10,000 B.C. Reviews
Just what Director Roland Emmerich was thinking I'm not entirely sure but to be quite honest I don't think he was thinking at all when he shot this. Ok this IS Hollywood so factual films are hardly the norm but I'm willing to forgive if the films give you that little something to grab-a-hold of. Sadly, it is not the slick epic storytelling style of "300", where you know everything is wildly inaccurate but you donâ??t care because the action is so god dam good and the concept design kicks arse!
From the outset when we get the flat "epic voiceover" (narrated by the, poorly used, but great Omar Sharif) telling us that this is the "story of blue eyes" and some other mystical nonsense, it's apparent that "10,000 BC" is trying a great deal too hard to be a family friendly version of Mel Gibson's considerably superior "Apocalypto".
In "10,000 BC", you've got Egyptian pyramids being built with the help of woolly mammoths to pull the building's stones. I believe it's supposed to be the Ice Age, and then protagonist walks over a hill and suddenly he's in the Nile Valley of 2,000 BC? Why not just call the movie "2,000 BC" and make it about ancient Egypt? I half expected to see the team of SG1 come running up a dune in search of the Stargate, in fact that WOULD have made this movie better!
Our hero lives in some undefined Ice Age region hunting mammoths possibly in Europe but just a few days walk from Egypt with its huge historically inaccurate city. Correct me if I'm wrong but 10,000 BC was right around the time agriculture was being invented? And I do believe the first cities â?? with no giant monuments â?? didn't exist until roughly 4,000 BC?
A workmen like mini-epic let down by a confusing narrative and Tv movie of the week special effects and a bunch of actors from an amateur dramatics club. Nowhere near the dizzy heights of "The Day After Tomorrow" or "Independence Day".
If the creator's had just took the story by the balls, beat seven bell of shit out it and injected some harsh brutality and violence akin to it's setting we could have got a fierce coming-of-age epic. Instead we get a child friendly Tv Movie of the week adventure with delusions of grandeur.
This is by no means a good movie, but if you come in with absolutely no expectation, suspend your logic, and just pretend the whole story took place 10,000 b.c, in a galaxy far far away, you might be slightly entertained like i did.
It makes no literal sense! First it starts with a moron of a caveman hunting mammoths and running from inaccurate size smilodons then it shows the Egyptians building pyramids with Mammoths. This movie should be renamed to the adventures of the Inaccurate caveman.
my positive review of the film "Quest for Fire" has led me here, just to this worst of all Emmerich crappy films.
My time is too precious to more than just briefly refer to the film-defects that make me downright angry. Angry because a truely great film like "Quest for Fire" is less well known and less profitable than Swabian-Spielbergs "kunterbunte mammoth sause". (untranslateable)
The shortcomings are mentionened sufficiently in the 1-stars. Nevertheless, the most important aspect:
Emmerich charcters are generally so stereotyped, one-dimensional, bloodless and fake, that they do not actually touch me at all. So as much as 0.0. They only serve as extras, as a human dummy for CGI bombastic overkill effects. As a spectator one should at least care for certain characters, hope for them or fear. Emmerich has the "talent" that I do not care about all his characters.
Whether someone dies or not, I simply don't care at all. And I had this feeling even stronger than in other films here of R.E.
Because due to the setting in 10,000 bc, it is even more obvious, that the assembled troop of pop-batches here act in sheer mummery like a bunch of carnival astray - hilarious.
Nothing seems authentic, just fake in every way.
Sorry, but a director who refuses to take his characters seriously or cannot even make them lovable, "wastes" all his technical FX.
Rating = Aaaarrrgggggggggghhhh 15%