Machete Kills - Movie Reviews - Rotten Tomatoes

Machete Kills Reviews

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½ November 21, 2017
Didn't hate it but no way I could recommend it
½ October 24, 2017
The main problem with the movie is plot, it kept changing over and over and the theme went with it, from action to sci fi. As I watched it, I kept on going "will it end already". Secondly I never laughed ounce at any joke, references or hidden joke, none ever hit the mark, made any sense or were clever at all. It is by fair Robert Rodriguez's worst film in my opinion.
August 27, 2017
Do not expect this to make sense or be serious. In fact be offended because that is part of the project. $8
August 18, 2017
GREG: (Greg Smith, Founder of Agile Writers of Richmond, VA) Well I can t say I was surprised that a movie called Machete Kills had a high body count.

SCOTT: (Dr. Scott Allison, Professor of Psychology, University of Richmond) And those bodies lost a lot of blood, too. Let s recap.

GREG: We re introduced to Machete Cortez (Danny Trejo), an Immigration and Customs Agent (ICE) who intercepts a military weapons shipment to the Mexican cartels. His agent friend Sartana (Jessica Alba) is killed in action and Machete blames himself. The local Texas sheriff comes upon the scene and accuses Machete, takes him back to the jail and hangs him. But Machete doesn t die. While hanging from the rafters, the red phone rings and it s the President of the United States (Charlie Sheen as Carlos Estevez) and he wants Machete for a secret mission.

SCOTT: President Rathcock (yes, you read that correctly) sends Machete to Mexico to kill a man named Mendez (Demian Bichir) who is threatening to destroy Washington DC with a missile attack. Machete has no problem finding Mendez but he discovers that Mendez has the missile launch trigger surgically attached to his heart. When his heart stops beating, the missile goes off. Machete has no choice but to bring Mendez alive back to the United States in hopes of finding the one surgeon who can dismantle the trigger device.

GREG: If this all sounds preposterous and a bit unfocused, it s because it is. Machete Kills is among the most outrageous films of the year. Director Richard Rodriguez has fashioned this movie as a 1970s exploitation film with a sort of Mexican James Bond as the lead character. It is replete with bizarre evil characters for Machete to fight as well as quirky allies. It is hard to know if the film is a parody of the Bond series or a serious attempt to create a true Mexican hero. If it s a parody, it should be funnier. If it s an attempt to make a new hero, you d think it would be rated PG-13 to appeal to a younger audience. As it is, Machete Kills falls into a gray void that is inexplicable.

SCOTT: Totally agree, Greg. As we were reviewing the details of the opening act of this movie, it almost sounded like Machete Kills is a normal, promising action-adventure movie. Unfortunately, it s anything but that. This is a movie that knows it is outrageous and unrealistic but doesn t know what to do with all the absurdity. Like you said, it s not funny enough to be a spoof of a genre but it s certainly not serious enough to be a legitimate thriller, either. We re left in limbo. I wish the movie had tried to be a genuine adventure film -- certainly the tools and resources are all in place. Danny Trejo is certainly up to the task, as are the other cast members with the notable exception of Carlos Estevez, whose silly presence is a reminder that we re watching a movie that doesn t matter because, well, it really isn t even trying to matter.

GREG: The main villain in Machete Kills is a woman (Sof a Vergara as Desdemona) who is a self-proclaimed man eater. And that s not figurative - she actually eats her male victims. She s a man hater who runs a brothel. When she goes hunting for our hero, she dons a brazier that acts as a double-barrelled gatling gun. When she wants to blow up a vehicle, she straps on a strap on that shoots rockets. Physics aside, it is hard to take such a villain seriously. And while we re on the subject of physics, the ways that Machete kills his victims range from absurd to just ridiculous. At one point, Machete reaches into a man s stomach and pulls his innards out. If you think that is disgusting, he then throws the intestines into a helicopter s rotating blades and the man is vertically disemboweled and sliced in the rotors. This is a film that spares no expense at being outright stupid - and yet still seems to take itself seriously.

SCOTT: Indeed, Machete Kills appears to have been made with the intent to enter the Guinness Book of World Records for most gruesome deaths by spinning blades. Many, many people are sliced and pureed to death, with the usual excessive blood splatter. Great efforts were made to show human dicing, even when unnecessary, as when a motorboat comes ashore at full speed and somehow spins around so that the blades of the motor tear apart the flesh of several movie extras. You may recall, Greg, that it was about this time that I was munching on my pepperoni pizza in the theater. Greg, this was a movie that lost me about 30 minutes into the mayhem. There simply was no point because I knew I was watching a Saturday morning cartoon where anything can happen, and will happen, even when there s no point to it happening. I realize that there is an audience for this type of film, but I can t imagine that this audience is an aficionado of good movies with good stories.

GREG: This is a horrid, horrid movie. Rarely have we seen such purposeful drek. I think Machete Kills will find a cult following. The really odd thing to me is that it got made at all. The prequel Machete should have been enough. But now the next film Machete Kills Again, in Space is coming out. (By the way, there were several overt references to Star Wars and one wink at Star Trek the Next Generation that made no sense). We don t need any of these films. For a bad idea well executed I give Machete Kills 1 Reel out of 5. Machete himself comes off as a good hero, even if he is a lampoon of Bond. I give him 2 out of 5 Heroes. Movie: Heroes:

SCOTT: Greg, I agree that Machete Kills was a bad idea, but it s a stretch to say that it s well executed. My attention and interest were executed, that s for sure. You will not find me in the theater to watch the sequels in space, the purpose of which I m sure is to show in full glory the splattering of blood in a zero-gravity environment. Like you, I ll very generously give this movie 1 bloody Reel out of 5, but just 1 splattered Hero out of 5. Movie: Heroes:
June 18, 2017
Cheesy but so entertaining. Three stars
½ April 25, 2017
2.5 Stars

Haven't seen the first movie but will do after this, they said its no where near the first one but I kinda like it.
½ April 21, 2017
Danny Trejo is back as the tough as nails Machete in this sequel to the first movie of the same name. This is even more hilariously campy and over the top than the first movie. Charlie Sheen plays the president of the USA and he is billed as Carlos Estevez. He calls on Machete to go on a special mission to go after an insane and violent Mexican crime boss who wants to launch a missile to destroy Washington DC. It turns out that the crime boss is being manipulated by a character akin to a Bond villain played excellently by Mel Gibson. Director Robert Rodriguez does an excellent job of giving the movie the feel of a 1970s exploitation film.
April 6, 2017
One of the funniest movies I've seen in years.
March 22, 2017
March 13th 2015
March 22nd 2017
March 9, 2017
What did you expect? Well you'll get exactly that. I enjoyed it well enough.
January 22, 2017
Insane, ridiculous, unconscionably stupid, and completely self-aware. As a whole, Machete Kills feels less inspired than its predecessor; a few jokes don't work or are played out for too long. But when Rodriguez hits his stride, it's a rollercoaster of hilarity. There are plenty of laugh-out-loud gags in here, upping the lunacy level of the first Machete times 100. You simply can't question this movie. It's great schlock.
December 30, 2016
In this day and age of movies trying to be realistic, it's just good to see a fun movie that does the opposite. Sure it's unrealistic, but like I said about the 1st one it's very entertaining. Watching this movie made me realize that these are parody films. The 1st parodies politically driven Action Movies. This parodies Comic Book/SciFi movies. The action, like the previous film, is top notch, the story can get convoluted at times, but it's not hard to understand. I like it and I can't wait for the Star Wars parody, Machete Kills Again; In Space.
½ December 10, 2016
I was saddened to see how poor this sequel was. I couldn't even finish it. So boring and not even funny. Too bad, the first was awesome!
November 23, 2016
Silly, kitsch, over the top and politically accurate (it has the wall between Mexico and USA)..Other than that, it's Machete with an all-star ensemble cast. Watch it with a few beers and have a few laughs.
½ November 11, 2016
Rodriguez has a habit of running things into the ground, Spy Kids, his Mexico Trilogy and now machete. The script is painfully unfunny and the lampoon of grindhouse camp is far too silly and far less satisfying the second time around.
November 5, 2016
I effing loved this movie. Just can't quite top the first but definitely outrageous fun.
October 23, 2016
Over the top craziness in the same mound as Tarantino but nowhere near as polished. Sequel to the first movie with the same gore and action and about the same enjoyment factor
½ September 8, 2016
Just Like The First one. A popcorn action movie.
September 7, 2016
I enjoyed the first Machete. I found it to be fun, sexy, badass, a cool throwback to grindhouse movies, and from the first fake 2007 trailer I thought this movie worked well. This not so much. I think Robert Rodriguez needs to move on from Grindhouse like Cinema. I never thought I would say this, but Sofia Vergara made this movie entertaining ( good job Sofia). I would just stick to the first one.
Super Reviewer
July 30, 2016
Even though it's not as good as the first i'm still giving it the same star rating, After reading some poor reviews I didn't expect it to be as good and it was, I still really enjoyed it, It's funny, Gory and full of action just what every growing boy needs, With a very star studded cast they all are under used but do well in their screen time although it's nothing really new from the first Machete, Turn your brain off, Ignore plot holes and smile at a film made for entertaining and doesn't take itself serious for one bit and you will like it just as much.
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