It's Roger's 1600th birthday, but the Smiths are too freaked out by Steve's impending puberty to celebrate. So Roger decides to make his own birthday fun.

Roger plays detective to track down a case of what he suspects is identity theft. Meanwhile, the Smith family gets sucked into a mean game of Simon Says.

Bullock makes Stan his No. 1 at the CIA, a promotion that makes the furious Francine the No. 1 babysitter for Bullock's baby son. Bullock needs someone to watch the kid because his wife's been kidnapped by Iraqi insurgents.

Stan learns that Francine was engaged to another man before she met him, and tracks the guy down to size him up. Then he wants Francine to choose between them. Meanwhile, Steve can't stay away from a schizophrenic cat that literally has nine lives.

Steve plots revenge after girlfriend Debbie (voice of Lizzy Caplan) loses a very dirty election for class president. But it backfires badly.

Hayley goes on a rampage after her boyfriend breaks up with her, but she calms down when she begins dating Stan's CIA body double, Bill. Stan heartily approves of the match, but the sight of Bill makes Francine queasy. As for Bill, he thinks Francine is hot. Meanwhile, Steve and Roger get jobs separating male and female chicks at a Chinatown hatchery, but Stan revolts when he learns what happens to the chicks after he's finished sexing them.

Stan emcees a CIA telethon to raise funds for the agency's torture budget after Congress slashed it. But Roger is out to sabotage it because Stan stole the idea for it from him. Lisa Edelstein has a voice cameo as a magician's assistant.

When Steve suffers indignities in school because of the back brace he must wear for his scoliosis, Stan confides in him that he wears a wig to cover his baldness. Meanwhile, Roger invites both Francine and Hayley to a posh spa even though he has only two passes, so he sneaks in Hayley in a suitcase, raising the suspicions of the house detective (voice of Forest Whitaker). Other guest voices include Jon Cryer and Niecy Nash.

Stan is ecstatic---and energetic---when a coworker (voice of David Koechner) gives him pills that allow him to stay up all night. He's also surprised when he discovers that instead of spending the time on hobbies, he'd rather spend it with Francine.