Zandalee Reviews

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Super Reviewer
June 20, 2015
A terribly shallow film featuring everything a B movie needs.
½ April 16, 2012
Horribly 80's, with the acting to match. Remnants of "Wild at Heart" and "Wild Orchid" dance in my head like a freaky zombie bash.
February 8, 2012
What in the hell. Only giving this 2 stars because Nic Cage is as insane as always in this. Other than that, I'm not really sure what this was supposed to be. It was pretty bizarre.
May 23, 2011
A boring movie about a woman named Zandalee-what kind of fucking name is that? who has an affair with her husband's friend. Terrible acting and no type of plot. Maybe there is one hot sex scene but that's about it.
Super Reviewer
June 20, 2015
A terribly shallow film featuring everything a B movie needs.
½ January 13, 2015
Les décors de Zandalee sont plutôt soignés, la musique du groupe Pray for Rain est franchement remarquable et les acteurs sont très bons. Une fois tout ceci dit, il est dur de trouver une autre qualité à Zandalee, qui se trouve être un thriiller érotique particulièrement ennuyeux, aux rebondissements complètement idiots et finalement très proche d'une version R-Rated des Feux de l'Amour. On passe d'appartement en appartement avec un sens du rythme inexistant, avec des dialogues atterrants. Cependant, voir Nicolas Cage et Judge Reinhold danser sans musique et Cage (toujours lui) se couvrir de peinture noire sans raison est toujours hilarant. Ce n'était malheureusement probablement pas le but recherché.
February 19, 2013
right so, there's three films in Cage's career (so far anyways) that are both comedy genius on his part and failings of the movie on every other part. Deadfall is the first of these movies- Cage is glorious and everything else is bad. Vampire's Kiss is the second- Cage is glorious and everything else isn't there yet. Zandalee is the final of these (not in chronological order by the way)- Cage is glorious but everything else is sickeningly bad.

I've reviewed this as a comedy and I think I can get away with that because it's so laughably bad that it must be intentional. It almost certainly isn't intentional thus making this a miserable failure as a film but I'm being very kind here and giving it the benefit of some extreme doubt by saying it's a comedic satire of the erotic thriller genre. It's Carry On Adultery with Nicolas Cage.

It's all unbearably funny- everything Cage does and says and thinks of doing or saying in this is beyond belief- one example- "People die and people die , everybody dies... leave him. ". That's the most intricate piece of dialogue in this and it's terrible.

This is a film where an insane Nicolas Cage is gifted with a superpower of being able to sexually control an attractive young women without ever doing anything other than be unintentionally hilarious. Cage was clearly making himself funny here though and rightly so- what else can you do with something this bad!?

In one scene Zandalee is jogging and Cage suddenly appears from the corner and drags her into the side of some buildings before then awkwardly touching her groin area. This is somehow enough for her to, instead of pull out some pepper sky and scream for help, decide he is God's gift to women.

"Let's f*** in the altar of the primal" Cage says at one point in reference to a church where he drags her unwillingly into a confession booth and has sex at her- not with her, just at her, until, somehow, yet again, she finds it irresistible.

"take my coonass p***k inside of you with your husband in the next room"

Everyline is this ridiculous, it's beyond belief and the funniest thing you will ever see. I'd give it 100% and call it one of the greatest comedies of all time if it wasn't for the sad reality that this movie is trying to be taken seriously. I refuse to call it bad though because the comedy deserves better and so this one is accidentally fresh but still fresh I assure you- if you want to see an erotic thriller so unerotic and un-thrilling that you'll laugh until you cry (and you should!) then this is for you.
½ December 13, 2012
Zandalee was an incredibly mixed bag. It was a film that went completely under the radar and it isn't particularly hard to see why. I was waiting for it's plot to kick in but after thirty minutes of an hour and half film, I knew what I was going to get from the rest of it. The story- what story? It was a muddled love affair with no one to cheer on, all the characters, while being portrayed well (except the titular character of Zandalee), had nothing to grip to or any feel sympathy for. Each one had their quirks. Erika Anderson had little to no charisma and whenever she did smile it looked like a completely different person. Lots of sex is had in this and it went from mildly annoying to infuriating. It seems like no one wears clothes.

The cinematography was poor and seemed very cheap, however, toward the end of the film it did provide some very good looking set pieces. Speaking of the end, it picked up and some real drama was at hand, some things didn't make sense but that's par for the course with this. The ending was thought provoking, if a little sudden.

If the film had some tighter direction, little plot advances and had better casting of the titular character, it could have been a real classic.
August 25, 2011
This is the first of many Nick Cage (or is it Nic Cage?) movie reviews. I'm trying to make a bit of a formula so we have a good standard. I think it'll go something like this:

Opening Rant: We start off with an early-90s gem that looks made for TV, but has far too much nudity to play on the Super Station. Director Sam Pilsbury appears to be banished to TV movies after this, although he did direct the critically acclaimed Free Willy III. For whatever reason Zandalee only played in Hong Kong and Italy, which would explain the Chinese menus on the DVD from Netflix.

The Plot: Zandalee is married to a former-poet-now-exec who has no attraction to her whatsoever. Enter Nick Cage, long haired, cocaine addicted painter who sweeps Zandalee off her feet... in the other room... while her husband is entertaining guests. She falls for him, he falls for her, husband is unhappy, everybody's dead by the end except Nick Cage, who is very very sad.

Favorite Nick Cage Line: "I wanna shake you naked and eat you alive."

Favorite Nick Cage Moment: Nick Cage is very upset, strips down to booty shorts, and rubs paint all over his body while screaming. Alternate: Nick Cage shoveling a mountain of cocaine into his lover's vagina as though the cops are at the door and he's gotta hide the stuff.

My Impression: Frankly, it was embarrassing to watch. Everybody was trying so hard to act, and obviously had no idea what they were doing. The filming was awkward, the bar scenes were quiet enough to hear a pin drop, and the ADR and sound mixing were typical TV terrible.

That wasn't so bad, was it? Far easier to read than Zandalee was to watch.
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