Alec Baldwin

Alec Baldwin

Highest Rated: 100% Gordon Lightfoot: If You Could Read My Mind (2020)

Lowest Rated: 0% Andron (Andròn - The Black Labyrinth) (2016)

Birthday: Apr 3, 1958

Birthplace: Massapequa, New York

Equally at home playing leads and character roles, actor Alec Baldwin is known for his work in just about every genre, from action thrillers to comedies to dramas. Born April 3, 1958, in Massapequa, Long Island, he was the second of six children (brothers William, Daniel, and Stephen would also become actors). Baldwin was a political science major at George Washington University before he decided to become an actor; following his change in vocation, he studied drama at NYU and the Lee Strasberg Theatre Institute. Early in his career, Baldwin was a busy man, simultaneously playing a role on the TV daytime drama The Doctors and performing in Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream on-stage in the evenings. A few years after making his 1980 Broadway debut, the actor moved to Los Angeles, where he landed a part in the television series Knots Landing. He made his film debut in 1987 with a starring role in Forever, Lulu, which led to work in a number of major films. From 1988 to 1989 alone, Baldwin appeared in no less than seven films, including Tim Burton's black comedy Beetlejuice, Mike Nichols' Working Girl, Jonathan Demme's Married to the Mob, and Oliver Stone's Talk Radio. In 1990, Baldwin achieved big-budget success playing ace CIA agent Jack Ryan in the undersea thriller The Hunt for Red October. The film's popularity won him acclaim, so Baldwin surprised many by foregoing the opportunity to reprise his role in the sequel Patriot Games (he was replaced by Harrison Ford) in favor of returning to Broadway to star as Stanley Kowalski in A Streetcar Named Desire. Although his decision paid off -- he received a Tony nomination for his performance -- it also marked the point at which Baldwin's star wattage began to flicker. His 1991 film, The Marrying Man proved to be an all-out flop (although it did provide him an introduction to co-star Kim Basinger, whom he would marry in 1993), and the critical success of his next two films, Prelude to a Kiss and Glengarry Glen Ross was overshadowed by a subsequent string of flops, including Malice (1993), The Getaway (1994), and The Juror (1996). The actor rebounded a bit with his role in Al Pacino's acclaimed documentary Looking for Richard (1996) but then had the unfortunate luck of starring in the 1998 Bruce Willis disaster Mercury Rising. However, the following year proved more fortuitous for Baldwin, as he starred in the coming-of-age comedy Outside Providence, as well as in the crime drama Thick As Thieves and the ethical drama The Confession, appearing alongside Amy Irving and Ben Kingsley. In addition, the actor made an uncredited appearance in Notting Hill, sending up his macho Hollywood persona as Julia Roberts' piggish actor boyfriend.Baldwin started off the 2000s by re-teaming with David Mamet on the Hollywood satire State and Main as a lecherous leading man with a weakness for underage girls. He provided narration for Wes Anderson's The Royal Tenenbaums, and was one of the few people to escape unscathed from Michael Bay's Pearl Harbor. Although he continued to make headlines because of his politics, as well as his ongoing legal scuffles with now ex-wife Kim Basinger, Baldwin continued to do strong work in the comedies Along Came Polly (2004) and Fun with Dick and Jane (2005), and scored his first-ever Academy Award nomination for Best Supporting Actor playing a menacing casino manager in 2003's The Cooler. He became a part of Martin Scorsese's stock company playing Juan Trippe in 2004's The Aviator, following it up as a federal agent in love with the Patriot Act in 2006's The Departed.Baldwin's longstanding association with the venerable sketch comedy show Saturday Night Live (he has hosted over ten times) paid great dividends when he was hired to play the part of the boss on former SNL head writer Tina Fey's fall 2006 sitcom 30 Rock. He earned universal raves for his work on the show, and would earn a Golden Globe nomination every single year of the show's run, winning the award

Photos

Highest Rated Movies

Filmography

Movies

Credit
100% Gordon Lightfoot: If You Could Read My Mind Actor 2020
No Score Yet Cats and Dogs 3 Actor 2020
87% What She Said: The Art of Pauline Kael Actor 2019
13% Arctic Dogs PB 2019
63% Motherless Brooklyn Actor 2019
83% Before You Know It Actor 2019
89% Framing John DeLorean John DeLorean 2019
No Score Yet Drunk Parents Frank Teagarten 2019
65% The Public Detective Bill Ramstead 2019
No Score Yet On Broadway Actor 2019
No Score Yet It Takes a Lunatic Actor 2019
No Score Yet A Star Is Born Encore Actor 2018
90% A Star Is Born Himself 2018
96% BlacKkKlansman Narrator Beauregard 2018
97% Mission: Impossible - Fallout Alan Hunley 2018
77% The King Actor 2018
No Score Yet American Experience: Into the Amazon Theodore Roosevelt 2018
No Score Yet Bitelchus Adam Maitland 2018
19% Blind Bill Oakland $12.2K 2017
47% Paris Can Wait (Bonjour Anne) Michael Lockwood $5.7M 2017
53% The Boss Baby Boss Baby $175M 2017
No Score Yet One Night Only: Alec Baldwin Actor 2017
No Score Yet Barbra: The Music...The Mem'ries...The Magic! Actor 2017
40% The Private Life of a Modern Woman Actor 2017
85% Harry Benson: Shoot First Actor $18.3K 2016
55% Rules Don't Apply Bob Maheu $3.7M 2016
0% Andron (Andròn - The Black Labyrinth) Actor 2016
No Score Yet Back In The Day Gino Fratelli 2016
No Score Yet Flatball: A History of Ultimate Actor 2016
60% Concussion Dr. Julian Bailes Dr Julian Bailes $23.3M 2015
93% Mission: Impossible Rogue Nation Alan Hunley $155M 2015
71% I Am Chris Farley Actor 2015
52% Live From New York! Actor 2015
20% Aloha General Dixon $15.7M 2015
85% Still Alice Dr. John Howland 2015
99% Elaine Stritch: Shoot Me Executive Producer Actor $0.4M 2014
No Score Yet Torrente 5 (Torrente V: Mision Eurovegas) Actor 2014
91% Blue Jasmine Hal 2013
84% Seduced And Abandoned Actor Producer 2013
74% Rise of the Guardians North, Aka Santa Claus $98.9M 2012
46% To Rome with Love John $16.6M 2012
42% Rock of Ages Dennis Dupree $38.6M 2012
5% Hick Beau 2012
No Score Yet AmeriQua Mr. Edwards 2012
No Score Yet Thomas & Friends: Engine Friends Actor 2012
No Score Yet Awesome Adventures: Thrills & Chills Vol. 3 Actor 2012
No Score Yet Thomas & Friends: Birthday Express Actor 2011
No Score Yet The Tragedy of Bataan Narrator 2011
13% Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore Actor $43.5M 2010
No Score Yet Dave Brubeck: In His Own Sweet Way Narrator 2010
No Score Yet Thomas & Friends: The Greatest Stories Actor 2010
No Score Yet The Last Play at Shea Actor 2010
No Score Yet Thomas & Friends: Creaky Cranky Actor 2010
58% It's Complicated Jake $112.8M 2009
No Score Yet Moonlight Serenade Actor 2009
14% My Best Friend's Girl Billy $19.2M 2008
63% Lymelife Producer Mickey Bartlett 2008
No Score Yet Role Model: Gene Wilder Actor 2008
No Score Yet A President to Remember Narrator 2008
No Score Yet Test Pilots - Flying High Actor 2008
No Score Yet Karl Rove, I Love You Actor 2008
No Score Yet Journey to the Edge of the Universe Narrator 2008
No Score Yet Thomas & Friends: Engines & Escapades Actor 2008
No Score Yet Karl Rove, I Love You Actor 2007
No Score Yet Shortcut to Happiness (The Devil and Daniel Webster) Jabez Stone Producer 2007
45% Brooklyn Rules Caesar Manganaro $0.3M 2007
50% Suburban Girl Archie Knox 2007
13% Running With Arnold Narrator 2007
No Score Yet Planet Carnivore: Sharks & Lions Actor 2007
No Score Yet Six Degrees Could Change the World Narrator 2007
55% The Good Shepherd Sam Murach $59.9M 2006
31% Running With Scissors Norman Burroughs $6.8M 2006
91% The Departed Ellerby $132.4M 2006
52% Mini's First Time Martin $22.3K 2006
No Score Yet South Pacific: In Concert From Carnegie Hall Actor 2005
28% Fun With Dick and Jane Jack McCallister $110.4M 2005
29% Elizabethtown Phil DeVoss $26.9M 2005
No Score Yet Saturday Night Live: The Best of Alec Baldwin Actor 2005
86% The Aviator Juan Trippe $102.6M 2004
68% The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie Dennis $85.4M 2004
62% The Last Shot Joe Devine $0.4M 2004
No Score Yet The Fairly OddParents: Channel Chasers Adult Timmy 2004
No Score Yet The Journey to Golda's Balcony Narrator 2004
83% Broadway: The Golden Age Actor 2004
26% Along Came Polly Stan Indursky $87.9M 2004
77% The Cooler Shelley Kaplow $8.2M 2003
9% Dr. Seuss' The Cat in the Hat Lawrence Quinn $100.5M 2003
No Score Yet Second Nature Executive Producer Paul Kane 2003
No Score Yet Control Factor Actor 2003
No Score Yet Thomas & Friends - Best of Gordon Actor 2003
100% Path to War Robert McNamara 2002
80% The Royal Tenenbaums Narrator $52.4M 2002
No Score Yet Thomas & Friends Storyteller 2002
45% Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within Capt. Gray Edwards 2001
54% Cats & Dogs Butch 2001
24% Pearl Harbor Doolittle $197.8M 2001
86% State and Main Executive Producer Bob $5.8M 2000
21% Thomas and the Magic Railroad Mr. Conductor $2.1M 2000
No Score Yet Nuremberg Executive Producer Robert Jackson 2000
No Score Yet Hollywood vs. The Paparazzi Actor 2000
No Score Yet Paul McCartney & Friends: The PETA Concert for Party Animals Actor 2000
No Score Yet Thomas and Friends - Make Someone Happy and Other Thomas Adventures Actor 2000
51% Outside Providence Old Man Dunphy 1999
83% Notting Hill Jeff King 1999
40% The Confession Roy Bleake Producer 1999
21% Mercury Rising Nicholas Kudrow 1998
No Score Yet Thick As Thieves Macklin 1998
No Score Yet Thomas & Friends Storyteller 1998
64% The Edge Robert Green 1997
43% Ghosts of Mississippi Bobby DeLaughter 1996
81% Looking for Richard Clarence 1996
16% Heaven's Prisoners Executive Producer Dave Robicheaux 1996
18% The Juror Teacher 1996
No Score Yet Pacino - An Actor's Vision Actor 1996
40% Two Bits Narrator 1995
No Score Yet A Streetcar Named Desire Stanley Kowalski 1995
No Score Yet Wild Bill Hollywood Maverick Narrator 1995
35% The Shadow Lamont Cranston/The Shadow 1994
33% The Getaway Doc McCoy 1994
59% Malice Jed 1993
95% Glengarry Glen Ross Blake 1992
63% Prelude to a Kiss Peter Hoskins 1992
10% The Marrying Man Charley Pearl 1991
75% Alice Ed 1990
81% Miami Blues Frederick J. "Junior" Frenger 1990
89% The Hunt for Red October Jack Ryan 1990
63% Great Balls of Fire Jimmy Swaggart 1989
83% Working Girl Mick Dugan 1988
82% Talk Radio Dan 1988
90% Married to the Mob Frank 'Gurke' DeMarco 1988
84% Beetlejuice Adam 1988
40% She's Having a Baby Davis McDonald 1988
No Score Yet Forever Lulu Buck 1987
No Score Yet Crazy Streets Actor 1987
No Score Yet The Alamo: Thirteen Days to Glory Col. William Travis 1987
No Score Yet Dress Gray Ry Slaight 1986
No Score Yet Love on the Run Sean Carpenter 1985
No Score Yet Sweet Revenge Major Alex Breen 1984
No Score Yet Crazy Streets Actor 1981
No Score Yet Thomas & Friends: Spills & Chills and Other Thomas Thrills Actor

TV

Credit
No Score Yet Will & Grace
2017
Malcolm 2020
2019
2018
2017
No Score Yet Match Game
2016
Executive Producer Host 2020
2019
2018
2017
2016
85% 30 Rock
2006-2013
Jack Donaghy 2020
2013
2012
2011
2010
2009
2008
2007
2006
No Score Yet The Ellen DeGeneres Show
2003
Guest 2020
2017
2006
2005
No Score Yet Independent Lens
1999
Appearing 2019
No Score Yet Inside the Actors Studio
1994
Host 2019
0% The Alec Baldwin Show
2018-2019
Executive Producer Host 2019
2018
No Score Yet The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
2014
Guest 2019
2018
2017
2015
No Score Yet American Experience
1988
Voice 2018
No Score Yet Late Night With Seth Meyers
2014
Guest 2018
No Score Yet Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
2012-2019
Appearing Guest 2018
2012
No Score Yet Nightcap
2016-2017
Himself 2017
No Score Yet The Dr. Oz Show
2009
Guest 2017
No Score Yet Jimmy Kimmel Live
2003
Guest 2017
2016
No Score Yet The Late Late Show With James Corden
2015-2019
Guest 2017
2016
No Score Yet The Late Show With Stephen Colbert
2015
Guest 2017
2016
No Score Yet Sunday Morning
2011-2018
Appearing Guest 2017
2014
No Score Yet Conan
2010
Guest 2017
2011
2010
No Score Yet Saturday Night Live
1975
Appearing Host Guest Performer 2017
2012
2011
2010
2009
2008
2007
2006
2005
2003
2002
2001
1998
1997
1996
1994
1993
1991
1990
No Score Yet American Masters
2001
Appearing 2016
29% Best Time Ever With Neil Patrick Harris
2015
Guest 2015
78% Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
1999
Guest Jimmy MacArthur 2014
No Score Yet CBS This Morning
2012
Guest 2013
No Score Yet Late Show With David Letterman
1993-2015
Guest 2013
No Score Yet The View
1997
Guest 2013
2011
No Score Yet Late Night With Jimmy Fallon
2009-2014
Guest 2013
2011
2009
45% The Academy Awards
1978
2010
No Score Yet The Marriage Ref
2010-2011
Panelist 2010
No Score Yet Live From Lincoln Center
2000
Host 2009
No Score Yet 60 Minutes
1999
Appearing 2009
2008
No Score Yet Real Time with Bill Maher
2003
Panelist 2009
2008
2006
2005
2003
No Score Yet The Apprentice
2004-2017
Appearing 2008
No Score Yet Deal or No Deal
2005-2009
Appearing 2007
No Score Yet Great Performances
2000
Luther Billis 2006
No Score Yet Will & Grace
1998
Malcolm 2005
85% The Simpsons
1989
Voice 2005
2002
1998
75% Nip/Tuck
2003-2009
Dr. Barrett Moore 2004
No Score Yet The Daily Show With Jon Stewart
1999-2015
Guest 2004
No Score Yet The Fairly OddParents
2001-2019
Voice 2004
No Score Yet Las Vegas
2003-2008
Jack Keller 2004
2003
67% Clerks
2000-2002
Voice 2002
2000
100% The Larry Sanders Show
1992-1998
1993
No Score Yet Knots Landing
1979-1993
Joshua Rush 1985
1984
1983
1980
No Score Yet Charlie Rose
2013-2017
Guest
67% The Movies
2019
No Score Yet Thomas & Friends
1984-2018
Storyteller

QUOTES FROM Alec Baldwin CHARACTERS

Harry Fertig says: You alright?

Roy Bleake says: What was it you told me? People think it's hard to do the right thing.

Harry Fertig says: It's not hard to do the right thing.

Roy Bleake says: It's hard to know what the right thing is - but once you know...

Harry Fertig says: Once you know... Once you know what is right, then it's hard not to do it.

Harry Fertig says: Once you know... once you know what is right, then it's hard not to do it.

Roy Bleake says: <whispers> I slept with your wife.

Roy Bleake says: I slept with your wife.

Harry Fertig says: I know. <pause, then whispers> She told me. A good man is not without sin. He admits - and expiates his sin.

Harry Fertig says: I know. She told me. A good man is not without sin. He admits - and expiates his sin.

Roy Bleake says: <speaking through the lump in his throat> I need you to do something for me.

Roy Bleake says: I need you to do something for me.

Roy Bleake says: <pause> It's the one thing I couldn't put behind me.

Alan Hunley says: Sir, Hunt is the living manifestation of destiny, and he's made you, his mission.

Alan Hunley says: Set your watch, Brandt. Ethan Hunt's living his last days as a free man.

Hal says: Suppose I put you in a venture that has low-risk, but very high-yield.

Blake says: Put that coffee down!! Coffee's for closers only.

Narrator says: The most important thing about life is that is just goes on.

North says: I hope the yetis treated you well.

Jack Frost says: Oh ya... I loved being thrown in a sack and tossed through a magic portal!

North says: Oh good! That was my idea!

Bobby DeLaughter says: (Addressing the jury in summation) Today, thirty years later, I'm askin' you twelve, ladies and gentlemen to act boldly; to hold this defendant accountable and find him guilty... simply because it is right, it is just, and Lord knows, it is time. Is it ever too late to do the right thing?

Bobby DeLaughter says: (about Medgar Evers' widow pursuing the murder case for decades) I think about her keepin' this thing alive all this time. Imagine a woman lovin' a man so much.

Charlie Crisco says: Hell, I can't even get a woman to love me while I'm still alive.

Agent Joe Devine says: No matter who they are people are basically afraid of the unknown.

Bobby DeLaughter says: We never get even for the wrong we've done.

Bobby DeLaughter says: I don't see what difference it makes if a man was bushwhacked yesterday, today or twenty seven damn years ago. Murder is murder. And it's still my job to bring the son of a bitch to justice. And it's still your job to help me.

Bobby DeLaughter says: Well, yours a nuclear powered lasergun. I'm talkin' about hanguns and rifles.

Bobby DeLaughter says: Grandpa Russell had guns all over his house and we don't have any guns.

Dennis says: Alright! Enough gag.

SpongeBob SquarePants says: What are you going to do to us?

Dennis says: Plankton was very specific.

SpongeBob SquarePants says: Plankton?

Dennis says: For some reason he wanted me to step on you.

Patrick Star says: Step on us?

Dennis says: Ya! So you'll never find out that he stole the crown! Uh, perhaps I said too much.

Patrick Star says: That's a big boot.

Dennis says: Don't worry this will only hurt a lot. (laughs) I love this job! (gets stepped on by bigger boot)

Dennis says: Don't worry this will only hurt a lot. I love this job!

Old Man Dunphy says: Making sex is like Chinese dinner--it ain't over til you both get your cookies.

Old Man Dunphy says: It isn't easy being Ozzie without a Harriet.

Timothy Dunphy says: Prep school? What's a prep school?

Old Man Dunphy says: It's to prepare you....for not getting your neck broke..by me.

Frederick J. "Junior" Frenger says: Everything's turning all orange and silver.

Frederick J. "Junior" Frenger says: My problem is that I can have everything and anything that I want, and I don't know what I want.

Jack Ryan says: Send him this.

Capt. Bart Mancuso says: Are you out of your mind?

Jack Ryan says: Just send it.

Capt. Bart Mancuso says: tell me one thing how did you know he was going to Starboard?

Jack Ryan says: I didn't. I had a 55/50 chance. I needed a break.sorry.

Jack Ryan says: I didn't. I had a 55/50 chance. I needed a break, sorry.

Capt. Bart Mancuso says: that's alright Mr. Ryan My Morse is so rusty I could be sending him dimensions on Playmate of the Month.

Capt. Bart Mancuso says: That's alright. Mr. Ryan My Morse is so rusty I could be sending him dimensions on Playmate of the Month.

Capt. Bart Mancuso says: Are you out of your mind Ryan?

Jack Ryan says: Just send it

Jack Ryan says: Just send it.

Capt. Bart Mancuso says: My Morse is so rusty I could be sending him dimensions on Playmate of the Month

Capt. Bart Mancuso says: My Morse is so rusty I could be sending him dimensions on Playmate of the Month.

North says: We are too busy bringing joy to children! We do not have time... For children.

North says: We are too busy bringing joy to children! We do not have time for children.

North aka Santa Claus says: You cannot say no, it is destiny.

Shelly Kaplow says: This is not a movie it's my FUCKING LIFE!

Shelly Kaplow says: This is not a movie. It's my FUCKING LIFE!

Jack Frost says: There's NO WAY I'm climbing into some rickety, old [sees upgraded sleigh]...sleigh? Okay, one ride, but that's it.

North says: Everyone loves the sleigh. Bunny, what are you waiting for?

Bunnymund says: I think my tunnels might be faster, mate. And, um, and safer.

North says: Agh! [grabs Bunny and throws him in the sleigh] Get in! Buckle up!

Bunnymund says: Whoa whoa whoa! Where are the bloody seatbelts?!

North says: Ha! That was just expression!

Mr. Conductor says: Sparkle sparkle sparkle!

Jack Frost says: Am I on the naughty list?

North says: Ha! You hold the record.

North says: We go by many names, and take many forms. We bring wonder and hope, we bring joy and dreams. We are the Sandman and the Tooth Fairy, we are the Easter Bunny and Santa. And our powers are greater than you ever imagine.

Jack Frost says: Why me?

North says: You have something special inside. I can feel it...in my belly.

North says: You have something special inside. I can feel it... in my belly.

North says: [To Sandman] Sandy? Wake up Sandy!

North says: [to Sandman] Sandy? Wake up Sandy!

North says: Everyone, to the sleigh! Buckle up!

Bunnymund says: Where are the bloody seat belts?

North says: [laughs] That was just expression!

North says: North: We have never faced a greater threat. And so, we will fight.

North says: We have never faced a greater threat. And so, we will fight.

North says: North: It is our job to protect the children of the world. For as long as they believe in us, we will guard them with our lives...

North says: It is our job to protect the children of the world. For as long as they believe in us, we will guard them with our lives...

Jack Frost says: Hey, am I on the naughty list?

North aka Santa Claus says: Naughty list? Ha! You hold the record.

Bunnymund says: Were are the bloody seatbelts?

North says: Ha, seatbelts? That was just a metaphor!

North says: I don't like it paint it red! [Yeti slams table]

North says: Music! [elves begin playing music]

Tooth says: No music!

North says: Everyone to the sleigh!

Tooth says: There's no way I'm climbing into some rickety old...[sees the upgraded sleigh] Okay, one ride, but that's it

Tooth says: There's no way I'm climbing into some rickety old. [sees the upgraded sleigh] Okay, one ride, but that's it.

Jack Frost says: Sure, I love getting tossed in a bag and then sent through a portal.

North says: Good, that was my idea!

Jack Frost says: "Slow down, would ya? I've been trying to bust in here for years. I want a good look."

Jack Frost says: Slow down, would ya? I've been trying to bust in here for years. I want a good look.

North says: "What do you mean bust in here?"

North says: What do you mean bust in here?

Jack Frost says: "Whoa don't worry, never got pass the yetis. Hello, Phil."

Jack Frost says: Whoa don't worry, never got pass the yetis. Hello, Phil.

North says: Santa: Everyone, to the sleigh! Buckle up! Bunnymund: Where are the bloody seat belts? Santa: Ha! That was just expression!

Stacee Jaxx says: I'm gonna burn this place to the ground.

Dennis Dupree says: Why?

Stacee Jaxx says: So the Fire Phoenix can be set free.

Dennis Dupree says: "..."

Dennis Dupree says: ...

Stacee Jaxx says: I'm just kidding... you can't trap a Fire Phoenix.

Jack McCallister says: Dick Harper...Dick Harper...Dick Harper playing the harp, Harpo Marx playing the Jews harp...D.H....D.H.! HAH, you're my designated hitter!

Davis McDonald says: 'Yeah, you’ll be happy, you just won’t know it, that’s all'

Davis McDonald says: Yeah, you'll be happy, you just won't know it, that's all.

Captain Ellerby says: Go fuck yourself.

Sergeant Dignam says: I'm tired from fucking your wife.

Captain Ellerby says: How is your mother?

Sergeant Dignam says: Good, she's tired from fucking my father.

Blake says: A-I-D-A. Attention, Interest, Decision, Action. Attention - Do I have you attention? Interest - Are you interested? I know you are, because it's fuck or walk. You close or you hit the bricks. Decision - Have you made your decision for Christ? And Action.

Jack Frost says: Am I in the naughty list?

North says: Naughty list? You hold most record.

John says: Oh God! Here comes the bullshit!

Captain Ellerby says: Go fuck yourself

Captain Ellerby says: Go fuck yourself.

Sergeant Dignam says: Well I would but I'm tired from fucking your wife

Sergeant Dignam says: Well I would but I'm tired from fucking your wife.

Captain Ellerby says: How's your mother?

Sergeant Dignam says: Good. She's tired from fucking my father

Sergeant Dignam says: Good. She's tired from fucking my father.

Lonnie says: Why is everybody quitting today?

Dennis Dupree says: Who cares? This is the greatest night of my life!

Jane says: Don't you ever eat at your house?

Jake says: Pedro dictates most meals and he has a very... limited palate.

John says: Well, if something seems too good to be true is because it's probably not.

North says: I hope the yetis treated you well.

Jack Frost says: Yeah, I love being shoved in a sack and tossed through a magic portal.

North says: Oh, good. That was my idea.

Blake says: F*$k you-- that's my name! You know why, mister? Because you drove a Hyundai to get here tonight, I drove an $80,000 BMW. That's my name.

Jack Frost says: Why me?

North says: You have something very special inside and we can't do it without you.

Jack Frost says: Am I on the Naughty List?

North says: Naughty List? You hold record.

Jack Frost says: Am I on the Naughty List?

North says: Naughty List? You hold record.

Blake says: Your name is "you're wanting", and you can't play the man's game, you can't close them, and then tell your wife your troubles.

Blake says: Your name is 'you're wanting', and you can't play the man's game, you can't close them, and then tell your wife your troubles.

Dennis Dupree says: Doesn't anybody just want to work in the bar industry any more?

Shiwan Khan says: In three days, the entire world will hear my roar, and willingly fall subject to the lost empire of Shan Kahn. That is a lovely tie, by the way. May I ask where you acquire it?

Lamont Cranston/The Shadow says: Brooks Brothers.

Shiwan Khan says: Is that mid-town?

Lamont Cranston/The Shadow says: 45th and Madison. You....are a barbarian.

Shiwan Khan says: Thank you! We both are.

Dennis Dupree says: Do we trust him?

Lonnie says: (Flips coin and nods approvingly)

Lonnie says: [flips coin and nods approvingly]

Chico says: The beer guy is here...

Dennis Dupree says: Well, tell him I'm busy...

Dennis Dupree says: Busy falling in love.

Chico says: Si...

Dennis Dupree says: Oh my god I just threw up.

Lonnie says: Where?

Dennis Dupree says: In my pants.

Mr. Conductor says: (to James) I think that red is bright and cheerful, just like my sparkle. Or at least it was; and must be again.

Mr. Conductor says: [to James] I think that red is bright and cheerful, just like my sparkle. Or at least it was; and must be again.

Mr. Conductor says: (as the narrator) I like helping out here. By the invitation of Sir Toppam Hatt, of course.

Mr. Conductor says: [as the narrator] I like helping out here. By the invitation of Sir Toppam Hatt, of course.

Mr. Conductor says: (as the narrator) Every story, like a railroad, has it's heroes. Meet Thomas. He's our number one hero. (Thomas says hello) But he's running a little late today.

Mr. Conductor says: [as the narrator] Every story, like a railroad, has it's heroes. Meet Thomas. He's our number one hero. [Thomas says hello] But he's running a little late today.

Mr. Conductor says: (as the narrator) Hello, I'm Mr. Conductor. And I'm going to tell you a story about trains, folks far apart, and the magic railroad that brought them together.

Mr. Conductor says: [as the narrator] Hello, I'm Mr. Conductor. And I'm going to tell you a story about trains, folks far apart, and the magic railroad that brought them together.

Mr. Conductor says: (as the narrator) Diesel was in a dump, but the steam engines were still right on track.

Butch says: Son of my mom!

Mr. Conductor says: (looks at a goldfish) I'm sorry, what did you say? Oh, well thank you, Moby Dick, I like my sparckle, too. You know, gold really is your color.

Mr. Conductor says: [looks at a goldfish] I'm sorry, what did you say? Oh, well thank you, Moby Dick, I like my sparckle, too. You know, gold really is your color.

Mr. Conductor says: I must be responsible, reliable, and... oh, don't tell me... really useful. I knew that!

Mr. Conductor says: Toolkit, check. Ticket puncher, check check. Aye, aye aye aye aye, all aboard! Just testing, Billy. Mustn't let my conducting skills get rusty.

Mr. Conductor says: (as the narrator) I didn't know that in Muffle Mountain, there was a secret that Burnett had shared only with his childhood friend, Tasha.

Mr. Conductor says: [as the narrator] I didn't know that in Muffle Mountain, there was a secret that Burnett had shared only with his childhood friend, Tasha.

Mr. Conductor says: I've run out of gold dust and because of that I'm losing my energy as well.

Mr. Conductor says: Now that's what I call a perfect landing.

Mr. Conductor says: My universe is starting to crumble!

Billy Two Feathers says: Important day, Mr. C?

Mr. Conductor says: It is a very important day!

Mr. Conductor says: (looks at a ball and a red baseball bat) I'd like to have a nice cup of hot coco. Would you fellas care to join me? No? What would you rather do instead? Go outside and play? Well, I can understand that. What do you think? (hits ball with bat) Why do you keep hitting him like that? You're gonna have to have a time out.

Mr. Conductor says: [looks at a ball and a red baseball bat] I'd like to have a nice cup of hot coco. Would you fellas care to join me? No? What would you rather do instead? Go outside and play? Well, I can understand that. What do you think? [hits ball with bat] Why do you keep hitting him like that? You're gonna have to have a time out.

Mr. Conductor says: Aah!

Junior says: What's the matter?

Mr. Conductor says: Lady! That engine's name is Lady! She's part of the clue to the source of the gold dust! Aah!

Jane says: Why are you naked?!

Jake says: Why do you think?!

Stan Indursky says: Good things

Stan Indursky says: Good things.

Mr. Conductor says: Did you put all this here for me? Why, you must have known I was coming. How thoughtful of you!

Charles Morse says: So what do you value me for, Bob?

Robert Green says: I like your style, your wife's pretty cute too.

Charles Morse says: So how are you planning to kill me?

Lamont Cranston/The Shadow says: "Next time you get to be on top."

Lamont Cranston/The Shadow says: Next time you get to be on top.

Frederick J. "Junior" Frenger says: This world is a shithole.

Blake says: I'd wish you good luck but you wouldn't know what to do with it if you got it.

Mr. Tinkles says: MICE!

Butch says: [Watching from a distance with Lou and Ivy] Son of my mom!

Adam Maitland says: What are your qualifications?

Betelgeuse says: Ah. Well... I attended Juilliard... I'm a graduate of the Harvard business school. I travel quite extensively. I lived through the Black Plague and had a pretty good time during that. I've seen the EXORCIST ABOUT A HUNDRED AND SIXTY-SEVEN TIMES, AND IT KEEPS GETTING FUNNIER EVERY SINGLE TIME I SEE IT... NOT TO MENTION THE FACT THAT YOU'RE TALKING TO A DEAD GUY... NOW WHAT DO YOU THINK?!?!?!?!? You think I'm qualified?

Betelgeuse says: Ah. Well... I attended Juilliard... I'm a graduate of the Harvard business school. I travel quite extensively. I lived through the Black Plague and had a pretty good time during that. I've seen the EXORCIST ABOUT A HUNDRED AND SIXTY-SEVEN TIMES, AND IT KEEPS GETTING FUNNIER EVERY SINGLE TIME I SEE IT... NOT TO MENTION THE FACT THAT YOU'RE TALKING TO A DEAD GUY... NOW WHAT DO YOU THINK? You think I'm qualified?

Gray Edwards says: [the group in a holding cell] Come on, Neil! Think! You're our guy. Get us out of here!

Neil Fleming says: Captain, the walls are TITANIUM ALLOY and the bars are PULSONIC LASERS! It's not like I can wave a magic wand and-- [the lazers phase out by themselves]

Gray Edwards says: Neil, I'm impressed.

Neil Fleming says: That makes two of us!

Gray Edwards says: You've been trying to tell me that death isn't the end. Don't back out on me now that I believe.

Adam Maitland says: Barb honey... we're dead. I don't think we have to worry about anymore.

Adam Maitland says: Barb, honey... we're dead. I don't think we have very much to worry about anymore.

Blake says: ABC. "A", always. "B", be. "C", closing. ALWAYS BE CLOSING. Always be closing.

Blake says: ABC. 'A', always. 'B', be. 'C', closing. ALWAYS BE CLOSING. Always be closing.

Mickey Bartlett says: So...do you have syphilis?

Mickey Bartlett says: So... do you have syphilis?

Mick Dugan says: Tess, would u marry me?

Mick Dugan says: Tess, will you marry me?

Tess McGill says: Maybe!

Tess McGill says: Maybe.

Mick Dugan says: That's an answer?

Mick Dugan says: Ya call that an answer?

Tess McGill says: You want another answer, ask another girl

Tess McGill says: You want another answer, ask another girl.

Colin Sullivan says: Hey.

Captain Ellerby says: Iâ??m sorry, to keep you until last minute but things leaked, this lead came from Queenanâ??s undercover guy, Iâ??m going for a smoke right now, do you want a smoke? You donâ??t smoke do ya? What are you one of those fitness freaks, huh? Go fuck yourself.

Captain Ellerby says: I'm sorry, to keep you until last minute but things leaked, this lead came from Queenan's undercover guy, I'm going for a smoke right now, do you want a smoke? You don't smoke do ya? What are you one of those fitness freaks, huh? Go fuck yourself.

Professor Turner says: she is the best thing in my life,,but i never asked her whether i am the best thing in her life or not

Professor Turner says: She is the best thing in my life. But i never asked her whether I am the best thing in her life.

Professor Turner says: She is the best thing in my life. But I never asked her whether I am the best thing in her life.

Capt. Marko Ramius says: "... and the sea will grant each man new hope, as sleep brings dreams of home." Christopher Columbus.

Capt. Marko Ramius says: [quoting Christopher Columbus] 'And the sea will grant each man new hope, as sleep brings dreams of home.'

Jack Ryan says: Welcome to the New World, Captain

Jack Ryan says: Welcome to the New World, Captain.

Bob Barrenger says: Only second chance I know, is the chance to make the same mistake twice

Bob Barrenger says: Only second chance I know, is the chance to make the same mistake twice.