Mary Poppins Returns
Mission: Impossible - Fallout
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Steven Seagal plays the character he always plays; an ex-CIA badass who's being harassed by his former employer. They show up at his house, he kicks their ass and then flees. Not only that but Seagal's character has a little orphan Annie pen pal who lives somewhere in eastern Europe. Well, she gets sold into sex slavery and so Seagal decides to go solve the mystery with the help of another little kid that doesn't talk and a police-lady who looks like Shannon Doherty's Latvian doppelganger. This movie basically falls into the slightly-above bad-category. It isn't terrible but it isn't of the high schlock caliber for which I normally watch his films. The gunfights are decent and there are plenty of gratuitous decapitations, but this was right around the time when Seagal began to totally cash in most of his performances. The fighting got lazier, he doesn't even attempt to emote, and he can't be bothered with overdubbing narration. So in turn we get some guy who sounds like Christopher Walken, dressed as a creepy clown, while attempting a Steven Seagal impersonation.
If you're a Seagal-ite, go for it. If you're curious to see what an episode of 24 starring Seagal would be like, go for it. Other than that, there are better things to do, I guess.
Oh, and the best part of this movie is that he doesn't even rescue the other girls in the sex slave ring. He sticks a samurai sword through the bad guy's chest (a guy who's only a higher up in the human trafficking ring) and walks into the sunset with his little pal. I thought maybe it was going to be implied that the mission continued, but then there's a prologue where the little girl (who is now living with Seagal) explains that they're in America and that Seagal spends most of his free time helping injured animals in the forest... what a dick.
Below average Seagal flick, which is saying something. Nice premise about child trafficking, but the villains are dull and clearly stupid-as-shit, even for Seagal baddies.
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