Steve Martin

Highest Rated: 100% Steve Martin and Martin Short: An Evening You Will Forget for the Rest of Your Life (2018)

Lowest Rated: 6% Cheaper by the Dozen 2 (2005)

Birthday: Aug 14, 1945

Birthplace: Waco, Texas, USA

Working as a Disneyland concessionaire in his teens, comedian Steve Martin's first experiences in entertainment were of the party performer variety -- he picked up skills in juggling, tap-dancing, sleight of hand, and balloon sculpting, among other things. He later attended U.C.L.A., where he majored in philosophy and theater before moving on to staff-writer stints for such TV performers as Glen Campbell, the Smothers Brothers, Dick Van Dyke, John Denver, and Sonny & Cher. Occasionally allowed to perform as well as write, Martin didn't go into standup comedy full-time until the late '60s, when he moved to Canada and appeared as a semi-regular on the syndicated TV variety series Half the George Kirby Comedy Hour. As the opening act for rock stars in the early '70s, Martin emulated the fashion of the era with a full beard, shaggy hair, colorful costumes, and drug jokes. Comedians of such ilk were common in this market, however, so Martin carefully developed a brand-new persona: the well-groomed, immaculately dressed young man who goes against his appearance by behaving like a lunatic. By 1975, he was the "Comic of the Hour," convulsing audiences with his feigned enthusiasm over the weakest of jokes and the most obvious of comedy props. His entire act a devastating parody of second-rate comedians who rely on preconditioning to get laughs, Martin became internationally famous for such catch phrases as "Excu-u-use me!," "Happy feet!," and "I am...one wild and crazy guy!" It was fun for a while to hear audiences shout them out even before he'd uttered them, but it wasn't long before Martin was tired of live standup and anxious to get into films. Though Martin had roles in Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (1977) and The Muppet Movie, Martin's true screen bow was The Jerk (1979), in which, with the seriousness of Olivier, he portrayed a bumbling, self-described poor black child-turned accidental millionaire. Had he been a lesser performer, Martin could have played variations on The Jerk for the remainder of his life, but he preferred to seek out new challenges. It took nerve to go against the sensibilities of his fans with an on-edge portrayal of a habitual loser in Pennies From Heaven (1981), but Martin was successful, even if the film wasn't. And few other actors could convincingly pull off a project like Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid (1983), wherein, and with utter conviction, he acted opposite film clips of dead movie stars. After a first-rate turn in All of Me (1984), in which he played a man whose body is inhabited by the soul of a woman, Martin's film work began to fluctuate in quality, only to emerge on top again with Roxanne (1987), a potentially silly but ultimately compelling update of Cyrano de Bergerac. Though he participated in a fair amount of misses in the '80s and '90s (Mixed Nuts (1994), Housesitter (1992), Leap of Faith (1992), and Sgt. Bilko (1996), to name a few), Martin was unarguably full of surprises, as witnessed in his unsympathetic portrayal in Planes, Trains and Automobiles (1989), his hilariously evil dentist in Little Shop of Horrors (1986), his angst-ridden father in Parenthood (1989), his smooth-talking Italian in My Blue Heaven, and his callow film producer in Grand Canyon (1991) -- though the public still seemed to prefer his standard comic performances in The Three Amigos (1986), Father of the Bride (1991), and L.A. Story (1991). Martin then went out on yet another artistic limb with A Simple Twist of Fate (1994) -- a film update of that high-school English-class perennial Silas Marner. After starring in a very dark role in David Mamet's The Spanish Prisoner (1997) and an unsuccessful return to comedy in The Out-of-Towners (1999), Martin again won acclaim for Bowfinger, a 1999 comedy-satire that cast him as its titular hero, an unsuccessful movie director trying to make a film without the aid of a real script or real star. Martin -- who also wrote the film's screenplay -- played the straight man aga

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Highest Rated Movies

Filmography

MOVIES

		CREDIT
96%	Robin Williams: Come Inside My Mind	Actor	—	2018
100%	Steve Martin and Martin Short: An Evening You Will Forget for the Rest of Your Life	Actor Screenwriter	—	2018
No Score Yet	The American Epic Sessions	Actor	—	2017
43%	Billy Lynn's Long Halftime Walk	Norm Oglesby	$1.8M	2016
52%	Live From New York!	Actor	—	2015
50%	Home	Capt. Smek	$157.9M	2015
No Score Yet	Almost Home	Actor	—	2014
No Score Yet	Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! Live	Actor	—	2013
No Score Yet	Give Me The Banjo	Narrator	—	2012
41%	The Big Year	Stu Preissler	$7.2M	2011
58%	It's Complicated	Adam	$112.8M	2009
12%	Pink Panther 2	Screenwriter Inspector Jacques Clouseau	$36M	2009
65%	Traitor	Executive Producer	$23.6M	2008
64%	Baby Mama	Barry	$60.3M	2008
No Score Yet	Make 'Em Laugh: The Funny Business Of America	Actor	—	2008
No Score Yet	Slednecks 11	Actor	—	2008
88%	Young@Heart	Himself - Young@Heart Chorus	$3.8M	2007
6%	Cheaper by the Dozen 2	Tom Baker	$82.5M	2005
60%	Shopgirl	Ray Porter Producer Screenwriter	$10.1M	2005
22%	Jiminy Glick in Lalawood	Himself	$26.2K	2005
No Score Yet	Queen Latifah: Unauthorized	Actor	—	2005
No Score Yet	Saturday Night Live - The Best of Tom Hanks	Actor	—	2005
No Score Yet	The Rutles 2---Can't Buy Me Lunch	Actor	—	2004
24%	Cheaper by the Dozen	Tom Baker	$138.6M	2003
56%	Looney Tunes: Back in Action	Mr. Chairman	$21.1M	2003
34%	Bringing Down the House	Peter Sanderson	—	2003
No Score Yet	Comedy Central Presents: The N.Y. Friars Club Roast of Chevy Chase	Actor	—	2002
38%	Novocaine	Dr. Frank Sangster	$1.6M	2001
No Score Yet	Monty Python Live!	Actor	—	2001
73%	Remember the Titans	Heckler	$114.3M	2000
No Score Yet	Dish Dogs	David	—	2000
81%	Fantasia 2000	Narrator	—	2000
65%	Joe Gould's Secret	Charlie Duell	—	2000
81%	Bowfinger	Screenwriter Bobby Bowfinger	—	1999
27%	The Out-of-Towners	Henry	—	1999
No Score Yet	Saturday Night Live: The Best of Steve Martin	Actor	—	1999
79%	The Prince of Egypt	Hotep	—	1998
89%	The Spanish Prisoner	Jimmy Dell	—	1997
31%	Sgt. Bilko	Sgt. Ernie Bilko	—	1996
48%	Father of the Bride: Part II	George Banks	—	1995
10%	Mixed Nuts	Philip	—	1994
43%	A Simple Twist of Fate	Michael McCann Screenwriter Executive Producer	—	1994
No Score Yet	Saturday Night Live - Best of the Coneheads	Actor	—	1994
100%	And the Band Played On	Brother	—	1993
62%	Leap of Faith	Jonas Nightengale	—	1992
37%	Housesitter	Newton Davis	—	1992
No Score Yet	Shelley Duvall's Bedtime Stories	Actor	—	1992
76%	Grand Canyon	Davis	—	1991
26%	Hudson Hawk	Ook	—	1991
94%	L.A. Story	Executive Producer Harris K. Telemacher Screenwriter	—	1991
70%	Father of the Bride	George Banks	—	1991
71%	My Blue Heaven	Vinnie Antonelli	—	1990
93%	Parenthood	Gil	—	1989
No Score Yet	Monty Python's Parrot Sketch Not Included	Host	—	1989
89%	Dirty Rotten Scoundrels	Freddy Benson	—	1988
93%	Planes, Trains and Automobiles	Neal Page	—	1987
89%	Roxanne	Screenwriter Executive Producer C. D. Bales	—	1987
90%	Little Shop of Horrors	Orin Scrivello	—	1986
46%	Three Amigos!	Lucky Day Executive Producer Screenwriter	—	1986
No Score Yet	Movers & Shakers	Fabio Longio	—	1985
No Score Yet	The History of White People in America	Actor	—	1985
91%	All of Me	Roger Cobb	—	1984
48%	The Lonely Guy	Larry Hubbard	—	1984
76%	The Man with Two Brains	Screenwriter Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr	—	1983
78%	Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid	Screenwriter Rigby Reardon	—	1982
85%	Pennies From Heaven	Arthur	—	1981
100%	The Kids Are Alright	Actor	—	1979
81%	The Jerk	Screenwriter Navin Johnson	—	1979
88%	The Muppet Movie	Insolent Waiter	—	1979
12%	Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band	Dr. Maxwell Edison	—	1978

TV

		CREDIT
No Score Yet	Late Night With Seth Meyers 2014	Guest	2019
No Score Yet	The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon 2014	Guest Performer	2019 2018 2016 2015 2014
No Score Yet	Jimmy Kimmel Live 2003	Guest	2018
No Score Yet	Sunday Morning 2011-2018	Guest Appearing	2018 2016
No Score Yet	Today 2017	Guest Performer	2017
No Score Yet	The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 2015	Guest Appearing	2017 2016
No Score Yet	Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee 2012	Appearing	2016
38%	Maya & Marty 2016	Appearing	2016
No Score Yet	CBS This Morning 2012	Guest	2016 2014
No Score Yet	American Masters 2001	Appearing	2015
No Score Yet	Charlie Rose 2013-2017	Performer	2015 2014
No Score Yet	Late Show With David Letterman 1993-2015	Guest	2015 2013
No Score Yet	Great Performances 2000	Performer	2014
No Score Yet	Inside Comedy 2012-2015	Guest	2013
No Score Yet	The View 1997	Guest	2013
No Score Yet	Conan 2010	Guest Performer	2013 2012 2011
No Score Yet	Late Night With Jimmy Fallon 2009-2014	Performer	2013 2011
No Score Yet	The Ellen DeGeneres Show 2003	Guest Performer	2013 2011 2007 2006
No Score Yet	The Tonight Show With Jay Leno 1992-2014	Guest	2012 2011 2000
No Score Yet	Colbert Report 2005-2014	Guest	2011 2010 2009
No Score Yet	Saturday Night Live 1975	Guest Performer Host Appearing	2011 2010 2009 2006 1994 1991 1989 1987 1986 1980 1979 1978 1977 1976
No Score Yet	Independent Lens 1999	Appearing	2010
No Score Yet	The Academy Awards 1988		2010 2003 2001
81%	30 Rock 2006-2013	Gavin Volure	2008
No Score Yet	The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 1999-2015	Guest	2008
No Score Yet	Art in the Twenty-First Century 2001-2018		2001
85%	The Simpsons 1989	Voice	1998
100%	The Muppet Show 1976-1981	Guest	1977

QUOTES FROM Steve Martin CHARACTERS

Car Rental Agent	May I see you rental agreement?
Neal Page	I threw it away.
Car Rental Agent	Oh boy.
Neal Page	Oh boy what?
Car Rental Agent	You're fucked.

Car Rental Agent	May I see your rental agreement?
Neal Page	I threw it away.
Car Rental Agent	Oh boy.
Neal Page	Oh boy what?
Car Rental Agent	You're fucked!

C. D. Bales

Keep that guy away from my cocaine!

Lucky Day

In a way, all of us has an El Guapo to face. For some, shyness might be their El Guapo. For others, a lack of education might be their El Guapo. For us, El Guapo is a big, dangerous man who wants to kill us. But as sure as my name is Lucky Day, the people of Santa Poco can conquer their own personal El Guapo, who also happens to be *the actual* El Guapo!

Lucky Day	Not so fast El Guapo! Or I'll pump you so full of lead you'll be using your dick for a pencil!
El Guapo	What do you mean?
Lucky Day	I don't know.
Jefe	I think he means that if you...
El Guapo	Shut up!

Roger Cobb	Tell the truth, I kind a miss the old girl.
Edwina Cutwater	Who are you calling old?!
Roger Cobb	That's not funny, Ty.
Edwina Cutwater	It is not Mr. Wattell. It is I.
Roger Cobb	...Edwina??
Tyrone Wattell	Yeah. When you gave me that pitcher & told me to take care of it, I thought it was gin & drank some.
Roger Cobb	Edwina, I gotta kiss you!
Tyrone Wattell	That's MY side, stupid!

Davis

That's part of your problem you know, you haven't seen enough movies; all of life's riddles are answered in the movies.

Davis

I think if you talk about stuff, then maybe that takes the place of doing it.

Davis

You're always talking about X but you're thinking about Y. Learn to talk about Y, forget about X. X is going to take care of itself.

Del Griffith	I know you don't I? I'm usually very good with names, but I'll be damned if I haven't forgotten yours.
Neal Page	You stole my cab.
Del Griffith	I never stole anything in my life.
Neal Page	I hailed a cab on Park Avenue this afternoon and, before I could get in it, you stole it.
Del Griffith	You're the guy who tried to get my cab. I knew I knew you! You scared the bejesus out of me. Come to think of it - it was easy to get a cab during rush hour.

Neal Page	Del, what are you still doing here? Why aren't you going home?
Del Griffith	I... I don't have a home. Marie's been dead for eight years.

Screaming Driver	Put your window down!
Neal Page	He wants something.
Del Griffith	Ah, he's probably drunk.
Screaming Driver	You're going the wrong way!
Neal Page	What?!

Del Griffith	We were robbed!
Neal Page	Do you think so?

Neal Page

You're messing with the wrong guy!

Freddy Benson	Go stand over there.
Janet Colgate	Here?
Freddy Benson	No, over by the bed. I want to see how far I can go.

Harris K. Telemacher	[talking about the weather] This is L.A. What's gonna change?
Harris K. Telemacher	This is L.A. What's gonna change?

Lucky Day	We have a plan.
Carmen	Yes, what is it??
Lucky Day	First we break into El Guapo's fortress.
Carmen	And that you've done, now what?
Lucky Day	...well we didn't really expect the first part of the plan to work so we really didn't think much about what we were going to do next. You really can't overplan these things.

Rigby Reardon	Here's three bucks if you can get this cab to 46 Bay Court in ten minutes. [watches as the taxi speeds off]
Rigby Reardon	Here's three bucks if you can get this cab to 46 Bay Court in ten minutes.
Rigby Reardon	[running to another taxi] Follow that cab!
Rigby Reardon	Follow that cab!

Rigby Reardon

I always carry my harmonica: it's lighter than an accordion and more powerful than a sleeping pill.

Rigby Reardon	Where'd you learn that?
Juliet Forrest	At camp.
Rigby Reardon	You learned that at girls' camp?
Juliet Forrest	It's really for a snake bite, but I find it works for everything.

Vinnie Antonelli

Nice day for a mow.

Harris K. Telemacher	'"Is this the new cruelty?"'
Harris K. Telemacher	Is this the new cruelty?

Freddy Benson

I know somebody here! I met him on a train! His name... is... his name is... James. No. His name is... James Josephson. Lor. No, no, no. James Lawrence. LAWRENCE... Lawrence. Lawrence Fells. Lawrence Feings. Forest Lorenston. Low. Lars. LARS. Lawrence. Lawrence. Luch. Lawrence. Tuh. His name is James Jesenthon. Lawrence Fell. Lawrence Jesterton. LAWRENCE

Freddy Benson

I've got culture coming out of my ass.

Freddy Benson

[in a childlike voice] Oh, Lawrence! This is the happiest day of my life! I think my testicles are dropping!

Freddy Benson	I didn't steal any money! She just saw me with another woman! You're French, you understand that!
Inspector Andre	To be with another woman, that is French. To be caught, that is American.

Gil Buckman

What say later, after the kids are asleep, I wear this outfit?

Car Rental Agent	How may I help you?
Neal Page	You can start by wiping that fucking dumbass smile off your rosy fucking cheeks. Then you can get me a fucking automobile. A fucking Datsun, a fucking Toyota, a fucking Mustang, a fucking Buick, four fucking wheels and a seat!
Car Rental Agent	I really don't care for the way you're speaking to me.
Neal Page	And I really don't care for the way your company left me in the middle of fucking nowhere with fucking keys to a fucking car that isn't fucking there. And I really didn't care to fucking walk down a fucking highway and across a fucking runway to get back here to have you smile at my fucking face. I want a fucking car...right...fucking...now.

Del Griffith	You play with your balls alot.
Del Griffith	You play with your balls a lot.
Neal Page	I do not play with my balls
Neal Page	I do NOT play with my balls.
Del Griffith	ha ha ha. Larry Bird doesn't do as much ball handling in one night as you do in an hour.
Del Griffith	Larry Bird doesn't do as much ball-handling in one night as you do in an hour!
Neal Page	Are you trying to start a fight?
Neal Page	Are you trying to start a fight?
Del Griffith	No. I'm simply stating a fact that's all. You fidget with your nuts alot.
Del Griffith	No. I'm simply stating a fact. That's all. You fidget with your nuts a lot.

Acme VP Nitpicking	What about the duck?
Mr. Chairman	Extra crispy. (Bum bum bum)
Mr. Chairman	Extra crispy. [bum bum bum]

Orin Scrivello D.D.S.	What did I ever do to you?
Seymour Krelborn	Nothing. It's what you did to her.
Orin Scrivello D.D.S.	Her who?
Seymour Krelborn	. . . . .
Seymour Krelborn	...
Orin Scrivello D.D.S.	Oh, her.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau	What?
Gilbert Ponton	Nothing.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau	You mean you didn't just say, "AAAHHHHHHH"?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau	You mean you didn't just say, 'AAAHHHHHHH'?

Rigby Reardon

My plan was to kiss her with every lip on my face, and the slowly move her to the next room, maneuver her next to the bed, marry her and start the whoopee machine.

Neal Page	...Del? Why did you kiss my ear?
Del Griffith	...Why are you holding my hand?
Neal Page	...Where's your OTHER hand?
Del Griffith	...Between two pillows...
Neal Page	...Those aren't pillows!
Del Griffith	Aaaaaahhh!

Del Griffith	Neal: [riding in back of pickup truck in freezing cold] What do you think the temperature is? Del: One.
Neal Page	[riding in back of pickup truck in freezing cold] What do you think the temperature is?
Taxi racer	One.
Del Griffith	One.

Navin Johnson	Truck Driver Picking Up Navin: St. Louis? Navin R. Johnson: No, Navin Johnson.
Navin Johnson	No, Navin Johnson.

Rigby Reardon	My plan was to kiss her with every lip on my face.
Rigby Reardon	I hadn't seen a body put together like that since I'd solved the case of the Murdered Girl with the Big Tits.
Rigby Reardon	Carlotta was the kind of town where they spell trouble T-R-U-B-I-L, and if you try to correct them, they kill you.

Orin Scrivello D.D.S.	Aw shut up!Open Wide! Here I come!
Orin Scrivello D.D.S.	Aw shut up! Open wide! Here I come!

Patty Bernstein	[provocatively] You know what I wanna do?
Navin Johnson	What's that?
Patty Bernstein	Guess your weight. [starts squeezing on him everywhere]
Navin Johnson	Hey, you're really trying to be accurate!

Navin Johnson

Good Lord - I've heard about this - cat juggling! Stop! Stop! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Good. Father, could there be a God that would let this happen?

Navin Johnson

[Navin recites some wisdom] Lord loves a workin' man; don't trust whitey; see a doctor and get rid of it.

Navin Johnson

For one dollar I'll guess your weight, your height, or your sex.

Ned Nederlander	Chip-chip-chip-chip-chip-chip-chip-chip-chip-chip-chip-chip-chip... LONNEEEEEEEE! [fires pistol]
Lucky Day	Farley-farley-farley-farley-farley-farley... Hafurrrrrrr... [fires pistol]
Dusty Bottoms	Kinut, hoooooola widdle! Tas, habble... sohn. [accidentally shoots the Invisible Swordsman]
Lucky Day	Oh, great. You killed the invisible swordsman!
Ned Nederlander	[runs over to check] He's dead, all right.
Dusty Bottoms	How was I supposed to know where he was?
Lucky Day	You were supposed to fire up. We both fired up. [aside] It's like living with a six-year old.

Navin Johnson

He hates these cans!

Dave	But movies cost millions of dollars to make.
Bobby Bowfinger	That's after gross net deduction profit percentage deferment ten percent of the nut. Cash, every movie cost $2,184.

Bobby Bowfinger

Now that you and your colleagues here at Mindfu - , head have had a chance to think, what do you say?

Bobby Bowfinger	[Interviewing Jiff for the movie] ... Would you be willing to cut your hair?
Bobby Bowfinger	[Interviewing Jiff for the movie] Would you be willing to cut your hair?
Jiff Ramsey	Well, yeah, but it would probably be better if someone else did it. I've had a few... accidents.

Brad Harris	Of all courtship rituals in the animal kingdom, the most spectacular by far is that of the bald eagle. The male and female climb to dizzying heights and then ...join in free fall, plummeting toward earth, locked in each others embrace, separating only at the very last moment.
Stu Preissler	God, I miss Edith.
Kenny Bostick	Yeah, I kind of miss Jess.

Mr. Chairman	[talking to DJ Drake] Now!,..This my friend, is the ACME train of death, which is not good news for your father!
Damien Drake	[on TV screen] Don't worry about me son, I've gotten out of worse scrapes than this one!
Mr. Chairman	You see, if the train of death doesn't kill him, then those crates of TNT will, not to mention the two ton anvil hanging over his head, and oh!,..Look, there's the pendulum of doom! What's the pendulum of doom doing there?! I did not order the pendulum of doom!? It's overkill! Get rid of it! [Wile E. Coyote quickly draws up the pendulum from above Damien Drake]

Navin Johnson	You mean I'm going to stay this color??
Navin Johnson	You mean I'm going to stay this color?

Navin Johnson

Stan Fox: Damn these glasses. Navin R. Johnson: Yes, sir. [to the glasses] Navin R. Johnson: I damn thee.

Navin Johnson

That Patty must be a sweet girl.

Navin Johnson

First I get my name in the phone book and now I'm on your ass. You know, I'll bet more people see that than the phone book.

Navin Johnson

The new phone books are here! The new phone books are here!

Navin Johnson

Theses cans are defective!

Stu	"I can't miss the flight. There's not another one for a week."
Stu	I can't miss the flight. There's not another one for a week.

Stu	"January 1st I'm out of here."
Stu	January 1st I'm out of here.

Hannah Stubbs	And where did you learn to jump start a car?
Vinnie Antonelli	I learned it in the army.

Barney Coopersmith	You dont tip FBI men!
Vinnie Antonelli	Sure you do!

Navin Johnson

Speaking to Marie in bed while she sleeps] I know we've only known each other four weeks and three days, but to me it seems like nine weeks and five days. The first day seemed like a week and the second day seemed like five days. And the third day seemed like a week again and the fourth day seemed like eight days. And the fifth day you went to see your mother and that seemed just like a day, and then you came back and later on the sixth day, in the evening, when we saw each other, that started seeming like two days, so in the evening it seemed like two days spilling over into the next day and that started seeming like four days, so at the end of the sixth day on into the seventh day, it seemed like a total of five days. And the sixth day seemed like a week and a half. I have it written down, but I can show it to you tomorrow if you want to see it.

Navin Johnson

[speaking to Marie in bed while she sleeps] I know we've only known each other four weeks and three days, but to me it seems like nine weeks and five days. The first day seemed like a week and the second day seemed like five days. And the third day seemed like a week again and the fourth day seemed like eight days. And the fifth day you went to see your mother and that seemed just like a day, and then you came back and later on the sixth day, in the evening, when we saw each other, that started seeming like two days, so in the evening it seemed like two days spilling over into the next day and that started seeming like four days, so at the end of the sixth day on into the seventh day, it seemed like a total of five days. And the sixth day seemed like a week and a half. I have it written down, but I can show it to you tomorrow if you want to see it.

Stu	Am I nuts Edith?
Edith	Are you asking me as a therapist, or as a wife?
Stu	Which one is cheaper?

Inspector Jacques Clouseau	What? What did you say?
Gilbert Ponton	Nothing.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau	You mean, you didn't just say: Stop the car, dear God, I beg of you, stop the car?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau	You mean, you didn't just say: 'Stop the car, dear God, I beg of you, stop the car'?

Dolores Benedict	Get those assholes off the porch! (about the hired-help, standing next to potted plants, awaiting the couple at the door to the Doctor's mansion.. )
Dolores Benedict	Get those assholes off the porch! [about the hired-help, standing next to potted plants, awaiting the couple at the door to the Doctor's mansion]
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr	huh! (laughs naievely).. They're called azeliahs...
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr	Huh! [laughs naively] They're called azaleas.

Freddy Benson	"May I go to the bathroom?"
Freddy Benson	May I go to the bathroom?
Freddy Benson	Excuse me. May I go to the bathroom first?
Lawrence Jamieson	"Of course."
Lawrence Jamieson	Of course.
Lawrence Jamieson	Of course you may.
Freddy Benson	"Thank you."
Freddy Benson	Thank you.
Freddy Benson	[after a pause, and with relief] Thank you.

Neal Page	He says we're going the wrong way...
Neal Page	He says we're going the wrong way.
Del Griffith	Oh, he's drunk. How would he know where we're going?
Del Griffith	Oh, he's drunk. How would he know where we're going?

Neal Page	where's your other hand?
Neal Page	Where's your other hand?
Del Griffith	between two pillows.
Del Griffith	Between two pillows.
Neal Page	those aren't pillows!
Neal Page	Those aren't pillows!

Orin Scrivello D.D.S.	yells Is somebody talkin' to you?!
Orin Scrivello D.D.S.	[yells] Is somebody talking to you?!
Audrey	says nervously Oh, no....excuse me.
Audrey	[says nervously] Oh, no...excuse me.
Orin Scrivello D.D.S.	Excuse me what?!!
Orin Scrivello D.D.S.	Excuse me what?!
Audrey	Excuse me.....docta'.
Audrey	Excuse me.....doctor.