other guy.

Sergeant Dignam says: Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe fuck yourself.

Eddie Adams/Dirk Diggler says: What can you expect when you're on top? You know? It's like Napoleon. When he was the king, you know, people were just constantly trying to conquer him, you know, in the Roman Empire. So, it's history repeating itself all over again.

Frank says: Nobodyâ??s ever spoken to me like that before.

Frank says: Nobody's ever spoken to me like that before.

Ted says: Thatâ??s because their mouths were full of your wifeâ??s box.

Ted says: That's because their mouths were full of your wife's box.

John Bennett says: Youâ??re hired.

John Bennett says: You're hired.

Ted says: Shit.

Det. Terry Hoitz says: Christinith!! You idiot! You come to our house, you get my wife's name right!

Det. Terry Hoitz says: Christinith! You idiot! You come to our house, you get my wife's name right!

Hal says: Christinith! You idiot! You come to our house, you get my wife's name right!

Ted says: Why are you crying?

John Bennett says: My dick got squished by the tv.

Det. Terry Hoitz says: lf we were in the wild, l would attack you.Even if you weren't in my food chain, l would go out of my way to attack you.lf l were a lion, and you were a tuna, l would swim out in the middle of the ocean and freaking eat you! And then l'd bang your tuna girlfriend.

Det. Terry Hoitz says: lf we were in the wild, l would attack you. Even if you weren't in my food chain, l would go out of my way to attack you. lf l were a lion, and you were a tuna, l would swim out in the middle of the ocean and freaking eat you! And then l'd bang your tuna girlfriend.

Det. Allen Gamble says: Okay, first off, a lion swimming in the ocean? Lions don't like water. lf you'd placed it near a river or some sort of fresh water source, that'd make sense.But you find yourself in the ocean,20-foot waves, l'm assuming it's off the coast of South Africa,coming up against a full-grown,800-pound tuna with his 20 or 30 friends? You lose that battle. You lose that battle nine times out of ten. And guess what? You've wandered into our school of tuna, and we now have a taste of lion. We've talked to ourselves. We've communicated.

Det. Allen Gamble says: Okay, first off, a lion swimming in the ocean? Lions don't like water. lf you'd placed it near a river or some sort of fresh water source, that'd make sense.But you find yourself in the ocean, 20-foot waves, l'm assuming it's off the coast of South Africa,coming up against a full-grown, 800-pound tuna with his 20 or 30 friends? You lose that battle. You lose that battle nine times out of ten. And guess what? You've wandered into our school of tuna, and we now have a taste of lion. We've talked to ourselves. We've communicated.

Det. Terry Hoitz says: Yeah?

Det. Allen Gamble says: And said, ''You know what?''Lion tastes good.Let's go get some more lion.' 'We've developed a systemo establish a beachhead and aggressively hunt you and your family. And we will corner your pride, your children, your offspring.

Det. Allen Gamble says: And said, 'ou know what?' Lion tastes good. Let's go get some more lion.' 'We've developed a systemo establish a beachhead and aggressively hunt you and your family. And we will corner your pride, your children, your offspring.

Det. Terry Hoitz says: How you gonna do that?

Det. Allen Gamble says: We will construct a series of breathing apparatus with kelp. We will be able to trap certain amounts of oxygen. lt's not gonna be days at a time, but an hour, hour 45, no problem. That will give us enough time to figure out where you live, go back to the sea, get more oxygen, and then stalk you. You just lost at your own game. You're outgunned and outmanned.

Sergeant Dignam says: How fucked up are you?

Ted says: Why are you crying?

John Bennett says: My dick got squished by the tv!

John Bennett says: My junk got squished by the TV!

Det. Terry Hoitz says: Stop humming that song!

John Bennett says: Sometimes I look back at that Christmas day when I wished for you, and I think that I should have gotten a Teddy Ruxpin!

Ted says: Say that one more time.

John Bennett says: Teddy. Ruxpin!

Det. Allen Gamble says: You are under arrest. Anything you do or say can be used umm

Det. Allen Gamble says: You are under arrest. Anything you do or say can be used umm.

Det. Terry Hoitz says: As a flotation device.

Det. Allen Gamble says: Wow, you know what that's very funny.

Ted says: Oh hey listen, try this. I told my weed guy to step it up and he gave me that.

John Bennett says: What is this?

Ted says: It's called "Mind Rape", it's actually pretty mellow.

Ted says: It's called 'Mind Rape', it's actually pretty mellow.

John Bennett says: It doesn't sound very mellow.

Ted says: Well he only had three other batches: "Gorilla Panic", "They're coming! They're coming!" and something called "This Is Permanent"... Go on, spark it up!

Ted says: Well he only had three other batches: 'Gorilla Panic', 'They're coming! They're coming!' and something called 'This Is Permanent'... Go on, spark it up!

Ted says: "Lori was right about you: you cannot take responsibility for anything that goes on in your life."

Ted says: Lori was right about you: you cannot take responsibility for anything that goes on in your life.

John Bennett says: "Oh, and you can?"

John Bennett says: Oh, and you can?

Ted says: "I dont have to, Im a fucking teddy bear."

Ted says: I dont have to, Im a fucking teddy bear.