Sharknado 5: Global Swarming (2017)
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Critic Reviews for Sharknado 5: Global Swarming
Even a satire needs some sort of connective tissue, but there's no real narrative spine here, just soft cartilage.
Nothing about Sharknado 5 is worth recommending even if you consider it to be an American summertime tradition, as so many people do.
Somehow, Sharknado 5: Global Swarming pulls the franchise back from the brink and returns it to what it's supposed to be: fun to watch.
The basic premise has remained resolutely the same: scenes of C-grade actors getting chomped to bits by D-grade CGI sharks mixed together with enough jokey references to other, generally better movies to allow film buffs to distract themselves.
[Ziering] may be wise-cracking his way through this stuff with a self-aware smirk, but look deep into his eyes and you'll see something else staring back this movie can only dream about: blind terror.
Audience Reviews for Sharknado 5: Global Swarming
So, here we are, again, with another Sharknado movie in our hands. It's the franchise that will never end, even though SyFy has confirmed that the sixth installment of the franchise (airing this year, I assume) will be the last one. You know the sixth one isn't gonna be the last Sharknado, not by a long shot. It might be the last one for the foreseeable future, but I think, eventually, SyFy (and The Asylum) will find a way to justify one more movie. It's an easy ratings grab, honestly. Here's the thing about Sharknado, and this is something that not many other TV movies have (if there are any others out there with this one's infamy) and that is it that it is more a social experience more than anything else. I imagine that social media interaction is a big thing with this movie. I DVR'd one of the Sharknados, may have been the third one, and social media was a big part every time they went to a commercial break and every time they came back to the movie. I've watched the rest of them on Netflix, so I wouldn't know. But it's rare, to have a TV movie that's best enjoyed actually watching it live, with a group of like-minded individuals on social media, all of whom tweet about the stupid shit they see in the movie. The only thing that really compares to that is live sports. Nobody DVRs sports because, because they already know the result by the time they get around to watching the game, so its value diminishes. I'm not saying Sharknado, as a franchise, is like that, but it's a comparable in a way. Having said that, this is the fifth movie in a series where you would have thought that they'd have run out of ideas to squeeze out yet another sequel. But they haven't, somehow. I've watched all of five of these movies now and I honestly have to wonder what went wrong in my life to where I've actually seen all of these movies and, most likely, I'm gonna watch the sixth one. I mean, by this point, I've seen FIVE of them, so one more ain't gonna kill me. Having said all of that, however, as far as this movie is concerned, and I may have said this for the previous installment, but this (in my opinion) is the best Sharknado yet. Look, I'm even giving this TWO FULL STARS. That's a new record for the Sharknado franchise, 3 of the movies have received a score of 1.5 stars (on RottenTomatoes, since I just posted the review for the fourth one on Letterboxd) and one has a 0.5 rating. Damn, this franchise is breaking new ground with its quality. Sarcasm aside, however, I've always made my feelings on the franchise very clear. I've never liked this purposely bad movie approach. The reason for that is, the fact that they're in on the joke sort of diminishes that joke. Its self-awareness, to some people, might be part of its charm but, to me, it's also its worst aspect. Again, if the movies were made in earnest and they were just terrible movies, then I could get more into it. The fact that they're so self-aware means that they're constantly trying to find ways to out-terrible themselves. With that said, however, I do think they do a good enough job at making this the most terribly entertaining movie of the bunch. I don't really know what it is about this movie, versus the other ones that makes it better. I guess I liked the "tighter" approach to the story. What I mean by that is that there seems to be a clearer goal in sight than just getting rid of whatever variation of the sharknado they can come up with in this installment. The story is about Gil (Fin and April's son) getting stuck in this vortex that, somehow, teleport our heroes to different parts of the world when they go through it. The film is about rescuing Gil, while also, again, trying to get rid of this vortex that's, seemingly, creating countless sharknados all around the world. I don't even know why I'm trying to explain this movie's narrative. All you need to know is that some crazy and stupid shit happens, Fin is a one-liner machine and, I'll be honest, they definitely got some laughs out of me. I can't really remember many of them, to be fair (and I just finished this movie about an hour ago). One of my favorite lines has to be Fin, upon meeting the Pope (Fabio), saying 'Forgive me father, for I am Fin'. It's such a fucking stupid line, but it made me laugh and there's a few more of them here. This vortex takes Fin and his buddies all over the world, where they proceed to cause unprecedented amounts of destruction to these countries' national landmarks. They straighten the Leaning Tower of Pisa, they destroy Stonehenge, they destroy the pyramid in Egypt, the Christ the Redeemer in Brazil gets swept up in the vortex. I could go on and on and on. And, of course, there's a bunch of celebrity cameos. I guess my least favorite part of the movie is the stereotypical jokes associated with each country they go to. The Australian newscasters quote Men At Work's Down Under because, you know, they're Australian. One of the Italian citizens, before getting killed, says Mamma mia! They mention the formation of Sharkzilla while they're in Japan. And so and so forth and it's so lazy. The fact of the matter is that, for this franchise, this has some of the more inspired bits of the entire film. So this reliance on stereotypes for each country is stupid. But, moving on to the positives, I guess I also like the fact that, for the first time in franchise history, our heroes are actually on the losing end. Fin doesn't save the world just in the nick of time. Of course, this is done to justify another sequel (which has time travelling), but at least it's something different than what we're accustomed to with this franchise or, really, most major franchises. I gotta give them props when they're deserved. That's not to say that there's much improvement in the actual quality of the movie. This is still, technically speaking, a terrible movie. It's just a better terrible movie than the previous installments, if that makes one lick of sense. The acting is still shit, purposely so, though Cassie Scerbo has some surprisingly solid scenes, the dialogue is cringe-worthy (again, by design) and the special effects are horrible. Actually, though, the special effects are a marginally better. And, really, that's what I can say about this movie. The improvements are definitely there, I can't deny them, but they're marginal and incremental at best. It's not like this is all of a sudden incredible, no, and these movies will never be incredible, but it's just that, out of all of them, this is the most watchable one. I really don't have much else to say about this. It's surprisingly fine for a Sharknado movie. Not good, but I got through it just fine and it, actually, made me legit laugh in some scenes. If you can't stand these movies then this, obviously, won't change your opinion and, at this point, nothing will. But, if you're a fan, this is more of the same (except crazier) and that's just what you all want, don't you? I can recommend this for those people, everyone else need not apply.
There's just no need for this film to be made, The series has gone from so bad it's fun to it's so bad I'm searching the bathroom draw for razor blades, Pure garbage, Not fun, Terrible effects, Stupid story, Horrible acting, Worst of all it's left it open for a 6th and like a complete idiot I'll watch it, Please kill me now!
It's another Sharknado. If you've watched the series this far, you know exactly what to expect.
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