10,000 B.C. Reviews
The Story: Eh, whatever.
The Script: Eh, whatever.
The cavemen with dreadlocks and proper English exotic accents: Eh, whatever.
Mammoths helping to build the Pyramids when we all know it was aliens: Eh, whatever.
The CGI: Okay, no. Memo to movie studios: when a drunk person thinks, 'This is pretty bad', you've got a problem.
1. Stone age, with dodo's, mammoths, and sabertooths??
2. Iron spears and handcuffs.
Acting is bad and the characters are 2 dimensions, breaking any sence of immersion.
If Roland Emmerich was going for a prehistoric epic masterpiece, he failed.
If he was going for a fun action packed movie, he failed.
But if he was going for a movie that could be enjoyable by kids without much thought, he succeeded.
10.000 B.C is a pile of wasted potential.
Just what Director Roland Emmerich was thinking I'm not entirely sure but to be quite honest I don't think he was thinking at all when he shot this. Ok this IS Hollywood so factual films are hardly the norm but I'm willing to forgive if the films give you that little something to grab-a-hold of. Sadly, it is not the slick epic storytelling style of "300", where you know everything is wildly inaccurate but you donâ??t care because the action is so god dam good and the concept design kicks arse!
From the outset when we get the flat "epic voiceover" (narrated by the, poorly used, but great Omar Sharif) telling us that this is the "story of blue eyes" and some other mystical nonsense, it's apparent that "10,000 BC" is trying a great deal too hard to be a family friendly version of Mel Gibson's considerably superior "Apocalypto".
In "10,000 BC", you've got Egyptian pyramids being built with the help of woolly mammoths to pull the building's stones. I believe it's supposed to be the Ice Age, and then protagonist walks over a hill and suddenly he's in the Nile Valley of 2,000 BC? Why not just call the movie "2,000 BC" and make it about ancient Egypt? I half expected to see the team of SG1 come running up a dune in search of the Stargate, in fact that WOULD have made this movie better!
Our hero lives in some undefined Ice Age region hunting mammoths possibly in Europe but just a few days walk from Egypt with its huge historically inaccurate city. Correct me if I'm wrong but 10,000 BC was right around the time agriculture was being invented? And I do believe the first cities â?? with no giant monuments â?? didn't exist until roughly 4,000 BC?
A workmen like mini-epic let down by a confusing narrative and Tv movie of the week special effects and a bunch of actors from an amateur dramatics club. Nowhere near the dizzy heights of "The Day After Tomorrow" or "Independence Day".
If the creator's had just took the story by the balls, beat seven bell of shit out it and injected some harsh brutality and violence akin to it's setting we could have got a fierce coming-of-age epic. Instead we get a child friendly Tv Movie of the week adventure with delusions of grandeur.