Culloden (The Battle of Culloden) (2003)

Peter Watkin's "documentary" film "Culloden" talks about the English government's squashing of the Jacobite Uprising in a battle from 1745. It acts as if a television crew were actually there covering the events of the battle and its aftermath. The most interesting part of this film is how vividly it recreates history in front of our eyes in ways some films can't imagine. While interviewing soldiers on both sides you're given an introspective on the events folding in Britain during the early portion of the 18th Century. Watkins is an interesting filmmaker and I look forward to watching more of his films.

Made for BBC television, this 69-minute mockumentary is director Peter Watkins' account of the 1746 Battle of Culloden, in which a British army decimated the rebel Jacobites of Scotland. But understanding historical context is not vital to appreciate the film -- one only has to watch a primitive war between two armies, one well-equipped but deplorably barbaric, the other ridiculously outmatched and overconfident. And even a grade-schooler can enjoy the central, anachronistic gimmick: an 18th-century event filmed like a modern news story, as unseen narrator Watkins acts as correspondent and soldiers deliver their weary soundbites to the camera. The hard facts are that 5,000 Jacobites -- naive, hungry, unrested and inexperienced -- took on a 9,000-man English army and were thoroughly flattened within roughly the same time required to watch the film. And once the fight had faded, the sadistic Brits methodically combed the fields, finishing off whatever wounded bodies they found. We're told that 1,200 Jacobites were killed versus only 50 British. Staggering. The disaster is pinned upon the foolish Prince Charles Edward Stuart, who was certain that God was on his side and would carry him to impossible victory. Introductions comprise an awful lot of the action, and this grows somewhat tedious. A soldier comes onscreen and Watkins ticks through his capsule history. This occurs over and over again -- probably because the production had no budget for grand-scale battles and settled for smaller stories instead. But perhaps the biggest problem is that, in an age when Monty Python and nerdy war reenactments are standard cultural lore, it can be hard to take "Culloden" seriously. One figurehead in particular, Lord George Murray, recalls a John Cleese caricature every time he speaks. And just try to keep a straight face through a segment where Watkins reads off the peasant soldiers' tiny property holdings. The steady drone of bagpipes is another lurking absurdity. Beware the blancmange!