Criminy Pete

Criminy Pete
Criminy Pete's reviews do not count toward the Tomatometer. This is not a Tomatometer-approved critic, and this critic's reviews are not published on a Tomatometer-approved publication.
Biography:
Berlin, 1941. A dark, stormy night, and my bar and grill isn't as jumpin' as it normally gets, being the only place in town the Nazis aren't crawling all over like a baby in pudding. Tumbleweeds blowin' all through the place, an ol' Two-Gun Swackhammer and Deadeye Stoopnagle are at the bar, knockin' back whiskeys like their mothers wuz on the lam. If ya ever had the misfortune o' lookin' at those two knotheads, ya know you won't find an uglier pair o' mugs in all tha galaxy. Even that Wookiee planet. After watchin' those two mooks gargle with the scotch fer an hour, I went ta take a walk. An' that's when she walked in. A tall drink o' water with a million-dollar smile and a yours-for-a-favor booty, dressed to the nines in a white, sequined number with a low back and a high hem. She didn't have to ask me twice. I took her home, we ate some cake, had some of the none-o-your-beeswax and shuffled off to Buffalo in a 57 Chevy with a palomino dashboard and thirty-inch fins, oh yeah. If it weren't for that slobberknocker up on Thunder Road, a guy like me mighta pulled off the upset against the odds o' findin' the life everybody wants. Wasn't to be. Guys like me don't get to cheat fate. We don't dodge destiny's bullet. Come flyin' outta the womb like a bat outta hell, then spend the next handful o' decades slidin' downhill til we hit the ol' blank headstone. Ghost of Christmas Past, my patoot.
Favorites:
Movies I Love: The Shawshank Redemption, High Fidelity, The Iron Giant, Spider-Man, Die Hard, Robocop, Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, South Park, Life Is Beautiful, Affliction, D.C. Cab, The Jerk, Run Ronnie Run, Memento, Ghost World, In The Bedroom. Yes, the gamut is run.
Publications: CriminyPete.com
Location: That's Cr-EYE-min-ee Pete. Not 'Crimminee' Pete.
Official Websites: amazing-colossal.com

Movie Reviews Only

T-Meter Title | Year
3.8/4 BM 74% Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle (2004) This movie was perhaps a smidge away from being a blast. It IS, however, an entertaining yukfest. - CriminyPete.com EDIT
Read More | Posted Jun 29, 2004
3.7/4 93% Spider-Man 2 (2004) It's really going to send people out of the theaters with 'wows' on their lips. Or maybe 'hot damns.' Perhaps 'hotchee-wawas.' - CriminyPete.com EDIT
Read More | Posted Jun 29, 2004
3/4 GM 60% The Terminal (2004) A reasonably enjoyable film overall, but I came out of the theater thinking it was "cute." This tends to mean "Not very interesting, but at least I'm not angry." - CriminyPete.com EDIT
Read More | Posted Jun 16, 2004
3.8/4 BM 70% Dodgeball - A True Underdog Story (2004) It's not a good movie by any means, but it's well aware of that fact, and periodically takes advantage of it. - CriminyPete.com EDIT
Read More | Posted Jun 16, 2004
**.9 BM 36% The Matrix Revolutions (2003) The entire film is basically a video game. Painfully obviously a video game. I swear, when the sentinel things came pouring into Zion, I wanted to start mashing the X button. - CriminyPete.com EDIT
Read More | Posted Jun 10, 2004
3.8/4 95% Lost In Translation (2003) It's a beautiful movie, it's elegantly shot and, apparently as intended, it makes a great postcard for Tokyo. - CriminyPete.com EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 12, 2003
3/4 41% Freddy vs. Jason (2003) Overall, the movie's pretty fun, maybe an inch or two shy of being a total blast. - CriminyPete.com EDIT
Read More | Posted Aug 20, 2003
3.7/4 62% Hulk (2003) Ang Lee has done a remarkable job in creating a moody, quiet and foreboding comic book movie - not something you get a lot of in the slam-bang age. - CriminyPete.com EDIT
Read More | Posted Jun 26, 2003
1.8/4 73% The Matrix Reloaded (2003) Two words: Empty Spectacle. - CriminyPete.com EDIT
Read More | Posted Jun 9, 2003
3.2/4 57% Irréversible (2002) It ain't a date movie, but it's worth watching if you're in a pissy mood and you want to justify your distaste for humanity. - CriminyPete.com EDIT
Read More | Posted May 7, 2003
3.8/4 95% The Pianist (2002) It's a captivating film that can be uncomfortable to watch, but I couldn't turn away. - CriminyPete.com EDIT
Read More | Posted Mar 31, 2003
2.9/4 30% Head of State (2003) The film still manages to entertain, even if it doesn't really enlighten. - CriminyPete.com EDIT
Read More | Posted Mar 31, 2003
3.3/4 44% Daredevil (2003) The uninitiated into nerddom will cry foul that this is Spider-Man crossed with Batman and sprinkled with The Crow. Buuuuuut... that's kinda what Daredevil is. However, combining three really cool things rarely results in something uncool. - CriminyPete.com EDIT
Read More | Posted Feb 14, 2003
2.7/4 25% Masked and Anonymous (2003) It's all very confusing and, shall we say, "open to interpretation." It's a hard film to get into and an even harder film to like, but I can't dismiss a movie featuring John Goodman out of hand, even if it might be a pretense festival. - CriminyPete.com EDIT
Read More | Posted Feb 4, 2003
3/4 73% Buffalo Soldiers (2001) It's an enjoyable film, if not really knockdown hilarious or colossally incisive. - CriminyPete.com EDIT
Read More | Posted Feb 4, 2003
2/4 43% Dysfunktional Family (2003) There's all this buildup about how Eddie was "always a bright kid," but then every time he heads for some intelligent stuff, there's always a quick swerve into dumb stuff. - CriminyPete.com EDIT
Read More | Posted Feb 4, 2003
3.7/4 86% 28 Days Later (2003) This movie starts off with a pretty big bang and just does NOT let up with the tension. - CriminyPete.com EDIT
Read More | Posted Feb 4, 2003
3.2/4 84% Pieces of April (2003) The film took my skepticism as a challenge and nailed me by the end, getting me a little misty-eyed at the simple honesty and bittersweetness of the story. - CriminyPete.com EDIT
Read More | Posted Feb 4, 2003
3.8/4 95% Open Hearts (Elsker Dig For Evigt) (2002) It creates a lot of honest emotional confusion that leads to legitimate gut-twinges. - CriminyPete.com EDIT
Read More | Posted Feb 4, 2003
3/4 68% Laurel Canyon (2003) Maybe I'm not even supposed to believe these people are real characters, this being Los Angeles and all, the land of the falsehood. - CriminyPete.com EDIT
Read More | Posted Feb 4, 2003
3.1/4 64% The Shape Of Things (2002) It left me with a bit of a sour taste in my mouth, but there's enough interesting stuff going on here to make it worth checking out. - CriminyPete.com EDIT
Read More | Posted Feb 4, 2003
3.5/4 69% Confidence (2003) It's all up for grabs in this stylish, Tarantinoey zing-fest, and overall, it's a fun product. - CriminyPete.com EDIT
Read More | Posted Feb 4, 2003
3.8/4 34% Levity (2003) I guess I've got a thing for prison redemption movies starring Morgan Freeman. There are worse things to have things for. - CriminyPete.com EDIT
Read More | Posted Feb 4, 2003
4/4 79% Confessions of a Dangerous Mind (2003) Be it comic fantasy, delusional insanity or twisted reality, the film works on all levels. - CriminyPete.com EDIT
Read More | Posted Jan 7, 2003
3.6/4 74% Gangs of New York (2002) This is a well-done crime saga with a sudden swerve into historical madness that takes what would have been a cool yet ordinary story up to the level of true cinematic bitchin'ness. - CriminyPete.com EDIT
Read More | Posted Jan 7, 2003
2.9/4 85% Chicago (2002) Maybe I'm on the crack, but isn't part of the point of transferring a big-time Broadway musical to the big screen to make us forget that was written for a stage? - CriminyPete.com EDIT
Read More | Posted Jan 7, 2003
3.3/4 95% Catch Me If You Can (2002) It's a nifty flick, with neat little twists and turns here and there and some fun to be had. - CriminyPete.com EDIT
Read More | Posted Jan 7, 2003
3.5/4 69% Max (2002) Noah Taylor gives an effective, chilling and appropriately creepy performance as Hitler, whose fiery grit and determination would make a compelling rags-to-riches saga if he weren't such a horrible, horrible bastard. - CriminyPete.com EDIT
Read More | Posted Jan 7, 2003
2.8/4 7% All the Queen's Men (2001) There's an uneasy balance between the comedy and the drama that doesn't really fire on all levels, but it works on a few of them. - CriminyPete.com EDIT
Read More | Posted Dec 22, 2002
3.6/4 88% Roger Dodger (2002) Campbell Scott is putting on an acting clinic. Perhaps Keanu Reeves can be convinced to attend. - CriminyPete.com EDIT
Read More | Posted Dec 22, 2002
3.8/4 95% The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002) You'll either be into this stuff or you won't be - depends on your tolerance for the fantastical. - CriminyPete.com EDIT
Read More | Posted Dec 22, 2002
2.8/4 76% My Big Fat Greek Wedding (2002) A sweet little story about getting married and not resenting your heritage. Fine. However, I can almost guarantee this will become a sitcom. - CriminyPete.com EDIT
Read More | Posted Dec 22, 2002
3.8/4 91% Adaptation (2002) You gotta enjoy a movie that pulls a brilliant joke on its audience, many of whom won't even get it, making most of those who DO get it feel all happy and hoity-toity about how brilliant they must be to get the joke. - CriminyPete.com EDIT
Read More | Posted Dec 16, 2002
2.9/4 72% Auto Focus (2002) I am highly amused by the idea that we have come to a point in society where it has been deemed important enough to make a film in which someone has to be hired to portray Richard Dawson. - CriminyPete.com EDIT
Read More | Posted Dec 6, 2002
3.6/4 75% 8 Mile (2002) You can pull out the cynic goggles and look at this film in a variety of dismissive ways... The problem, however, is that it's a really good film. - CriminyPete.com EDIT
Read More | Posted Dec 6, 2002
3.3/4 71% Run Ronnie Run! (2002) The most consistently and ridiculously hilarious film I've seen in ages. - CriminyPete.com EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 22, 2002
2/4 71% The Ring (2002) A frantic hunt to solve "The Conundrum Of The Killer Maxell VHS VideoCassette (SP: 2 Hrs, EP: 6 Hrs)." - CriminyPete.com EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 17, 2002
3.7/4 80% Punch-Drunk Love (2002) Sandler has played weirdos for zany comic effect, and it's interesting to finally see him play one in a relatively subdued romantic dramedy. - CriminyPete.com EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 17, 2002
3.4/4 43% The Rules of Attraction (2002) The events of the film are just so WEIRD that I honestly never knew what the hell was coming next. - CriminyPete.com EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 12, 2002
2/4 21% The Tuxedo (2002) It concentrates far too much on the awkward interplay and utter lack of chemistry between Chan and Hewitt. - CriminyPete.com EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 11, 2002
2.7/4 54% The Transporter (2002) Sometimes you just wanna watch a badass be a badass. - CriminyPete.com EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 11, 2002
3/4 69% White Oleander (2002) It's got some pretentious eye-rolling moments and it didn't entirely grab me, but there's stuff here to like. - CriminyPete.com EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 11, 2002
2.3/4 68% Red Dragon (2002) Hannibal Lecter has become a joke. - CriminyPete.com EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 11, 2002
3.6/4 97% Spirited Away (2002) It's a beautiful film, full of elaborate and twisted characters - and it's also pretty funny. - CriminyPete.com EDIT
Read More | Posted Sep 21, 2002
1.5/4 36% She Gets What She Wants (2005) There ain't a lot more painful than an unfunny movie that thinks it's hilarious. - CriminyPete.com EDIT
Read More | Posted Sep 21, 2002
3/4 76% Igby Goes Down (2002) Precocious smarter-than-thou wayward teen struggles to rebel against his oppressive, right-wing, propriety-obsessed family. Anyone else seen this before? - CriminyPete.com EDIT
Read More | Posted Sep 21, 2002
3/4 48% Pushing Tin (1999) The dialog is quick - heck, the entire movie has to be pretty fast-paced to paint an effective picture of the frazzled nerves that result from a job like this. - CriminyPete.com EDIT
Read More | Posted Sep 21, 2002
2.8/4 21% Knockaround Guys (2002) It seems to have been going for a sort of "please think we're as cool as - or if not, at least somewhere around the same league as Reservoir Dogs" thing, but it falls a bit short. - CriminyPete.com EDIT
Read More | Posted Sep 21, 2002
3.1/4 82% Barbershop (2002) This is a simple slice-of-life story, really - a day in the barbershop and why people like to be there and what it means to folks - and damn if'n it don't make ya wanna hang out there, too. - CriminyPete.com EDIT
Read More | Posted Sep 21, 2002
2.8/4 41% The Four Feathers (2002) A stumbling historical saga so tepid in story and fluidity that it will leave you emotionally uninvolved and personally indifferent? 'Fraid so. - CriminyPete.com EDIT
Read More | Posted Sep 21, 2002