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A Serious Man
(2009)
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Eileen Jones
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The last shot alone is so moving, so incredible and complex in its impact, it sears itself into your brain like the twin ghost girls in The Shining, and you go home stunned.
Posted Mar 22, 2021
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Taken
(2008)
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Eileen Jones
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It was great to be back in the atmosphere of intense audience involvement after seeing so many films viewed in the dutiful stupor produced by "quality" cinema.
Posted Mar 03, 2019
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The Warrior's Way
(2010)
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Eileen Jones
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Stylized multi-genre films look easy when they work, when the Coens or Stephen Chow or Quentin Tarantino's in the house, but we mustn't kid ourselves. Nothing dies more horribly onscreen than a failed effort of this kind.
Posted Mar 02, 2019
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Burke & Hare
(2010)
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Eileen Jones
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Burke and Hare is timid and dithering and blandly bad, and the new Ealing Studios seems unworthy of its inheritance, and it's all just a damn shame.
Posted Mar 02, 2019
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Mutual Appreciation
(2005)
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Eileen Jones
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Mutual Appreciation is a crappy-looking film in a tame, undistinctive, messy black-and-white way.
Posted Jan 28, 2019
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Ondine
(2009)
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Eileen Jones
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One of those films that keeps almost ending, but just as your flattened spirits perk up a bit in anticipation, you realize there's a whole other wearisome sequence to go through before the characters emote their way to the obvious finale.
Posted Dec 14, 2018
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Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
(2011)
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Eileen Jones
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Now we get the doddering version. Pirates of the Caribbean for Dummies. Everything explained. Long walks through the jungle during which nothing happens.
Posted Dec 14, 2018
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Inglourious Basterds
(2009)
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Eileen Jones
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It's all eye-poppingly impressive, and the relentlessness of it will still make you want it to stop as you head deep into hour three. Then after you leave, you might find you think about it a lot, how interesting it was, even the boring parts.
Posted Dec 11, 2018
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Insidious
(2010)
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Eileen Jones
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A cinematic version of one of those corny Halloween houses.
Posted Dec 07, 2018
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Men in Black 3
(2012)
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Eileen Jones
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Men in Black 3 maintains just enough of its old cheerful, casual charm to get by.
Posted Nov 27, 2018
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District 9
(2009)
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Eileen Jones
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There are lots of great odd details filling the early scenes, suggesting we're not getting all the cultural references, that make for exciting film-watching.
Posted Nov 14, 2018
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Drive
(2011)
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Eileen Jones
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The movie fails to transcend its genre film status...and never becomes something truly worthy of a big-shot film critic's time, which would be a movie that's more like a Sociology 101 class.
Posted Nov 13, 2018
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Hugo
(2011)
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Eileen Jones
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It just, somehow, doesn't come across, doesn't add up to anything memorable.
Posted Nov 12, 2018
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Bridesmaids
(2011)
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Eileen Jones
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It's a movie about women going berserk over a wedding. Easy non-feminist laughs are built right in there, and milked for all they're worth. No amount of sad female faces during lugubrious pop song interludes can make this more meaningful than it is.
Posted Nov 10, 2018
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Dark Shadows
(2012)
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Eileen Jones
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A listless presentation of elements that seem vaguely meant to evoke the old Burton humor and humane sweetness, his once-insightful combo of the suburban and the supernatural. It's painful to see it all lie inert up there...
Posted Nov 04, 2018
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Contagion
(2011)
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Eileen Jones
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We're all for this kind of brave risk-taking, in theory. If only the results turned out to be, uh, what's the word...better.
Posted Nov 04, 2018
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Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows
(2011)
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Eileen Jones
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It still stops you from thinking for two hours plus. These days I don't mind paying ten bucks for that.
Posted Nov 04, 2018
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Prometheus
(2012)
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Eileen Jones
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Prometheus is one of those big ruined films that are worth talking about in terms of how it got ruined, and how it might've been saved.
Posted Nov 04, 2018
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Hancock
(2008)
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Eileen Jones
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Shots suddenly angled from the upper-right-hand-corner kitchen cupboard for no discernible reason. Tone shifts from "Ha-ha-ha, that Jason Bateman sure is amusing," to "Oh, my God, can anyone stop the bleeding?!?"
Posted Nov 04, 2018
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The Hunger Games
(2012)
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Eileen Jones
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Just to show you how dim Gary Ross is, he seems to think he had an "idea" about how to portray the poor oppressed people of District 12. He has them all dressed up like 1930s characters. Yup. That's his idea.
Posted Nov 02, 2018
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The Dark Knight
(2008)
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Eileen Jones
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The movie's a real neo-noir all right, wallowing in darkness, thrilled with how bad we are, and getting such a kick out of our impending doom it cheers you right up.
Posted Nov 02, 2018
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The Dark Knight Rises
(2012)
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Eileen Jones
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Bad, stupid, lame, embarrassing, and seemingly interminable, full of main characters delivering long-winded speeches explaining their histories from childhood so we'll be sure to understand their motivations, which are murky and trite...
Posted Nov 02, 2018
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Iron Man
(2008)
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Eileen Jones
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Robert Downey Jr. is the clown prince of stars, a role he was born to play after allowing us to watch his candid Hollywood revels for years and years and years.
Posted Nov 02, 2018
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Thor
(2011)
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Eileen Jones
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Thor's not entirely worthless, though. There are a few good things about it. For example, it's so loud that if you happen to be preoccupied by something bad in your life, you can't think about it while you're in the theater.
Posted Nov 02, 2018
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Skyfall
(2012)
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Eileen Jones
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It's a Bond family melodrama, if you're up for that...Yet another misguided director saved by genre film! Huzzah!
Posted Nov 01, 2018
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The Master
(2012)
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Eileen Jones
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It is silly almost beyond human endurance.
Posted Nov 01, 2018
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Public Enemies
(2009)
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Eileen Jones
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Public Enemies is an oddly soft, slow, elegiac film, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. Some of my best friends are elegiac films. But it seems a regrettable approach to its main subject.
Posted Nov 01, 2018
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Django Unchained
(2012)
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Eileen Jones
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The first major Hollywood genre film about slavery with the slaves as the heroes, and we're going to get meta about it? On purpose?
Posted Nov 01, 2018
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Gangs of New York
(2002)
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Eileen Jones
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Gangs of New York is one of those haunting failures. I can't get over it; it still gives me a pang every time I think of it. It seemed so filled with potential.
Posted Oct 31, 2018
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The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
(2008)
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Eileen Jones
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I'd like to report that The Curious Case of Benjamin Button represents the end of an era, one of those turning-points when American movies just have to change because they can't get any worse.
Posted Oct 31, 2018
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The International
(2009)
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Eileen Jones
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The International continues in this tradition of telling us what we already know to our sorrow. Somebody tell us something we don't know!
Posted Oct 31, 2018
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Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist
(2008)
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Eileen Jones
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Because this is just another romantic comedy, given a youth-audience spin, there's nothing much going on. It's got the standard slovenly agenda of shoving the two hetero leads together because they've always gotten shoved together...
Posted Oct 31, 2018
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Monsters vs. Aliens
(2009)
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Eileen Jones
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Monsters vs. Aliens is raucous and undemanding "flat" entertainment, no doubt.
Posted Oct 31, 2018
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Toy Story 3
(2010)
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Eileen Jones
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What's so distressing about all this, as I keep pointing out, is the tremendous talent of the Pixar team getting wasted on nostalgic goop, forever presenting idealized 1950s suburban culture as the norm.
Posted Oct 31, 2018
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Star Trek
(2009)
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Eileen Jones
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Did all the fight choreographers in Hollywood boycott this production or something?
Posted Oct 31, 2018
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Extract
(2009)
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Eileen Jones
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Extract is so bad its rottenness becomes a source of fascination, which is a good thing, because there's nothing else to sustain your interest while the 89 minute dud drags by.
Posted Oct 31, 2018
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Knight and Day
(2010)
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Eileen Jones
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Even if you like this kind of thing, you still have to be in the right mood for it. If you don't like this kind of thing, you don't need me to tell you to stay far, far away.
Posted Oct 31, 2018
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Twilight
(2008)
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Eileen Jones
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The orthodox blood-drinking vampires...are about as frightening as snitty runway models, and are only there to threaten Bella's maidenly Type O so Edward can rescue her for the seven-hundredth time.
Posted Oct 31, 2018
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Disney's A Christmas Carol
(2009)
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Eileen Jones
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This, I told myself, is going to suck. And in most ways, it does suck as fully as expected. But there are, surprisingly, a few decent points, too.
Posted Oct 31, 2018
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Ghost Town
(2008)
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Eileen Jones
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The ending's like The Simpsons' version of a Disneyland parade, with the shouted slogan, "Hurray for Everything!!" And these days, nobody needs that kind of aggravation.
Posted Oct 31, 2018
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The Day the Earth Stood Still
(2008)
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Eileen Jones
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The Day the Earth Stood Still is a great study in all the things that can go wrong with a movie. The plot's all haywire and the casting's rotten and the dialogue's stupid and the camerawork's ugly and the CGI sucks.
Posted Oct 31, 2018
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High School Musical 3: Senior Year
(2008)
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Eileen Jones
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Are these films simply cries for help?
Posted Oct 31, 2018
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Shutter Island
(2010)
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Eileen Jones
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What happened to Martin Scorsese? Has Scorsese taken a trip to the lighthouse? Did somebody tell him that he too could be an Oscar-winning studio hack if he'd just let somebody cut a hole in his brain?
Posted Oct 31, 2018
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Tropic Thunder
(2008)
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Eileen Jones
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If you haven't seen Tropic Thunder yet, go now. There are scenes in it so hilarious the whole audience goes into laugh-convulsions for minutes at a time
Posted Oct 31, 2018
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Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
(2010)
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Eileen Jones
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Does it seem pandering? Are they sick of the bleating, narrow-shouldered Michael Cera type-casting? Do they dislike having their sense of leading epic lives pointed out for laughs, especially in the grandiose form that is cinema?
Posted Oct 31, 2018
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The Amazing Spider-Man
(2012)
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Eileen Jones
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if you're an adult not already invested in the Marvel universe, after you've seen a few film adaptations, they're not really very interesting per se. The bulk of the American film industry's resources go into these kind of movies...
Posted Oct 31, 2018
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Marvel's the Avengers
(2012)
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Eileen Jones
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Sounds kind of corny, you say? Oh, that's nothing. Massive corn-shucking in this film, corn piled everywhere, cornpone, corn fritters, corn syrup, corn as high as an elephant's eye, the Feast of Our Great God Corn!
Posted Oct 31, 2018
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Seven Psychopaths
(2012)
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Eileen Jones
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Seven Psychopaths is one of those movies that's too cute by half.
Posted Oct 31, 2018
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WALL-E
(2008)
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Eileen Jones
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Wall-E is Chaplinesque in the worst way.
Posted Oct 30, 2018
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Up
(2009)
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Eileen Jones
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Truthfully, it was only the bird and the dog that saved me from bolting out of the theater. They rated some laughs.
Posted Oct 30, 2018
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